The Saddest Song
by lysser8312
Summary: Lucas never wanted to be like Dan, but when he finally gets a kid of his own what's his choice? Little Leyton and some Naley! Lots of Leyton angst.
1. The beginning

**The Saddest Song**  
  
**Chapter 1 - The Beginning**  
  
**A/N** - So this is my new story. In a way it's a Luke/Peyton story. There will be Naley too!! I'm not sure how the end is going to be whether it'll be a Luke/Peyton pairing or just apart. You'll just have to read to find out. This is not AU it would take place in like the end of season 1. Luke and Peyton aren't together in the beginning of this story. But I hope you all enjoy this:  
  
**Lucas Scott was** 16 years old. He didn't have the completely normal life, but it suited him. He had a mother who loved him, an uncle who meant the world to him, a father who hated him, a best friend who he spent most of his time with, and a brother who he finally got along with. There was also Brooke who still hadn't forgiven him and one other girl who invaded his life. That girl was Peyton Sawyer who he still could not get to forgive him. After the Nikki incident, he couldn't even talk to her. Then he had basketball which kept his life from falling apart. It was the core of his world and it was what took his mind of all the chaos. For only being 16 he'd been through his share of troubles, but all in all he was ok. That is until everything hit the fan.   
  
**It was only** a couple of months after Nathan's party. Peyton was still a little bruised up from the fight, but it was nothing serious. She sat in her room, with a pad of paper on her lap, and no thoughts in her head. The only thing she could ever seem to draw were pictures of Lucas. Her mind was consumed by him, and as hard as she tried, he wouldn't leave her alone. Not in her mind, or in school. Truth be told she was beginning to think she had a problem.   
  
**The night was** cold as it was the beginning of fall. School had just started and Peyton was still avoiding Lucas. He was dodging people in the hallways trying to get to her.   
  
"Peyton! Hey, Peyton wait up!" he yelled through the horde of teenagers.   
  
"Yea right...like I'm going to wait for you," she answered disgusted. She walked even faster and ran into the hallway.  
  
He let out a sigh and sulked into his math classroom. Brooke saw him right before he entered his classroom and she gave him a dirty look. _'Geez if looks could kill...'_ he thought to himself.  
  
**Peyton was walking** through the River Court and sitting on the swings that were close to the basketball court. She looked out onto the court and a shadowy figure had just appeared. She was curious as she scrunched her eyebrows together. She got up and slowly made her way over to the asphalt covered area. Looking a little harder she noticed Lucas standing in the middle of the court.   
  
"Okay, if I make this one Peyton will talk to me this year," he said quietly while he threw the ball. He was oblivious to the fact that Peyton was listening to his every word. The ball swished through the net and she smiled at his celebration. He was running around with his arms in the air.  
  
"Lucas Scott makes the shot and the crowd goes wild. Yay!! And the crowd starts a chant! He'll talk to Peyton, he'll talk to Peyton," he yelled smiling. She had to stifle a laugh from where she was standing.   
  
"So, your chant works," she said with a smirk. He looked up shocked and put his arms down to his sides. He smiled with red cheeks and put his hands deep in his pockets.  
  
"How long did you stand there?" he asked shyly. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders innocently. "So, you're talking to me?" Curiosity finally got the best of him and he had to know.  
  
"I might be," she replied with small hint of flirting. _'What the hell am I doing?'_ she asked with a plastered smile on her face.  
  
SO THIS IS THE START OF MY NEW STORY...I HOPE IT'S OKAY. LOOK, MY OTHER STORY LOST IN THE PAST WILL BE CONTINUED AND I WILL BE UPDATING VERY SOON. DON'T THINK IT'S ANOTHER LUKE/PEYTON STORY BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'LL BE TOGETHER, BUT IT'S GONNA BE A SLOW STORY.  
  
**NEXT: Luke and Peyton fun/Naley appears/It's gonna start to move ahead and we're gonna get into the real plot.  
**  
**Thanks for reading and if you review I'll continue.**


	2. A possible date

**The Saddest Song**  
  
**Chapter 2 - A possible date**  
  
**A/N** - So, I got a few reviews for the first chapter and it seems you guys are liking it. I must warn you there will be some Leyton in the first few chapters, but they won't be happy for long. I am a huge Leyton fan so I'm still deciding on the direction of the story. Thanks for the great reviews and here's chapter 2:  
  
**They'd been standing** in the same position on the River Court for about 5 minutes before Luke decided to break the awkward silence.  
  
"So...wanna go for a walk or somethin?" he asked uneasily. He still hurt from rejection.  
  
"Yea, but only if this walk is going in the direction of my house," she answered with a smirk.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll get you home safely," Lucas replied in a mock serious tone. This was rewarded with a small laugh from the blonde.  
  
They started walking off the River Court with absolutely no conversation. It was quiet for a few minutes until Lucas wanted to ask another question. They weren't good conversationalists when there was so much history between them.  
  
"Do you...do ya think if the whole Nikki thing hadn't happened...if it hadn't would we still be ok?" he asked with a shaking voice.  
  
"Well, we can't change the past now...but hypothetically speaking we probably would be ok. But we won't go there...you screwed it up, and it really can't be fixed," she told the boy next to her.  
  
He gave a weak smile and told her something that would tug on her heartstrings for a long time to come.  
  
"If it's worth anything now...I wish I hadn't slept with Nikki. I wish it was you..." he said the last part quietly and they were at her house.   
  
The tears began to fall but she refused to show him she was crying. She kept her heard turned towards the door and just before she closed the door she gave him an answer.  
  
"Me too," she said before the door closed. She fell back against the door and slid down to the floor. "I wish it was me too, Luke," she said to the empty living room.   
  
**It took a** couple of weeks after that before they could talk to each other again. It was in the cafeteria and it was the beginning of November.  
  
"Peyton, hey...can I sit here for a few minutes?" he asked making eye contact. Brooke was at that table too and she gave him another dirty look and left the table.   
  
"Well, she's gone now so I guess you can," she replied offering him a small smile.  
  
"Look, about the night a couple months ago..." he said trailing off.  
  
"Don't worry about it, we just had to sort a few things out...and I'm glad we did so now it's outta the way," she replied.  
  
"Yea, but I didn't mean to make you cry. I feel really bad and if you would let me make it up to you then I'd like to," he asked still fearing her answer.  
  
"I guess we could do that. What do you want to do for me?" she asked with a smile.  
  
"I was thinkin we could go out to dinner or lunch or somethin along those lines...that is if you want to," he said smiling right back in her direction.   
  
"We could do that...but I think I have a better idea."  
  
"And what would that be?" he asked with a happy tone of voice.  
  
"How bout tomorrow we take off school because of the Luke and Peyton friendship holiday and we'll go to breakfast and then hang out at the beach or somethin and then we'll pack somethin good for lunch and go to dinner after we hang out on the boardwalk." She gave him her idea and had a big smile on her face.  
  
His small smile curved into a big one and he was happy she wanted to spend time with him. Even if that meant skipping school.   
  
"Sounds like a plan. I'll be by your house to get you at like school time and we'll go to a diner for breakfast. I would say my mom's café but if she saw us there I think she'd be a little suspicious. From there the plan will be carried out," he said as he got up to go back to his table.  
  
"Well, then it's a date," she told him looking up and making eye contact once more.  
  
He smiled and nodded and then walked back through the cafeteria. _'I have a date with Peyton Sawyer even after all I did...things are going good today.'  
_  
He sat back down near Haley and Nathan. They were talking about something and he saw their faces. Nathan was so interested in what she was saying. And Haley was so animated when she was talking, but she was so happy to be talking to him. Luke looked at them with a sort of longing, he wanted that with Peyton.  
  
"Hey guys," he said breaking their conversation.  
  
"Hey Luke," they said in unison and then broke out laughing.   
  
**He smiled at** them and then glanced over at Peyton sitting at her lunch table talking to a few girls. She looked over towards him and they made eye contact yet again. Peyton smiled and turned red and then went back to her conversation. Luke's stare lingered a few moments longer before he turned away letting out a small laugh at what she had done. _'Tomorrow I'll prove to her I can be better' _he said to himself.  
  
OK I KNOW IT'S MOVING KIND OF SLOW BUT I HAVE TO SET UP THEIR FRIENDSHIP AND STUFF BEFORE WE GET TO THE GOOD STUFF. KEEP READING THOUGH**. LOST IN THE PAST** WAS JUST UPDATED YESTERDAY SO BE SURE TO CHECK THAT OUT.  
  
**NEXT - Nathan and Haley find out about the date / Luke and Peyton have a day out / What does Brooke say? / And prom is approaching...  
**  
So I hope you all enjoyed their talking and everything. **Review and I'll try to update sooner. Will update soon!!**


	3. A day out

**The Saddest Song**   
  
**Chapter 3 - A day out  
**  
**A/N** - Wow!! I got a lot of reviews for the last chapter and I'm glad you all like it. I know we're starting out slow and all, but I've got to have them be friends before they're anything more. I don't' want to rush the relationship so here's chapter 3:  
  
**Lucas was sound** asleep in his bed that morning when his alarm clock went off. It was only _6:30_ and he was feeling too tired to get up. Then Peyton crossed his mind and he was filled with the anticipation for the day ahead. He very slowly lifted himself out of bed and walked to the bathroom.   
  
**Peyton heard her** alarm clock go off around _6:15_ that morning. She was excited to spend a day with Lucas because in all honesty she wasn't completely over him. She walked herself into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror.  
  
"God...I look like a zombie in this early in the morning," she said out loud to the bathroom mirror.   
  
**Lucas was just** stepping in the bathroom at _6:40_. He looked at himself and splashed some water on his face. He started the water in the shower and got in. He stood in the water and adjusted to the temperature. He washed his hair and got ready for the day. 10 minutes later he stepped out with a towel around his waist. He was fully awake when he walked into his room.   
  
**Peyton had gotten** into the shower at _6:25_ and she still didn't look that awake when she finally stepped out. She didn't have any make-up on and she thought she looked like a completely different person without it. She made a disgusted face at herself and went into her room to get some clothes together.   
  
**Lucas was in** his room picking out what to wear at _6:55_. He got a pair of khaki shorts and his gray hoodie to wear. He slipped the shorts over his boxers and picked out a plain blue t-shirt to put over his white undershirt. Then put his hoodie over his shirt because the beach was bound to be cold in November. Next, he took his books out of his book bag and slid them in his closet. He snuck out into the kitchen and grabbed some snacks and made a few sandwiches then threw them in his bag. He also grabbed an extra sweatshirt in case Peyton got cold. He was ready by _7:20_ and all he had to do was wait until about _7:35_ to leave to get Peyton.  
  
**Peyton got out** of the shower around _6:40_ and walked into her room. She rummaged through her drawers for about _5_ minutes before picking out a pair of black jeans and a light green t-shirt. She didn't know how cold it would be so she grabbed her jacket and threw it on. Lucas had said he'd bring lunch so she put her hair in a ponytail and did her make-up which let her get done by about _7:25_. "Right on schedule," she said to the empty house.   
  
**At _7:35_ Lucas** said good bye to his mom and jumped in the car. He drove to Peyton's house and found her right at the door when he pulled up. She ran out and got in the passenger's seat. She smiled at him and they pulled out of the driveway towards the nearest diner. There wasn't much conversation until they reached the diner.   
  
**They walked into** the diner and it was filled with old pictures and things. Peyton was enjoying looking around at all the things on the walls. Lucas looked over to her and saw her enjoyment. He loved watching her.   
  
"Never been to a diner?" he asked with a smirk. He was rewarded with a laugh and a playful hit on the arm. The hostess came up to them a second later to seat them.   
  
"Two," he said seriously. Peyton couldn't help but laugh at how serious he got when he was talking to other people.   
  
They were walking behind the hostess when Luke looked at her with a puzzled face. She laughed at him and tried to explain.   
  
"I'm sorry...you just get so serious when you talk to people you don't know and I had to laugh," she stated stifling a few laughs. He gave her a sarcastic "haha" which caused her to laugh harder. They finally got a seat and got ready to order.   
  
"So what're you getting?" he asked after looking at the menu for a while.  
  
"Well, I'm a fan of pancakes so..." she said with a smile.   
  
"Ah, pancakes. Good choice. I'm goin with the french toast," he said still staring at the menu.   
  
**Their food was** out a few minutes later and there was some small talk while they were eating. Then they were headed towards the beach. The car ride was mostly filled with music and they didn't talk much. They were both fans of the same music, so it provided a good excuse not to talk. About _10_ minutes later they pulled up at the beach. It was around _9 o'clock_ when they got out on the sand.   
  
"So, having fun so far?" he asked her with concern.   
  
"You don't talk much, but other than that I'm having fun hanging out with you," she told him with a smirk on her face.   
  
"Sorry, I can talk more if you need me too," he replied grinning.   
  
"No, it's ok. I'm having fun thinking about...you," she said playfully. He gave her the trademark Scott smirk as she ran around on the beach. He sat down.   
  
"Geez, Luke you have the personality of a wet mop!" she yelled from where she was standing.   
  
"Oh yea!?" he screamed back getting up and running after her. She shrieked as she saw him and ran towards the ocean. 'Smart idea, Peyton' she thought to herself.  
  
He came after her with speed. He grabbed her by the jacket she was wearing, but before he could get her in the water she wriggled out of her jacket causing him to drop it.   
  
"Oh good job, Lucas," she said sarcastically, but then started laughing at his face. He looked so upset that he dropped her jacket. "It's no big deal," she said coming up behind him.   
  
"I know, I just feel bad for getting it all wet. Now, what if you get cold?" he asked her obviously seeming upset with himself.   
  
"Well then that's why you're here. When I get cold you can keep me warm," she answered with a flirty smile. He smiled back before sweeping her off her feet and carrying her back to the blanket.   
  
She was laughing at him while they walked back to the blanket. He was trying to be macho, but every few seconds he'd give a dramatic look and almost drop her.   
  
"You faker!" she yelled when he laid her down on the blanket. He gave a little chuckle and started to tickle her.   
  
"No...Luke...stop!...pleaseeeeee," she pleaded as tears rolled down her cheeks from laughter.   
  
"For what? Why should I stop? What do I get in return if I stop to make you happy?" he asked flirting back from earlier.   
  
"This," she replied with a seductive smile.   
  
**She sat up** to his level and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down to the blanket. She finally pulled him down to meet her lips and kissed him with all the strength and passion she had in her. He pulled away breathing heavily, while his heart nearly pounded out of his chest.   
  
"Well, if you would've told me that I would've stopped tickling you a while ago," he said flipping on his back.   
  
She giggled at how taken aback he was and rolled on top of him.   
  
"I"m cold now...mind warming me up some more?" she flirted more. _'What did I eat this morning?' _she asked herself.   
  
**He flipped back** on top of her, but careful not to crush her. He leaned back down and kissed her as good as he knew how.   
  
_'Damn, he's a good kisser...good thing I'm flirty today,'_ she thought to herself with a smile.  
  
OKAY NOW BOTH OF MY STORIES HAVE GOTTEN LEYTON!! SORRY, I'M MISSING ONE TREE HILL REALLY BAD AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT AGAIN. SO, I'M SUBSTITUTING WITH PUTTING A LOT OF LEYTON IN BOTH. I HOPE YOU'RE ALL ENJOYING.  
  
**NEXT - The rest of the day...are things weird? / Nathan and Haley / Back to school on Monday...a couple or not? / Prom approaching...  
**  
Okay Naley will appear in the chapter after next. The next chapter will be dealing with the rest of their day together and everything. I'm not very pleased with this chapter, but it's ok. I like the end with Luke and Peyton though, it makes me laugh. **Review and tell me what you thought. Will update!!**


	4. Carve your heart out yourself

**The Saddest Song  
  
Chapter 4 - Carve your heart out yourself  
  
A/N** - Ok, here's Chapter 4 and I hope you guys all like it. I see you liked the last one, because I got a lot of reviews. I'm not sure how great this is gonna be but here it is:  
  
**The kisses were **deeper and more passionate the longer they went. People walking by on the boardwalk and beach were smiling at the two young kids in love. They didn't need to know the real situation. Peyton pulled back, she feared the feelings she felt would be a little too revealing on the beach. She laughed at herself and Luke gave her a confused face. She waved it off, which left them in an awkward silence.  
  
"Heh," Lucas said giving a nervous laugh, "I guess it's a good thing we stopped," he said flashing his Scott grin.  
  
She hit him playfully in the arm and was laughing. She was thinking of the nice little show they put on for the people walking by.  
  
"We sure put on a show, huh?" she asked with a laugh.  
  
"Hey, those old people could use a little action," he said pulling her back into his arms.   
  
Everything became quiet again and they just sat there until Lucas felt his stomach rumble. Peyton felt it too and started to laugh at him.  
  
"How bout some lunch?" he asked reaching for his bag.  
  
He pulled out a couple of sandwiches, 2 sodas, and a bag of Doritos. He smiled and threw a sandwich right towards her. She caught it and made a face.  
  
"Not a bad lunch, Scott," she said lightening the mood again.  
  
"I try," he said taking a huge bite from his ham and cheese. He opened his Pepsi and took two huge gulps from that.   
  
"Luke, food is not going out of style there. You can put it down for a second," she said teasing him. He rolled his eyes and threw a chip at her.   
  
"You're lucky I'm still trying to eat here or this would be an all out war," she said in a mock-serious tone.  
  
"Ooo, now I'm scared," he said polishing off his sandwich.   
  
She laughed at him. "You should be. I can be tough." She tried to flex her muscles and he laughed.  
  
"Do you think this will change things between you and Brooke?"  
  
"Maybe, but I'm enjoying time with you more," she said as her eyes glazed over with tears.  
  
"What?...What's wrong?" he asked worried he did something wrong.  
  
"Nothing...it's just my mom said that to my dad before and I just remembered..." she was saying before she got cut off.  
  
"Her anniversary," Lucas said finishing her sentence. He pulled her into a hug and just held her.   
  
She tried to hold in her tears, but it wasn't much use. She began to cry and tried to push away from Luke. This only caused him pull her back and hold her tighter.  
  
"It's ok. There's no shame in crying," he whispered and she smiled feeling safe and ok with herself.   
  
**School was only** about half way through, but once again Nathan and Haley cut out early. They were lying on her bed talking about a bunch of things. Nathan wondered how he ended up with such an amazing girl. She was everything he could've ever wished for. He was everything she'd ever dreamed about.  
  
"Where's Luke today?" he asked hiding the jealousy he felt about his older brother.  
  
"Him and Peyton had a date type thing today. They went down to the beach," Haley answered happily.  
  
"Gee, he just can't stop switchin girls, can he?" Nathan mumbled under his breath. He was caught though.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Haley asked obviously pissed, "will you ever be ok with him?"  
  
He decided to not answer and just sit with a frown on his face.   
  
"You're both very important to me and you're just going to have to deal with that!" she yelled.  
  
"Are we the same importance...huh, Haley?!" he yelled right back being a smartass.   
  
_'I don't know yet,'_ she thought, but she wouldn't let him know. "You need to leave, Nathan!" she demanded. He listened and walked out dejectedly.   
  
**Peyton's face was** still tear-stained as she sat on the beach with Luke. She was staring out to the ocean and thinking over some things. She shivered a little and before she could say anything to Luke he was standing in front of her with a sweatshirt in his hand.   
  
"Always the considerate one, Luke," she said grinning.  
  
He wiped the tears off her cheeks and held his hands out for her to stand up. She willingly accepted and they began to walk.  
  
"So about us..." she said leaving her words hanging.   
  
"Well, we are whatever you want us to be," he responded still staring straight ahead.   
  
**She was just** about to answer when they heard music playing in the background. There was a small band on the boardwalk playing some songs from some popular bands. Peyton recognized the song they were playing and gave a small squeal. Lucas offered his hand to dance and pulled her close.   
  
_Carve your heart out yourself / Hopelessness is your cell / Since you've drawn out these lines / Are you protected from trying times? / Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has / But lord, it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all.  
_  
He made her body flush with his as she closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder.   
  
"I want to always feel this way," she said in a barely audible voice.   
  
"I want to always make you feel this way," he answered.   
  
_Oh look now, there you go with hope again / Oh you're so sure that I'll be leaving in the end  
_  
**Brooke was just** heading to cheerleading practice and she was questioning everyone. She wanted to know where Peyton was. She knew she had been talking to Luke, but didn't know of their date. One girl walked up and said she heard them at lunch they were talking about ditching school today and go to the beach with Luke. Now Brooke was seething with anger.  
  
_Dig your ditch deep enough / to keep you clear of the sun / You've been burned more than once / You don't think much of trust / Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has / But lord, it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all.  
_  
**Peyton's cell** phone rang and she pulled away from Luke to answer it. Her caller ID said Brooke so she planned to hurry.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Peyton, where are you?" Brooke asked in a false cheery tone.  
  
"Oh, I had to go to the doctor. I'm going in now so I'll call you back," Peyton rambled hanging up.   
  
She looked at Luke. He had a question in his eyes but he wiped it away when she stepped back into his arms. He got a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach and he knew it was right.   
  
_Oh look now, there you go with hope again / But I'll be sure you're secret's safe with me / Oh you're so sure that I'll be leaving in the end / You're treating me like I'm already gone / But I'm not; I will stay where you are always.  
_  
**Brooke was furious** now. Peyton lied to her. She knew she was with Luke and she was happy. This was something Brooke couldn't stand. Brooke was determined to make their lives a living hell.  
  
**Peyton couldn't help** but wonder if the call was a sign. A sign that she couldn't be with Luke because she'd already hurt Brooke. She didn't have the heart to tell Luke as they continued walking. The song was over, but Peyton still wanted to be in his arms.   
  
**Luke was wondering** what they were supposed to be. She hadn't clarified what _"they"_ were. He knew he wanted to be her boyfriend. The person she turned to. He didn't know what she wanted.  
  
_'I'm gonna hurt us both, but maybe it's not the right time for "us". How do I tell him though? '_ she asked herself.   
  
OK HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED. I LOVE THE WAY THE LEYTON PARTS TURNED OUT. I HOPE YOU DID. REVIEW IF YOU'D LIKE MORE. TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT. THE SONG WAS _DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL - CARVE YOUR HEART OUT YOURSELF.  
  
_**NEXT - How does she tell him? / His reaction / Naley make-up? / Brooke and Peyton / What does Jake think? / Does he like Peyton / School on Monday / Luke and Nathan / Prom approaching...  
**  
Plus, their night on the boardwalk. Jake will be included in the next chapter and his feelings about Peyton. All the characters will somehow make an appearance. **Review for more. Will update soon!!**


	5. All for nothing

**The Saddest Song**   
  
**Chapter 5 - All for nothing**  
  
**A/N** - I know the Leyton drama just won't stop coming in either of my stories. But it does keep you guys reading so it'll be here for a while. This chapter will have a good amount of Naley too. I hope you'll all keep reading because I do intend to finish every story I write as long as people want me to. I put **a lot** of work into this and I hope you appreciate it. Here it is and enjoy:  
  
**The beach was** a tranquil place where she could always go for comfort. It didn't ask her questions and it didn't pass judgment on the way she was living her life. It didn't ask why she wasn't with Luke or why Brooke was so important. And it sure as hell didn't expect anything from her. But tonight as the sun was fading in the horizon, Peyton felt like all she wanted to do was run as far away from the beach and him as she could.   
  
**He was looking** straight ahead and she knew he was thinking. She couldn't read minds, but if she could Peyton Sawyer wasn't sure if she wanted to know how he thought. He idolized her and loved her and all she could do was turn him down. He sat her on a pedestal and put her above the rest of the crowd, and no matter how flattering that was she could only look at the scenario in which she fell and hurt him, and that was the last thing she ever wanted to do. He meant too much.  
  
There were no words passing between them, but there was no awkwardness between them. Their fingers were intertwined as they walked the beach and left the world behind. It was the kind of moment you wanted to last all day, but knew there were things that were going to interrupt, the kinds of things you didn't want to come, but were inevitable and couldn't be avoided all day.   
  
She was the first to speak and shatter the silence they were walking in. Yet, when she spoke, she instantly regretted ever being born when she saw the look on his face.  
  
"So, do you think...think that we could just do this stuff...well as friends," she stammered.   
  
His heart fell to his feet when he heard one of the most dreaded words in the English language, _friends_. He wanted more than anything to rewind time and have kept going after Peyton instead of turning to Brooke. The whole thing could've been avoided. He quickly erased all of it from his mind though, because he wasn't one to live in the past or base his life on what if's or regrets. He turned to her, after recoiling his hand from hers, and the sad look in his eyes was reflected to her.  
  
"Um...yea, sure...whatever you want," he said nonchalantly. He tried to play it cool and not show how he wanted to get up and scream and yell at her for it. He knew how all of his emotions played through his eyes though and he was cursing himself for it. Unfortunately he had not picked up his father's trait of keeping it all inside when he needed to. _'Mental note: Work on keeping things in till later,'_ he said to himself.   
  
The truth was he didn't know how to look at her and say _"No, I don't wanna just be friends and I never did. I always just wanted you and right now I'm sick of this friends crap," and then just pick her up and ravage her with kisses._ His level head told him that was not an option. _'Damn Haley for that,'_ he said to himself and made another mental note.

* * *

**Nathan was kicking** himself in the ass for what he said to Haley earlier that day. He made the total wrong choice of words when he was talking about her best friend. That seemed to be a part of the problem though. He was jealous. He was never going to confess to that. No matter what torture one was to put him through he would not give in and say he was jealous of what his older brother had with his girlfriend.  
  
He walked away from his house, not bothering to tell his parents where he was going or what time he would be back. _'Like they'd care'_ he thought.  
  
He was walking towards Haley's house with a question in his mind. _' What do I say to make her forgive me?'_ It took him that whole walk to figure out that he needed to be honest with her. Haley was never the type of person to beat around the bush or not bring up the topic at hand. So, when he knocked on the door to her house, he had one purpose. To tell her the truth.  
  
She answered the door with a faded smile when she saw him standing there. He was the last person she wanted to see.  
  
"Hey..." she said nervously. She was playing with her hands and Nathan gave a small smile.  
  
"Um...look, I need to apologize for what happened earlier," he told her, still standing on the step. She hadn't invited him in yet.  
  
"Yea, well you seem to enjoy doing that these days, huh? Apologizing," she responded annoyed.  
  
"This isn't something I really do with anyone...anyone but you. I want to do this and I want to be honest with you, but you're not makin it any easier for me, Haley," he said softly. He wanted to make her listen.  
  
She nodded her head giving him approval to continue.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said earlier. I don't wanna have to tell you this but when I was walking over I was thinking of what I wanted to say to you. I haven't known you for all that long, but I do know you're always honest with me and I want to be able to give you the same thing in return. I only said the things I did because...well because I'm jealous..." he told her leaving his words hanging.  
  
She did the one thing he least expected her to do. She looked at him and began to laugh.   
  
"Jealous of what, Nathan?" she asked still trying to stifle her laughs.  
  
"Lucas, ok? I'm jealous of everything he has with you. He's known you longer and he grew up with you. You two did everything together and I guess I'm jealous of that _one_ little piece of you he'll always have. I'll never have that and I just feel like I'm constantly competing against him for you. I don't wanna lose you, Hales. I wanna be first in your life, and I know I'm selfish, but I want all of you and I know he'll always have that piece that's untouchable to _me_." He began to walk away from her. After pouring out his heart to her, she laughed. The nerve of her.  
  
"Nathan," she said realizing the seriousness and the hurt he felt, "Nathan, I didn't know."  
  
He turned around and looked at her. She had a glow about her. He was finally talking the way she wanted him to and it made him feel something he'd never felt. He was feeling vulnerable to her and he hated it. On the court in front of all those fans he never had this feeling. He could take out any opponent, no matter what size they were or how strong they seemed to be. He was good at that. Yet, here he was facing this 5' 3" _girl_, and he was feeling like she could rip him into pieces. He hated the feeling.  
  
"I know you didn't. That's why I had to tell you. I spent that whole walk thinking about how hard this was going to be for me and you laughed, Haley. You stood there and laughed in my face. I hate the feeling that you have that power over me. You have the power to rip my heart out and that's what you did. I don't like knowing someone is able to do that to...me. I'm_ Nathan Scott _and I'm this big man to everyone but you and I'm not used to it, ok?" They stood there for what seemed like hours before she spoke.   
  
"I know you're not. That's what I love about _us_. I love that I'm able to teach you to let your guard down and be the person I knew you could be. I love that you teach me to let out a different side of myself. You taught me so much, Nate. I want to teach you too and I want you to be able to feel everything I feel in this relationship. I want you to feel that vulnerableness because that's how I feel with you," she said smiling and hiding herself against him.   
  
He never expected that answer, but he was glad she said it. He was glad she felt it too. Every time they talked he was amazed by her. He put his hand on her cheek and looked at her trying to express it all in one look, but knew it was impossible.   
  
"I love you, Haley," he said pulling her in for a kiss.   
  
"I love you too," she responded right before their lips met.

* * *

**Lucas dropped Peyton** off that night around 10. He pulled out of her driveway slowly, but he didn't see her cry as he pulled away. She sat on the step and let out tears she didn't even know she had. She knew what she had said to him, hung over them all night. They couldn't escape that conversation. She did it for _Brooke_. She didn't want to lose the _one_ person who had done everything for her. Even though she knew she pushed Lucas away and he would've gone above and beyond what Brooke would ever do for her.   
  
"God," she said at her jumbled life. She walked into her house and sat in front of her computer. Not long after she turned her web cam back on and began to draw. She knew he was watching. Watching her every move. She saw he was still there, even after she crushed him. That was something she admired. He was the epitome of perfection. He was the guy she always wanted. The fairy tale romance. Then telephone rang and startled her. She answered tiredly.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Peyton, how'd your doctor's appointment go?" Brooke asked from the other side.  
  
Peyton sensed the fact that Brooke knew and she knew everything she had was gone again.   
  
"You know," Peyton answered cryptically.  
  
"Yes. I want you to know that you should find a new place to sit at lunch. Not that you'll be looking hard, considering you have broody to sit with now," Brooke answered snottily. She hung up before Peyton could get another word in.   
  
**Peyton sat in** her chair and went to turn off the web cam when an IM box popped up. It was from Lucas.  
  
_Lucas: Brooke?   
  
Peyton: Yea, guess all that was for nothing...  
  
Lucas: Can I come over?  
  
Peyton: Couldn't do any harm, could it?  
  
Lucas has signed off at 10:30 PM.   
_  
**It was Friday** night at 11 o'clock when he arrived. She looked like she had been crying when he got there. He scooped her up in his arms and held her. She began to tear up again.   
  
"What'd I tell you? You can cry around me, Peyton. I'd rather see this side of you, than the fake one you put up in school," he whispered soothingly.  
  
She cried for the remainder of the night and Lucas stayed with her. He put her under the covers and laid there with her. He kept her tucked close to him.   
  
All the while, a certain someone watched the whole scene on the computer. He was upset by the scene he saw. He watched Peyton tuck herself into Luke's t-shirt as the sobs wracked through her body. He watched him put her into bed and pull her near him. He wanted to be the one doing that. He wanted to hold her when she was hurting. Lucas always got to do it. Lucas was always with her even after she turned him down. He and his daughter needed her, not Lucas who could have any girl he wanted. Lucas got _everything _he wanted, and he only had a small amount of girls who wanted a guy with a family already made. He was always _unwanted_.  
  
OK IF YOU DIDN'T FIGURE OUT WHO IT IS LOOKING AT THEM THROUGH THE WEB CAM THEN YOU NEED TO START WATCHING THE SHOW A LITTLE MORE. THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY WITH A BABY ON THE SHOW. I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS AND IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO FINISH. I HOPE YOU LIKED THE LEYTON AND THE NALEY.   
  
**NEXT - School on Monday / Nathan and Luke / Brooke rage / Luke & ? / Prom's still approaching... / A lot of drama!!  
**  
I included the characters I thought fit. That's mostly everyone that's gonna be in this story for the most part. I have to say if you have the **Switchfoot** cd then you should listen to the last song while you read this. It kind of gave me a little inspiration seeing as that's the song I was listening to while writing this. lol. Will update as soon as you guys review!! 


	6. What's stopping us

**The Saddest Song  
  
Chapter 6 - What's stopping us  
  
A/N** - Ok, I know you guys all want me to update** Lost in the Past** really bad because of the way I left it, but I wanna keep up with these stories and keep them the same so here's this chapter.   
  
**They walked into** school on Monday, _separate_. They each knew what went on between them over the weekend, but didn't discuss if it was changing anything. Peyton saw that Brooke wanted nothing to do with her by the evil glares she was receiving. Lucas walked over to Haley, looking for some advice.  
  
"Hey Hales," he said from behind her.  
  
"Lucas Scott...hmmm...do I know you?"  
  
He let out a laugh and then had to get down to explaining what happened to him over the weekend. He wasn't looking forward to telling her everything, but she was his _best_ friend. He began to retell the whole thing and she listened intently. The bell rang just as soon as he finished.   
  
"Well, Luke, it looks like you need to talk to her, after class. You already missed _one_ day," she said smiling and walking over to Nathan. He smiled and headed off to math.  
  
He kept zoning out in the middle of class, thinking about Peyton. _'She said she just wanted to be friends, but why do I agree with everything when Brooke doesn't even want anything to do with her?'_ he asked himself. Turns out that tuning out the teacher is not a good idea, especially when he's in the middle of a lecture.  
  
"So, Lucas, can you tell me what X equals?" Mr. Mitchell asked the boy who was staring off into space.  
  
"Uh...um...can you repeat the question?" Luke stammered. The teacher skipped him and Lucas was feeling a little guilty for basically skipping another class.

* * *

**He waited the** whole day for lunch to arrive. Then when it finally did, he didn't know what the hell he was going to do. He stood in line and got his fries, then sat down at a table by himself. Peyton felt guilty and sat down across from him. It surprised him, but he appreciated it.   
  
"You gonna talk to me?" she asked him with a small smile.  
  
"Yea, I'm just wondering what you're doing sittin here," he replied.  
  
"Well, as you know I'm not _"allowed"_ to sit with Brooke and I really have no other friends," she said laughing at herself. She got a laugh from him too.   
  
"Uh, you're welcome to sit with me for as long as you want, but I've been meaning to talk to you," he said staring at his suddenly interesting shoes.  
  
"Talk away," she said.  
  
"Um, I know you just wanted to be friends and all, but I was wondering what's stopping us now that you and Brooke aren't talking again. I want to be with you, Peyton," he said in desperation.   
  
"I guess nothing's stopping us. We could give it a try," she told him, grabbing his hand.  
  
"Really?" he asked in confusion. He thought he was going to have to make a speech and at least argue about it.  
  
"Yea. I like being with you and Friday was the first time I've had fun in a long time. I really got to laugh and act like me. I like me and you're one of the only people I know who like me too. The real me," she said blushing.  
  
"I do like you. I wanna be with you."  
  
"I wanna be with you too, Luke," she said as he got up to go to her side of the table.   
  
He leaned in and kissed her in the middle of the cafeteria. They didn't know they were being sent death glares from Brooke.   
  
"Oh, they will pay," Brooke said to her table. They didn't even listen though. No one listened.   
  
**They walked down** the hallway holding hands and talking animatedly. Lucas was just about to enter his class when he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned around not expecting who it was.  
  
THIS IS REALLY SHORT BUT I'M GOING ON VACATION FOR 4 DAYS AND WON'T HAVE A CHANCE TO UPDATE. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT AND LOST IN THE PAST IS BEING UPDATED RIGHT NOW. IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY REALLY SHORT BUT IT'S THE BEST I CAN DO INSTEAD OF LEAVING IT FOR 4 DAYS.   
  
**NEXT - Who wants to talk to Luke / Leyton / Naley / Prom approaching...  
**  
I won't be updating for about a week and I'm very sorry, but I will give you a long one as soon as I get back. **Will update as soon as I get back.**


	7. Can I ask you a question

**The Saddest Song**  
  
**Chapter 7 - Can I ask you a question**  
  
**A/N** - As I said, my vacation was fun and I've got a lot of stories I wanna write but I'm gonna stick to two at a time. I hope you're enjoying this and possibly this chapter we'll get to the real drama. The whole situation with the baby and all. Here it comes:  
  
**Lucas turned around** to face Brooke. He gave a weak smile and she gave an evil look.  
  
"Brooke," he said impatiently. The bell was about to ring.  
  
"Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. How is the cheating bastard and skinny blonde bitch?" she asked snottily.  
  
"Look, Brooke, I don't have time to put up with this...I gotta get to class," he replied.  
  
"I don't really care what you do. I just don't want her missing cheerleading because of _you_," she told him emphasizing the word _you_.  
  
"Ok, whatever."  
  
"Just so you know, Lucas. As long as you continue going out with Peyton your lives will be a living hell from me," she hissed, and walked down the hallway.  
  
_'Great'_ he thought.

* * *

**He met up** with Peyton at her car after they finished practice. She looked a little tired, but her face lit up when she saw him. He liked that feeling.  
  
"Hey gorgeous," he said picking her up and twirling her around.  
  
She giggled in that girl in love way she could. He laughed and gave her a kiss, which she accepted. He liked the feeling of that too.  
  
"Well hello to you too," she said near his ear. Her breath sent shivers down his back.  
  
"Let's go back to your house," he said with a smirk on his face.  
  
"And what did you do to earn that?" she asked teasingly.  
  
"I am your boyfriend and you need me to fend off all the monsters," he said while puffing out his chest.  
  
"What the boogie monster under my bed?" she asked laughing.  
  
"Haha," he replied.

* * *

**4 MONTHS LATER  
**  
**Lucas and Peyton** hadn't been paying much attention to Brooke's attempts at breaking them up. They were more in love than ever and still acted like a new couple. They still got giddy at the sight of each other and still passed notes in class. Her hands still got sweaty when he was near her and every kiss they shared was like the first time.  
  
Brooke was disgusted by them. She never had been in love like that and had never seen anyone so in love. She cringed when she thought of them.  
  
**Nathan and Haley** were doing better since their fight. They argued from time to time but it was never anything that split them up. Lucas and Nathan were doing their best to get along for Peyton and Haley. It was hard, but they were almost friends and it pleased the girls.

* * *

**Prom was quickly** approaching and tickets needed to be bought and arrangements needed to be made. Neither of the boys had formally asked the girls, but each had their own plans.  
  
Lucas called Peyton on a Saturday afternoon. He wanted to go with her, she had his heart and he wanted to give her, his.  
  
"Peyt?" he said into the phone.  
  
"Hey Luke," she said happily.  
  
"Got any plans for today?" he asked anxiously.  
  
"Yea...with you!" she exclaimed and he let out a laugh.  
  
"Ok good. I'm taking you to lunch," he informed her.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
He picked her up 45 minutes later and they were on their way to the café. Karen greeted them and gave them some burgers and fries.  
  
"Your mom's a good cook," Peyton said inhaling her food.  
  
"Are you even tasting any of that?" he asked, teasing her.  
  
"Yes, mister smartass," she said throwing a french fry at his nose. He laughed and they left the café with Peyton carrying her soda and some fries to go.  
  
"So where to?" she asked uncertainly.  
  
"Well I was thinking we might be able to go swimming at my grandparents because they're down in Florida for a month and we're taking care of their house and their pool is heated since it's only March...that is if you don't mind."  
  
"Not at all. As long as I get to spend the day with you," she told him wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. He kissed her back and she pulled away with a smile on her face.

* * *

**They were headed** to his grandparents with bathing suits in hand. He hadn't really planned anything too romantic, but he just wanted a fun day and then he'd ask her at the right time.  
  
They arrived and Peyton looked around the house before she went to get dressed in the bathroom. He got dressed too and they were ready to go in the pool.  
  
"I haven't gone swimming in forever," Peyton said with a smile when they got outside.  
  
"Well get ready to go now!" he shouted and grabbed her by the waist while jumping in.  
  
"Lucas Scott!" she yelled as she came up from under the water.  
  
"What?" he asked innocently.  
  
She pushed his head back under the water and he swam to the bottom and just kept himself there. She began to panic and swam all the way down to the bottom to see him sitting at the bottom of the pool trying to hold his breath. She kissed him quickly and swam up for air.  
  
"Are you trying to drown?" she asked him.  
  
"No, just waiting for you to come get me," he said pulling her close to him in the shallow end.  
  
"I'd always come get you, Scott," she said planting a kiss on his lips.  
  
"Good to know," he said through kisses.  
  
**She got up** and dove off the diving board, leaving him alone in the shallow end of the pool. He watched her do a cannon ball and swam over to see her.  
  
"You do one too," she said.  
  
"Ok."  
  
He got up and stepped onto the diving board. He got ready to jump, but had an idea. He smiled at his own brilliance and looked at his girlfriend.  
  
"I'm gonna do my own jump. I came up with this just for you," he said with a big smile.  
  
**He walked off** the diving board and grabbed a few things from inside the house. He stood on the tip of the diving board and was nervous as ever. He started throwing rose petals out onto the pool and then chucked a bottle of sparkling apple cider out into the pool and then a few cups after it. She gasped at everything and he smiled even wider.  
  
"I have a question to ask you." He jumped from the diving board and came up behind her. She was holding her drink and smiling at him when she turned around.  
  
"Will you go to the prom with me?" he asked in a nervous voice, but tried to sound confident.  
  
"N-n-yea," she said smiling and wrapping her arms around him again.  
  
He let out a breath and gave into kissing her. He was enjoying every minute of time he was spending with her and he'd been with her for 4 months already.

* * *

**Nathan and Haley** were walking through the trail around the River Court. Nathan wanted to ask her the question, but his uneasiness was getting in the way.  
  
They sat down in front of the river and Nathan was finally ready to ask her. He dipped his feet in the river and she did the same. They sat with their hands intertwined for a while.  
  
"Um...Hales we've been together for a while now and I want you to know how much I love you," he said nervously.  
  
"I love you too," she said strangely. She didn't know what was up with him.  
  
"Well that's why I wanted to ask you something..." he said trailing off.  
  
"Well ask away," she replied looking over at him.  
  
"I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the prom with me?" he said with a smile on his face.  
  
"Nah, I'm going with someone else," she said trying not to let the smile play on her lips.  
  
"What?" Nathan asked not quite knowing if she was joking.  
  
"I'm going with this guy who's about 6 foot. He's got dark hair and he's really handsome. We've been going out for a while now," she said finally letting her smile out.  
  
He immediately leaned in and kissed her with all he had. She responded and smiled to herself. He smiled too.  
  
"There's a condition though," she said as she pulled back.  
  
"Mmmhmm?" he asked.  
  
"Lucas and Peyton are sharing a limo with us..."  
  
HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED. LOOKS LIKE SOME DRAMA MIGHT BE APPROACHING AT THE PROM. I LIKE THIS STORY A LOT AND I LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH LUKE AND PEYTON AND I HOPE YOU DO TOO. REVIEW FOR ME!!  
  
**NEXT - Dresses and tuxes / Brooke's date / Prom drama / Can Jake overcome his feelings for Peyton? / Can Jake find someone to watch Jenny so he can go to prom? / Luke and Peyton's night...  
**  
You need to tell me if you're liking my stories and you can do that by hitting _submit review_. I'd enjoy reviews and you telling me what you thought and if you have any ideas. **Will update!!**


	8. Amazed by you

**The Saddest Song**  
  
**Chapter 8 - Amazed by you**  
  
**A/N** - I actually didn't know how I wanted to do the prom asking thing, and the Leyton just came to me. I'm a bigger fan of Leyton than Naley so I kept Nathan and Haley on a more subtle level and Luke and Peyton's was a little more thought out. I wanted to show Luke and Nathan's insecurities. Here's the prom chapter:  
  
**Lucas wasn't exactly** thrilled with where he was headed. Suit fittings for him and Nathan. Peyton had later told him that the condition was that he share a limo with Nathan and Haley. He was happy that he got to spend the evening with his girlfriend and best friend, but if he could take his brother out of the equation then he'd be a lot happier. He hopped out of his car and started to walk into the store where they were renting their tux's from.  
  
"Hey," Nathan said upon seeing him walk in.  
  
Lucas just nodded his head and didn't intend on making a conversation. He knew he was being stubborn, but it was a trait he had and it had caused him a lot of trouble.  
  
"Look, if we've gotta do this thing together then let's at least not beat the shit out of each other. Let's just call a truce for the girls," Nathan said trying to reason.  
  
"Yea, ok."  
  
"What can I help you boys with? I imagine you're here for prom," the man said to the two boys.  
  
"Yea. We need two suits," Lucas said as his eyes surveyed the area.  
  
"Ok, if you'll just come back to the dressing rooms I can measure you guys and then order the suits for your measurements," he said professionally.  
  
The two brothers nodded and followed the man to the dressing room.  
  
He told them his name was Chuck Williams. He'd taken their measurements and walked out to fill their papers.  
  
"Dude, that was weird," Luke said as a smile came to his face.  
  
"Yea, we I don't like that measuring stuff. He had to touch your legs too much," Nathan said equally disgusted and amused.  
  
**After the papers** were filed and the suits were ordered the boys left. They walked into the parking lot and they were joking around and laughing and being brothers for once. That's how the girls found them.  
  
"So do we see our boys being brothers?!" Peyton asked incredulously.  
  
"Well this is a first, eh Peyton?" Haley said with a grin.  
  
"Why, yes Haley," Peyton said feigning a British accent. Haley laughed and the boys had identical smirks on their faces.  
  
"Aw, Peyton look how cute they both have that smirk," Haley said while laughing at the boys confused faces.  
  
Peyton laughed as she walked up to Luke and kissed him. She smiled at him and he laughed.  
  
"What the hell happened to you two?" Luke asked the blonde.  
  
"We had coffee and a snickers bar," Peyton said still giggling.  
  
"We figured out they don't mix," Haley said from where she was standing.  
  
"Enough about us...what happened with you guys?" Peyton asked anxiously hoping prom would be ok.  
  
"Well, the guy Chuck..." Lucas said and let Nate finish.  
  
"He was a bit touchy feely with the measuring and we just started joking around with each other. He's a cool guy," he finished referring to Luke.  
  
"You're ok in my book too," Luke said as Haley and Peyton got back into Peyton's car.  
  
**Lucas and Nathan** stood for a minute more as the girls drove away to get their dresses. The boys could already tell that the prom would be better than they expected.  
  
"Nate, wanna go shoot some hoops down at the River Court...ya know while the girls are getting dresses and all," Lucas asked with an almost nervous air about him.  
  
"Yea, man. Let's go," Nathan replied amused at his brother's nervousness.  
  
The girls got to the store with smiles on their faces. They found it so endearing that the boys were getting along and were ok with being together at prom. It took a few hours and they searched through every rack at the mall. Peyton ended up finding a light blue dress that had spaghetti straps. Haley also found a spaghetti strap dress in a dark red. They knew the boys would love them in those colors.

* * *

**Brooke on the** other hand was freaking out about her date. She couldn't find anyone who wanted to go with her. Maybe it was her _attitude_? She never even considered that though. All she knew was that she needed a date and she needed it now.  
  
She walked through town and she was angered that Luke and Peyton were happy and going to prom together. They were in love and she wasn't. You can't choose who you fall in love with though right?  
  
Jake was walking down the same street as Brooke. He didn't see her when he turned the corner and she didn't see him. They bumped into each other and Brooke had an idea.  
  
"Jake!" she said happily.  
  
"Hey, Brooke," he replied, he continued to walk.  
  
"Jake, do you have a date to the prom?" she asked him with a false happiness.  
  
"Um, no. I don't have anyone to watch Jenny so I had to turn everyone down," he replied somberly.  
  
"Oh, well if I can find a babysitter is there any chance you'd like to go with me? I'll be good," she said begging.  
  
"Yea, I guess."  
  
**Brooke was in** a state of panic for the next few days. She ran through town looking for anyone who was responsible and not going to the prom. That was not going well. That is until she got to Karen's Café.  
  
"Karen," Brooke said nicely.  
  
"Hi, Brooke," she said looking up from the counter.  
  
"Uh, you know that prom is this Friday right?"  
  
"Yea. Luke, Peyton, Nathan, and Haley are all stopping here before," she said thinking fondly of the 4 kids.  
  
"Well, I asked Jake to the prom and the only way he can go is if he finds someone to watch Jenny and I was wondering..."  
  
"Yes, Brooke. I can watch her for a few hours," Karen said cutting her off.  
  
"Great!" Brooke squealed. She ran from the café in search of Jake.

* * *

**_FRIDAY NIGHT..._**  
  
**Lucas and Nathan** were fully dressed in their suits. They both matched in black but Luke had a white shirt on with a light blue tie to match Peyton. Nathan had a dark red shirt on that matched Haley and a white tie. The limo was waiting outside of Nathan's apartment where the two boys were. Luke checked himself in the mirror one last time and grabbed Peyton's corsage from the table. Nathan was already outside telling Lucas to hurry.  
  
The two boys jumped into the limo and a smile swept over each of their faces. They were finally going to prom with two girls they loved and cared about. This was a good day for the Scott boys.  
  
**The limo pulled** up in front of Peyton's house where the girls were getting ready. They were more excited than they thought they would be. They couldn't stop smiling when they walked to the front door.  
  
"You excited?" Peyton asked Haley.  
  
"Very!" she cried running out the front door and right into Nathan's arms.  
  
The 4 of them exchanged corsages and got to the café. Lucas wasn't enjoying his hours of taking pictures but he did it for the girls. Everything he was doing that night was for the girls. He was just hoping Peyton would enjoy herself.  
  
"So you guys ready to par-tay?!" Nathan yelled when they got in the limo.  
  
Lucas laughed at his brother's enthusiasm. The girls were rambling to each other and the boys couldn't even begin to understand what they were saying.  
  
"Girl talk?" Lucas said upon seeing his brother's face.  
  
"Do they do that often?"  
  
"All the time..." Lucas said leaving his sentence open.

* * *

**They arrived at** the restaurant and the girls were giggling while the boys walked behind them. If Nathan didn't know better he'd say the girls would start skipping and holding hands into the restaurant. He decided if they did that then he would run in the other direction and pretend he didn't know either one. _'I'll grab Luke too'_ he thought.  
  
Lucas grabbed Peyton's hand and Haley took Nathan's. They walked into the restaurant where most of their class was already. A song was playing in the background but Peyton barely heard it. She couldn't help but see Brooke with Jake at a table. They were talking animatedly to everyone but each other. Jake was having a conversation with the person next to him and he was interested until he saw Peyton walk through the door. He couldn't stop staring when he saw how beautiful she looked. He was gawking and Brooke noticed this. She was jealous. Jealous that all the guys she was interested in, liked Peyton. She smacked Jake in the back of the head and he looked over at her, annoyed.  
  
"What the hell, Brooke?" he asked in a high-pitched voice.  
  
"You're here with me, Jake. Not her," she said disguising her hurt expression.  
  
"I wasn't looking at her," he said playing trying to play it off.  
  
"Whatever," she replied. She stood up from the table and ran to the bathroom as her sobs overcame the silence of the hallway, she heard footsteps. Footsteps from the one person who was always there. _Peyton_.  
  
Peyton stood at the end of the hallway watching Brooke. Her eyes never left her best friend and she was worried about what was going through Brooke's head. She wanted someone to love her so bad.  
  
"What do you want?" Brooke asked through tears.  
  
"I want to see if you're ok," Peyton said just above a whisper.  
  
"I'm fine," Brooke hissed coldly.  
  
"You're not," Peyton said stepping closer.  
  
"How would you know? You're not my best friend."  
  
"I am. Brooke you will never ever know how sorry I will always be...but I couldn't help it. You can't choose who you fall in love with right? You told me that and Jake is a good guy, he would never purposely hurt you," Peyton said putting her hand on Brooke's shoulder.  
  
"Why do they always like you?" Brooke asked, this time in a softer tone.  
  
"You don't let them see the real you. Let someone in Brooke. You're looking for love...let it find you," Peyton told her. She pulled Brooke in for a hug and then walked back to Luke. Brooke walked back to Jake and they stepped out onto the dance floor.

* * *

**It had been** a long night and almost 4 hours of dancing. Luke's tie was loosened around his neck as was Nathan's. Their jackets had been long gone after they got onto the dance floor. The girls had kicked their heels off a long time ago and it was just a night for them to forget all of the drama and have fun.  
  
Nathan had been dancing with Haley all night and a couple of songs before the end he and Peyton had a dance. Haley and Luke did the same. They also traded off with Jake and Brooke. Surprisingly, Brooke had been nicer and everyone just let go and danced.  
  
It was the last song of the night and Lucas didn't have anything special planned, but he wanted Peyton to remember that dance forever.  
  
"Peyton, will you dance with me?"  
  
"Yes," she replied blushing.  
  
"Good." He took her into his arms as the music began to play and fill the restaurant with dancing couples.  
  
_Every time our eyes meet / This feeling inside me / Is almost more than I can take / Baby when you touch me / I can feel how much you love me / And it just blows me away / I've never been this close to anyone or anything / I can hear your thoughts / I can see your dreams_  
  
"This could be our song, Peyt," he said silently in her ear.  
  
"Mmhmm," she replied with her head on his shoulder.  
  
_I don't know how you do what you do / I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better / I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side / Forever and ever / Every little thing that you do / Baby I'm amazed by you  
_  
Peyton was in a daze. She could've sworn Lucas requested the song. He always said those things to her. Always. It was the perfect night and she couldn't have wished for anything more. As long as they were together.  
  
_The smell of your skin / The taste of your kiss / The way you whisper in the dark / Your hair all around me, baby you surround me / You touch every place in my heart / Oh, it feels like the first time, every time / I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes  
_  
She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. It wasn't what she expected to see. Every other guy she ever dated had lust filling his eyes, but Lucas, Lucas' eyes were filled with love. That was enough for her heart to float into paradise. He loved her like no one else and he remembered everything about her. He was the one she wanted. She pulled him down to her and their lips met in an electrifying kiss.  
  
_I don't know how you do what you do / I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better / I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side / Forever and ever / Every little thing that you do / Baby I'm amazed by you  
_  
"Tonight," she mumbled into his ear when they pulled away.  
  
His eyes grew wide. He didn't want to rush her. She was special. They were something special and he didn't want sex to ruin them. He gave her an _'are you sure?'_ look and she nodded before her lips met his again.  
  
_Every little thing that you do / I'm so in love with you / It just keeps getting better / I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you by my side / Forever and ever / Every little thing that you do / Oh, every little thing that you do / Baby I'm amazed by you_  
  
She took his hand and led him to the limo. He was nervous, he hadn't been with Brooke. They'd been so close so many times, but he never let her. Peyton was going to be his first.  
  
"Um, my house..." Peyton said quietly to the driver, "and then come back here for the other two."  
  
"I love _you_," he told her as he kissed her. She rolled the back window up and willingly accepted the kiss.  
  
"I love you too, Luke."  
  
I HOPE YOU ALL LIKED THE PROM. I DID MY BEST WITH IT AND IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO DECIDE ON THE SONG. IT CAME OUT THE WAY I PICTURED IT THOUGH AND THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE BIG PLOT SETTER AND THEN WE'LL GET INTO ALL THE DRAMA. REVIEW!!  
  
NEXT - Luke and Peyton's night together / Nathan and Haley try to find Luke and Peyton / Jake and Brooke...real feelings / Drama, drama, drama.  
The song was _Lonestar - Amazed_. Will update when you review!!! 


	9. Peyton plus lucas plus after prom could ...

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 9 - Peyton plus lucas plus after prom equals...**

**A/N **- I see you all liked my little prom thing. I sorta did too, but the more I read over it...I wasn't sure if I liked it, but I couldn't get it the way I wanted it. Anyhow here's the conclusion of the prom:

**He was nervous**. He was finally going to be with Peyton and he was getting cold feet. He'd gone over it in his head. _'Peyton, I'm not ready'_ or _'How bout another night?'_ but when he reached her house, he couldn't help but want her even more. She was nervous too and he could sense it. And the look on her face made him want to just show her how he felt.

"Ya know, I never pictured myself going to the prom with you," she said between a kiss.

"Well, me neither, but right now I couldn't picture this with anyone else."

"Who was your first?" she asked not aware of his virginity.

"Well, I don't think you should know," he said with embarrassment written all over his face.

"It'll be me won't it?" she asked with a slight hint of a smile.

He nodded his head as his cheeks turned a dark shade of crimson red. She giggled and kissed him again anyway.

"Don't worry. Actually I think it's cool that you'll get to look back and think that I was your first," she whispered against his ear. She gave him a seductive smile as she leaned towards him again. He was very willing this time and though he was nervous, he was ready.

* * *

**No one had** even noticed they were missing until the lights came on and they were all ready to go to the after parties. Haley was looking around suspiciously for the two blondes.

"Ok, anyone here seen Lucas _and/or_ Peyton?"

Nathan, Jake, and Brooke all replied with a _"no"._ And now they were all looking. All trying to find the two teens who had gone missing before the end of the prom. This continued until Brooke got a devilish smile on her face.

They walked outside and found the limo still waiting for them in the parking lot. Brooke was still smiling to herself. She knew her best friend and before they got into the limo she thought she should inform the group of why Lucas and Peyton were **M.I.A**.

"Um, I might know where they are," Brooke stated as Nathan, Haley, and Jake turned their heads. They all gave her a look to continue.

"When me and Luke were together we didn't exactly...do _anything_...if ya know what I mean. But anyway if I know Peyton then she and him are well..." she stuttered, hoping they'd get the gist of her sentence.

Nathan and Jake understood and they high fived each other. Haley on the other hand did understand but she was grossed out. She made a face like she was ready to gag.

"Dude, we taught him well," Nathan said as the Scott smirk crossed his features. Jake just laughed at Nathan's enthusiasm of his older brother getting _'some'_.

"Brooke, that falls into the _Too Much Information_ category for the girl best friend. I did **NOT** need to know any of that," Haley said disgusted.

Brooke couldn't help but giggle at Haley's reaction. They all made their way into the limo and Brooke was still smiling mischievously that Peyton was going to be Luke's first. She didn't see it back then, but they actually did make a very cute couple. And she suddenly felt a pang of guilt inside her for keeping her two friends apart.

* * *

**The 4 of** them arrived at an after party. A lot of people from their class were there and Jake was a little inexperienced with parties. He seemed pretty happy to be there though and Brooke noticed.

"Not much experience here huh, Jake?" she asked him in an almost seductive tone.

"No. Ever since the beginning of sophomore year I've been with Jenny," he replied staring at her.

'_She actually is really pretty' _he thought to himself. _'If I could just know how she really is'_ He continued to look at her when her head was turned. Maybe he could get to like her.

"Any chance you wanna go outside and talk a little?" Jake asked directing it towards Brooke.

She nodded her head and the two of them started to head outside. But before they made it a whole crowd came through the door which caused them to be pushed up against each other. It definitely made for an awkward situation between the two kids who hadn't had any feelings for each other when they arrived at the prom.

Jake made eye contact with Brooke and she looked a little uncomfortable, but he saw his time. _'Either I make my move now, or I'll never have the chance'_ he told himself. And this was _his_ chance. He tilted his head to reach hers and she was caught off guard by his forwardness. She was reluctant to accept his kiss at first, but when he pulled her even closer than before, she felt the feeling behind it.

She was immediately engrossed in the kiss as Jake lifted her off her feet and towards an empty bedroom. And what started as just a date to the prom as friends ended as real feelings overflowing at a party in a bedroom.

* * *

**1 MONTH LATER**

**It had been** a month since the prom and everyone had gotten even closer than before. Jake and Brooke were an official couple and very in love. Nathan and Haley were more in love than they had been, if that was possible. Lucas and Peyton were head over heals for each other. Neither one could stand to be away from the other and couldn't keep their hands off when they were around each other. Everything was going fine until recently.

Peyton had made plans with Brooke to head to the mall for a new wardrobe for next year. They were going to be seniors. So close, yet so far away to graduation. They arrived at the mall and Peyton was quickly overwhelmed by a nauseous sensation.

"Um, Brooke can we hit the bathroom?" Peyton mumbled quickly.

"Yea sure," Brooke replied, utterly confused.

Peyton quickly got a stall and began to empty the contents of her stomach. Brooke was a bit disgusted but still worried.

"You sick?" Brooke yelled into the stall Peyton was occupying.

"No, this has been on and off for the last week or two," Peyton responded before she got sick again.

They walked around the mall and had more repeated bathroom trips over the hour. They met up with Haley in a random store near a bathroom.

"Hey guys!" Haley said happily.

"Hey Haley," Brooke droned.

"What's wrong?" Haley asked noticing Brooke's drop in mood.

"Well, we can't leave this area of the mall because Peyton here has been in and out of the bathroom for the past hour. I don't know what's wrong with her."

"Maybe we should take her home?" Haley suggested.

They lugged Peyton out towards the car and gave her a paper bag in the backseat. They sat at Peyton's house for a while, holding her hair back and taking care of her. They'd also called Lucas and he came over to help too.

"What do you think is wrong?" Lucas asked questioning his girlfriend's sudden sickness.

"Couldn't be food poisoning or a virus," Haley said to the two people in front of her.

Lucas continued talking to Haley while Brooke ran the options over in her head. _'What could she possibly be sick from?'_ Brooke asked herself.

'_She's been throwing up on and off for the past week...she hasn't really eaten anything and nobody's been sick, and prom was last month...Peyton plus Lucas plus after prom could equal...OH GOD!' _Brooke thought as she pondered over the possibilities.

SO, WE ALL KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT BECAUSE THAT IS THE PLOT OF THE STORY. I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS ONE. IT WASN'T TOO DETAILED IN ANY ONE SECTION, BUT THE NEXT CHAPTERS WILL BE GOOD!! THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEW!!

**NEXT - What's wrong with Peyton (like it's not obvious) / Everyone tries to deal with the result / Lucas does what? / Jake and Brooke together...drama? / More, more, more drama!!!**


	10. Two solid blue lines

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 10 - Two solid blue lines**

**A/N** - I'm unbelievably happy that you guys like this story so much. I really was nervous about putting this up because I wasn't sure if you guys would enjoy this, but it's all working out so far. And I want to thank you for the reviews. Keep em coming. This will be the _plot setter _of the story so here ya go:

The last two days had been dragged on for Peyton, Luke, Brooke, Jake, Haley and Nathan. It had only been two days since Brooke confessed her fears to Peyton. Yet, she was still losing sleep over it and still remembered the look on Peyton's face, it seemed burned into her brain.

_**FLASHBACK**_

_Peyton was sitting on the bed across from Brooke. She was ghostly pale and Luke was watching over her like some sort of hawk. He wouldn't leave her side. Brooke was off in dreamland thinking about the possibilities of Peyton's sickness. She was scared to death for her friend, but it was now or never._

"_Peyt?" _

"_Yea?" _

"_Um, well...do you have any idea what you're sick from?" Brooke asked suspiciously. "I mean, is there anything that would make you like this from the past few weeks?" _

_Peyton thought back to the past month, but the reality of what could be happening didn't hit her. She thought until she came up with a response. "No."_

"_Anything from the prom?" Brooke questioned, dropping hints all over the place._

_Peyton continued to think of anything that might jog her memory. Until it became clear...her eyes widened and the room began to spin, and the last thing she saw was Lucas' face before she blacked out._

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Brooke could look back on that night as though it were playing on a screen in front of her. Peyton didn't wake up for another 10 minutes which was leaving Luke highly confused. He was looking at Brooke, continuing to ask _'what the hell is going on?'_ Brooke felt that she was in no position to tell Peyton's boyfriend that his girlfriend could possibly be pregnant. And when Peyton woke up it was like a weight was lifted off of Brooke's shoulders.

_**FLASHBACK**_

_Peyton's eyes fluttered open and the first thing she saw was the same as the last. Luke, hovering over her. _

"_Hey," she whispered towards Luke. The minute her mouth opened he was bombarding her with kisses. He couldn't get enough of her._

"_Are you ok? What happened?_ _Don't ever do that again! Will you be ok? Is every-"he was rambling but cut off by Peyton._

"_Luke! I'm fine. This is not 21 questions...I just...wasn't feeling well," she responded, trying to cover for what her and Brooke both knew._

"_Well good, because I don't know what I'd do if you weren't ok," he said with a grin. She rewarded him with a genuine smile and he was so overjoyed to see that. She leaned up to give him a light kiss before laying her head back onto the pillow._

"_Um, can I maybe have some time alone with Brooke?" she asked cautiously._

"_Yea, sure, no problem. How bout I get you some ginger ale and crackers from the café?"_

"_That would be some help," she responded before receiving another kiss and quick "I love you."_

"_You too," she said as he walked through her door and out of her house._

"_Peyt?" Brooke asked after seeing Peyton's eyes glaze over in tears._

"_Brooke, what am I going to do? What the hell am I going to do?!" she pleaded as she fell into Brooke's arms. Brooke did the only thing she knew to do...she held Peyton._

"_I dunno, babe. I dunno, but we'll figure this out."_

_**END FLASHBACK**__****_

* * *

Brooke left only an hour later. Luke was sitting with Peyton, but she still didn't know how to tell him. This was weighing heavily over Brooke's head for the past two days. Peyton had her whole life ahead of her and here she was, pregnant. She was going to have to quit school and cheerleading. She was going to have a hard time doing college too. Brooke felt a single tear leave her eye before she fell into her dreams.

Peyton on the other hand felt like an insomniac for the past two nights. She hadn't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep since the day Brooke was over. Her whole life was just starting to fall into place, and now her whole life was starting to fall apart. She hadn't even gotten up the courage to tell Luke what she suspected. Then again, she hadn't even gotten the courage to get a test. Truth was, she didn't even want to know. Well, of course she _wanted_ to know, but she didn't want to know if her whole future was going down the tubes or not. It was 4 in the morning when she realized she couldn't stand it anymore. She jumped from her bed and grabbed the phone. She very quickly dialed the 7 numbers she'd known by heart ever since she was little.

"He-hello?" Brooke answered groggily.

"Brooke," Peyton said quietly, so as not to startle her best friend.

"Peyton? What's up?" Brooke questioned, as she pulled herself up to sitting position in her bed.

"You need to go with me. I need to get a test," Peyton said as her voice shook with every word.

"I was wondering when the hell you wanted to know," Brooke said with a slight laugh after.

Peyton didn't return the laugh she just told Brooke that she'd pick her up in five minutes. Peyton quickly jumped in her car, clad in her pajama bottoms and a tank top. She sped the whole way to Brooke's and Brooke came stumbling out with make-up on and her hair in a messy pony tail.

"Why do you have make-up on?" Peyton asked incredulously as she sped away from the house.

"You never know who's gonna be out..." Brooke replied flashing Peyton a sly grin.

"You never change," Peyton sighed before they pulled up to the nearest convenience store.

Peyton walked down the aisles and searched for the right one. Brooke followed behind, keeping her eyes out for any guys who she might be able to strike a conversation with. Until she remembered she had Jake and she didn't want to be a cheater. She knew how much it hurt. So, no matter how much it hurt her status, she pulled down her hair and wiped away her make-up. Peyton turned around to find a completely different person looking at her.

"What the hell?" Peyton asked, completely bewildered.

"I forgot about Jake. I don't want to be the cheater and with a face like mine it'd be hard for a guy to resist," she responded with a smile.

"You two are really hitting it off, huh?" Peyton asked while absent mindedly looking through the different tests. She was cautious to make sure no one she knew was there, but couldn't decided if she wanted e.p.t. or the non brand one. She quickly swiped the e.p.t. off the shelf and grabbed three magazines to cover up the test.

"He's just different. I know he wouldn't hurt me...and he's the first guy since, well you know..." she stammered.

"Yea," Peyton responded. Only half of her was listening while the other half watched the disapproving face of the old lady at the register. And that's when she really started to feel it. Feel what it was going to be like as her stomach began to show and she carted herself around in huge maternity clothes. She was going to get those looks constantly and when she dropped out of school she knew the gossip was going to go through the roof about how the popular cheerleader got knocked up by Nathan's Scott's bastard brother.

She sat back into the driver's seat and prepared for the longest ride of her life. Things were moving in slow motion as the trees flew by the window of her car. Only days ago Peyton saw her whole future, she saw herself as an aspiring artist and Lucas by her side. Now, all she could see is her with a baby and she didn't even know if Lucas was in that version.

* * *

When she walked into her house she made her way up the stairs as all the pictures on her wall bled together. Brooke was following silently. Peyton slid into the bathroom and pushed the door closed behind her. She quietly read the directions and followed them precisely. It was amazing how this little stick with one blue line or two blue lines could change her life.

She was sitting in front of her web cam while Brooke was sprawled on her bed. Each was waiting for Peyton's future to be determined. Her alarm went off, signaling the fact that her whole life could be changed. It was judgment day for Peyton Sawyer as she tip-toed into the bathroom, but froze as before she got remotely close to the test that lay on the edge of the bath tub.

"I can't do it," she said standing in a moment of silence.

"You can, I'll do it with you," Brooke said before progressing a few more steps.

"Brooke, this is it. This could be the end of my life. This could be it," she whispered.

"This will not be the end. I'll help you, Luke will help you, Haley will help you, Nathan and Jake too," she said grabbing Peyton's hand and pulling her closer.

They reached their destination and Peyton's eyes remained closed. She couldn't even picture herself opening them. _'What if it's positive?' _she asked herself

"You do it," she commanded Brooke.

Brooke silently picked up the stick and saw the two blue sticks. _'Two blue. What's that mean?'_ Brooke asked herself adamantly. She immediately started rummaging through the trash can to find the box. Her eyes scanned the back as she read.

**How you know: After letting the test sit for just 3 minutes 1 solid blue or 2 solid blue lines will appear. 1 solid blue line is negative. 2 solid blue lines is positive. Follow the instructions below to use.**

"Peyton..." Brooke said nervously.

"Yea," Peyton said as she could already feel the shaking and the tears. She didn't know how, but she already knew the answer.

"You're pregnant," Brooke said as she turned around in time to catch the tears fall and to watch her friend begin to shake violently. Brooke immediately held Peyton tightly as her head fell onto her shoulder. Brooke fell to her knees with Peyton on the bathroom floor. Brooke felt Peyton crying onto her shoulder and she felt her heart break for the first time in her life. She could've sworn she literally heard it shatter. Or maybe that was the door opening.

Haley made her way upstairs towards the bathroom and saw a scene she swore could be on some movie. She knew it was early but she had received a voice mail from Peyton on her cell phone and when she woke up to get water she checked her mail and it sounded urgent. So Haley had bolted out of the house at 5:30 in the morning and made it to Peyton's only to find Peyton and Brooke huddled on the floor with a positive pregnancy test strewn across the floor.

THIS HAS GOTTA BE MY FAVORITE CHAPTER IN ALL OF THIS STORY. I LOVE THE WAY THIS TURNED OUT AND I GUESS IT WAS JUST SOME GIRLY BONDING. THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEW IF YOU LIKED IT TOO.

**NEXT - They've gotta tell Haley / What's Peyton gonna do? / She's gotta tell Luke / They've gotta tell the rest of the gang / What's Luke gonna do? / Lots and lots of drama...**

**Thanks for any reviews you've given me...they really make me wanna continue. I love writing and knowing you guys like my writing only motivates me to keep going. I write for you so lemme know. Will update soon!!!**


	11. Two bonds, one phone call

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 11 - Two bonds, one phone call**

**A/N - **So, I totally loved my last chapter and I just really, really liked the way it came out. I hope you all did too. Thanks a lot for the reviews I got on this story and _Lost in the Past_.They mean the world to me and they keep me writing. If anyone here writes a story you know what I mean. Here's chapter 11:

**The petite brunette **watched the two figures on the floor without even making herself noticed until she saw it fit. She watched in awe of how close the two girls really were and that no matter what the petty fight was that Brooke would always be around when Peyton needed her most. And just when she thought she wasn't liking Brooke much, life plays tricks and makes her look at Brooke as more than just the _'slut' _or_ 'bitch'._

"Ahem," Haley coughed to break the moment. She felt guilty but curiosity always got the best of her in times like this.

Each girl on the floor quickly snapped their heads to find Haley staring at them. Her eyes were glassy from the tears forming when she saw Peyton's red eyes. Peyton immediately pulled herself from the floor and looked at Haley nervously.

Haley had already seen the test on the floor. She knew one of their lives was changing. She imagined it to be Peyton's. She was just getting close to Peyton and it broke her heart to know that she was going to have to drop everything for this baby, that is if she kept it.

"Haley," Peyton said nervously as the tears threatened to fall once more.

"You ok?" Haley asked sympathetically.

"I will be. Um, I should probably tell you what's going on and all," she replied.

"If you're up to it."

"Well, after the prom me and Luke kinda...well you know and we forgot to ya know...and well I've been sick recently and Brooke brought it up that I might be...so I got a test and left a message and..." Peyton couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence and the tears came easier this time.

Haley grabbed Peyton and hugged her tightly. They weren't best friends, but Haley really did like being with Peyton and she was gonna do all she could to keep her friendship. Brooke joined in too and the two brunettes held the blonde until she felt safe.

* * *

**Lucas was sitting**on a bench near the River Court. He hadn't been able to sleep that night. Peyton was sick and it wasn't a normal sick, something was wrong. He had called the night before, only to get a voice mail all 7 times. He needed to see her, but if she needed her time than he was more than willing.

The rain started at a slow drizzle, but swiftly turned to a _'someone's pouring buckets of water on me' _kind of rain. Normally, he would've jumped from the bench and ran to the nearest place for some kind of shelter. But today was different, he just sat on the bench and let the rain soak him until he swore he became water logged. His t-shirt was stuck to his skin and his pants were so heavy they seemed to fall from his legs.

He silently made his way to Peyton's house early that morning. He was willing to give her time earlier, but now was not an option. He needed to know what was wrong. His heart was being torn apart knowing she was hurting and couldn't do anything about it. _'Maybe she's having a baby or something...haha nahhh'_ he told himself. He knew he couldn't handle a baby so he just cut that from his options.

His light tap on the door didn't break the girls from their bonding and hugs and tears, but the second knock that sounded like a loud thud interrupted their time.

"Who the hell is that?" Brooke said as she headed towards the door.

Peyton felt it. She knew it was Lucas. He was never one to sleep very late and she could sense it. Something about the knock and the urgency. She just knew, but she wasn't ready and Haley could see that. She knew who it was too and saw Peyton look to her with pleading eyes and they each had the same plan. They jumped from their spots and pulled Brooke to the floor.

"Brooke!" they yelled as they tackled her and Peyton slapped her hand over her mouth.

Brooke laid on the floor and struggled to let sound out of her mouth. She kicked and was flailing her arms all over the place. They heard a car back from the driveway and leave her house so Peyton and Haley let Brooke go.

"What was that for?!" Brooke yelled, obviously frustrated. She was a beat behind the other two. Just goes to show that Peyton and Haley really connected during the time that Brooke hated Peyton.

"Don't you know who it was?" Peyton and Haley retorted.

Brooke shook her head, no. Haley rolled her eyes and Peyton scoffed at the girl in front of her. _'How does she not know?'_ Peyton asked herself, becoming more impatient.

"Brooke! Geez, what are you Theresa now?! Always a god damn beat behind!" she yelled in Brooke's face and sauntered to the bathroom.

"Hormones," Haley said as she walked down the hallway and towards the bathroom to follow Peyton and attempt to talk to her.

"Already?" Brooke asked the room as the feeling of tears came to her. She couldn't believe she missed so much that Peyton and Haley had formed something that seemed almost stronger than what she and Peyton had.

* * *

**Lucas drove to** the only place he could go. He arrived in front of Nathan's apartment only minutes later. It was a small town after all. He was doing what Peyton referred to as his 'goofy brooding thing' and he knew if she was there she'd be laughing at him. A small grin formed on his face, but was quickly wiped away when he thought of the possibilities of why she was avoiding him.

Nathan answered the door in basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. His hair was ruffled on his head and the shorts hung low on his waist. He was surprised to see his brother standing on the other side of his door. He was about to go get McDonald's for breakfast, but if Lucas wanted to come, he was fine with it.

"Hey man," Nathan said stepping from his door step, keys in hand.

Lucas just gave a small head nod in response and Nathan knew he wasn't getting any McDonald's today. _'Damn, I was really lookin forward to the hash brown' _he said to himself and opened the door to his apartment again as Lucas headed inside, head down.

"This is gonna be a long day," Nathan mumbled before shutting the door.

* * *

**Peyton was in **the bathroom sitting on the floor. The tears wouldn't stop coming, no matter what she did. The hormones were kicking in...hard. She heard a knock on the door and Peyton didn't want to answer it. Instead of answering, she found Haley picking the door open with a bobby pin and locking herself inside with Peyton.

"Um, if you want Brooke...I can get her for you," Haley said nervously, as though she were interrupting.

"No, I'd rather have you in here anyway. We're a little tighter than me and Brooke are at the moment. Even if she did do the test with me," Peyton said as Haley sat down on the floor next to her.

"Yea," Haley sighed.

"I did call you first though...but it doesn't matter now. How did you know?" Peyton asked referring to the knocking.

"Thanks for calling. I don't know really. I guess I saw you and just realized you knew and..."

"Yea, well thanks. I wouldn't have been able to hold her myself," Peyton said smiling.

"I don't believe we did that," Haley said as she too, began to smile.

"We tackled Brooke. Man, if that ever got out," Peyton said as a laugh began to come through.

"There goes her reputation," Haley said as she and Peyton bust into laughter.

"She'd be known as '_Brooke, the girl tackled by the girls who always tag along behind and date the Scott's'_" Peyton said, envisioning it and laughing harder.

* * *

**The two boys** were sitting on Nathan's couch. Lucas was discussing everything from the past month as Nathan listened and inhaled his bowl of Lucky Charms.

"I just don't know what I did," Lucas said sadly.

"Me neither, dude. Give her a call," Nathan said confidently.

"Tried," he said quickly.

"Haley left a message that she was going there," Nathan told his older brother.

Lucas picked up the phone and dialed the 7 numbers he cherished and the ringing came over the line. His palms were sweaty and he could only pray that she answered.

* * *

**Peyton looked at** her cell phone as she wiped her teary eyes from laughing so hard. _Nathan_ came over the caller ID and she felt her heart speed up.

"You have to do it, Peyt," Haley said from across the room.

"Yea," she whispered as she hit the green button the phone.

"Hello?" Lucas asked, obviously surprised that he actually got an answer.

"Luke," she said trying to lighten things up.

HOPE YOU LIKED IT. IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN GREAT BUT THE NEXT CHAPTER YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING FORWARD TO. REVIEW FOR ME!!

**NEXT - Peyton tells him / Nathan and Haley talk over the situation and try to give advice / What's Peyton gonna do with the baby? / What will Luke do when he finds out? (not gonna be pretty and I almost hate to do it ) lol / Lots of drama on the way and many more tears...**

_**Who knew a something could change all relationships and lives in a matter of a moment?**_

**You review and tell me what you thought and I'll get the update out!! Check out _Lost in the Past _too!!!!!**


	12. I can't handle this

**

* * *

The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 12**

**A/N **- Hey, I really want to thank all of you for the reviews for the last chapter. They were so nice of you. We're doing totally awesome with the reviews for this and I'm hoping to hit a hundred very soon. You guys are amazing and I say that from the bottom of my heart. I hope you all liked the little bit of bonding in the last chapter. I like to show Haley and Peyton's friendship and kind of showing the effect it has on Brooke, knowing that she sorta lost Peyton. Here's chapter 12:

"Luke," she said trying to lighten things up.

"Hey...um I've been trying to get ahold of you since last night..."

"I've been really busy with Haley and Brooke this morning and I was dead tired last night," she told him.

"Oh, is everything ok," he asked quietly, "with us? It seems like you've been avoiding me."

"Yea. But we need to talk. Would it be cool if I stopped by?"

"Uh, sure. I'm at Nathan's but I can send him to the store or something for a little while," he said with a chuckle and receiving a glare from his younger brother.

"Ok, I'll be there in like 15 minutes," she said, and after the good byes she settled herself on the bathroom floor.

* * *

**Her back was** against the wall and she turned her head to the side. She felt like crying, but she also felt like she needed to be strong and not let Haley see her be so weak. Haley was eyeing Peyton cautiously.

"It's strange," Peyton said, breaking the silence. "I've never really been the person who cried. I was always the one who held everyone else up and gave hugs when they cried. Tears never came easy for me, and all my life I wanted to be able to cry but I've felt so numb since my mom. And just this once I want this feeling to go away, I would do anything to feel numb again and not have this pain that I've got inside of me," she whispered into the dark bathroom.

Haley scooted closer to the disheveled blonde. She wrapped her arms around Peyton's small frame and held her tightly. Words could not express how bad she felt for the girl in front of her.

"It's ok to cry you know?" Haley said as she rocked back and forth.

"Hales, I'm having a baby. I'm bringing a whole new life into the world and I'm responsible for raising it. Who's to say I'm not gonna royally screw this kid up? I'm putting my dreams and my whole life on hold for this and if I wreck it then it's my fault. God knows I have my own issues that I have yet to conquer. Am I the type of person to be a mom, at my age? I'm only 16! I haven't figured out who I am, let alone help this kid with life. I have to give the talks and advice. I never even had a mom, how am I supposed to have any clue about what to do for this baby? What do I do?" she cried out in desperation.

"You're gonna do your best and we're all gonna be here to support you. You're gonna be a good mom. Brooke and I will be there to help you be a mom to this kid. I mean, neither of us really had a mom who stuck around so we're gonna do this together. Lucas, Nathan, and Jake will be here too. We all care about you. How could we leave you at the time when you need us the most?"

* * *

**Minutes later, Peyton **was walking through the rain and her feet trudged in the puddles. She kicked and they splashed. The cause and effect patterns. _'I got knocked up and everyone else's lives changes too...so cause and effect' _she thought as she saw Nathan's apartment come into view above her.

She tapped on the door and heard footsteps coming through the house. The door opened to reveal Lucas with a lopsided grin on his face.

"You walked?!" he asked, obviously upset.

"I didn't feel like driving. I needed a walk," she replied as he pulled her inside and wrapped her in a towel.

He pulled her in for a kiss and soaked himself. She giggled at him and he just gave her a look and ran into Nathan's spare room. She followed behind, and found him hunched over, looking for a few sweat pants and some shirts. She ran in and pulled his jeans down to his ankles so he was standing in boxers. Peyton was standing at the door frame laughing and he took off down the hallway towards her.

"NO! LUCAS SCOTT DO NOT TOUCH ME!" she yelled when she toppled onto the couch and he came after her.

He jumped onto the couch on top of her and began to tickle her before she grabbed behind his neck and brought his lips smashing down to hers. His hands immediately stopped tickling and began roaming her body. His big hands fell under her and began to move up and down her back. She let out a small moan and arched her hips before pushing him to the ground. He hit with a thud, in his boxers and wet t-shirt.

"Tease," he said before sitting on the other couch and giving her his signature Scott smirk.

She laughed at his expression and sauntered over to the couch he was on. She wiggled her hips before straddling him and pushing his back into the couch. She leaned down towards him and her lips were dangerously close to his. She quickly brushed her lips past his, but not enough to consider it a kiss. She came near to his ear and began to whisper as her warm breath sent chills down his spine.

"I can be a tease if I want to," she said when she traced his lips with her finger. She bucked her hips into his which caused a moan to come from deep inside his throat as he tried to get ahold of her, but she wouldn't let him have the satisfaction. She winked at him and went to sit back down on the other couch.

He couldn't help but laugh at her when she walked away. She just got him going and walked away, he hated her for it, but loved her for being her. Not many girls would be able to do that to him.

"You're cute," she said as she saw him gaping at her.

He got a cocky grin on his face and said, "Well, you better think so."

"Ok, now I'm sorry but it's time to get serious," she said seeing his eyebrows scrunch together.

"Alright. What do we have to talk about? We're ok right?" he asked quietly.

"I dunno...if you want to be then we will be. It all depends on your decision," she answered cryptically.

"Uh-huh and that means?"

"That means we really have to talk about something," she said getting up and sitting next to him, "this is really important.

She held his hand to steady hers. She couldn't help but worry about the reaction she was going to get from him. He nodded his head for her to continue.

"Well, you know the night of prom was our first time together and I haven't been with anyone since then. We were moving so fast and I don't think we stopped to use protection," she cautiously watched his face turn to a frown and she felt the tears coming again, "so I had Brooke go with me to get a test and it um...it came out...positive."

"You're pregnant?" he asked in a barely audible voice.

"That's what the test says," she said so quietly that he had to strain to hear her.

He sat motionless for minutes. He couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't feel anything. He leaned over and pecked her cheek before standing up.

"I can't handle this right now. I need to go...I'll talk to you later," he said getting up and walking out the door into the rain, leaving _his_ Peyton in tears on Nathan's couch.

* * *

**Her cell phone** startled her as she pushed the green button and heard Haley on the other. She really was a great friend. She hadn't heard from Brooke in hours.

"How'd it go?" she asked immediately.

"I need you," Peyton cried into the phone and Haley felt something tug at her heart as she bolted out the door and towards her boyfriend's apartment.

I HOPE YOU'RE ALL GETTING THE GIST OF THIS SO FAR. I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT SO REVIEW AND TELL ME IF YOU LIKED THE BONDING AND DIFFERENT THINGS.

**NEXT - Haley talks to Peyton / Peyton talks to Lucas...what does he decide to do? / They tell Nathan and Brooke / Fight? / What does Peyton do with the baby? / Haley talks to Lucas (shouldn't be pretty...some yelling?) / Drama, drama, drama...**

_**Who thought the boy without a father would make this decision?**_

I hope you liked this because I did. I personally liked the little Luke and Peyton moment before he messed things up. **I have a new story coming...it's called _Beach Girls _and it's based on a book I'm reading. Check it out!!! Will update soon!!!**


	13. They're not ready

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 13 – They're not ready**

**A/N **– Ok, this one should be a little short considering I'm in first period in school right now. Lol. We have a sub who I really hate so I have nothing better to do. I'll do my best with this and I'm gonna update again sometime today or tomorrow to make up for the really long wait I accidentally had for this story. Enjoy:

"I need you," Peyton cried into the phone and Haley felt something tug at her heart as she bolted out the door and towards her boyfriend's apartment.

Haley ran the 5 minute drive in about 6 minutes. Considering her lack of athletic ability she praised herself on that accomplishment. The black door was solid as Haley reached the stairs and quickly let herself in. She hated seeing anyone in tears, let alone the one girl who she'd become unbelievably close with over the past months.

"Peyt," she whispered immediately rushing to her side and engulfing her in another hug. The amount of tears shed, and hugs given over the last few days were enough to last any average person a lifetime. It was then that Haley realized that no one around her was ever going to be, just average again.

* * *

**The rain was** still at full force when he slammed the front door closed behind him. He never meant to hurt her, but he was only 16. His whole life was still right there in his reach and now this little 6 pound thing was going to send him flying backwards and it would be a major setback to his basketball career.

He wasn't usually a selfish person, but no matter how much he loved her, he didn't know if he could put his dreams on the back burner like that. How could he take everything he worked for and throw down the garbage disposal by not taking that damn condom out of his wallet?

**FLASHBACK**

_She had found out. He was a virgin, sometimes he was proud of it and others he just felt like the dorkiest version of Dawson Leery. It was right then that both emotions flooded him. Things were progressing so fast and he didn't have the time to think when his hands fell to her waist and tugged at the unzippered dress. _

_His pants lay beside the bed in a tousled mess on the floor. His boxers hung lowly on his waist as he looked into her eyes. He knew he loved her and she was urging him on. Making it impossible to think to reach down and get the one thing that could've changed his life. They were both a little buzzed from the vodka they'd all used to spike their drinks. Of course, Tim had brought some along. He wasn't thinking clearly and any thoughts he did have were fogged. His boxers fell from his waist as she writhed beneath him while he teased her. Her hips moved up to his and from the look in her eyes when they met he knew he'd done something right. _

_They were so wrapped up in the pleasure when they let go simultaneously that neither thought about the consequences. That was the very moment that his life had been changed. He conceived his own child because of his stupidness of being a child. Oh, the irony._

**END FLASHBACK**

Walking the trail in the park he thought of that night. It was an amazing night, but if it was something he could do ever he would've not drank the damn vodka. He thought to dial Peyton's number, but how could he do that now? He disappointed her, and made her believe that he was worse than his own brother. He left her when she needed him most.

"Damn it!" he yelled as he tossed a rock from the ground to the surrounding woods. He was trying to be a man but he never considered her feelings. Never once thought of what she might be going through.

"_I think, part of being a man is owning up to your mistakes" _echoed in his head. He'd said them and here he was running from his biggest one. He wasn't about to turn back. Sure, he loved her and probably always would, but it didn't change the fact that _he wasn't ready_.

* * *

**Only minutes after** she walked in she dialed the unfamiliar number of Brooke Davis. She promptly told the whole story once more and 5 minutes later a brunette came busting through the door and threw her arms around the blonde in tears. The three of them sat there until Peyton pulled away and looked at them with eyes that could make anyone cry.

"What did I do?" she asked the two girls in front of her.

"Nothing, you didn't do anything. You made a mistake and thought he'd be there, but he's an asshole," Brooke said from her position on the floor.

"You just wait, he'll get a piece of my mind next time I see that Scott. I don't believe, after all he went through that he'd do that to you. I guess...I just figured with the way he grew up that he wouldn't have the heart to let you go through what his mom went through," Haley retorted, her anger fading as did the sentence.

"I just love him. The only guy I've ever really loved and he leaves. Leaves, like I'm some random girl who he hasn't been after since he first saw me. I just finally gave in that day because I had this feeling that Lucas would never do anything to hurt me. I saw the look in his eyes and they showed love. They always had that whenever I saw him. Always, up until today. When I said I was pregnant today, his eyes were cold and distant. I never saw that in him. He looked like so lost, but he was angry. He doesn't want this baby," Peyton whispered through the tears clouding her vision.

Sure, she loved him and probably always would, but it didn't change the fact that _she wasn't ready either_ and _he had left her alone for the same reason_.

OK, I THOUGHT I'D GIVE SOME THOUGHTS AND INSIGHT. I KNOW IT WASN'T LONG BUT AS I SAID I'M TRYING TO DO THIS COMPUTER GRAPHICS PROJECT THAT'S PISSING ME OFF. I NEEDED TO UPDATE THIS AND IT'S BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE.

**NEXT – Will Lucas talk to Peyton? / Nathan finds out / Is there a fight? / What's Peyton's decision for the baby? / Haley talks to Lucas (she'll give him a piece of her mind, alright) / Lots and lots more drama...**

I particularly liked this chapter and I hope you did too. I worked hard considering I skipped half of class. I think the flashback turned out well. Tell me what you thought!! **I realize I haven't updated _Beach Girls_ yet but I haven't given up. I'm getting to it so it'll be out ASAP. If you haven't read the book I based it on I suggest you pick it up...you'd enjoy it and be amazed at the similarities of the characters. Will be updating very soon!!!**


	14. Walk away I want to hate him

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 14 - Walk away I want to hate him**

**A/N** - Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter!! Every time I check my e-mail and I see a review, I know you guys are actually enjoying my writing and I love knowing what you thought. I know you're angry with Lucas, but as I have said before I'm not sure of how it's gonna turn out or if she'll be able to forgive him for what will inevitably happen. If you have any requests or idea I'd love to hear them and do my best to incorporate them and give you credit. So tell me. Enjoy:

She couldn't pull herself from the floor. There was not one ounce of strength left to stand. Her heart was slowly falling into oblivion. She could NOT accept the fact that he, of all people, walked out. It wasn't like she wanted this baby, it would wreck her life too. Lucas Scott was being selfish and she was watching her own life crumble because of it. _'Asshole'_ she said to herself.

Haley and Brooke were sitting at the counter in Nathan's kitchen. They ached inside for Peyton. They were her best friends, it hurt to see her cry.

"Do you think she'll be ok?" Brooke whispered, she was so worried. Haley let out a long, exasperated sigh before replying.

"Peyton's strong and she's a fighter and eventually...yea she'll be fine. But it won't be for a long while...especially if he doesn't come back."

"No, no, no he's coming back," she said in a panicked state.

"Ok." Haley wasn't in the mood to start an argument, not at this point.

"Oh, God. What if he doesn't?" Brooke added.

"We'll be here for her," Haley assured the brunette.

Brooke just nodded and drifted. Haley quietly stood, upon seeing Brooke Davis in such a vulnerable state she was feeling more depressed than usual. Haley gathered her things to leave and took a few steps to Peyton before sitting on the table across from her.

"You're a strong girl and there's no way I could be doing what you're doing right now," Haley said to the blonde. Peyton only nodded.

"You're gonna be ok, no matter what Lucas' decision is," the brunette whispered, soothingly.

"I...know."

"I'll be back, Brooke will be here," Haley added to her previous statement.

Peyton rolled her eyes at Brooke. She was acting like she was the one who was being left here, but whatever. The 16 year old didn't trust herself enough to speak again so instead she squeezed gave a small smile and reached for Haley's hand. She gave a light squeeze, but Haley didn't settle for anything less than a hug. She got to her knees to be level with Peyton and held the blonde who she was becoming so much closer to.

**He was pissed** off at the world. Pissed at the rock in his path and the damn birds that wouldn't stop chirping. Nothing was going right and Peyton was going to have his baby. It was inevitable to not have everyone's lives fall apart in the midst of the chaos.

"Lucas!" he heard and jumped at the sudden sound.

He turned his head slowly, to see an enraged brunette, who he'd known for years, stalking to where he was sitting.

"Great," he muttered.

She came to a stop when his appearance came into focus through the rain that was still coming. He was drenched and his hair was matted to his head. His eyes were swollen from the tears and his knees were pulled to his chest so he appeared to be 10 years old. An immediate wave of guilt swept over her, but departed just as quickly as it arrived.

She was even angrier now, then she had been before. He had self-created drama written across his forehead. Granted, she would've been scared to, had she been in this position but he was over doing things. He wasn't the one who was being left alone.

"Just who do you think you are?!" she shouted in his face.

"Look, Hales, this is the - "he began, but was cut off by the girl in front of him.

"Don't you dare 'Hales' me! You don't even deserve to have the privilege of that name anymore. Not after what you just pulled!"

"I know," he replied in a barely audible voice.

"No, you don't know. You have no idea of what she's going through right now. You're not the only person in this. You're sitting here like it's only you who's life is going to change. Well, wake-up! Welcome to the real world Lucas Scott! In this part of the world we care about the people we love and we're not all so damn selfish!" she screamed as her rage boiled over and subsided.

"I know that. I just don't know if I'm ready for this. My mom still takes care of me...how can we bring a baby into this world?" he pointed out to the brunette.

Haley James crinkled her eyebrows and squinted at her best friend. His point of view sucked. He was a stubborn bastard when he wanted to be.

"And she's ready?" Haley questioned.

"What?"

"She's ready to have this baby. God, Lucas, what don't you get? She's gonna suffer too. She's the one who's gonna be tortured and have rumors spread about her being the slut cheerleader or a whore knocked up by Danny Jr. Peyton has to drop out of school when she gets too big. She's gonna have the baby and go through the pain of the labor. Not _you_. _You_ get off easy. All she's asking you to do is stick by her and hold her hand and be a father. She desperately needs someone to love her, you know what she's gone through so far? This is not a matter of her wanting you, she _needs_ you in her life and you're a damn coward if you can't do that. How many times did you tell her you loved her? How many times did you hold her when she cried and you said you'd always be there? How could you lie to her face like that?"

"I don't want to screw it up," he responded after a minute.

"Anyone who has a kid worries about that," she told the boy in front of her.

"It's easier to be the guy behind the curtain," he said, his tone was ice cold.

Her eyes widened as she heard him speak those words. He had the smallest amount of remorse for leaving this girl. He had changed so much and she was the one who had been blinded.

"I can't believe you!" she said in defeat.

"Believe what? That I've changed so much while you were too busy with my brother. No, you wouldn't have noticed," he spat.

"We are not going to make this about me...this is about Peyton Sawyer. This girl," she replied, pulling a picture from his wallet that was in his hands. "Look at her. She has done nothing wrong, and you are an asshole," she told him, but she could finally smell the alcohol on his breath. It reeked of vodka and rum.

"Yea, ya caught me! What do you want me to say? I want nothing to do with this baby or that whore who you're claiming to be this wonderful girl, I don't need to be lectured so just get away from me," he hissed.

Haley James was not going to take this ridicule. She slapped his face and watched him bring his hand to his cheek that now bore a red hand mark.

"You're a fucking asshole, Lucas Scott. As far as I'm concerned you and I are no longer anything even approaching friends!" she was seething at his words.

"Doesn't matter. You're a bitch and a fucking two faced slut for screwing my brother. What kind of fucking friend is that, huh, Haley?!"

"I refuse to sit here and watch you nitpick every action I've made. I've made mistakes, but Nathan is the farthest thing from it. He's done nothing but love me unconditionally. I am not going to take this shit! You're not gonna get drunk and take all of this out on me because I will not forgive you this time," she poked him in the chest as he stood. "I was always on your side just so you know. I've never once deserted you and up until right now I never would have. Not once would I have ever said anything bad or let people belittle you when you were stuck with Brooke and Peyton. I loved you because you were my best friend. We managed to get through the ups and downs, but not this one. I'll miss this but I've got Brooke and Peyton now. I've got Nathan to protect and love me. He's the one and it's too bad you missed that, if you were my best friend you would've known. Don't think you'll be invited to the wedding. I always wanted you to be the godfather of my first born and I wanted you as the best man at my wedding, but now I'd rather see Tim in those positions, hell I'd rather see Dan Scott there. I will never let you see your baby or any baby that I'm gonna have and you will never ever be a part of my life from here on out!" she poked him once more, before turning on her heel and leaving him in the pouring rain.

He let himself sit back down into the soaked grass and looked at his now broken life. He had no one and now he knew it was time to go. He would see her one last time and then leave. He lost his very best friend because he had been drinking and he needed to push her away to make things easier. He was a damn coward who couldn't handle things when they got rough.

**Haley ran the** whole way. She ran the whole way to where she knew she could find Nathan. He was at Tim's house waiting for them to finish with his apartment. She needed someone and she couldn't put all her pain on Peyton's shoulders and Brooke was helping Peyton. Things were hard enough and she could not unload her problems on them.

Tim's parents were never home, just as were Brooke's. It seemed that no parents cared except for Karen. It was the sad truth of the teenagers of Tree Hill. She ran to the front door and began to pound as the tears were teeming down her face. The door opened to reveal Nathan's sympathetic but shocked face as soon as she saw him. _'He always worries about me'_ she thought. He really had become the sweet guy she always knew he could be.

"Hales," he said softly as he stepped into the rain and hugged her. She was crying harder than he had ever seen. She was crying as though someone had just died, and if you were to ask Haley, someone had. Her inner soul had died along with her friendship to Lucas.

He very gently sat her down on the steps so her red eyes faced him. His knees came to touch hers as he kept her small hands wrapped inside his palms. He used the pads of his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears mixed with the rain. He had to handle this situation delicately. He knew she was hurting worse than normal tears.

"Haley, what happened?" he asked, putting his hand under her chin and lifting her head up to meet his eyes.

"I just...I screwed up and we screwed up and everything...it all went wrong..." she stuttered as he slid a little closer to her. His shirt began to stick to his chest but she huddled into his arms all the same. He sat his chin on top of her head as she shook violently from the cries.

"C'mon, you gotta calm down. Tell me what happened," he said to her ear and pushed held her shoulders so he could get a good look at her.

She wiped the tears from under her eyes, but she had been crying so much that she had fallen into the cycle of not being able to keep her tears at bay. He took her by the shoulders once more and quickly dropped his head down to quickly capture her lips in a kiss. She was caught off guard, but responded and held the kiss in the heat of the moment.

Her cries began to weaken but the tears still rolled and she looked at him, into his blue eyes. They had so much question in them, but one thing was certain, he loved her and probably always would. Of course, she loved him too, even if she couldn't convey her love sometimes.

"It's just...I went to see Lucas today," she told him, watching his expression change as he got a worried look. "I went to talk to him and tell him that he needed to step up and help Peyton out, but he brought me into the conversation. He started bringing up our relationship and he'd been drinking. I know I should've backed off but we both started saying things we're gonna regret. I started yelling and told him I'd never forgive him and he said it doesn't matter that...we're...that we're not...friends," she talked through her sobs, but cried harder as everything hit down hard.

She felt her breath get caught in her throat and felt like her lungs were collapsing. Nathan gave her hand a reassuring squeeze while she used the back of her hands to dry her eyes again.

"Babe, you'll figure this thing out. I'll help you through this. You know I love you," he said as she wrapped her arms back around his neck. She pulled his head to hers for a kiss and pulled away as her heart beat faster and breathing was heavy. She knew right then that she was alive and had never felt more so in than when she was with Nathan Scott.

"I love you too and I just have no idea what I'd do without you," she said as a smile finally crossed her features and he smirked that he could put it on her face.

"Are your parents home?" he asked as thoughts filled his head of what he'd like to do to her right that moment.

"Nope!" she declared as he grabbed her hand and they ran through the rain to Haley's two story house. She jumped on his back and he jumped in puddles as she became drenched. She nibbled on the lobe of his ear all the while as he ran. Occasionally he turned his head back to steal a kiss and when Haley fumbled with the key to the door he was trying so hard to grab a kiss she couldn't see straight.

The door fell open from behind her as he messed with the key and they tumbled inside as he gently landed on top of her. They erupted into a fit of giggles, but that quickly came to a halt as he stood up and pinned her against the wall behind. Her shirt came up over her head as he held her hands above her head and they went up the stairs. They tumbled to the bed and his shirt had been discarded somewhere along the way. He swiftly unbuttoned the hip huggers she was wearing and rolled them down to her ankles while his other hand messed with the clasp of her Victoria's Secret bra. She quickly undid the belt around his jeans and pulled his Ralph Lauren's off his waist. He showered her with kisses as she giggled at the light touch she felt. His lips were graceful along her skin as she writhed underneath his ever- present touch. He quickly removed his wallet from inside his jean pocket and removed the condom he had stuffed in there last week after their little rendezvous on his trampoline in the backyard at his parents at midnight. She rolled over top of him and moved her hips to meet him in mid-motion. Pure pleasure rushed through them, and they realized they belonged together. This was right.

**Lucas walked back **towards Nathan's apartment not knowing whether Haley told Peyton or not. One way or another he needed to see her one last time. He needed to have her kiss one last time. Needed to feel her hands roam through his fuzzy hair. He loved her more than words, but he couldn't do it. _Could not._

_I made this bed, I choose to lie in it_

_Live with my regrets, sleep with what I said_

_Could this be the end, I'm standing on the edge_

_Of everything I wanted now_

_I was afraid, I was afraid_

_Maybe I'm just scared to face the things I fear_

_It's easier to walk away from everything_

He looked up at the sky and felt like he could've been invincible and then the reality hit him. He walked up the stairs to Nathan's apartment number and stared nervously at the door. His hand went up and his knuckles lightly hit, but not loud enough to give a knocking effect.

_Separate my soul, with all the things we shared_

_I'm falling to pieces now_

_Say a prayer for me, when you go to bed_

_I'm in need of your faith now_

_I was afraid_

_Maybe I'm just scared, to fact the things I fear_

_It's easier to walk away from everything_

_If we could just re-set, and live in happiness_

_Instead of our regrets, we would salvage everything_

_We don't have to walk away_

Instead Lucas looked through the window where he had recalled seeing Haley washing dishes once or twice before but instead he found Peyton huddled on the couch in the dark while Brooke was heating up some kind of food. He could hear Peyton's voice lightly coming through the outside window.

"God, I don't pray much but Lucas needs you. He needs to step up and be the man he's shown me before. I need him to stick around and I still love him. I know I'm supposed to hate him and all but I just feel like he needs guidance. He needs to figure himself out," she said softly. He was definitely in need of that. His heart pounded as he stood at the door again. He was thinking twice of his decision, but he knew it was final no matter what he was leaving.

_Pray for me now, I'm in need of faith_

_Pray for me now, I'm in need_

_Maybe I'm just scared to face the things I feared _

_It's easier to walk away from everything_

_If we could just re-set, and live in happiness_

_Instead of our regrets, we'd salvage everything_

His knuckles were turning white as he hit the door. Brooke had just yelled for Peyton to answer the door and he could hear the footsteps as his stomach churned and tied itself in knots. The door opened and her smile came but left before he could ever truly sense it.

"I need to talk to you," he said as the ice glazed over her warm eyes.

"Yea, I think you do -"she started, but was cute off by none other than Lucas' lips smashing into hers for a kiss. She needed to think clearly, but the world fogged as the door slammed shut behind them and she fell into his arms and responded easily. His tongue crashed into her mouth and she granted access. He carried her to her car where they resided in her backseat. Things were heated but he pushed away before he took advantage of her vulnerable state.

The look in his eyes let her know. She knew he wasn't staying and she desperately tried with all of her being to hate him. She wanted to slap him and let him know that she hated him but he leaned in and stole another kiss from her swollen lips and it always would leave her wanting more.

"Take me with you," she whispered into his ear, knowing he was leaving and she was beyond furious but couldn't even find the words to express what she felt. She was over words.

"I can't, baby. I want to. I love you," he replied, almost completely sober and not remembering much of what he had said to his best friend. "I'll always love you," he said softly as her eyes closed when he put his hand up to her cheek. She involuntarily leaned into his touch and he reveled in her beauty. _How he would miss these moments._

_Maybe I'm just scared, to face the things I failed_

_It's easier to walk away from everything_

_Walk away from everything_

_Walk away from everything_

I'M UNBELIEVABLY PROUD OF THIS CHAPTER AND I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I WORKED VERY HARD ON THIS SO I'D REALLY APPRECIATE ANY REVIEWS YOU CAN GIVE!!

**NEXT - Lucas and Peyton talk once more and get a little out of hand / Brooke comes to find Peyton / Naley fluff ( I love it too! ) / Jake comes to talk to Peyton / Lucas' decision / The gang finds out / Fight? / Drama, drama, drama...**

I loved the way this turned out and I tried so hard to make this right. The song used was _Good Charlotte - Walk Away (Maybe)_. I thought it truly fit what was going on. Next update is **_Beach Girls_** and after that look for **_Lost in the Past_**. **Will update soon!!!**


	15. Let her be your rock

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 15 - Let her be your rock **

**A/N - **So, when I update I like to go back and refresh the feeling I had when I wrote the last chapter. I just did so and I realize that was a damn emotional chapter and it was draining to write. I do absolutely love the way it turned out though, and I guess you have to be a writer to know what I mean by really loving some chapters. I'm going to strive for this one to turn out ok and I beg of all my readers **if you don't like the direction with Luke and Peyton it's for drama purposes. I've gotten a lot reviews for it to end Leyton so I'm going to work as hard as I can to make it believable. Please don't stop reading!** Here's chapter 14:

"Don't do this to me," she pleaded as he sat on the trunk of her black car.

He cast his eyes downward somberly before glancing at the blonde again. The only thing he couldn't get out of his mind was Dan. That man who had abandoned him and he was doing exactly what he promised he wouldn't. But in some weird, twisted way it made sense.

Again, the hating thing wasn't happening for Peyton. She was trying, but putting all of the images of being alone in her head were only making her sad. Every time she looked up and saw his chagrined face she realized it wasn't possible to hate him - hold a grudge, yes - hate him...no. In some weird, twisted way she would always love him.

"I'll come with you," she tried again, holding in the tears. She was trying to telepathically reach Brooke, trying to tell her to get her ass down there and tell Lucas the things she didn't have the heart to.

"Do you have any clue how much I want to hate you right now?" she questioned, finally getting his attention.

"Want to?" he asked softly.

"I can't. I'm trying with every part of me...every cell but I can't. I keep looking at you and I can't make it happen. But if I could I would. I would tell you all the things that would tear your heart apart but I can't make myself do it," she ranted, echoing her thoughts.

"I hate myself for this," he said slowly and she nearly had a heart attack.

"Then why the hell are you leaving me like this?" she retorted and this was the one question he didn't know if he could answer.

"Because I can't do it, Peyton. I can't be a father and I don't want to screw it up. I'm a bad guy...I cheated on Brooke and I think I just got in a fight with Haley and I've done too many other things...I need to be better for a baby. I need to make myself better," he said mournfully.

"That is some pretty twisted logic, Lucas Scott. I let you back in my life because I thought you were better than that. And here you are running out on me?! Ya know what I don't care if you leave...I'm really beginning not to," she lied, "but you...you've got to live with what you're doing to me. Every day you're gonna look back and think about me and this baby and I hope it eats at you. I hope you can't think about me without feeling like shit! So, you wanna leave now, go ahead! I really don't give a damn anymore," she replied strongly and he hung his head in defeat. He had hoped for something different but her words stung with truth. They cut through him like a knife and he jumped from the car and walked so he was right near her. She could feel his breath and her walls threatened to fall. Anyone around could say he was definitely invading personal space.

His lips lingered dangerously close to hers but she refused to give in. She was not going to be that girl anymore, though she wanted to be in his arms. She stepped an inch away from him and he was stepping closer until she against the wall. _'Damn it!'_ she cursed herself. He finally dropped his head, kissing her with everything he could, but she pushed him off after a minute of weakness.

"No, you're leaving. Go, Lucas. You can't have me without this baby...you want me you get the responsibility of a child too. We're a package now and I can't help it if you're irresponsible. I hope you feel guilty for this and when my due date comes and goes that you think of me and that you realize what you're missing out on," she was on a roll. Her tangent put a glazed look in his eyes but she couldn't find remorse.

"Please don't tell her bad things about me," he begged before she went to walk away.

"Her?"

"It's gonna be a girl, Peyton. I know it. She's gonna be just like you. Your smile and hair...I want her to be like you," he said gently and her tears came again.

"I won't," she said simply before a ranting and raving Brooke came to her rescue a little late. A frantic looking Brooke came running to the blonde and savagely wrapped her arms around her. Peyton would've silently thanked her a few minutes ago, but at the moment she felt too numb for anything.

"Are you ok?" Brooke whispered towards her ear. She nodded and Brooke turned towards the other blonde in front of her.

"What're you doing here?" she asked icily. He was taken aback by her rage, but expected it too.

"Just settling a few things with Peyton," he replied, all the while staring at the ground. Wishing he could crawl into a hole and die. The glare Brooke sent to him wasn't what was hurting him, it was the looks he wasn't getting from Peyton that hurt him the most.

"Well don't. She doesn't need to settle shit...you already made it perfectly clear that you weren't going to be around so what is there to settle? You need to rub it in her face?" she accused and he began to back away.

"I'll see you around, Peyton," the words echoed. She'd heard them before and it was an odd sensation but she felt like he wasn't leaving. He was just taking a trip but he'd be back. And for some weird reason she knew he would be.

* * *

**He stepped into** his car and sped off leaving a sullen Peyton with no tears left to cry and an expressionless Brooke who seemed very upset with herself for not getting to her friend sooner. Peyton pushed Brooke away from her side and the brunette seemed offended.

"I just need to be alone..." she insisted and it seemed more like Brooke had the hormones.

"Yea, so Haley can come to the rescue, right?" she asked, obviously hurt by the activities of the pregnancy tests.

"Oh, Brooke. I didn't mean for that to happen, ok? It's just we were so far apart when you stopped talking to me and I needed someone. Haley and I just kind of got close...I never meant for that to happen but you just didn't know what was going on my life. Haley knew about Lucas and I from the beginning, she was easier to talk to," Peyton concluded.

"That doesn't make it hurt any less," Brooke said sadly. _'How does it always twist to end up being about her?'_ Peyton asked herself, watching the brunette look distraught.

* * *

**Haley woke up **next to her boyfriend of quite a few months and felt a smile coming on. She suddenly jumped out of bed and gathered her clothes. Nathan was startled by the movement and he groggily opened his eyes. He found Haley sweeping around the room putting any clothes on that she could find.

"What're you doing?" he asked tiredly.

"I've gotta get back over to your apartment. I promised Peyton and Brooke that I'd be back," she said hurriedly. Stealing a glance at Nathan he looked perturbed, but he pushed himself from under the covers. "Aw, Nate I'll make it up to you...I promise," she told him, earnestly and he smirked. He grabbed her and pulled her backwards onto the bed again.

"I'll hold you to it, James," he said, smiling crossly.

"Yea, well how could I not follow through with that hot body," she retorted playfully and rolled her eyes at his ego inflation.

"I knew you'd come around," he responded cockily and she laughed sarcastically at his attitude.

"Yea right!" she announced running down the stairs, Nathan close behind. They landed on the couch together as he kissed her. She fell underneath him while they managed to become comfortable on the love seat.

"Do you really have to go?" he pleaded tugging at her bottom lip.

"Ugh, yea. Peyton needs me and I'm afraid of the outcome, knowing I left her with Brooke," she said with a sigh and scooted out from underneath his body weight.

"I'll miss you!" he yelled after her retreating figure. She got in the car and took off towards Nathan's apartment and back to reality. All she wanted to do was lie in bed with Nathan all day.

* * *

**Haley pulled up** to see Peyton huddled up on the front steps. Not crying, not sniffling, no red eyes but just sitting watching the street. She sat next to the blonde but Peyton didn't flinch.

"You ok?" Haley said, careful not to shake her out of her reverie.

"I dunno. Brooke freaked out at me and then she stormed off and left me here. The door was locked," she informed Haley. The brunette let out a huff at Brooke's childish attitude and went to open the door. "Wait, don't you even wanna know what happened?" Peyton asked subconsciously comparing her to Brooke and her nosiness

"Well, I mean I could probably guess why. I saw her face just as much as you on the day you took the pregnancy test. But, really...it's none of my business. That's between you two and if it doesn't involve me than what right do I have to be asking?" Haley conquered that question and smiled at her rational answer.

"You and Brooke really are total opposites," Peyton said with a chuckle.

Haley laughed along and opened the door, ushering Peyton inside. It was bugging the hell out of her to know why Brooke left and where Lucas was right now. It still made her want to cry at the thought of her former best friend, but she refused to dump her problems on Peyton.

"So, anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"Yea, you missed like a whole soap opera. Lucas came by," Haley shuddered involuntarily at his name, but was eager to hear what went down.

* * *

**Half an hour** later Haley and Peyton were cuddled up on the couch under blankets with ice cream and Peyton was filling the brunette in on all the recent events. Even Peyton was laughing along at how stupid everything had been, and it had been a long time since a genuine smile appeared.

"Is ice cream good for the baby?" Haley asked while stuffing in another spoon full.

"Probably not great for it but I know people who had cravings for ice cream. I'm kinda praying I get em too," she said with a smile full of chunky monkey. Ben & Jerry was a popular thing between the girls.

A knock at the door made them shuffle to throw the ice cream in the freezer and jump to the door. Peyton stood behind Haley and Jake was standing in front of them. She stole a quick glance to the girl behind her and Peyton waved him in.

"I guess you heard?" Peyton asked uncertainly.

"Yea, how are you?" he questioned sympathetically.

That was exactly what she didn't want though. She didn't want a million 'how are you's?' or sympathetic smiles that she got because she was doing it on her own. She refused to cry about it anymore and refused to play the 'I'm a pregnant teenager' card. But everything she didn't want or refused was happening anyway.

"I'm doing as well as can be expected right?" she asked, cracking a fake smile. He let out a small laugh towards her and sat on a chair in the kitchen. Haley busied herself in Nathan's bedroom.

"Not necessarily. Ya know Nikki said the same thing through her whole pregnancy but every night when I left I could hear her crying. It broke my heart that she wouldn't let me in...if it's not me Peyton please let someone in. Let them know that you're not ok and you need help," he said thoughtfully and she sat on the chair next to him. Where was she supposed to put that information?

"I don't know if I can," she said softly and he strained to hear her words.

"You have to. You need to put your inhibitions behind you and talk to someone. They know...they know you're not ok but no one wants to push you. No one wants to stand up and tell you that you can cry and it doesn't mean you're any weaker, you can scream and it doesn't make you any more afraid, you can tell someone and it doesn't make you any more vulnerable. Haley wants to help you...I can see it in her eyes. She's a good friend, don't let her go, Peyton. She loves you but she's not pressing you, she's hoping you come to her...show her that you need her. She'll be waiting," he said with a hidden insight to the situation.

"I know she is. Probably the best one I get. Considering Brooke stormed out on me because she's a little self-centered today. I love Haley to death and she's been there through this whole thing but I don't know how to do it."

"Just talk to her. She'll listen...she listened to me a while back about Jenny. I called her up right before Jenny was born because I didn't have anyone else to go to and she sat with me for 4 hours one night while I went on a tangent about my life. She would do anything for you so give her a chance. You're everyone else's rock...let her be yours," he told the girl in front of him.

* * *

**Meanwhile, Haley listened** to the whole conversation while she sat on the bed in Nathan's bedroom. It nearly brought her to tears listening to them discuss how much they needed her. In a matter of a year she had formed a tight circle of friends that she didn't think she'd ever have. And they loved her to death, vice versa. She did want to help Peyton more than anything but those damn walls she built always kept everyone away. It killed her.

"Thanks, Jake. You're a good friend too," she said, moving to hug him. He returned the hug and kissed her cheek before heading out. He winked and closed the door and she was left alone in the living room.

"Hales?" she called out to the girl.

"Yea, did he leave?" she asked, coming out of the bedroom. Peyton saw the mischievous look in her eyes and automatically knew she was listening.

"You were listening?" she accused with a glimmer of laughter.

"Maybe just a little," she replied motioning with her fingers, "but at least I know you love me!" she yelled running to hug Peyton. Peyton laughed again at her antics but hugged her nonetheless.

"You know I do," she retorted and Haley rolled her eyes.

"You trying to inflate my ego like Nathan?" she asked playfully.

"Always...where is he?"

"I left him at my house when I rushed out of there. We um...got a little caught up with things a while ago," she replied with a smile and a devilish look.

"You left your sex life behind to come back to me?! That's so sweet!" she said cheekily and Haley burst into laughter. Peyton collapsed back onto the couch laughing so hard she couldn't smile any bigger.

"Thanks," Peyton said abruptly.

"What?"

"For making me laugh. I needed that," she said wiping away tears from laughing.

"Anytime babe," she responded sweetly and Peyton smiled graciously at her friend.

* * *

**Nathan busted through** the front door and the girls fell into a fit of laughter again. He looked at them strangely and walked his cell phone over to the blonde.

"You need to make a doctor's appointment," he said protectively and she took the phone from him with question.

"Well, if you and my girlfriend are just going to sit around and eat ice cream and watch chick flicks while laughing all day then someone has gotta be responsible," he responded with mock seriousness. "And besides someone should accompany you to the appointments and I'd really like to help," he said earnestly. She was taken aback by his honesty and dialed the operator for an appointment.

Five minutes later she walked up to Nathan who was making himself a hot pocket in the microwave. His mouth seemed to be watering watching the time dwindle.

"You know they're crispier in the toaster oven," she told him smartly.

"Yea, and they also take an hour to do that. What happens when I'm hungry now?" he said annunciating each word.

"So, you really wanna go to the appointments?" she asked changing the subject.

"I'd like to. And you need to find somewhere to live that's closer to me...and Haley is around all the time so it's basically our house anyway," he said implying that she move.

"I don't have enough money."

"Your dad sends you money all the time. I remember. And when you and Brooke get over your fight she'll help, so will I, Haley, and Jake," he said purposely not mentioning his brother. "Actually we can look in this complex for ya and maybe you can find like a 3 bedroom place so Haley and Brooke have a place to crash too...I'm sure they'd like that one and you need the company," he said smirking and opening the microwave to inhale his ham and cheese hot pocket.

Peyton sat again and thought about everything. She was gonna need a job and find an apartment and talk to Brooke and get furniture. It was going to be a lot of work.

"Damn it!" he cursed, gulping a glass of water to help his burnt mouth. She laughed hysterically at his hurt look but he continued to talk. "It's gonna be a lot of work but we'll be here, Peyton," he said watching her drift into thoughts.

"I know," she said still staring straight ahead. "I guess I just wish he was still here."

WHAT DID YOU THINK? I REALLY LIKE IT AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE A STRONGER FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN HALEY AND PEYTON. SO TELL ME!

**NEXT - Haley talks to Brooke...uh oh / Peyton needs a job / Apartment shopping / First doctor's appointment / Talking to her father...not good at all! / Drama, drama, drama...**

Ok, so I like this one and I'm trying to bring out friendship. I know you may not be happy about Luke's decision but don't worry. **Tell me what you think should happen and I'll be considering it! Will update soon!!**


	16. Next month will be better

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 16 - Next month will be better**

**A/N - **So, I'm going to apologize for the story being on a brief hiatus but as the readers of my others stories have been informed, my computer has been experiencing some technical difficulties. So, for compensation of my lack of updates I'm gonna try to make these long and good. From the looks of my other 2 stories you like the updates so far, so keep the reviews coming...believe me they mean the world to me when I get them. Thank you all so much! Now, to quit my rambling, enjoy!

**The blonde sat **uncomfortably on the hard plastic of the table with the ten sizes too small gown tied tightly around her waist. Every time her weight shifted in even the slightest bit, a loud _crinkle_ was heard along with a cringing face. She hated...no despised...no scratch that, she loathed the doctor. Probably always would, they were the people who couldn't save her mom, the people who diagnosed her father with bipolar disorder and the people who were now going to completely confirm what she already knew - she was pregnant.

To add onto the hate list, they were the people who were going to suggest different options. The list comprised of abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. Three options and not one was going to turn back time and make her not think of that decision every day. Let's review these options once more...see how much each one was going to drastically change her life, _forever_. Abortion - well that was a no brainer for Peyton. She aborts the baby and very easily keeps her life, but goes through the rest of her life knowing she killed a part of herself and wondering every day what he/she would've looked like or what would've been. That left too many questions unanswered and too many regrets to live with. Next up, adoption - that also was immediately cut from the options. How could a mother do that? How could _she_ ever go on living knowing she had a part of her and Lucas living out there without her. Living with other people claiming to be his/her parents. That would also leave her questioning her life a little too much and regretting that she ever gave her baby up. This only leaves one choice, she was keeping the baby. It was going to be challenging and of course, it was an uphill battle but there was no alternative for Peyton Sawyer. This was going to be the only way of keeping her life remotely on track and not hating herself or regretting every past decision. This baby was the last piece of Lucas she would have left - she would fight for this link.

The doctor pushed the large door open to see a blonde, nervously looking around for any way out of the situation. He hated cases like this, she was only 16. No father or even her own father anywhere in sight. This was what killed him the most, knowing she would be alone for this. He silently shut the door behind him and pulled the clipboard off the table beside the girl. _'I wish I didn't have to do these things so often'_ he silently prayed. The young girl sat, chewing on her bottom lip. _Awkward_. Her name was neatly printed on the line of the sheet he held along with a phone number, address, and reason for being seen.

"Miss, I'm Doctor -" he began but was cut off by the door opening and shutting quickly. A young man, who he assumed was the same age, came rushing in, completely out of breath. He composed himself before pulling off a drenched basketball jersey and wiping his brow. _'The father?'_ he contemplated but never assumed things. He'd seen too many cases where that wasn't the case. Nevertheless, the girl's eyes lit up as the dark haired boy crossed the room and hugged her lightly, whispering something in her ear that made her chuckle softly. The young man turned to the doctor, offering his right hand, receiving a firm grip in return.

"Um, I'm Nathan Scott," he introduced and the doctor grinned admiringly of the boy.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Doctor Larter, may I ask a question?" Nathan nodded for him to continue. "What is your relation to Miss Sawyer? As in, father or anything other than that?"

"Oh, uh...I'm her...well, I'm not the father," he grinned sheepishly, "I'm the baby's uncle?"

"Ah, I see," he responded, jotting down this note before turning his attention back to the blonde. "Will he be assisting you for all of the appointments, and if so, will he be your birthing partner?"

Nathan quickly intervened before Peyton had the chance to respond, "Yes, I'll do all of that."

"Ok, then Mr. Scott. Why don't you have a seat on that table over there so I can get Peyton checked out and then shortly after we'll begin an ultrasound. Miss Sawyer, I'd like for you to just lay back on the table and we'll start your first appointment."

Cautiously, Peyton let her body weight fall back and she lightly placed herself onto the hard plastic of the table. She shivered at the cold but settled in as the doctor pulled out his stethoscope and began his exam. Nathan watched on, seeing Peyton's obvious discomfort and it was right then that he knew he couldn't be Lucas. He couldn't fill that void, but he was going to at least make her comfortable and happy while he had the chance. He quietly cursed his brother for leaving her like that...watching Peyton's sadness in her eyes while the doctor asked her to breathe deeply, it wasn't his place to be there. This was Lucas' baby...where was he now?

* * *

**Haley James stalked** to Brooke Davis' front door and pounded on the solid oak. The door creaked open to reveal a sad looking Brooke facing a scowling Haley._ 'Why am I always the messenger who does this talk thing?' _she asked herself but came to no avail as Brooke smiled weakly. 

"Tutor girl?" she said meekly, knowing she had screwed up. This talk was inevitable, so why hadn't she expected it?

"Brooke, don't play games. This is serious, ok? I'm not here to joke around...I'm here to ask you what the hell you're trying to do to Peyton?" she said devoid of any hint of laughter and Brooke's face formed a small frown. She pulled the door open wider, inviting her in and Haley followed her to the sofa in her living room. _Riding in Cars with Boys_ was on pause in her DVD player and it almost caused the shorter brunette to laugh at the irony.

"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know what happened earlier today, I pulled up and Peyton was left on the steps. She wasn't crying, she wasn't angry, she wasn't much of anything. You can't keep doing this to her," Haley began gently.

"I didn't mean for the fight to happen, Haley. Lucas showed up and she was talking to him when I finally found them outside. I'm not sure what was going through Peyton's mind but there was nothing on her face, she seemed almost content for a minute. So Lucas told me he was trying to settle some things with Peyton and I told him to leave. When he did, I expected some crying or something but she didn't do anything. She just stood there watching him leave and when I tried to help she just told me she needed to be alone. And, maybe I overreacted but I wanted to see her do something. Scream, cry, yell, or even laugh...just anything other than shutting me out. So, I dunno when she pushed me away I snapped. I was jealous and she tried to apologize but I didn't listen, I just left," she finished, looking sincerely sorry.

"Jealous of what?"

"You."

"Me?" Haley asked, startled with the answer she received. "Jealous of me? Why?"

"Why? You wanna know why?! Because when she called that night about the test I knew she called you first. When we got back to her house I could see the tension in the room between us...that's how thick it was. When you came into the bathroom she seemed so much lighter, like a weight was lifted. She used to do that when I was around. And when Lucas came to the door you both knew, you saw her face and knew, I could do that before. She let you in the bathroom and I could hear you laughing...you two are what we were. But you're more to her, you're the best friend she always tried to find in me," Brooke sobbed and Haley looked on wide eyed at the situation. Had she realized Brooke was being hurt like this - no. How could she? Brooke always had an icy exterior, never letting anyone in too close. The same as Peyton held up but she had broken that barrier - correction, Lucas broke that and Haley just wormed her way in while the door was open.

"Brooke, you're always gonna be her best friend. You two just weren't on the best of terms, and probably aren't right now but you can fix that. You know you can't press Peyton. She works on her own time, she'd tell you when she was ready but not before. We can't let her shut us out but we can't push either. She needs us both in different ways. She needs all the support she can get right now, don't push her away, not now. You're both pushing so hard that it's gonna be even harder to get back to where you were. Just be there for her when she needs you."

"Haley, you didn't see her when he left though. I know that look. She was refusing to cry which means she putting it all inside...you can't press but when it gets to this we've gotta push. There's no other choice. I refuse to let her shut down again," Brooke demanded and Haley nodded. "Where is she now?"

"She and Nathan are at her doctor's appointment. Nathan's trying to be all responsible, I just hope he doesn't hurt himself by putting so much on his shoulders," she told the other brunette, still digesting all of the information on Peyton. "Jake came by today for her."

"Yea? What'd he say?" Brooke questioned, suddenly intrigued.

"He was talking to her in the kitchen and I caught some of their conversation. I heard bits and pieces but what I heard was all him encouraging her to talk to one of us. He kept telling her to let someone in, let them know she needed help. He's good for her," Haley answered and Brooke smiled.

"She won't go for him, matchmaker," Brooke told her with a devilish gleam in her eye.

"No, she won't be going for anyone for a while. She's hurt, it's gonna be a long time before we see her back out in the dating field," Haley pointed out and Brooke agreed whole-heartedly.

* * *

**The cold gel** hit Peyton's stomach and she gritted her teeth to ease the chill. Nathan grabbed her hand and she smiled but he just nodded, he got her point. The screen was positioned next to her so she could see the image when it was made available. Dr. Larter had explained the whole process before hand so when he pulled out the small tool that was going to be used for the baby she was ready. He very gently placed the tool onto her stomach and made the motion of a circle. Minutes later an image was beginning to form and Nathan watched in awe. 

"Ok, this right here in the center is what the baby is right now. As you can see it's only about the size of a peanut...after all you're only about a month along. It's only about a half an inch but as you continue the check ups we'll watch the progress. The sex can't be determined at this point in time but in about a month or two we'll be able to tell you if you'd like to know. You wanna print this?"

Peyton was looking at the screen in disbelief. That was it....her baby was right on that screen. Something was growing inside of her. Nathan looked at the doctor and nodded for him to print the picture and took it as it finished. The amazement was overwhelming and she felt the tears prickling at the back of her eyes while she watched.

"Would you like to know what's going on?" they each nodded and he continued. "You said it's been about a month as in about 30 or possibly 40 days so we'll just estimate in that range. The heart has already formed and began to beat. Muscles are beginning to form as well as the beginning of arms and legs. In maybe 5 or 10 days we'll be able to discern the fingers, the eyes will begin to gain color and soon after that we'll be able to detect brain waves. Believe me, when you come back for your second appointment you'll really have something to look at," he remarked and Peyton was unwavering to the screen.

"So, it's healthy?" she questioned.

"As far as I can tell it's doing well. Progressing with a normal pregnancy. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

"Can I?" she asked incredulously and he handed the stethoscope over while she situated it around her head. He gently placed it against her stomach finding the spot where he thought she would be able to hear the most. He knew he'd hit something when her eyes grew wide and a few tears streaked her cheeks. She smiled from ear to ear and Nathan watched feeling a sense of pride. She looked over to the boy beside her and made a gesture for him to listen as well. The doctor nodded as Nathan placed them in his ears and strained to hear the faint beating. It took a bit for him to pick it up but he did and it moved him as well. He watched the small figure on the screen and listened, not believing this miracle. _'This has got to be the most amazing thing!'_ he told himself and handed the instrument back to the doctor as he shut off the machine and turned back to the two kids.

"So, that's pretty much all for this month. You can get changed and head out to the front desk to make the next appointment. If you liked this, you'll really enjoy next month. We'll be able to see a lot more," he exclaimed and Peyton quickly headed for the bathroom, picture in hand. "So, Mr. Scott that's your niece or nephew?"

"Yea...that was so cool," he commented and the doctor nodded. This was the part he took pride in, the younger ones always appreciated it more.

"If you accompany Miss Sawyer next month you'll be a little more surprised," he pointed out and Nathan nodded along.

"Are you her doctor now? Because I'd like for you to be."

"Yea, I have her records now so I hope to see you both next month. You'll have to enroll in breathing classes when the time comes and prepare her for the birth so make sure in this long term, Nathan."

"I definitely am! Is there like certain food she should have or something? I think she'll be staying with me and my girlfriend for a while so I'd like to know," he asked feeling like a child more now than ever.

"Yea, here's a small chart about it but you can look up more on the internet and there are pamphlets out in the lobby," he finished as Peyton walked out, clutching the picture. They waved their good byes and entered the parking lot before she spoke.

"You didn't have to do all that, Nate," she spoke, she didn't want him to feel like he had to be there. Didn't want to guilt trip him into all of it.

"I wanted to, Peyt. I'm gonna be there. I mean this is my nephew or neice and you're....well you're you. I want to help...besides I can't pass up doing that again! It was just so cool!" he explained enthusiastically and she laughed at his antics.

"Thank you." She pulled him into a hug and he held her tightly. She was the first person to ever get to see the sweet side of him, it only felt right for them to be so close. She was like a best friend to him now, he knew if Lucas had been in his position with Haley he'd have done the same.

"Wanna go show Haley and Brooke? I think Hales went to talk to her," he informed the blonde and she cringed eliciting a laugh from him. "That's bad huh?"

"Definitely...we should get over there," Peyton answered and they pulled out of the parking lot.

* * *

– "**I think sometimes you love someone so much, you have to be numb to it...because if you actually felt how much you loved them, it would kill you"** -- 

Peyton stepped through Brooke's front door and found those words greeting her ears. She nearly fell to the floor right there. Gee, did that hit home. She quickly pulled it together and found her closest friends in a trance to the movie in front of them. Haley noticed her first and jumped from the couch to find out how everything had gone. Brooke quickly followed suit.

"How'd it go?!" Haley whined and Peyton giggled while digging the picture from her pocket.

"Well, there's not much there yet. But that little dot, right there, is my baby!" she beamed. The girls also looked on and recognized something special. "Next month'll be better but I got to listen to the heartbeat," she concluded with tears and both girls looked up to see the emotion.

Each pulled her into a hug and Nathan stepped back from the moment. He felt like he was intruding on the bonding or something. It was right about now he wished his brother hadn't left. After the small moment was gone Haley pulled away and walked over to her husband.

"How was it?" she asked sincerely.

"It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen, Hales. I listened to it's heart and watched the picture. It was just...a miracle, that's what it was. A miracle," he answered and she got teary eyed listening to him. She pulled him down to meet her in a light, quick kiss and he smirked. "But then again I just witnessed two miracles in the same day," he responded cockily.

"You are the king of corny!" she giggled while he tickled her sides.

"Well, then Mrs. Scott you can be the queen," he retorted and kissed her again.

"Ok! Enough with the make-out session. Besides, we've got better things to do. I've got the newspaper and the car keys...let's go," Brooke pointed out and strutted to the door.

"Where and why do we need the newspaper?"

"Ya know, for being Tutor Girl you need to brush up on your common sense. We're going back to your apartment to see who we can kick out for goldilocks to move in and the newspaper is so we can find her a job. Duh!"

"Right," Haley replied and Peyton just laughed. "We're still gonna have a talk, you know that right? Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're getting off on the famous Haley lecture and teary eyed information columns. People would pay for the Ask Haley but I'll let you have it because I'm your friend," Haley whispered to the blonde and Peyton smiled but nodded.

"Yea, I'm sure someone would spare a penny to shut you up!" Peyton retorted setting Haley and herself into giggles.

"Ok, cut the crap. I'm serious, Peyt. I'm worried about you...just promise one night we're gonna talk about all this. I don't wanna see you shut yourself down. I care about you," she commented sincerely and Peyton pulled the shorter girl a little closer, half hugging her. Haley knew she understood.

"Hey, Brooke, before we go to the apartment can we stop at Peyton's place?" Nathan asked, and Peyton put her head up upon hearing her name.

"Why?"

"I figure I'll head over to Tim's...maybe stay over there tonight. You three can hang out at my place and do your whole girly thing. We can grab Peyton's stuff on the way and then we'll do the whole apartment scouting thing plus the jobs and then I'll get out of your way," he sacrificed for his wife and Peyton and they smiled graciously at him.

"That's really sweet, babe," Haley said from behind him and he chuckled at her shocked face.

"I'm a nice guy, Hales," he returned and she smacked him in the arm.

"You wrecked 've left it alone but nope had to be all cocky." He pulled out the puppy dog face but she turned her head, Peyton laughed, running ahead to catch up with her single friend. Haley gave him the cold shoulder but he threw her over his shoulder and spun in a circle.

"Nathan! I'm gonna puke!" she yelled as he continued to spin. When he sat her down she nearly fell over but he caught her and pulled her in for a small kiss. They jumped into two cars and headed to Peyton's.

* * *

**She pushed the **door open and trudged up the stairs to her room to find a letter. Lucas' handwriting had neatly scrawled her name across the front of the folded paper. She stuffed the small square into her jean pocket before they followed and grabbed a duffle bag from the corner. Throwing the essentials in she finished and ran downstairs to find Haley and Brooke ransacking her cabinets. 

"What do you eat in here?!" Brooke yelled at the lack of food.

"I'm not here much," Peyton retorted sticking her tongue out at the brunette.

"C'mon guys! You take forever," Nathan droned before picking up Peyton's bags and loading them into his car.

"I see chivalry isn't dead," Peyton remarked lamely at Nathan's gesture and he just laughed, walking into the cramped kitchen.

"We're done now!" Brooke exclaimed, heading out the door with chocolate. Peyton saw the food and discovered that it was her last piece.

"That's mine!"

Nathan followed suit into the living room, finding Peyton, Brooke, and Haley stopped dead in their tracks with the front door wide open. He leaned to see the figure but couldn't make it out from his position.

"Papa Peyton?" Brooke asked wearily.

"Dad?"

He looked on at the four disapprovingly. He knew something was wrong. He could sense it the minute he opened the door.

**So, looks like we have even more drama approaching. lol. Ok, this is by far one of my fave chapters and I just love the way it turned out. Much better than what I expected of it.** **Please, please, please tell me what you thought of it. I worked for hours to get it right.**

**NEXT - Peyton and her father talk...definitely not good (looks like Peyton's in this one alone) / Peyton goes job and apartment shopping...if she's up for it / the girls sleepover and helping Peyton / what's the letter say? / A Haley & Peyton talk coming up...gotta have Haley communicate with everyone lol / The next appointment / Drama, drama, drama...**

**All baby information was found on the internet. It's all accurate, because I don't want to have a false doctor. Peyton's about a month along now so I'm working on 30 days about. Thanks for taking the time to review and tell me your thoughts on it! This is a long one for me so please tell me what you thought. Will update soon!!**


	17. I ain't goin down

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 17 - I ain't goin' down**

**A/N - **Now, I didn't expect to update this soon but I'm bored and this is quickly becoming my second favorite to write. If you guessed my first was Lost in the Past then you're right! It's a piece of my first story, so it's like my pride and joy! lol...I'm a dork. Anyway, you guys have said you want to see some Luke/Peyton interaction along the way, so I've decided to try to incorporate that. Not sure where it'll come in but I know Lucas will be back somewhere...don't worry about that ;-). Heh. Sorry to babble...enjoy!

'_**Is it possible **for everything to freeze at one moment in time?'_ she questioned herself but came to no sure answer. Her father stared into the house, piercing her and she quickly went from sixteen to six. Words could not express how much she loved her father, he was all she had left. The only link she had to any real family - besides the baby. He was her world and he was going to hate her. That information tore at her heart.

"Peyton, Brooke, Nathan..."

"This is Haley, dad," Peyton introduced and he nodded, sparing a wave for the brunette. She smiled.

"So, what're you guys up to? I don't know if I like the look on your faces," he commented and her hands shook at his words. It wasn't healthy to feel like this.

"You're gonna wanna sit down."

"Peyton, this doesn't sound good," he made a remark and she felt like crawling into a hole and never coming back. How did it get so bad?

"Um, daddy. I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just gonna spit it out. I'm...well....see, the thing is..." she trailed off lamely, not having the heart to tell her father.

"Spit it out!"

"I'm pregnant," she muttered but he caught every word. She looked up to find an enraged face and she wasn't sure what to make of him. Gulping, she took a small step back, pushing the tears farther inside herself.

"What?!"

"I'm pregnant, daddy. I didn't mean it...things just kinda happened," she replied timidly. He stood up and she found him about a centimeter from her face. His own face was beat red and he boiled over with anger.

"Things like that don't just happen! There are two people involved! You let it happen! How dare you?!" he screamed and she pulled herself back another step, closing her eyes for a brief moment. It wasn't a dream though...or a nightmare.

"Daddy, don't yell. I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. You can do this however you want. I don't really care...from this moment on you're on your own, I'll send you two hundred every two months, so have fun. I won't be paying for the house either. Welcome to the real world!" he roared and went stomping towards the door.

"Daddy, don't leave me! Please don't go, you're all I have left," she pleaded with him and for a moment he looked like there was some remorse but it was quickly erased as he slammed the door behind him. The door was flung open again by Brooke who was in an angry rage out towards Larry Sawyer.

"How can you do that?! Huh?"

"What? Brooke, I don't have time for this, I have to get back," he replied still pushing his suitcase into his trunk. Not paying much attention to the brunette.

"You will have the damn time. That's your daughter in there. You're only child and you're leaving her like this?! She's all you have left too and you are an asshole if you can do that to your little girl," she growled but he still paid only a speck of attention to what was coming out of her mouth.

"She's a whore," he responded, as though she were a girl off the streets. He felt a hand smack his cheek. _Smack!_ He lifted his own hand to cover the red mark.

"You're a jerk! I used to admire you, think of you as a father to me. I don't believe I was that stupid. Just leave! She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, and you sure as hell don't deserve someone like her," she told the older man and huffed her way back to the door and into the house. Minutes later, he was gone.

* * *

– _I'm gonna hold on - 'cause what I believe in is so strong, no matter how long, no one can tell me I'm wrong - I ain't goin' down. – _

**Peyton quietly sat** on the couch. She didn't move, had no emotion crossing her features, not a word. Haley and Nathan still stood in their previous positions, not breaking the silence. Brooke pushed the door forward and stood in the frame. She looked at the three in the room and became worried. Obviously, Peyton hadn't done anything. She was shutting the world out.

"I believe in this, ya know? No matter who thinks what...I'm keeping this baby and I'm getting a job and apartment. I'll be ok," she said softly but they all heard her words. Brooke wanted so badly to smile at the optimism, but that would just contradict things. Peyton wasn't ok, wasn't going to be until it was out in the open.

The four kids walked up the stairs to Nathan's complex. Only a few words had entered the air around them since they left. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't awkward. It was just a silence, nearly deafening. Nathan and Brooke had opted to go look for apartments. Leaving Haley behind to stay with the broken girl.

"So, Nate, do you think there's anything open?"

"I dunno. I don't normally take day trips around the complex," he returned sarcastically and she snorted at his answer.

Only about 2 doors down, boxes were scattered around the doorway along with lamps and old end tables. The two brunettes were intrigued and headed towards the open door. Nathan peeked his head inside, looking for a visible sign of a human and when a man came trotting through the hallway, a light bulb went off.

"Hey! Excuse me, sir. Could you come here for a second?" Nathan called out, getting the small man's attention. He walked over and extended a hand which Nathan took firmly before making his request known.

"I'm Nathan Scott. I live about two doors down and I was just wondering what was going on...keeping up with the complex news," he remarked lamely and the man smiled.

"Hello, Nathan. I'm Jason Marx. It's nice to meet you. Me and my wife are in the process of moving because our second baby is due in about two months and this place isn't big enough for all of us. Getting rid of some things here and there."

"Oh really. How big is this place...like how many rooms and those kinds of things?"

"It's 2 bedrooms, but we're leaving our pull out couch, one full bathroom, a fairly big kitchen, this is actually probably one of the bigger ones in the complex, you interested?" he questioned the young boy.

"Actually, a friend of mine is looking for a place. Are these the things you're getting rid of?" he pointed the boxes and tables and lamps. The older man nodded and Nathan grinned at his brilliantness. Though brilliantness may not be a word he was still pleased.

"You can move in as soon as you want, we've already got our other house...just finishing up around here. Just talk to the landlord I guess," he pointed out and Nathan was just in pure joy. He and Brooke walked away and headed back to his place.

"Guess karma really hits you in the ass sometimes?" Brooke said with a smile and Nathan laughed.

"I'd say so. Peyton deserves something good."

* * *

– _I had a baby at sixteen - daddy never did forgive me, I never heard from that guy again –_

**They opened the **door to his apartment and found Haley looking distraught by the bathroom door. She was in tears and her hair was tousled all over her head. She was pounding on the door, screaming for a way in.

"Haley, Hales what's wrong?"

"She won't come out. God, she's been in there for so long. I don't know if something's wrong. Get her, Nathan," she begged and he rammed his shoulder into the bathroom door and nearly fell into the toilet. He stepped closer to the shower to find a soaked Peyton laying in freezing water. She just sat there, as though nothing was any different.

"What're you doing?! Peyton, come on. We've gotta get you dry," he said gently but she didn't make a move. Brooke returned with a towel and Nathan pulled her out of the water and onto the bathroom floor. Haley wrapped the towel around her, making sure she stayed warm enough. Nathan sat next to her, rubbing her shoulders for the heat.

**Nothing could be** a comfort now. Nothing. Peyton was alone in the world - nobody wanted her. Her own father couldn't even look her in the eye. Wasn't she better off dead? What difference would it make, but when Nathan pulled that baby picture from his pocket after she was dry and in some sweats, she knew she couldn't give up. She was living for someone else now. There was no other option.

The two girls and Nathan were sitting in the kitchen, discussing something over pizza. How she wished she had an appetite. Her stomach growled but she wasn't hungry. Haley and Brooke would make her eat something later though. The letter he left was now in the pocket of the sweat pants after she made the switch. She quietly adjusted herself on the couch so it could be read without being discovered and opened to find about a half of page of writing and money.

_Dear Peyton,_

_I'm not sure why I'm leaving this, or what to say. Hell, I don't even know if you're gonna read it. But if you are reading this, I want to tell you this. The first day I really got a glimpse of you was back in the very beginning of sophomore year. Of course, I'd seen you before but that was the first time I had ever really looked at you and I knew right there that I could love you forever, nothing would change that. And, I need you to know now, that I still do love you. No matter what you think, and I know you think I'm leaving you because I don't love you but that's not it. That will never be the reason. I have loved you from day one, but there is no way that I could stay. I'm a screw up, this baby deserves someone who can be there night and day. Someone who can support you guys and not regret his whole life. I can't help another life without really loving myself first. Without being ok with who I am. Well, that's the stage I'm at right now. I regret every decision I've made besides loving you and creating this life inside of you. Never regret that. I'm going to get a better education, I'm going to get a better job, I'm going to be a better man, these things I promise you. I can also guarantee you something else, I'll be back for you, I'll be around and watching you when you don't expect me and I will love you and this baby for the rest of my life. Don't shut me out, I know it's a lot to ask but maybe if you could ever find it in your heart to send me a picture or something. Tell her good things about me, tell her that her daddy will be back and he loves her more than anything. Don't tell her how I've failed you or disappointed you. Tell her I love her and that she'll see me someday. Don't be afraid to move on, I want to see you smile. So, if some other guy comes along don't let him go...I'm not asking you to wait for me. That would be selfish. I'll always be there Peyton. Here's money for you for food or clothes or baby clothes, I'll send you as much as you need. Don't ever be afraid to ask me. I love you, Peyton. Always. Tell that to our baby girl - she's gonna be just as beautiful as you, I can tell. I'll be seeing you, Peyton._

_Love always, _

_Lucas_

He'd be around. He'd check up on her. He promised. How could she believe that? He had left...she would not write to him. Not dare. Maybe one picture, or something but she refused to keep in touch with the man that had left her. She didn't need him, she didn't need anyone. Except for maybe Haley, Brooke, and Nathan. Maybe. She was startled by the door closing and the girls getting up to sit on the couch beside her. She quickly stuffed the letter into her pocket again and the money in with it. Five hundred dollars he had supplied her with. Enough to maybe put a down payment on the apartment if she got it.

"So, Peyton..."

"Yea, Brooke?"

Brooke just shrugged at her friend and smiled. Peyton rolled her eyes, not really bothering to ask Brooke what might've been on her mind. They weren't exactly completely ok again, never really talking about what had gone wrong between them. The stillness of the air caused Peyton to walk through the front door and the girls to follow her. Dark had descended upon them, so had a bit of cold air but Peyton enjoyed it. Brooke was in a tank top, and she put a hand in front of Haley to stop her for a moment.

"This is hurting me more than you will ever know to ask you to do this. But she won't talk to me, even if I were to pin her against that car and ask her, she wouldn't tell me the full truth. It's different with you, Haley. I know she'll tell you and this is a major sacrifice for me but if it's not you it won't be anyone. I need you to go down there and talk to her, without me. I can't have her bottling it in, it's not good for her. She'll hurt herself even more than she already has. The stress won't be good for the baby. Please, just talk to her," Brooke pleaded as tears fell down her cheeks, not fading her in the least.

Haley nodded, quickly hugging Brooke and watching her turn and walk inside. _'That's a best friend. Someone who would sacrifice her own friendship to help her,'_ Haley thought and walked briskly down to the car Peyton was seated upon.

* * *

– _I had to drop out of high school - everyone treated me so cruel, but I didn't give in and give her away --_

"Hey," Peyton said, watching the petite brunette make her way to where she was sitting.

"Peyton," Haley replied sadly, watching everything play through the blonde's eyes.

"Haley, don't start, ok? I'm tired of it. Sick and tired of all this crap everyone's giving me. They're all sympathetic at first but I know how it's gonna be. All those looks, I'm gonna have to leave school. It's not gonna be all sad smiles, it's gonna be talking behind my back, people who are dead quiet when they see me, but I'm not gonna give them that satisfaction. I'm not giving in, I'm keeping my baby. Nobody's gonna change that, not them, not the doctors, not any of you, not Lucas, not my dad, not anyone on this whole damn world is gonna make me give my baby away. No matter how hard this is going to be, and believe me I know it will be, but no matter how hard, the minute I looked at that picture today, I knew. I know that when she's born, it'll all pay off. Watching her grow and take her first steps, that's gonna pay off. Watching her smile, that will be how I know it was all worthwhile, all the pain, all of it," Peyton shouted, empowering herself an Haley. A huge smile spread across Haley's face and she knew she would be ok.

Though none of those words, resolved the underlying issues with her father. Didn't make anything about Lucas leaving ok. This was what was going to eat away at her at night. This was what Haley had to get to the bottom of before going back inside and just having fun. _'Friendship isn't always about fun, it's about getting through the hard times to get to the fun times, having a shoulder to cry on when things were rough and a head to hit with a pillow when things were better. That's friendship'_ Haley told herself.

"What? You're still gonna sit here and lecture me, aren't you?" Peyton questioned and Haley nodded. "Because Brooke asked you to?" Peyton concluded.

"No, I mean, when we were coming down here she asked me to talk to you, but that's not the whole reason. I'm worried, Peyt. You've become a best friend to me...and to see you just shut us all out, not talk to us about anything. I don't know how many times we're gonna have these talks but when something major happens you don't cry or yell or do much of anything. You just sit there as though nothing happened at all, you can't do that. Not anymore, you can't keep it all in and get so stressed out, you have a baby to think about now," Haley responded and Peyton nodded this time. "So you don't have to talk to me if you don't want, I mean there are a million other people but you need to talk to Brooke or Nathan or someone soon...I refuse to make you talk to me if you don't want to, ya know? I hate when people force you to talk to them. I don't even expect you to want to talk to me of all people so just talk to someone, please." Haley began to walk back towards the apartment.

"Wait," Peyton said faintly causing Haley to turn. "I don't want to talk to Nathan or Brooke or Jake...I wanna talk to you, Haley. You're the first girl I've known that actually listens to me, I'd rather talk to you." Haley was beyond shocked, of all people she hadn't expected Peyton to pick her. The brunette walked back towards the car and sat on the hood next to Peyton. It was chilly out, the kind of night that you could see your breath but it was a refreshing feeling.

"Me? I guess...I didn't really expect you to pick me."

"Well, a few months ago I probably wouldn't have but you...you've helped me so much in these past few months. I don't know what I would've done without you. So, if I have to do this whole talk thing, it might as well be you that's gotta hear it," she returned, nudging Haley's shoulder with her own. Haley let out a small laugh before she nodded to Peyton for her to continue.

After a beat of silence, Haley spoke, "So what's going on with you?"

"The truth?" she received a nod and went on, "the truth is...I don't know. I just - I have no clue what's going on. Everything's so screwed up right now - look at me. I'm a mess, Haley. Lucas left me to become this better man and leaves me a letter with a load of bullshit about him coming back and you have no idea how much I want to believe him. The same way he always believed in me, but he promised. God damn it, he promised he wouldn't leave me and now look. So, would it be so wrong if I don't believe him now?!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks and Haley watched in shock. Peyton was in rare form, Haley made no move for fear of stopping her tangent.

"And then on top of it all, my dad, my father has the nerve to leave me like I was a piece of dirt. Like he didn't create me or take care of me. What an asshole! Guys are all assholes! And the irony was that at one point I thought that Nate was the ass and that Lucas and my dad were the only ones I could trust. Ya know, why me?! Why does He put all of this on me? What did I do to deserve it? I must've really fucked someone over in a past life to get all of this. What happened to that saying...God doesn't give you more than you can handle or something. Well, he obviously has it equally spread out for the rest of the world and just figured the extra stuff would be fine on my shoulders. Well, guess what? It's not! God, I'm just so...lost right now," devastated she collapsed to asphalt below her and brought her hands up to cover her eyes. She shook violently and the loud sobs permeated through her hand barrier. The wind blew, causing Haley to wrap her hands tighter around herself as she slid down beside the blonde.

"I just feel so alone," she sobbed and Haley sat closer, nudging her lightly. Still shaking, she looked up at the brunette, expectantly.

"You're never alone. Ever. Me, Nate, Brooke, Jake...even Karen or Deb. We're all here for you, so you'll never be alone," she said softly.

"But that's the way it is, isn't it? It's the times when you have the most people around you who are trying to be there for you that you've never felt more alone in your life," Haley responded to her own question and Peyton looked up, surprised. Her face, full of question searching for an answer from the girl beside her.

"Believe me, Peyt. We've all had our share of hard times. Yours just seem to surpass everyone else. It's ok to cry and feel alone and be upset...it's nothing to be ashamed of. So, pick your head up and we'll go inside, have some ice cream, watch some movies or something, and then just be kids. This is the last chance you've got," Haley pointed out making Peyton feel a little more insecure about the baby.

* * *

**Haley stood to** walk away and was only a few steps towards the stairs before she heard Peyton calling. She turned to see the blonde dusting herself off and walking towards herself.

"Thanks," she said gently and Haley pulled her into a loose hug and Peyton found the comfort in it. She held on for dear life, clinging to the people who kept her grounded. Haley got somewhat teary eyed at the gesture and had to wipe her eyes to prevent the make-up from running.

"I'm not your friend because I have to be or I feel sorry for you...I'm your friend because I want to be, you know that right?" Peyton nodded and they linked arms headed and headed to the apartment. They pushed the door open to find Brooke sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream in tears.

"A Walk to Remember," Haley and Peyton said in unison when theysaw the site. Brooke turned to look at them and laughed at their faces.

"Shut up, you guys!" she retorted and stood to meet them in the kitchen. Peyton shifted her weight from foot to foot with her arms crossed and Brooke noticed.

"What crawled up your ass, blondie?"

"You ate my ice cream...you're so dead!" she yelled, chasing Brooke out into the parking lot, where freezing rain was beginning to pour. Brooke looked back towards the blonde, not watching her steps, and tripped into a pot hole. She fell over sideways into the muddy grass with a scream. Haley ran outside after the two girls, in time to see Brooke collapse. Peyton fell to the floor herself, laughing like a maniac at her friend.

"Eww!!" Brooke drawled, whining at the current condition. Haley walked over to her, unable to stifle her own laughter and sat down only a few feet from both girls. The brunette slowly lifted herself from the mud and wiped the slop from her arm. She picked up a mud pie with a devilish gleam in her eye and chucked it at Peyton.

"OH MY GOD! I do not believe you just did that!" Peyton screamed and pushed Brooke back down into the mud. They flung mud for only a few more seconds before making eye contact and each cracking a smile. The blonde and brunette each took up another pile of mud into their hands and turned to look at the girl resting on the street.

"No! N-n-noooo!" Haley resisted but neither girl heeded to her warnings. Brooke took the mud and smeared it all over Haley's face and Peyton got her hair. "You guys are so freaking gross!" she whined and they laughed. Another ten minutes in the rain left them all soaked to the bone and sitting on the apartment steps.

"I don't believe we're locked out," Brooke huffed and Haley smiled knowingly at Peyton.

"Yes, but who cares about that. My husband is currently at Tim's who may not be the coolest person but may just have a nice big house with a heated pool and no parents. I say we go crash their party!" Haley proclaimed and Peyton high-fived her. Brooke, who also knew of Tim's pool, was smiling like a kid at Christmas.

"It's only heated though right, Peyton can't do hot tubs with the baby," the brunette said lightly and Peyton, who was very emotional, felt tears again. Brooke looked over to the blonde and winked, "I've been reading up on this stuff. It's pretty interesting if you ask me...thought I'd keep an eye on your habits, P. Sawyer."

**Ok, so this one isn't too bad in my book. Not necessarily one of my faves but still I think the outcome was pretty good. I also think the little talk came out in the spirit I wanted from it. I hope you all enjoyed and I apologize for the weird chapter stuff and double posting. **

**NEXT - Brooke, Haley, and Peyton crash the boys little par-tay...maybe drama there - tell me what you want! / next doctor appointment / a new letter from Lucas? / going back to school (rumors) / Peyton's job / Lucas coming around? / Is he watching...does anyone see him? / A little Jake and Brooke stuff too / Drama, drama, drama...**

**Tell me what you thought of this chapter...the ending was just a little fun and all. The song that kinda separated scenes was _I Ain't Goin Down _by Shania Twain. Also, if you want some Naley drama to shake things up tell me or if you wanna see anything else. Will update soon!!!**


	18. I Miss You Now

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 18 - I Miss You Now**

**A/N - **I'm starting this chapter with absolutely no clue as to where I want it to go or what I want to happen. I know I wanna deal with a new doctor's appointment and maybe focus on some of Lucas' pain throughout this. I think the girls are all talked out but if you request a moment between two characters I'll squeeze it in. Remember, I'm writing this for you, reviewers. I also want to focus on a little Brooke/Jake dynamic. If you noticed in the last chapter Haley brought up Jake seeing Peyton. Jake and Brooke were together a few chapters back, so we'll catch up with that storyline. I kinda forgot about it for a little while. So, here we go, tell me if it came out ok. Enjoy ;-)

**The sun was **just dropping in the horizon when the girls walked into Tim's backyard. Brooke took in a deep breath of the outside air before looking at the three boys sitting there. It didn't look right without Lucas' presence. It looked like a piece was missing, the blonde, brooding, tall structured boy was not sitting, deep in thought next to his brother. Something was wrong with the picture and it made Peyton want to run, run far enough away so no one would come looking, run right into his arms.

"Hey boys!" Brooke's charade of a happy exterior was fading fast in front of the audience.

No one really made any motion to move, though Tim cracked a small smile at the brunette's attempt. Nevertheless, it didn't make the mood any lighter, somehow, it only seemed to drown even more in the depressing night. Peyton flopped herself onto one of the tainted lounge chairs that lay solemnly in the backyard. Haley wedged herself on the edge of Peyton's seat after being offered. Brooke still paced, scouring the area, noticing that the disappearance of their friend put quite a damper on the night.

"What're you guys doing here?" Tim questioned, looking from girl to girl. Wondering where their girl night had gone, Nathan perked his head up but Jake's eyes remained on the floor. Never once making a move to look at the perky brunette.

"Well, we were outside, but locked ourselves out," she explained, and then she noticed the brown haired boy had made no attempt to look at her, let alone talk to her. "Whatsa matter, Jake? Can't even look at me? Can't even ask how I'm doing?" she asked, bitterly.

He looked up, with remorse and rage filling the wells of his eyes. He shook his head as a stern look crossed his mouth. He had no intention of replying, or ruining things even more in the wreckage of their broken relationship.

"I get it, I'm not good enough?" she returned, noticing his quietness. That was all she said, all she needed to say before he jumped from up, his chair slamming to the floor at his abruptness.

"You make me sick," he spat before turning on his heel and stalking his way into Tim's house.

The rest of spectators watched on quietly, wide eyed at the situation. Granted, they all knew about the break up that ended things between them, all things - not even a friendship was salvaged from the debris of tears and broken hearts.

"I make you sick?!" she called after him, as he slammed the oak door behind him. Not even a glance back at the teary eyed brunette. "I make him sick, did you hear that? _I _make _him_ sick," she said in a monotone voice.

Haley and Peyton were curious, Brooke had never revealed any details about their break up, only a few stray tears, and even then they were far and few between. That was very unlike Brooke, the girls knew something big had happened, they knew Jake truly meant something to their friend. Brooke had always been the one to throw details of her relationships out into the wind, but with Jake she always had a smile and was always tight lipped.

"Brooke, go after him," Nathan said, interrupting the staring match the three girls had.

They had been looking at one another for what seemed like years, seeming as though any information could transfer from mind to mind...if only that were the case.

"How bout you stay out of it, Nate. You don't know –"

"_Jenny, c'mere Daddy's got you. Shhh, don't cry, baby," he cooed to the small girl in his arms._

The monitor he had carried with him remained in it's position on the table. The events of the bedroom played through it, Brooke listened, tears welling up quickly. It was those moments she missed the most, the ones where she felt like she really had a family, people who really cared about her.

Peyton quickly stood, gathering Brooke into her arms, holding her tightly while she let the tears pour out of her eyes. The two boys sat, watching the moment, feeling uncomfortable and Haley watched, sympathetically. The blonde walked over the long lounge chair where she had been sitting only minutes ago, still keeping Brooke wrapped safely in her arms. She looked over to Haley, motioning for her to slide over. Haley did so, also leaning over and holding Brooke while she cried.

* * *

**The young teenage** father looked through the window, watching his ex cry into the arms of her two best friends. Never in his life had he pictured being with Brooke, not to say that he hadn't liked her before. Yet, still he hadn't pictured it, he hadn't pictured what a great mom she was to Jenny, pictured how much of an improvement she'd make on his life. Now, watching her cry, he never pictured wanting to go down there and hold her, make her know that he loved her with his whole heart.

Minutes later, he watched her stand and make her way towards the door that he had previously slammed in her face. He eyeballed the door of the room he was in, awaiting her entrance. When her figure finally came into view he set Jenny back into the small portable crib he brought, and closed the door behind him. Meeting her halfway and standing awkwardly in front of her. Letting his head fall, as he saw the puffy, swollen eyes that she sported - upset that he was the cause of her pain. The white sneakers he wore became his interest and she stood, only about two inches shorter than him, watching him stare.

"Do you want to talk to me?" he asked softly, not expecting anything in response and when her answer came, it startled him.

"No...when I walked up here I didn't plan to. I planned to yell at you, tell you off..." she trailed, leaving her sentence floating in the stale air of the house.

"And now?"

"Now, I wanna talk. I just don't know why, or if it's going to make anything better."

"Can we try?" he asked shyly. A light smile graced her steel features, disappearing as quickly as it had come. He lifted his head to watch her expressions, he had always loved doing so when she slept. She was such an animated person, with a heart of gold that no one had gotten to see - no one but him.

"Yea," she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. "Yea, we can try," she repeated and they made their way into another empty bedroom. Ready to deal with problems that had plagued their hearts for months, making them hold, desperately to the memories of what they once were.

* * *

– '_I feel numb, wanna hold you' – _

**Seeing her friend** in the pain that she had just recently experienced tore at the fresh wounds. The letter still lay in her wet pocket as did the money. She lifted her eyes to see Nathan fiddling with his hands. Looking like he was hiding something that he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to bring up.

"You hiding something, Nate?" she questioned suspiciously, letting a goofy smile slip through. He chuckled, though he was nervous.

"Well..."

"Well what? You're actually hiding something?" she asked, surprised at his secrecy.

Shortly after their relationship ended they had made an agreement - they were going to be friends and they were going to be honest with each other. And up until that point in time they had each held up their end of the deal. She could only guess that's why they remained such good friends, they were alike in many ways, and unlike she and Lucas or Jake and Brooke, they never meant _that_ much to each other.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She nodded her head, silently bracing herself for whatever Nathan might be hiding. Haley looked clueless to the situation as much as Tim did.

"What's up?" she asked him as soon as they were out of earshot.

He leaned in close so no one heard him, "Look, I don't wanna upset you or anything but Lucas stopped here before he left again. He left this for you," he quickly stuffed another envelope in her hand and watching her reaction. She pushed any emotion as far back as she could and put the letter into her pocket along with the previous one.

"Thank you," she whispered back, sincerely and he nodded before walking back to take his place in the chair. She also wandered back to the chair, still managing to keep her calm exterior, and sat back beside Haley. She flashed a questioning look to the blonde and Peyton mouthed that she'd tell her later. _'I hope Brooke's okay,'_ Peyton silently prayed to anyone that Brooke wouldn't have some emotional breakdown from everything going on, though it seemed that she, herself was more likely to have the breakdown.

* * *

– '_wanna tell you that you'll be alright' –_

**The room remained** dark, neither of the brunettes had even thought about a light. The silence was deafening, pounding in Jake's ears. He had always felt the need to break the silences, fill up the spaces. So he did just that.

"How did we get here?" She looked up at him from her spot in a chair. His back was to her when he asked and the question caught her off guard, she had been preparing for anything else other than that.

**FLASHBACK**

_It was an early Saturday morning, his parents were out of town. They trusted him, but he had never once trusted himself with Brooke. He had no self-control when it came to her. The night had started innocently enough, watching The Little Mermaid with Jenny and some popcorn. The little girl had loved Brooke from the beginning, so her whole face had lit up when Brooke showed up unexpectedly. He graciously let her in, considering he had invited her earlier but she had been hesitant to make any immediate plans to sit in on her Friday night. They had finished another two movies before Jenny succumbed to the sleep her little body needed and they had both tucked her in. _

_It hadn't taken long for him to give in to her playful seducing, quickly running up the stairs after her and locking themselves in his room. That night had been memorable, never indicating what was to follow the next day. So, that morning when he fluttered his eyes open and looked down at her bare, sleeping figure he smiled and kept watch over her until a knock came at the front door. He jumped out of bed, slipping pajama pants and white t-shirt on. He opened the door to reveal Nikki, the woman who gave him his little girl, the woman who had made his life a living hell. Then again, she had a young man next to her, maybe she came to apologize - who was he kidding?_

"_Nikki," he said coldly. She smirked and pushed the door open to see Brooke coming down the stairs in his pajama pants._

"_So, there's the little tramp," she said, laughing evilly afterwards. His blood boiled with rage at her statement._

"_Don't you dare come over here and insult my girlfriend, she's been everything to Jenny that you've never wanted to be," his venom spewed over into his words but she didn't look offended in the least._

"_I'm sure she's been everything to you too? Not according to this guy right here, he's been getting letters from your everything telling me what you've been up to. I must say Jakey that you sure have been a little wreckless, going to the prom and getting drunk at after parties, leaving Jenny with your parents all night. Letting her sit alone, unattended at basketball practices. I don't think you're a fit father," she told him, smirking._

_He looked back to Brooke, her eyes looked angered, but her face looked remorseful and upset. His heart dropped as he let his eyes close for a second before turning back to Nikki. She almost looked upset that she hurt him, but he wouldn't even think for a second that she had a heart._

"_Oh, and Brooke, don't think that he been your knight in shining armor either. Did you know that he was at a bar the other day, got himself drunk and started telling people about how you wouldn't give it up to him. Said you two had a little fight and there was no make up sex. He didn't understand why since you already gave half the basketball team their fair share."_

_She looked at the back of his head waiting for him to turn around but when he heaved a sigh and no sign of him looking at her became apparent she marched up to him. Grabbed his shoulder, spun him around to see his face and when her fears were confirmed she slapped him. He covered the mark and she whacked him in the chest. _

"_You said I was more than that when we made up!" she cried, but he looked at the floor and back to her._

"_You said you hated Nikki. You said you loved me," he muttered, sadly. She crossed her arms and looked at him, fessing up to her mistake._

"_I wrote to him once during that fight. Once. And I've been wanting to take that back ever since I knew you actually liked me," she threw back._

"_And that gives you the right to yell at me?! Get out! I don't wanna see your face!" he screamed and she stared at him, her eyes narrowing into slits._

"_Well, why don't you just go back to the bar and have another drink so you don't have to see me," she said crossly and he shot daggers at her through his glare._

"_Fuck you!"_

"_Fuck you, Jake!" she yelled back, running out off his porch, knocking Nikki out of her way and stumbling back to her house, knowing she didn't want to go to Peyton's or Haley's, she needed time. She just lost the best thing that ever happened to her. He just lost the favorite part of his day._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_sad news from today's call, all the pictures are in my mind' –_

"You know exactly how we got here," she bit back, knowing she snapped but he already knew he hit a sore spot. He let out a large breath before turning back to her.

"Please," he pleaded and she understood him. Her own eyes softened as she realized how much he was hurting too. They had both made mistakes.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, meaning it more than she had ever meant anything she said.

"For what? Snapping at me because you don't have to be sorry about that, in fact -"

"For everything. For not knowing how to handle the fight we had, for writing that letter, for hurting you, for hurting Jenny, for not being everything I know you expected me to be, for falling short of who you wanted for yourself," she told the boy, letting the tears finally fall in front of him. And suddenly, he knew he had never seen anything more beautiful in his whole life. Not even when she was dazzling with her make up and short skirts, but right then, when her make up ran down her cheeks and she was as vulnerable as he knew she could get, he knew right then that she had given her full heart to him too. This was Brooke Davis in front of him, the side of her that no one got to see except him, and he knew that even though she made a mistake he loved her, loved her and all of her mistakes and problems and her vulnerability. But overall, he loved _her._

"I know," he said so quietly that she barely heard him. He still made no motion to move to her, the pain in his heart wouldn't let him. "But I won't let you apologize for it. I wasn't a saint in that fight, I won't let you take all the blame, I did my fair share of hurting you and yea maybe you did hurt Jenny but she's two, she got over it. You were everything I expected you to be, Brooke. I got into that relationship knowing exactly what I was doing and I never expected what I heard. I expected the cheerleader, the perkiness, but I never expected your heart or the way you were with Jenny. And you can't apologize for that. And I don't ever want you to apologize for falling short of anything. You didn't fall short, you overcame my expectations, you were everything I wanted and more than I ever thought came in a woman. Don't you ever apologize to anyone for being who you are," he told her softly, chiding her actions but praising her at the same time.

A very sad smile came upon her face while the tears still dripped silently. Had she ever known he was going to be so sweet she would never have even considered hurting him. There had always been something to the silent, mysterious Jake and now that she had uncovered all of his mysteries he lay bare, bruised, and hurt in front of her. Knowing that she was the cause of the pained look in his eyes made her want to go to hell. Hurting a guy like that, the one guy who treated her like the men she grew up reading about in fairytales was possibly the worst mistake she had ever made. She now regretted it more than she ever would've known.

"Well, then I guess I'm sorry that I did this to myself," she said playfully. He cracked a smile, laughing slightly at her poor attempt to lighten the tension around them.

"You should be," he returned. Their banter had always been one of his favorite parts of their dynamic. Something about it made him...giddy. Though that was a word he rarely associated with himself, there was nothing else to describe the way he felt around Brooke.

"Do you forgive me?" He wanted to back away at that question. It was the one thing left unanswered between them. How was he supposed to answer that? She still meant the world to him, but so much was left unsettled, so much still hurt when he looked at her. To know that he almost lost his little girl because of her made him want to throw something. To know that he almost told her he loved her made him want to just throw her back in the chair and kiss her to pieces.

"Only if you forgive me," he said after several minutes of thought. It was the only way to finish her question.

"Well, then I guess we're both forgiven...friends?" There was that word. Probably one of the most hated words in the English language, _friends._ He didn't want friends, she sure as hell didn't want friends but it was all that they could agree on for now. It was a baby step.

"Friends."

* * *

– '_I miss you now' – _

**Driving, when the **license was first laid in his hands, he felt freedom wash over him. Now, all he felt was sorrow. Driving had once been an escape from reality, now he was using it as an escape from all that was good in his life.

The picture swayed gently on the dashboard, her blonde curls seemed to move. Her eyes were happy, she was genuinely happy. He stared for a second before his eyes darted back onto the road. He missed her. Unbelievable that things had turned out this way, she probably hated him. Nathan had said she was hurting, but he could guess that his description wasn't even the half of it. They had talked, the two Scott brothers. Exchanging some information here and there, a few goodbyes along with it. Nathan had told him, that no matter how close he was to Peyton they were still brothers and as much as Nathan disliked his decision, he supported him. He wasn't going to hate him, though he could be angry for a while.

It had taken a lot of persuasion but he had managed to get Nathan to scan the baby picture and print a copy for him. He had felt the tears at the back of his eyes, his baby lay in that picture. The baby that he and Peyton created, the baby that he was leaving. He slowly began to hate himself for his decision. "Fear changes everything" Peyton had once told him. Turns out, she was right. The baby picture sat right next to the small picture of Peyton that he carried, the two most important things in his life. His motivation to get back to them.

He slowly took the exit from the highway to Asheville, North Carolina. Not far, but enough to keep his distance. He'd written a second letter, hopefully explaining a little more than the first. He'd keep his eye on her, he'd be in the doctor's office when her next appointment came around. Maybe not in the room, but he'd be in the office, waiting for another picture to come his way. Maybe he'd have a talk with the doctor after she left.

A talk with Dan earlier that day had given him a different perspective. Dan told him he was doing the right thing, and though he hated his father, hated how he left his mother, he was beginning to think maybe he was doing the right thing. Maybe this was best for Peyton and the baby. Maybe not. He didn't feel qualified to make the decision at this point in time.

* * *

– '_I'm helpless, it's gonna get us, before it gets us, I wanna kiss you goodbye' – _

**She tugged at **the letter before it finally broke free of her pocket. Haley and Nathan had taken a walk around the block, Tim had run to the store. She was alone for a few minutes and she intended to take full advantage. Opening the envelope she pulled out a small cassette tape and a piece of paper, plus another hundred.

_Peyton,_

_I know things are looking a little down right now. I know you hate me, I know I'm an asshole, believe me, I'm beginning to hate myself. I hate doing this to you, I hate seeing your tears. You know I always have. Just know that I love you. Let Nathan take care of you, he's my little brother who's grown into a man in a matter of months. He loves you with all his heart - as a friend. The tape that's on here has a song that you once mentioned liking. I know I can't sing very well, but I want you to remember me, not bad memories. I want you to remember the fun we had. I found a poem that I want you to read for me. Remember this:_

_Love is patient with a life, that brings its share of pain, we know sometimes there is an end to the most stubborn rain._

_We know the sun comes out again, on a world that's fresh and new, and all the gifts we freely give, somewhere, sometime accrue._

_We know sometimes we have to wait for life to come around, and sometimes that it won't, but still, there's some good to be found. _

_And even when things happen that your soul can hardly bear, know that I'll be next to you; My love is always there._

_Love always, _

_Lucas_

She read the poem at least five times before setting the letter on the chair and putting the tape inside the boom box that sat on the table in front of her. She quickly pushed play, wondering what kind of song he had recorded that she had mentioned she liked.

_Hey Peyton,_

_I remember we were laying on your bed and the radio was playing and when this song came on, you freaked. You jumped and turned the volume on, started jumping all over the place. Hell, you jumped on me. I loved seeing you so happy. You looked at me and told me I needed to learn this song I figured, if it made you happy I'd learn this song for you. _

"_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band. Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man. Ballerina, you must've seen her dancing in the sand. And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand. Jesus freaks out in the street, handing tickets out for God. Turning back, she just laughs. The boulevard is not that bad. _

_Piano man he makes his stand, in the auditorium, looking on she sings the songs, the words she knows, the tune she hums. But oh how it feels so real, lying here with no one near, only you and you can't hear me, when I say softly, slowly. Hold me closer tiny dancer. Count the headlights on the highway, lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today. _

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band. Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man. Ballerina, you must've seen her dancing in the sand. And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand."_

_I love you Peyton. Always have, always will. _

The tape finished as she burst into tears. How was it that he was the sweetest man she had ever known, would do anything for her and he left her. He remembered her song, learned guitar and sand it for her. She had been kidding him when she suggested that and he did it anyway. Now, she was left alone with a hole in her heart that no 'tiny dancer' would fill.

– '_I miss you now' – _

**Tell me what you thought. The title is a Stereophonics song "I miss you now" and the lyrics filled the chapter. The poem I got from a website and the song he sang was Elton John's "Tiny Dancer". Review!!!**

**NEXT - Well, we'll just have to wait and read now won't we. Muhahaha! **


	19. Polaris

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 19 - Polaris**

**A/N -** Not too sure if you guys liked the last one...didn't get too many reviews on it. Is it getting bad? Be honest with me. If it is, I'll end it. I realize the last one was Brooke/Jake but I didn't have any good ideas so I wanted something new for a chapter. Sorry if it bored you. I guess, I'm going to do this next chapter mostly on her appointment and we'll just wait and see if Lucas pops up somewhere along the way. Hope you review...enjoy ;-) **By the way, it's been 3 months since the last chapter took place.**

**The scenery** **flew** by the car window in a blur. The radio played a song of her choice while Nathan drove in silence. The first time they took that ride, she was waiting for a life changing answer. Now, it seemed to be a whole other ball game. Now, she wanted to know if the little person growing inside was okay. She was four months along. Was she ok? Well, she couldn't even try to answer the second question. For whatever reason, she still had hope that one day he was surprise her. He'd come and apologize and tell her he still loved her. That hope dwindled as they neared the hospital, but hey, a girl could dream. Somewhere locked deep inside her now steel heart, she loved Lucas and she could feel that he still loved her too. Strange how that connection still stood, because he could feel her too.

* * *

– '_I'll say it straight and plain, I know I've made mistakes, I've always been afraid. A thousand nights or more I travel east and north, please answer the door.' – _

**She quietly dragged** her tired feet behind the dark haired boy, who took a more swift pace. He glanced back towards her from time to time, never worrying too much. She looked alert, keeping an eye over her shoulder, not really being sure exactly what she was looking for. Every time a doctor walked by she made sure to get a good look. They had finally gotten to the right hallway when someone caught her eye.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" she took off running to the masked doctor.

She grabbed his shoulder, spinning him to face her. As the figure turned with a sympathetic smile upon his features. For a second her heart stopped.

"Sorry, do I know you?"

In her mind, she saw _him_, but standing straight ahead was a man she had never seen before.

"No, I just...I thought you were someone else," the older man nodded, accepting her answer and walking away.

Nathan came up behind her, letting his breath lay on the back of her neck. He enjoyed watching her squirm.

"Little obsessed?" she shivered before turning and whacking him in the chest. He laughed lightly before grabbing her arm gently and dragging her into the appointed office.

A lone figure watched from the shadow of a curtain, breathing a sigh of relief when she finally walked away. He ached for her touch, but it was a mistake keeping them apart.

**Doctor Larter entered** the room a few minutes later, with the same amused smile as the previous month. He set the clipboard down and released the pen from his front pocket.

"Nice to see you guys again. Nathan and Peyton, right?" the two nodded to reassure him, and he smiled before instructing Peyton to lay herself flat on the table.

She did as he asked, but quickly interrupted his plans. From the look on her face Nathan knew what she was going to ask. He was determined to stop her.

"Um, hate to interrupt but have you seen -"

"Doc, it's really a pointless question and has absolutely nothing to do with -"

"Nathan, shut up! I don't know what you're hiding but if I can't get it from you, I'll get it from him," she was clearly defiant as he shut his mouth and the doctor nearly laughed, she continued on.

"Have you seen a guy...'bout six foot, blonde hair, brown eyes but the look kinda blue sometimes. He squints a lot, looks kinda broody?"

The doctor seemed to ponder his thoughts for moments before a look crossed his face. Almost as though a light bulb went off in his head.

"Uh, well no I haven't I -"

"No, yes you have! I saw your face, I know that look. You saw him, but you can't say anything, right? And you know where he is too, don't you, Nate? You know but he said not to say anything," Nathan's eyes flickered closed before breathing a sigh.

Peyton let her head fall back before scoffing at the two. The boys watched her in the uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, God. He's here. He's here right? It's the only thing to complete my day," her words were sarcastic as they poured out of her mouth.

* * *

– '_You say that love goes anywhere, in your darkest times it's just enough to know it's there. When you go I'll let you be but you're killing everything in me.' – _

"He can't keep doing this to me. He can't," she choked on a few words, a sob breaking through.

"I told him that, Peyton. You gotta believe me," her head came down to rest in the palm of her hands while a few tears fell. "I told him to stop, but he said he had to see you," she made no move to acknowledge him.

Instead, she stood quickly and held the paper gown tight to her body. Very slowly she opened the door and stepped into the hallway. Her breathing was shallow as she moved in slow motion to the waiting room. It remained vacant, she stood direct center, letting her eyes travel the room.

"Make him come out, Nathan," she demanded him, the doctor still stood quietly.

"I can't. I don't know where he is. Let's just do this appointment Peyton," he seemed to beg, she turned on her heel.

"He's a damn coward. You know that? Never owns up to his mistakes. Lucas Scott, you're a coward," she directed her attention back to Nathan, "let's go. We'll do this, then take me back, I need to talk to Haley. I can't be here anymore than I have to."

She began to walk and a pair of eyes watched. A pen fell as the figure tried to get comfortable and her head snapped back in the direction of the noise just as she walked through the door. The blonde hair ducked back into the shade and took off running. She took off towards the pen, but arrived to find nothing. A shadow remained as he continued to watch her disappointed expression. It killed him that it had to be this way.

* * *

**The door opened** in a creaky fashion while Haley sat on the plush couch. Peyton came in, collapsing onto the couch, laying her head on Haley's lap.

"Tired?"

"More like...dead," she responded, her eyes burning with tears. "Nathan ran to the store, said you needed food?"

"We just went shopping the other -" she thought for a minute before it kicked in. "Never mind, he ate it all," she covered quickly.

It had finally occurred to her why Nathan had said he was shopping. He was giving them time to figure things out, she knew why she married him.

A small smile broke through Peyton's tear filled eyes as she too realized why Nathan left. It was almost weird how much he had changed since they had been together. A distinct moment appeared in her foggy memory where she had given in, but Haley hadn't. Somewhere along the line that's where he changed.

**FLASHBACK**

_He appeared in her room as he did every other night. Just to invite her to be with him, and every time she would sit hoping that he would just want time with her. That's the way it was when they started. Now, it seemed every time they spent time together it was Nathan, Peyton, and the team. That wasn't what she wanted anymore, she wanted the Nathan that loved her the way she needed to be loved. That wasn't what he was anymore though. He was a monster that his father molded, he was someone who put everyone else down._

"_You know what, Peyton? I'm getting really tired of this. I came here to spend time with you."_

"_Yeah, me and half the team," she corrected him quickly as his eyebrows furrowed._

"_You wanna be a bitch? That's cool. Just listen to your loser rock and I'll see you tomorrow," he spat maliciously. Her face crumpled, stinging from his words. She was hurt and he saw it, but didn't care._

"_How 'bout you don't see me tomorrow?"_

"_Like I don't have other options," he had done it twice in one night. She wasn't sure why he had become so mean or vicious with her. But he was hurtful and that was something that affected her. He hadn't seen it then._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_Get down on your knees, whisper what I need. Something pretty. I feel that when I'm old, I'll look at you and know, the world was beautiful, then you tell me...' – _

"Peyton!" Haley sat above her, looking confused as to why she spaced out.

"Sorry, I was...thinking."

"I can see that. 'Bout what?" Haley _was_ a little nosy now that she took time to think about it. It was near impossible to keep secrets from her. She was close to knowing every aspect of Peyton's life...most people knew the surface. But Haley liked to pry, and for that she was grateful.

"This whole day...you don't even know what happened at the hospital. It was horrible, Haley," Haley looked on sympathetically. She knew something was bound to happen, especially when that phone call came.

"Wanna tell me?" Peyton seemed to contemplate her words for moments before looking her in the eye and giving her a half yes, half no shake of her head. Haley let a genuine smile break through as Peyton started to laugh.

"What the hell was that?"

"I dunno. I can't decide if I wanna tell you," a few laughs broke through her words and it sent Haley into another round of giggles.

"We can't be serious for more than five seconds, huh?" Peyton sat straight up, a serious expression on her face. "What? Peyton, what's wrong?"

"See, I can be serious!" she shouted in joy and Haley just shook her head before they both cracked up once more. Funny how all it took to shut them up was a car door that slammed.

"What was that?" Haley whispered her question to the girl on the opposite side of the couch. Peyton shrugged but a smirk came over her.

"Why're you whispering, it was just a door, Hales," Haley smiled and stuck her tongue out at the blonde.

"Yes, but it was a suspicious door," Haley feigned an English accent as Peyton stood and walked towards the window. She laughed at her friends antics before lifting the blinds.

"Why, it was a car door," Peyton played along and Haley grinned as she approached the window carefully.

"How do you know?"

"Elementary my dear, Watson. Elementary," Haley giggled once more as they peeked through the window looking for the car that wasn't in sight.

"Look, Peyton, I have to tell you something," Haley's voice became lower and serious. The blonde briefly let her close before turning to the girl.

"Please, can we not do this now."

"You don't even know what I'm gonna say," the brunette huffed still staring at the slightly taller girl.

"Well, maybe I don't wanna," the blonde countered, leaving Haley with an almost bewildered expression. "Look, Haley, I just can't take anymore of this...if it's something bad can we just pretend it doesn't exist...just for a little while?" she raised her hands to rub her temples, as if to signify her stress.

"I guess, but I think you might wanna -" Haley was abruptly cut off by a loud rapping at the door.

She crinkled her eyebrows together as Peyton nodded for her to go answer. Her hand hit the cool metal of the door knob as she turned it to the right and pulled it open. Her mouth dropped, her heart hit the floor, and all she could do was look over to the blonde.

**FLASHBACK**

_The shrill ringing of the phone startled the brunette as she stood in the kitchen putting her favorite sandwich together. She scoffed as though the person should've known not to interrupt her sandwich making. She quickly lifted the phone and put it to her ear, positioning it against her shoulder so both hands would be available for eating._

"_Hello?" she was annoyed as the answer hadn't come right away._

"_Hales?"_

_The phone dropped away from her ear, hitting the floor with a loud bang. Her breathing got faster, staring at the phone as though the devil was on the other end. The things he said still flashed through her mind over and over. She wouldn't let him do that to her best friend. She wouldn't let him keep ruining things._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_You say that love goes anywhere, in your darkest times it's just enough to know it's there. When you go I'll let you be, but you're killing everything in me.' – _

**Peyton remained oblivious** in the corner, Haley's heart sped up. She closed her eyes, inhaling the air that lay in the apartment. The blonde tilted her head to the side, silently asking what was wrong. The young girl turned her head away from everything, she tried to be logical. She thought if she hung the phone up earlier, he would've gotten the message.

"No," she whispered it silently hoping neither one would hear here. Peyton still looked confused as she went to step closer to the brunette. Her footsteps sounded like gunshots in Haley's ears. The pounded across the floor as her eyes grew. She shook her head quickly at Peyton, and she ceased her movement. The figure stood silently in the doorway.

**FLASHBACK**

_Her second appointment, Haley had tagged along. It amazed her when the image came across the screen for the second time. Nathan still looked in awe, but Peyton smiled. Not fake, not masked or plastered, a genuine smile that radiated her happiness._

"_It's good to see you smile," Nathan whispered close to her ear as they made eye contact. She blushed, it did feel good. It was something she hadn't done since **he** left. Not genuinely, at least. She got teary eyed once more upon looking at the baby that fidgeted on the screen. Haley looked over to catch her friend's eye, and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly._

"_Thank you," Peyton mouthed silently towards the girl. Haley nodded as they both focused back on the baby._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_I'm done there's nothing left to show, I try but can't let go. Are you happy where you're standing still? Do you really want the sugar pill? I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll start, tonight it feels so hard.' – _

**Peyton had been** working so hard to move on. Haley watched her expressions, she wasn't going to let everything be destroyed. It didn't matter if she thought _they_ belonged together, the thing that mattered was letting Peyton be ok again.

**FLASHBACK**

_The three girls had been sitting at a table at their favorite restaurant that night, girls night out. Peyton's stomach had only begun to grow at that point, Haley and Brooke had been raving over how cute she looked. Peyton remained in school, doing the whole baggy look was something new, but something she was determined to pull off._

_The waiter entered, taking the their orders, winking discreetly at the blonde. Brooke and Haley squealed with happiness, and Peyton just laughed, yelling at them to shut up. _

"_Get his number," Brooke prodded, and Peyton nodded, contemplating the thought. Hell, Lucas was gone. Then again she was pregnant, so she braced herself for rejection. Peyton stayed after, to personally hand him his tip when he walked through the door to head home._

_He saw her waiting, a grin graced his face. He walked closer, he stood only a few inches taller. His hair came down in a lazy fashion, not long but coming down around to his neck, shaggy looking with curls in the back.__His eyes were a piercing green, and his smile made her want to jump the poor boy._

"_Hey," he was very nonchalant and she blushed profusely. She thanked God for the cover of the night._

"_Hi, I'm Peyton."_

"_I'm Adam...um, I was hoping I'd catch you."_

"_Really?" she breathed, very flirty, it surprised her that she still hadn't lost her touch._

"_Yea," he brought his hand to rub the back of his neck, bashfully looking towards the ground. "I was wondering if you'd wanna take a walk or something. I was gonna ask you to go get coffee or something, but I don't really like coffee and caffeine isn't good for the baby." Her eyes grew wide, it hadn't occurred that he would notice. _

_He watched her expressions, laughing that she looked so shocked. He hadn't wanted to be so forward, after all he just moved to Tree Hill, he needed a friend. He didn't wanna scare her away. "Look, I'm sorry. I just...I just moved here and you're really pretty and I'm...I saw your stomach and - well, it doesn't bother me. I wanna get to know you," he whispered, sweetly. She laughed lightly, her face going red again._

"_You still up for the walk?" she surprised herself. He smirked as he turned to walk, she came up next to him, falling into step. _

_That "little" walk lasted another 2 hours, through the River Court and all around town. For the first night in a long time she hadn't thought of he who shall not be named. The two had a lot in common, music, he couldn't draw but liked art. It was like someone sent him to her._

"_So, can I see you tomorrow?" he asked, quietly while they stood in front of her apartment door._

"_If you're sure you wanna," she was hesitant with his request. She couldn't handle another heart break. Not yet._

"_Will you let me show you that I do?" _

_It had been a long time...but his simple statement made her heart race. Her palms got sweaty as she nodded towards him. He leaned down slightly, she stood on her toes to reach him. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as her eyes closed gently. He came down, meeting her. Feelings rushed through her that she hadn't felt since **him**. When they finally broke apart for air, minutes later, she was left breathless and giddy._

"_I'll see you tomorrow," he told her simply. She laughed, upon closing the door and locking it behind her. She waited for a few minutes before running back through the door and over to the Scott's apartment. Haley answered, Brooke only a few feet away. Peyton nearly knocked them over as she rushed in, babbling incoherently about her night. _

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_As the train approaches gare du nord, as I'm sure your kiss remains employed, am I only dreaming? You say that love goes anywhere, in your darkest time it's just enough to know it's there. When you go I'll let you be, but you're killing everything in me' – _

**Haley remembered the** night clearly. Peyton was still with him, he attended her appointments along with Nathan. He knew about her past, he knew about the boy who left. He met Haley and Brooke, they both immediately loved him. He got along with Nathan, they hung out when Peyton was with the girls. Everything was coming together for her. Hell, he'd met Karen and she liked him. Peyton and Karen had talked when_he_ first left, Karen urged her to move on. The older woman had refused to let Peyton linger over her son. Everyone that mattered to Peyton knew the boy, and they all took him in. Something that let Peyton smile freely.

Now, here Haley was, doing everything possible to hold Peyton's world together. If Peyton knew, it would come crashing. Adam was with his parents for the weekend in Virginia. _'What do I do?'_

"No," she demanded, firmly. The figure looked confused, Peyton looked confused.

"What?" they both asked in unison. Peyton heard the voice at the door, her world spun, everything got blurry. He heard the voice in the house, his face fell. Her body went limp, everything around went black as she collapsed.

"Oh, God! Peyton, Peyton...I've gotta call Adam," Haley urgently rushed to dial an ambulance, watching the boy from the corner of her eye. The paramedics told her help was on the way.

"Adam!" she yelled into the phone when he picked up, the panic in her voice was evident.

"Haley? What's wrong?"

"Peyton, she just collapsed, something's wrong. I called the ambulance...you gotta come back, she's gonna need you."

"I'm on my way, I'll be there as soon as I can. If this has anything to do with that ex-boyfriend I'll kill him."

Haley hung the phone up, cursing to herself. Adam meeting the boy that now stood in her living room, looking after Peyton was going to cause a big mess.

"Get away from her," she demanded. He backed off, stepping back to the door.

"Who's Adam?" he questioned softly, clearly hurt.

– '_When you go I'll let you be, but you're killing everything in me' – _

**Ok, that chapter turned out a lot better and different than I expected. Hope you liked all those little flashbacks. The first was from the pilot between Nathan and Peyton. I got the lines from and the other three were not previously in the story. Adam is my character, I made him up...I think you'll get to like him. He'll be around for a little while. He's good for Peyton. His hair would be kinda like Jake's towards the end of the first season, a little curly in the back. Still not sure if I'm ending it Leyton or Peyton/Adam yet...so we'll just have to see. The song through it was Jimmy Eat World - Polaris. Review!**

**NEXT - The hospital...pure chaos / Does _he_ stick around?**


	20. Lie in the Sound

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 20 - Lie in the Sound**

**A/N - **So, I know Adam was a little unexpected, but I think he'll be around for a little bit. Don't worry, Lucas isn't going to walk in and sweep her off her feet, she's a strong character. I personally, hate when they take a strong character like Peyton and make her crumble as soon as a guy walks into her life. So, she'll stick up for herself with a little help from Haley and Brooke. Not completely sure whose side Nathan and Jake are on, so we'll just see. Anyhow, here's chapter 20 of The Saddest Song. Enjoy ;-) There's a little surprise at the end.

**A hospital waiting **room is usually filled with tears and quietness, but the waiting room that was now occupied by a group of teenagers was filled with shouting and chaos. And, Adam still had yet to arrive from Virginia. Curious strangers watched the arguing that was close to a fist fight. The nurses had told them to keep quiet, but they all blew her off. She threatened to call security, but when Dan Scott walked into the room and bribed her, she quickly shut up. Things were turning ugly, fast.

* * *

– '_I love you more than I should, so much more than is good for me, more than is good' – _

**Peyton's eyes remained **closed, but she was nowhere near unconscious or even sleeping. Instead, she lay in that bed, millions of thoughts racing, Lucas, Adam, the baby, what Adam would do to Lucas when he found out. The yelling from the waiting room filtrated through the door of her small room. She could picture the scene they were all causing. _'Why did he have to come back now? Just when everything was ok again?'_ she questioned his motives over and over. Never being able to figure out what he was doing back in his hometown. It had been four months.

Nathan had a hold of his older brother while Haley and Brooke made sure Jake kept his distance. At one time there was a friendship, but that had diminished as soon as Lucas walked away. Jake was always known as the peaceful guy, once asking Lucas to take the high road, but he had also seen the pain Peyton had overcome, he refused to let her be pulled back into the mess.

"Get the hell out, Lucas! I mean it," he threatened the blonde, Brooke and Haley stood in front of him, making sure no wild fist fight was to occur in the hospital waiting room.

"I'm not leaving until I know they're both alright, that's my baby too!"

"You have no right to say that kid is yours," Jake snapped, coldly. The anger was present in his now seething eyes. If Lucas had been a few inches smaller and Peyton wasn't in the hospital with their baby he would've been intimidated - but this was not the case.

"Just because I left doesn't mean that kid isn't mine, I love that baby and no one -"

"Biologically, yea, that baby is yours. But in terms of a father, Adam has done a better job with that," that was a low hit. The pain was etched onto the blonde's face as he pulled his arms away from Nathan and sat himself down in a chair. Jake's face was one of anger, but even Nathan saw the smallest trace of regret and remorse with his words.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," Lucas said quietly to no one directly. "God, ya know that's how I felt about Dan and Keith, I didn't want this for my kid."

"Then why're you making it this way?" Brooke questioned him from across the room. Haley still had not spoken to him since they were at the apartment. The words he had drunkenly yelled at her still ran circles in her head.

**FLASHBACK**

"_You're a fucking asshole, Lucas Scott. As far as I'm concerned, you and I are no longer anything even approaching friends," she was seething at his words._

"_Doesn't matter. You're a bitch and a fucking two faced slut for screwing my brother. What kind of fucking friend is that, huh, Haley!"_

**END FLASHBACK**

His eyes seemed to search for the answers in the room. His eyes glazed over, but no one made a move toward him. Even Nathan just stood to watch his brother's slight breakdown. The moment was interrupted as Adam busted into the waiting room, barely taking notice of anyone but the nurse at the front desk.

"Peyton Sawyer, um, she's pregnant and her friend just brought her here...can I see her?" his words were frantic, Lucas watched on, knowing by all means that, that person should have been him.

"Yes, sir. She's in room 214, first room down that hall on the right," the nurse was quick with an answer and Adam took off, jacket in hand towards his girlfriend's room. Still no one spoke a word as Lucas's eyes remained focused on the door that Adam had just walked through.

"That's him," Lucas broke the silence with a simple statement, not much of a question. Out of the four people standing in the room, not one confirmed Lucas' fears. He nodded as though it was all he needed and stood. He exhaled a deep breath before turning back to look at the people who he once considered his best friends.

"I know I made the wrong choice...I look at her picture every day and I know. And I don't expect any of you to forgive me...I don't expect her to forgive me, just know that I didn't leave her to hurt her. I thought it would help, I wanted her to have a better life than what I could give her. I wanted to, so badly. But I'm not gonna get that chance, so just, answer me one question," he pleaded with the four teens in the room, they all stood watching him as he continued. "Is she happy?" his whisper was so small and fragile that they all strained to hear his three words.

Slowly, Haley was the first to look at him and answer, not rudely, just an answer that broke his heart. "Yeah," his eyes, fell down to the floor again. His shoulders fell slightly, his whole body seemed to slump as the word fell out of her mouth. Her eyes held the pain, the sorrow, and the anger that she wanted to throw at him. But seeing the fragile boy that now stood in front of her, bearing his soul, she just kept quiet and watched him.

"Okay," he sucked in the stale hospital air and lifted his head. "That's all I wanted for her. I hope her and Adam...I just...I wish them good luck, he's a lucky guy," the words had become harder to say than he had expected. His heart tore, the pain fell out of his eyes, Brooke watched on the verge of tears and Haley tore her eyes away from the lost boy. Jake and Nathan watched him walk through the door to the elevators and as they shut behind him, he braced himself on the walls, trying to hold the weight he carried.

* * *

– '_Oh the timing is cruel, oh I need and don't want to need, more than I should' – _

**Adam pulled the** cushioned chair up next to her bed, kissing her forehead lightly before sitting down. He took her hand in his own, squeezing and letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Her eyelids fluttered open, seeing Adam brought a smile. But somewhere deep, deep inside, under all the layers of pain, hurt, hate, sadness, happiness and another layer of steel, she had wished it would be Lucas sitting there, awaiting her smile.

"Hey," she whispered, quiet at first. His face lit up when she spoke, as his reaction came she wanted to slap herself for even thinking of _him._ It wasn't right. She loved Adam.

"Hey, how do you feel?" he was genuinely concerned, something that made her heart swell for him.

"Better...not great," she admitted. Still looking at him, his hair was ruffled as usual, his red shirt untucked and his black sweat pants hung loosely around his waist. He looked as though he rolled out of bed to get to her. "I thought you were in Virginia?" she asked the boy in front of her. He looked down bashfully.

"I was, but Haley called me and told me what happened. I got in my car and came back...for you," he was sincere in his words, she could see the feelings portrayed through his eyes.

"You didn't have to do that," she assured him, but he seemed to wave her words off.

"Yes, I did. I needed to make sure you were ok, and the baby. How's the baby?" he was urgent to know. Somehow, he felt as though he was connected to the unborn baby, he knew he couldn't replace the father, but if Peyton would let him, he vowed to love that baby. Granted, some people thought he was throwing his life away, at 17, but he loved Peyton, and right then, that was enough.

"It's good, Doctor Larter asked if I wanted to know what the sex was..."

"And?"

"I told him, no. I wanna be surprised when I have it. Though I do feel kinda weird calling my baby _it_."

He laughed, lightly, enough for her to see his smile. That was another thing that had drawn her to him, his smile. Watching him smile, made her want to smile. It was a good feeling, to be able to smile without having to think of Lucas to do it. She held up a strong face for the boy, holding up conversation as she felt the lump in her throat beginning to form. Something was missing.

* * *

– '_I am falling, say my name, and I'll lie in the sound. What is love, but whatever, my heart needs around' – _

**Haley entered seconds** after Adam departed. She sat in the chair where he had once been, looking at her best friend through forlorn eyes. Truth be told, she was worried about the blonde, things weren't going to be the same now that Lucas had reentered her life. Whether he left again or not wasn't going to change much, it was the fact that he had reopened old wounds, without concern for how much they bled.

"So -"

"No, no. I will not do this crying thing. I'm done with it. I love Adam and Lucas isn't going to wreck this for me," she rambled it off quickly, not paying attention to the words that came out of her mouth. Haley gasped quickly, and Peyton stopped mid-sentence.

"You _love_ Adam?" Haley's eyes grew wider, as she watched the blonde's initial reaction. A few moments later, she made eye contact with the brunette before confirming her words.

"Yea. Yea, I do," her statement was firm, but some hesitation seemed to come along, yet in her heart she knew Adam was always going to be there. Haley squealed in some sort of delight, possibly just knowing that her friend was truly moving on, it was enough to excite her.

"So, P. Sawyer is finally moving on?" Brooke questioned the blonde with a wink before pulling another chair close from across the room. "It's a good thing though, ya know? Maybe you and Broody just weren't meant to be."

Peyton seemed to ponder the thought, let it sit in her brain for a little while. No one had ever put it that way, to have someone voice it aloud made it seem more real, more hurtful that he was really gone. She did love Adam, she really cared about him, but as the words took a final resting place somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if she loved him like she loved Lucas.

**Nathan, Jake, and** Adam all sat in the waiting room, making small talk. Neither of the boys seemed brave enough to bring up the subject of Lucas, it was a long story to be told, Adam wasn't quite sure if he wanted to hear it. Of course, Peyton had brought up a few subjects here and there, telling him most of the story, leaving out a few unnecessary parts. Pieces she felt he didn't have a right to know, at least not yet.

**FLASHBACK**

_They were together only 2 months when he finally asked the dreaded question. She had expected it, formulated the answer in head millions of times, but when he finally looked her in the eye and questioned her, everything she had planned went blank. She couldn't make the sentences to explain clearly exactly what had gone wrong, how could she answer that when she wasn't sure what went wrong herself?_

"_What happened with you and this Lucas kid?"_

"_It's a really long story. Let's just say, we got together I got pregnant and he left?" she offered him the simplest of explanations, knowing damn well that he wasn't going to accept it, and that her summary wasn't the half of what actually happened._

"_I don't want a summary, Peyton. I wanna know your past, you can't keep avoiding it. Your past makes you who you are today, I can't know you if I don't know what happened," he was a sincere guy, and the question in his eyes quickly made her give in. She sighed before embarking on the long journey starting the basketball season of sophomore year._

"_This whole mess started in the basketball season of sophomore year," she began, mirroring her own thoughts to him. "I used to date Nathan, he was the rich, jerkoff basketball player and I was the cheerleader. It was the stereotype package that I got wrapped into. Things were good, but after a while we weren't clicking, after a while it was mostly for the sex, and that wasn't what I wanted. I started talking to Lucas when he joined Varsity, he beat Nathan at one on one. He was the good guy then. He encouraged me to draw and open up. I dumped Nathan somewhere in between. We kissed at a party, and when he wanted something serious I ran."_

_Adam was engrossed in the story, as if he were getting caught up on a few episodes of TV show he'd somehow missed. But this was his girlfriend, he gained respect for her as she pressed on, knowing how hard it was for her to delve into the past, rip open the fresh wounds and tell him what she went through._

"_Finally I went back to him telling him I was ready and when I got there he was with Brooke. So, from there we could only move on as friends. My dad was caught on a fishing boat and we spent the night at a motel...we kissed...once," she hesitated explaining this situation, the details still remaining very close to her heart, she chose to tell him the partial story. "He kept pursuing me and when he got in a car accident I was almost ready to tell Brooke. He got better and broke things off with her so we could be together. Later that night I told him we couldn't because she was my best friend, she found out and hated me anyway. Over time Lucas and I became friends again, we spent a day at the beach, we started going out again. We ended up at the prom together where Brooke and I made up, she got together with Jake. I ended up with Lucas that night. About a month later I found out I was pregnant."_

_The tears fell slowly, only forming as she neared the prom. The night she knew everything had changed, everything she knew became a distant shadow, the unfamiliar was the road she transferred to. He across from her on the couch nodding for her to tell him the rest. She had purposely left out details, the things he'd said, the way he loved her, touched her, held her. Mostly because they were too painful to relive, but the other part of her - the one she refused to let out, was saying it was because they were private, something only she and Lucas shared, something special._

"_I finally got up the courage to tell him, he walked out on me. Haley talked to him, they had a huge fight, he was drunk at the time. They haven't talked since. Nathan still remains in touch with him, Brooke, Jake, Haley, and I haven't seen him since he took off. That's pretty much all there is to tell."_

_She finished slowly, drawling breaths steadily. He had noticed the difference in her story telling as she neared the end. Her details less frequent, combining different events that were obviously too painful to go back into. He looked at her, telling himself that he refused to press her for anymore information._

_She couldn't tell him about the countless nights she cried herself to sleep after he left. The days she would wander the streets waiting for him to pull up and sweep her off her feet. The pain she felt knowing he had left. She refused to let him know how weak she was, begging Lucas to take her with him, to stay, to do something that wouldn't leave her heartbroken. She hadn't revealed how in love she was, how she put her whole heart out for him only to have it crushed. He would never know about the countless letters she still received, the ones she would keep stashed under a drawer in her bureau. He didn't need to know those things, they were kept locked inside her secretive heart, a chamber that he would never reach. Lucas was her first love, nothing Adam said or did could change that, nothing she said or did could change that, and it was days like this that she finally came to terms with such a heavy fact._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_Oh my sheet is so thin, so I say I can't sleep because its so very cold' – _

**The night creeped** in faster than any of them expected. The hospital chose to keep Peyton over night, to her dismay. Adam stayed until the last second of visiting hours was over, watching tv, eating, playing cards, doing anything to keep her mind occupied, away from the night she would spend alone in a hospital. Nathan, Haley, Jake, Brooke, and Adam all left at the same time, each saying their own goodbye, assuring her she would be fine for the night.

Midnight approached, she lay wide awake, staring at the shadowed walls, wishing to God that someone would turn a light on, a nurse would come check. She wished she had sleeping pills or a stuffed animal, anything. Her door opened, noiselessly. Her head snapped over to watch the figure enter, her eyes narrowing in curiosity. He shut the door, everything seemed to be put on mute. She knew all too well who the boy was that was walking towards the chair.

"Lucas," he looked up, warily. He sure as hell hadn't expected her to be awake, though in some way he couldn't say it surprised him, she didn't like hospitals, did he expect her to be able to sleep in one?

"Hey," his voice was shaky, nervous of her reaction. He was quiet, the last thing he needed was nurse to pop in and cause a scene.

"You shouldn't be here," her voice was quiet, shaky in it's own form. His eyes finally adapting to the darkness, able to see her face, a light tint of blue from the moonlight that permeated the blinds.

"I know...I needed to see you," his concern was genuine, he wasn't a bad person, just a lost kid who made mistakes. Mistakes that weren't easily forgotten.

"You can't. What if I don't want you here?" she remained defiant, but her tone was soft. She didn't sound cold as she once had. Her bitterness seemed to have washed away.

"Then, I can go," he turned to the door, his hand on the doorknob, before she finally made herself do something.

"Wait...just...you don't have to go yet," she seemed to be very reluctant to have him sit. He did though, pushing the chair away from her slightly, knowing she wasn't ready for the close proximity. They both sat in the silence, but never once did it feel uncomfortable.

"How do you feel?"

"Not bad...I feel more like an insomniac than anything," he cracked a small smile at her joke attempt, she smirked slightly. Things relaxed between them, she felt the need to tell him. "I have something to tell you," he nodded, "I know what the baby is."

His eyes widened in reaction to the news. A sparkle seemed to return, if only for a second. He then thought of the boy who had been here first, Adam. _He_ knew first, she only felt the need to tell him because he was now there, or so he thought.

"I'm having a girl...you were right," a few tears sparkled in her eyes upon revealing the news to her ex. A full fledged smiled appeared on his strong features, lasting only a mere minute. "I didn't tell Adam, if that's what you think. I wanted to tell you, you should be the first to know," she read his thoughts clearly, his eyebrows rose at her confession.

"Thank you," the first words he truly meant in months. He done a lot of talking, but they were words, words that meant nothing to him anymore. He rambled over meaningless football conversations, the weather, small talk that came with the different personalities, but it dawned on him. He'd never meant thank you anymore than he did in that moment. She would never know what it meant that she waited to tell him first.

* * *

– '_But I know what I need, and if you were just near to me, would you go...' – _

**He wasn't going** to ask the question. He was just going to let their conversation play out, let the time be for just one night, but his curiosity got the best of him.

"Why're you being so nice to me, Peyt?" she noticed the use of her nickname, it sent shivers running up her spine. He had been the only guy to ever call her that, Adam never thought to call her anything other than her birth name, Peyton. His raspy voice made her miss it, but she wiped the thought quickly.

"Because I...I'm trying to move on. I wanna be civil with you, it doesn't mean I've forgotten what you've done. It hurts like hell to see you right now, but I'm with Adam. I don't need to be bitter, or moping over you, I just need to do this for me."

He accepted her answer, "I'm happy for you," this of all things wasn't sincere, she knew. She was prepared to call him on it, but the pain in his eyes, the wince when she mentioned Adam made her think twice.

"No, you're not. That's bullshit, Lucas," her double thinking had done nothing, somewhere in the thoughts the scene of him leaving had returned to her, making her be the bitch he knew she could be.

"Maybe I should go," he stood to leave, she scoffed.

"You always do this. You run from your problems, they don't go away, as you've noticed," she pointed to her stomach and he sat.

"Okay, I'm not happy for you...is that what you wanna hear? I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every time you mention this guy, and I know it's my own fault. But I can't help feeling like it's not fair, that should be me, Peyt. I just...I didn't wanna go, but I wanted better for you. I should be the one at those appointments, and knowing it's him kills me."

"Good," she huffed at his explanation, swallowing the lump reforming in the middle of her throat.

"I'm just...I'm gonna go," he stood once more and opened the door, the dark beginning to encircle her again. The fear beginning to suffocate her for the second time.

"No." He turned to see her eyes pleading with him, once more he let the door shut.

"What?"

"Just, don't leave. I can't be in here alone again, I can't sleep. Can you just stay until I fall asleep? I know I shouldn't be asking you this, and there are a bunch of other people I would rather have in here right now, but I haven't had a good nights sleep in months and I...I'm so tired, Lucas," her voice had resorted back to a whisper as he listened.

"Yea," he sat back down, making himself comfortable as she turned over, her back to him. "I'll be gone by morning," he warned, preparing her for the turmoil.

"I know," her voice made him strain to hear. He knew she forced her words out of a sob, quite a talent she possessed but after so long it became easier to read that voice. Only minutes later he saw her breathing even out, her worries disappearing until morning. He stayed, dozing off for a few hours, when he woke it was nearing 5:30 AM, giving him time to slip out before visitors came at 6. She was semi-conscious in her sleepy state.

He slowly approached her, watching her eyes open to take a good look at him. She blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

"I thought you were supposed to be gone?"

"I fell asleep. I'm going now before visiting hours, I wanted to say goodbye and I saw you were sorta awake."

"Bye, Luke."

"Tell that little girl, her daddy loves her," the pregnancy hormones kicked back in as a fresh batch of tears made an appearance. "Don't cry. Just let her know, okay?" she nodded as he stepped in, kissed her forehead and stepped over to the door.

"Luke," he turned, she knew it wasn't the right thing to say. She loved another man, but she couldn't stop herself, "I'll miss you." A grin formed at the corner of his mouth as he turned to pull the door closed behind him.

"I'll be seeing you, Peyton."

– '_I am falling say my name, and I'll lie in the sound, what is love, but whatever, my heart needs around. And it needs you, too much. Now.' – _

**That chapter took a lot out of me to write. Emotionally draining I guess you could say. I put A LOT of work into this, making that little meeting as perfect as I could. I hope you guys liked your little interaction that everyone's been asking me for. I hope it's what you expected. The song I used was "Lie in the Sound" by Trespassers William, it's on the OTH soundtrack. **

**No spoilers, because I have absolutely no idea what's coming, I'll think of it by next update!**


	21. Her Aching Heart

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 21 - Her Aching Heart**

**A/N - Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I'm such a sucker for the "I'll be seeing you" line. But I thought it went perfectly to end that conversation. So, I hope you'll all review for me on this one, and I have to inform you now that Peyton is really confused through this chapter. She doesn't know what she wants and she starts to remember the Lucas she fell for, and suddenly he doesn't seem so bad, but just a lot of confusion is around her. So, don't think she's being fickle, she really just won't know what she wants. Anyhow, enjoy ;-)**

**There she was**, for the second night in a row, laying on a stiff hospital bed that made her uncomfortable. The doctor's had informed them all that she should stay for a day or two more for tests, and they wanted her to get as much rest as possible. They obviously didn't know that she had a harder time sleeping in the hospital than she did at home. It was nearing 2 AM again, she was restless, unwilling to let her thoughts drift, but half an hour later she couldn't help it. She knew damn well that it was wrong, that she shouldn't be thinking of _him_, that she had Adam, but it didn't make the fact that he was gone any easier. And once again, he had left, with an _'I'll be seeing you'_ as his final words. Those words stung, because for whatever reason they were always his last words to her when he left, and for a while she found them to be special, but now they made her heart ache even more than necessary.

* * *

– '_Here where they can't find us, I dare they to call me out, or tell you, we met here on purpose, I bet they can't wait to wake us up' – _

**In a fit** of rage she slammed her fist onto the table that sat beside the bed. A vase toppled over, shattering loudly on the tile floor, she held her breath praying that nobody would come running. How would she explain that? Adam gave her the flowers that sat in the vase, a wave of guilt swept over as she dragged herself from underneath the covers and walked to the window, staring into the lighted city outside.

Everything was spinning, the world she had so perfectly created for the past few months was cracking. The nice little bubble she trapped herself in along with Adam was about ready to pop, and she had expected it. She'd been waiting for the moment she was thrown out of her fantasy world and back into the real world. And frankly, she hated it.

He had gotten the information from Nathan, he knew she'd be there for another 2 days, and he was going to take advantage of that. The drive seemed long, but he was so tired, he barely slept the night before on that hospital chair. But it didn't matter that he hadn't slept or that he stayed up for hours just watching her sleep, what did matter was that he got the chance to be near her again, and to him it's _all_ that mattered.

Adam lay staring at the ceiling, he knew that something happened to Peyton the night before. He walked into her room earlier that day, and something was different about her. She was happier, there was hope in her eyes, something he hadn't seen before, and it was more noticeable than anything all day. Every time she laughed her eyes lit up with her smile. When she spoke the enthusiasm radiated through her expressions, and in some unknown way, he knew he wasn't the person who put those new emotions there.

* * *

– '_It's a little bit strange, I know it's a little bit strange' – _

**She sat in** the monotonous surroundings, watching the few cars peel out of the parking lot and out on the connecting street. Here she was at 3 AM, startled by the black car that pulled into the parking lot. She wiped a few tears, brushing off the fact that a car had just come. Instead, she thought of him, and how much it would hurt Adam if he knew that _he_ was there last night.

She didn't know why she was crying, maybe it was everything she kept bottled inside, she had never cried in front of Adam, it embarrassed her too much. She wasn't sure if she trusted him that much. And Lucas was her one comfort, he was gone again and it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair, the fact that she was having his baby and he wasn't around wasn't fair, that she loved Adam but still couldn't hand her heart over wasn't fair.

"Damn it!" she shouted, she remained on the floor, not wiping the stream of tears that were falling faster than she could catch. She didn't hear the door open this time, and when his hand touched her shoulder gently she didn't jump. She already knew.

"Hey," she whispered, not bothering to wipe her eyes, he'd seen her cry ten million times before, for whatever reason he had always urged her to when she was hurting.

**FLASHBACK**

_It was Friday night at 11 o'clock when he arrived. She looked like she had been crying when he got there. He scooped her up in his arms and held her. She began to tear up again._

"_What'd I tell you? You can cry around me, Peyton. I'd rather see this side of you, than the fake one you put up in school," he whispered soothingly._

_She cried for the remainder of the night, and Lucas stayed with her. He put her under the covers and laid there with her. He kept her tucked close to him._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_Make a point and ignore them, come on let's wait this out, they'll find out we never stop turning, and sometimes it's tough to change direction' – _

"I thought you weren't coming back?" her question wasn't rude or demanding, just quiet and curious, he didn't know if he had the answer.

"Neither did I...but I wanted to...I needed to," he replied, softly and she nodded, still the tears fell, and he sat on the floor behind her, pulling her close.

She began to look back on their better times, he was once a good man. A guy she had trusted more than anyone, someone she had loved more than anyone, she gave everything for him, and now she felt torn. But he had once been the fairytale guy, and right there on the floor that's all she could remember.

**FLASHBACK**

"_C'mon, I'm not that good am I!" he shouted over the basketball court. It was mid-January at 10 o'clock that night and they were playing basketball. He suggested it, and she was sure he was crazy but he persuaded her with a few kisses here and there - she caved._

"_No, you suck!" she ran up took the ball, shot it and did a victory dance as it went in. He laughed as she danced all around the court pointing at him, bragging her mini-victory._

"_I let you win," he told her, closing the space between them, she stood waiting, a huge smile played on her lips._

"_No, you didn't," she was quieter, but her tone still flirted with him, making his heart jump._

"_Yea, huh," he finally came as close as he could, and her smile remained when she jumped into his arms, letting her head fall to meet him in a kiss. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, making her curl-  
framed face look paler than usual, but he only saw beauty._

"_Ok, even if you did, I still won, I get bragging rights," she became serious, her hands wrapped at the back of his neck, combing through his hair._

"_Okay," he nodded, kissing her again, loving the feeling of being able to hold her. She smiled into his kiss, and giggled, but he didn't mind, he held her anyway, knowing he'd let her have bragging rights if he could have her._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_I know it's a little bit strange, it's all a little bit strange' – _

"I'm glad you came," she told him, surprising them both. She hadn't said those words, wasn't even sure if she had thought them, but a smile came to her now that it was out.

"Yea?"

"Yea," strangely, she sounded more sincere than ever, and she was. She liked the feeling as she laid back against him, his big work boots laid on either side of her. She knew those boots, precisely remembered their weight when he laid on the bed at the hotel. She smiled at the memory, not sure if she could ever recapture the passion she felt right then.

"When are you leaving again?" pain was etched into her voice and he winced at the sound.

"Probably same time as yesterday, I don't want them to see me, and I know they come back almost as soon as visiting hours start. Do you remember that day at the beach?" he questioned her, trying to lighten the mood up. She laughed through her tears, he'd loved when she did that. Something he could always make her do when she cried, he could make her laugh, and that sound became like second nature to hear.

"That was our first kiss in like a year," she whispered through the dark, the memory was almost painful now, but she was forced to relive it.

**FLASHBACK**

_She was laughing at him while he walked back to the blanket. He was trying to be macho, but every few seconds he'd give a dramatic look and almost drop her._

"_You faker!" she yelled when he laid her down on the blanket. He gave a little chuckle and started to tickle her._

"_No...Luke...stop!...pleaseeeeeeee," she pleaded as tears rolled down her cheeks from laughter._

"_For what? Why should I stop? What do I get in return if I stop to make you happy?" he asked, flirting back from earlier._

"_This," she replied with a seductive smile._

_She sat up to his level, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down to the blanket. She finally pulled him down to meet her lips, and kissed him with all the strength and passion she had in her. He pulled away breathing heavily, while his heart nearly pounded out of his chest._

"_Well, if you would've told me that I would've stopped a while ago," he said flipping on his back._

_She giggled at how taken aback he was and rolled on top of him._

"_I'm cold now...mind warming me up some more?" she flirted more. 'What did I eat this morning?' she asked herself._

_He flipped back on top of her, but careful not to crush her. He leaned back down and kissed her as good as he knew how._

'_Damn, he's a good kisser...good thing I'm flirty today,' she thought to herself with a smile._

**END FLASHBACK

* * *

**

– '_At the end of a day, I'm gonna say what I mean, it's slipping all away, away, at the end of our days, we'll escape, we'll escape' – _

**He smiled gently**, still holding her close, breathing the scent of her shampoo that lingered in her curls. She giggled at how forward she had been, surprising them both that morning, but as quick as the smile came, the tears came even faster. He felt the sobs wracking through her body, keeping his hands wrapped tenderly around her mid-section as they sat on the floor.

"Shh," he soothed, and it comforted her, but she couldn't hold the tears anymore, she was so tired of holding it in.

"I'm so insecure...I don't wanna be. I feel so vulnerable...and I hate it," she told him angry with herself for those feelings. He let his head rest on her shoulder next to her whispering soothing words to her along the way.

"You're allowed to be."

"I don't wanna be," she insisted.

"But you're allowed. You're so guarded, Peyt. This is why you won't let yourself love anyone else, why you won't let Adam love you and why you're still stuck on me. You're beautiful, Peyton, let yourself be loved again," he whispered into her ear, she shuddered involuntarily

"I don't want anyone else," she shocked herself as she blurted the sentence, but tears still fell as she clung to him, holding on for anything to save her. "I don't deserve a guy like Adam."

"Yes, you do," he pushed. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world, you deserve a guy better than me, you deserve so much, Peyton," his voice was so sincere and soft that it brought on another wave of tears. Still she remained in his arms, knowing how wrong it was, but how right it felt. She blushed at his words, compliments felt good, though she got them from Adam they felt so forced and she was uncomfortable.

"I'm not beautiful, I feel like a bum...look at me, I've got make-up running, I can't stop crying...I'm a mess, Lucas."

"Yes you are, you're so beautiful. And if Adam or any other guy can't see that, then they don't deserve you. I don't deserve you."

"But you're the one I want," she finally admitted, the exhaustion was overcoming her, she wasn't fully aware of anything, she was upset, the surroundings were messing with her. He was tired, and upset, neither of them knew what they were getting into.

"Me too," he whispered so low she strained to hear him. Her eyes widened in shock and heart sped up, very slowly she turned her head to see him, her red, tear-filled eyes met his blood shot, tired eyes. A small smile lit up her face and he smirked, his heart raced in sync with hers.

He watched her eyes close slowly, anticipating what was coming as he involuntarily moved in closer, he had loved to watch her do that. It was that last second of striking beauty that he always caught right before he kissed her, and right now it still stung, hitting his heart.

Very gently he met her lips in a searing reunion kiss, something that he would always remember, and he knew he would when she parted her lips slightly, granting his access, her tears mingling into the kiss. And as amazing as it was, it was bittersweet for the two. He scooped her up, laying her down onto the bed, climbing on top of her slowly, laying feather-light kisses up along her stomach, after he parted the paper gown. She shivered, living in the moment of pleasure with him, if only for a little while.

– '_Slipping all away, it's slipping all away, it's slipping all away, now, at the end of our days, we'll escape' – _

**Okay, unexpected ... yes. Awesome to write ... hell yea! Hope you all enjoyed, keep in mind that this does not mean they are back together or even that he's staying, don't get your hopes up yet ... don't even think this kissing is really leading somewhere, I'm not sure what to do with it yet. So, gimme reviews and I'll try to pull an update out as soon as I can!**


	22. Not a Day Goes By

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 22 - Not A Day Goes By**

**A/N - So, the last chapter was unexpected, and you'll see what happened between them through flashbacks in this chapter. I'm picking it up about 2 months later, leaving Peyton 6 months pregnant and maybe still with Adam. Guess you'll find that out as you read. So, here's the long awaited conclusion to Lucas and Peyton's kiss.**

_Kisses urgent, touches passionate, it was a silent agreement that they both needed - wanted each other after so much time apart. A small moan escaped her, a cocky smirk emerging on his lips as he saw her pleasure. He intertwined his finger with hers, pushing her arms above her head as he crushed his lips to hers. And with that he slowed his pace, the sweat already apparent on his forehead as his touches become gentle, searing, more than she could have imagined. It wasn't supposed to be like that, she wasn't supposed to melt into his touch as he trailed his fingers along the outside of her thighs, she shivered. It surprised him when she took action, pushing his shirt up over his head, letting him push her back down with his body weight, she reveled in the feel of his lips upon her neck...

* * *

_

– '_Got a picture of you I carry in my heart, close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark - I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold' – _

**She jolted up** from her bed in a cold sweat, her large stomach kept her from sitting up straight. She couldn't keep doing that, she couldn't keep going back to that night, it was over there was nothing left to say. There was nothing left to do but move on. _But she couldn't._

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered the phone and a deep voice groaned in the background.

"Hales, I need to talk to you. It's really important, and I hate to wake you and Nathan up, but -"

"No, it's fine. I'll come over," she immediately pressed, hanging the phone up and pulling herself out of the warm covers.

"What was that?" Nathan asked tiredly from his spot under the blankets.

"Peyton...she said she needs to tell me something important, so I'm gonna go down to her place and see what's up. I'll be back in a little bit, Nate," she kissed him quickly before pulling a sweatshirt on and heading out the front door.

_Creak_, the door to Peyton's apartment swung open as Haley tip-toed her way in searching for a sign of the blonde who had seemed so desperate.

"Peyton," she whispered, not wanting to startle the girl. The living room was covered in different items for the baby, many were hand-me downs, considering Peyton couldn't afford much. As far as Haley could tell she was making out okay.

She walked her way to the bedroom where she found Peyton sitting in the solitude of the darkness, staring at a wall. Haley was now officially worried, she made her way to the bed, and situated herself next to Peyton preparing for the information she was about to receive.

"Is it about Adam?"

"No."

"The baby?"

"No."

"The-"

"Hales, this could go on all night. It's about Lucas. I never told anyone any of this, you have to promise you won't tell _anyone_, not even Nathan...not even a flower."

"A flower?"

"Just...just listen, okay?"

"Yea, sure," Haley agreed, seeing how difficult this story was for Peyton to release. She sat back against the pillow, Peyton did the same - she needed to get the night's events off her chest.

* * *

– '_If you asked me how I'm doin, I'd say just fine. But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind...' – _

"When I was stuck in the hospital after Lucas showed up at your door, he showed up again the first night. I hate hospitals, ya know, so I can't sleep, I was just dying having to stay there by myself. I wasn't thinking, and when he showed up I just let him in. He stayed in the chair next to me all night, just to make sure I was okay. And so, I tried to stay mad, but I was just so blinded by the guy that I fell in love with a few years ago. The guy who would go to the ends of the earth to protect me," she took a deep breath, turning her head to see the brunette's reaction. She nodded, silently urging the blonde to continue her story.

"He offered to leave that night, I told him to stay. My stupidity, huh? And I told him I wanted to move on, I made it perfectly clear that I was with Adam. But it was me who practically begged him to stay when he went to leave that night, and he did. He did it for me."

"Okay, so he spends the night in the chair. It's not really a big deal...I mean Adam might be a little pissed, but he'll get over it -"

"But that's just it. That was all that happened that night, I'm not done," Haley's eyes widened as she looked to Peyton and she pressed on with her journey from a few months before.

"So, he left that morning, just as he promised. And so the doctors decided to keep me again, that night would've probably just about killed me. I was sleep deprived, overly emotional from being pregnant, stuck in a hospital - everything was all over the place, I was so overwhelmed. And then he showed up. I started having all these flashbacks of when he was this guy that I was head over heels for, like my own Prince Charming. I got really emotional, spitting out all this stuff about being glad he was there and I started talking about how upset I was. He did nothing but encourage me to be with Adam, he didn't try anything, he just held me. What guy do you know that would do that?"

Haley shook her head, unsure if even Nathan would've done that, had they been in Lucas and Peyton's positions. She shrugged, still on edge, wondering what mess Peyton was stuck in now.

"And I started babbling again about missing him and wanting him, and I was tired. It was just sleep and messed up hormones -"

"Was it?" Haley probed, wondering what the core of Peyton's feelings were.

"Yea, of course. I love Adam, Haley -"

"Then why'd you say all that stuff?"

"I told you, I was tired, emotional...everything was just falling on top of me and he was there to catch me. I didn't really mean any of it," she insisted.

"Okay, whatever you say."

"So, there I was crying and he was tired, and upset and I turned to look at him. I can't say he kissed me, because I guess I instigated it. And I let him. I guess it was pretty mutual, he picked me up and carried me to the bed. I wasn't planning on doing anything, hell I hadn't even planned on the kiss. I didn't want it, but he was so gentle, it was like uncovering a piece of me that hadn't existed after he left. Everything was so fast at first, but he slowed down and I got lost. I took his shirt off, pushing us farther into that little bubble we were creating..."

_His lips were hot as they made contact with the skin of her neck. She was in the land of no return, confident that even if she wanted to stop she couldn't have said no. It had been so long since she let herself find pleasure, she hadn't let Adam touch her the way Lucas did. No one touched her inside and out the way he did. Her small hands roamed along the muscles protruding from his arms, along his stomach. He groaned as she pulled her touch away, he hungered for more of her, to taste her again after so long. He brought his head down to slowly meet her lips in another lust filled kiss, old feelings returning that Peyton didn't know she still carried. Her gown was discarded to the pile with his shoes, socks and shirt. Still a piece of clothing remained on her, but he was in awe of her body, he nearly forgot how beautiful she was, how all her flaws and imperfections made her so much more to him. His shock was fading as she reached for the button to his faded jeans, pulling them down, he kicked them off to the floor, lowering his body down to hers again. The sweat mixed between them, just the feel of his skin against hers made her want to move faster, to have him closer...

* * *

_

– '_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, after all this time you're still with me it's true' – _

Haley was in shock, it hadn't even occurred to her that Peyton would give in to Lucas. It didn't make her weak, but it made Haley reconsider when Peyton thought Adam meant to her. What Peyton thought Lucas meant to her. It wasn't long before Haley cut Peyton's story off, she need to know, Peyton needed to know.

"Peyton...do you love Adam?"

"I do. I really love Adam -"

"But not the way you love Lucas?" Peyton looked down, Haley words kicking her right where it hurt. "Am I right?" Haley questioned again, the blonde looked up to make eye contact.

"You can't be..."

"But I am," the brunette confirmed, receiving a slight nod.

"It's never been the same, I tried to convince myself that it was...that I could love Adam fully and not have to have Lucas if I had Adam. But I can't. Not when Lucas had my heart...still has my heart. And I do miss him, I do want him, and I don't wanna have to be so dependent on him. Adam's a great guy, he loves me so much, and I feel horrible for making him believe I loved him the way he loved me, but he's different. The way I love Adam isn't like what I feel for Lucas, but I don't doubt that what I feel for Adam is love, it is, I know that. It's just not what I feel when I see Lucas, it's not the love that -"

"Makes your heart ache for him when he's not around?" Haley finished, knowing exactly what Peyton was feeling for Lucas, knowing exactly what she wasn't feeling for Adam.

"Yea," she responded quietly. "He's great, he's everything a girl could want in a guy...but he's that crushed out love. He makes my heart speed up when I see him, I go weak in the knees when he says something cute and I love to be around him, he's probably the best guy I know. But he's not that aching love, he's not what I had with Lucas that night in the hospital - he never has been. I guess I've always known that, but I didn't want to admit it...I was living this fantasy life with Adam, and I wanna be with him. I really do, but that night with Lucas was something you fantasize about your entire life, what I pictured my first time to be like."

"Wow," the brunette was amazed at the passion Peyton spoke of the night with. She knew that Peyton would resurface some old feelings, she knew the night was memorable...but to be something that big, that amazing - proved yet again that Lucas and Peyton were the aching love that she wished for everyone, that she felt for Nathan. And despite all of Lucas' mistakes, she was happy for Peyton.

_The heat in the room had risen as they progressed, her hot breath hitting his neck as he laid kisses along her bare skin. Logical thinking had gone out the window, no space was left between them except for a pair of boxers and her underwear. The windows were foggy, the view to the outside world was obscured as he let his lips hit the warm skin along her shoulders, she arched her back, moaning slightly at his feather-light touch. Very cautiously he brought his calloused hands down to her thighs once more, letting his fingers graze the waistband of the panties she wore, letting her know his next move. She writhed beneath his ever-present touch, nodding with her eyes closed as he lowered the piece of clothing blocking them. Only seconds later her hands quickly found his boxers, tugging them down, he kicked them off. He let his eyes roam her figure again, finding beauty in the simplest things she did, his heart ached as he thought of the pain he had put her through, and how he could do nothing to stop it anymore. She opened her eyes to meet his, filled with longing and desire he brought his head back down to meet her halfway...

* * *

_

– '_Somehow you remain locked so deep inside, baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by' – _

**Haley lay in **the space beside her, a spot where Adam had laid so many times before, comforting her when she was hurt. Neither of the girls were asleep, but talking had become overrated in the darkness of the small bedroom. Each in their thoughts, Peyton especially lost in what had become of her life. A few months ago everything was perfect, now she was a knocked up teen - where had she gone wrong? _'Oh, that's right...I had a jackass boyfriend. Who I had mind-blowing sex with 2 months ago and cheated on my current boyfriend - I'm a whore!'_ she confirmed in her mind. There was nothing better than assuring yourself at 3 AM that you are the resident hoe of your small town.

"I should call Nathan," Haley spoke, breaking the deafening silence.

"Yea, you can leave if you want...I mean you probably wanna go now that I've stressed you out with my problems."

"I'm staying, you think I'd leave you here? I'll call Nathan and tell him not to wait up...that I'll be home sometime tomorrow. And since neither of us can sleep...how 'bout a late night Blockbuster run?" she winked at the blonde before running out of the room to find a phone, Peyton grinned at Haley's eternal optimism.

_Her breath was ragged and shallow as the heat engulfed their intertwined bodies. He brought his forehead to gently rest against hers, trying to breathe enough to keep his pace. His breath mingled with hers, their eyes remained closed, unable to break the moment. She initiated the next action, moving her head enough to capture his lips with hers, he reached for more as she pulled back, teasing him all the while. If it had been any other night they would've been done and asleep, but tonight was different...he wanted to savor every moment, she wanted to keep living in the dream they had created around them - they wanted to keep the fantasy of what could've been alive somewhere inside them...

* * *

_

– '_I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night, thinking you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right' – _

**They stood in **the drama section of the DVD's, hoping to find a movie to suit their mood. Peyton scanned the titles, unable to concentrate enough to decide on one.

"Hmm, shall we get _Mom at 16_, _Too Young to Be a Dad, Riding in Cars with Boys, or The Complete First Season of the Gilmore Girls_ and check out some mother daughter bonding?" Peyton questioned, cocking her head to the side, receiving a giggle from the brunette next to her.

Haley looked through the movies, unable to find one that wouldn't depress her or Peyton even more - finally she came a logical conclusion.

"Hey, Peyton."

"Yea, got another one we can watch, Hales?" she cracked, Haley smiled sympathetically before revealing her suggestion.

"How 'bout some comedy?" Peyton nodded, cracking a small smirk and moving on.

_As it overwhelmed her, she moaned louder, letting him know exactly what she needed. He understood, but still contemplated teasing her, letting his lips roam her neck a little longer, coming along up around her ear, tugging lightly. She bucked her hips and he nodded, grazing his legs with hers. He kissed her hard, pushed up gently, watched her reaction as he entered, but making sure she cracked no sound. She grunted into his kiss, his tongue mingled with hers, dueling for control in the on-going battle, still letting her know how he ached for her to be close, to be his...

* * *

_

– '_And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark, wishin' you were next to me with your head against my heart...If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine, but the truth is baby if you could read my mind' – _

**She laid silently**, knowing Haley was still awake next to her. _'She's a good friend, staying up with me'_ she proceeded to take her mind away from the matter at hand.

"Why're you still up?" she looked over to the petite brunette who was staring at her celing.

"Well, no point in staying here with you if I'm just gonna fall asleep on you, right?"

"Good point."

She pointed her eyes back to the ceiling, _'he'd be proud of me for getting my own place, supporting myself, doing it on my own...I just wish he were here.'_

_He started slowly, being careful not to hurt her in his urgency to have her. Slowly she moved into his rhythm, finding they were still as in sync as they had always been. He picked up the pace, pushing harder faster and she followed. The temperature rose again, the sweat poured from his forehead again. Her hands found the back of his neck, pulling his forehead farther down to touch hers once more. Her eyes were open, studying the lines in his face, the intensity his face held as he showed her that he was more than words, that he wanted her more than he could ever express through words...

* * *

_

– '_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, after all this time you're still with me it's true. Somehow you remain locked so deep inside, baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by' – _

**And still not** a day passed her that he didn't enter her mind, that the night didn't haunt her dreams. The creases in his forehead permanently ingrained in her mind, his piercing stare that haunted her when she had the time to think. The baby kicked as she laid there, startling her, immediately she was wide awake. The doctor had said that toward the end of the fifth month, beginning of the sixth she would feel something, she hadn't expected her heart to soar out of her chest when it actually happened.

"Oh my God!" she squealed, Haley jolted up, looking over at Peyton with all signs of worry covering her face.

"What!"

"The baby! The baby!"

"What about the baby...is she ok?"

"She's fine, she's completely fine! She kicked, Haley!"

"Oh my God!" she shrieked along with her pregnant friend. Peyton snatched her hand, pressing it to her stomach as the baby fluttered, her foot hitting her stomach, pushing Haley's hand lightly. Her eyes widened at the touch, utterly in awe of the moment that had just passed.

"Wow..."she stood speechless as Peyton's eyes teared. It was an amazing feeling, having her niece kick for the first time.

"Yea, wow...it's a shame he missed it."

"Adam?" she questioned stupidly, but it was in Peyton's best interest to try to move on.

"Lucas too," she added, with her hand still in position against her stomach.

_He pushed farther, reaching deeper, hitting places she didn't know existed. The pressure inside continued to mount, she could feel it washing over her, a million different sense coming to life, she could see he was there too. She reached her peak quicker than she expected as he made it clear that he wanted her in ways she could never understand. It was like a tidal wave, bowling her over with emotions, and with careful timing he let go only seconds after her, collapsing onto her in exhaustion...

* * *

_

– '_Mintues turn to hours, and the hours to days. Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way' – _

_It had seemed to be hours later when he lifted his body from hers, standing to grab his pants. He slipped into his jeans before sitting on the bed next to her, grabbing her warm hand, looking over to make eye contact._

"_You leaving?" she asked softly, he took a few seconds to gather his thoughts before answering._

"_In the morning."_

"_Can you stay with me tonight?" He nodded, lifting himself to the head of the bed next to her._

_They sat like that for a long time before either had the courage to speak. He took the risk, looked to her and asked the one dreaded question that she didnt' wanna hear._

"_Where does this leave us?"_

– '_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, after all this time you're still with me it's true. Somehow you remain locked so deep inside, baby, baby, oh baby, **not a day goes by**' – _

**So, this wasn't my best but I do like the outcome. I think the flashbacks turned out well, portraying exactly what I wanted. I know this was a little bit of filler, but I needed to show some Peyton/Haley bond, and some of Haley's thoughts. I also needed to show what went on between Lucas and Peyton bcuz I didn't want this rushed 10 seconds, I wanted passionate, taking their time moments. That came across well. So, tell me what you thought. The song was "Not a Day Goes By" by Lonestar.**

**REVIEW, AND I'LL BE UPDATING!**


	23. Blind

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 23 - Blind**

**Author's Note - **Hey, to all of the people reading. I wanna thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter and the whole story - I wasn't sure if the last chapter would come across the way I wanted it to, but apparently it did. I'm very glad you saw what I was trying to portray and that you all enjoyed the Haley/Peyton bonding. Here's the next chapter of TSS, and I hope you like this too.

'_Where does this leave us?' _the question replayed in her mind six million times for the next month. It haunted her dreams at night, waking her up in a cold sweat, leaving her unable to fall back to a comfortable sleep. She remembered exactly how the scene played out, the cold look in his eyes that disappeared when she got the nerve to answer him. And the hurt that played straight through his stare when she asked him to leave.

* * *

– '_I was young but I wasn't naive, I watched helpless as you turned around to leave' – _

"_I...I - it doesn't leave us anywhere, Lucas," her determination returned, she couldn't ask him to stay, no matter how badly it hurt to act like she didn't love him._ _There was no way she could trust him again - she couldn't have her heart broken again when he couldn't handle the situation._

_His eyes drifted downward, he brought his hand up to ruffle his hair slightly. He heaved a sigh before standing from the bed and slipping his shirt back on. Sitting back on the edge of the bed, her small hand rested gently in his own. He stood again, becoming restless he went to look through the large window, glancing at the cars that still cruised the roads. She slipped out of the light sheet, covering herself back up with the paper gown. She made her way to the window, standing next to him in the dark, her eyes teared but she pushed them back, he wasn't allowed to see how much this would hurt her._

"_You have to go," she whispered through the tears that threatened to fall. He nodded, turning his head away from her, reaching his hand up to wipe away at his own emotions that pooled in his eyes. They were quite possibly the hardest words she ever forced herself to say, the hardest thing he ever had to hear._

_He turned away from her, more tears coming through his eyes, knowing he may never see her again - never see his daughter. Nervously, his hands shook as he gathered a few things from the floor in preparation to leave. He headed for the door, her crying got louder and he turned to see her, his own red eyes matching her appearance._

"_I never wanted this," she said softly._

_He had to turn his head, take a breath before he could look at her. He crossed the room in a few steps, as her strong facade crumbled right out from beneath her, he caught her in his arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, holding on for the crash. His strong cologne mingled with his own distinct scent - one that remained on a few of his t-shirts she kept. _

"_I'll miss you, Peyt."_

"_Don't say that...you can't call me that, you're the only person who ever called me that," she defended, trying to keep her tears at bay. He kept her close, her body pressed tightly against his own. _

_Finally, she let go of him, pushing him away, trying to regain composure. He expected her to let him go, but instead she opened her mouth to talk again._

"_Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to do this?" she questioned, seeing his eyes still filled with the tears that had come. The boy in front of her took a deep breath, nodding. _

"_I don't know what to do without you," he said so quietly that she strained to hear. "I just wander all day, I feel like a zombie when you're not around."_

"_That's why you have to go...I can't spend my whole life thinking about when you're coming back, you have to move on too. You made this decision."_

"_And it haunts me every day. I think about you every day...there isn't a second when you aren't with me," as her tears flowed again, she wiped at them furiously - the space between them was daunting as he stood at the door, she at the window. _

"_Don't do this, please. Don't make me feel guilty, Lucas. You have to go," he let his head fall, moving his hand to the back of his neck he saw reality. His other hand rested on the cold metal door knob._

"_I still love you, Peyton. I still need you," he whispered._

"_Stop, stop, stop! I can't hear this," she turned away from him, her tears finally overwhelming her._

"_I just need you to know. It was the worst decision of my life - the day I left you. I just...can you send me a picture when she's born?" He only received a nod and he slowly pushed down on the knob in his hand._

"_I loved you so much," she hissed, the bitterness sinking through. "I loved you more than you'll ever know, Lucas. You were everything...and for a while I wasn't sure if I could go on without you. You have no idea how much I struggle just to take a breath when I think of you. And it isn't fair...can you just do me one favor?" she begged, barely being able to talk through her sobs._

"_What's that?" his voice shook with every word. He was afraid of the answer, afraid of what she was about to ask him to do. _

"_Give me my heart back."

* * *

_

– '_And still the pain I have to carry, a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried' – _

"Peyton...Peyton," he nudged her gently on the shoulder, pushing her towards the door for her 7th month check-up.

"Huh?"

"You zoned out on me. C'mon the doctor's waiting," he pointed to the door where Doctor Larter was waiting patiently for the young girl.

"Sorry...where did Adam say he was gonna be again?" she pushed a few curls behind her ears, using all her remaining strength to push herself from the waiting room chairs.

"Peyton, he told you like six times. He went with his parents to see his grandparents, who are in some Florida hospital," she rounded her mouth to form an O, she still hadn't gotten the courage to inform him of her cheating ways. The guilt was eating away at her every day - she was very aware that one day she was just gonna burst and break his heart - the last thing she wanted to do.

She glanced over at Nathan as they entered the room, a mischievous look in his eyes. Now, she knew he was up to something, and it was the anticipation of what was to come that was killing her. Yet, never in a million years did she expect what the younger Scott had planned.

"Lucas?" she breathed, the blonde sat innocently on the table, pleased with her arrival.

"Hey," he said quietly, waving to make a point. He took in the sight of her round belly, his eyes glazing over as the thoughts of his little girl overcame him.

"Well, now that you guys are all acquainted and situated, I'm gonna go meet Haley for some lunch. I'll be back a little later...call me Peyton," he shut the door, receiving a blank nod from the pregnant girl. He smirked, calmly dialing Haley and telling her what had just gone down. He got an ear full from the small girl on the other line - he was in _trouble_.

* * *

– '_After all this time, I never thought we'd be here, never thought we'd be here' – _

**The doctor looked** awkwardly between the two blondes. They both stood obviously uncomfortable, and he knew there was a painful past associated with the tension that stood thickly in the room.

"So, I'll just leave you two alone for a few minutes while I go get...a few papers I forgot," he quickly made excuses to get out of the room. Peyton silently begged him to stay - no such luck. _'Damn him'_ she cursed, now looking over to Lucas who's feet dangled over the table he sat on.

"What're you doing here?" she questioned, bitterly.

"Nathan called...he said Adam was out of town," after a moment of silence he spoke again. "You don't have to like me, I'm not asking for that. All I'm asking is for you to let me stay, please...just let me see her," he pleaded, the few tears welling up in his eyes were evident, she knew she couldn't turn him down. Besides, it wasn't for her - it was for _their_ daughter.

"Okay," she agreed, quietly - it took everything in her to let him stay, and even then she was reluctant. It wasn't until she felt the baby's foot against her stomach that she didn't think twice about him being there. It felt so natural to go through things like that with him.

"C'mere," she waved for him to hurry and he panicked, running to her.

"What? What's wrong?" his face was a pale white and she had to laugh at his concern.

"Look," she took his hand, placing it on the round bulge that was her stomach. It was only a few moments later when she felt the baby once more, lightly moving his hand up. His reaction was something that made her heart melt - his face lit up in excitement, his eyes glistened slightly - everything she hadn't expected from the man who left her because of the baby.

"Wow, when did she start that?" and he cursed himself for asking her that, he realized he didn't want to know the answer.

"About a month ago, Haley was over the first night..." she wanted to clear the air between them, but she didn't know what to say to the boy in front of her. She was at a loss for words when it came to him. "I"m sorry you weren't there," she finally finished.

"So am I," he said sincerely, making eye contact with her. Her heart hung heavily, but she had to go through with what she planned to say - it was the only way.

"Well, that makes this harder to say," he looked on curiously. "I'd rather do anything than push you away like this, you know that Lucas. But there's no way we can keep going on like this, I can't keep playing with my emotions...or yours. That night, I said things I didn't mean. I was upset and sleep deprived, and when I told you I wanted you...it wasn't the truth, I was just - it wasn't the truth. I'll always love you, Lucas, you were my first love and I won't forget that. But you need to move on too, you made this choice...and I have to let you go," she wiped at the never-ending tears. It seemed that Lucas did nothing but make her cry and Adam did nothing but make her smile, yet she loved Lucas - she was definitely checking herself into the next mental institution she came across.

"So...this is really it?" he asked, choking on his every word.

"You can stay today - we can talk, do whatever you want. And I really want you there when she's born, after that we can talk about visits and things. So, no it's not the end of our overall relationship, because one way or another we'll always be in each others lives, that's inevitable. But as far as you and me, this is it. I love Adam, and you need to get your life back together," she finally confirmed his worst fears. But as she said, it was his choice - he wrecked his life, not her.

* * *

– '_When my love for you was blind, but I couldn't make you see it, couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more, than you will ever know, a part of me died when I let you down' – _

"Okay, Peyton, I just need you to lay back and then we'll start the usual routine," Doctor Larter made sure she was comfortable before applying the gel for her ultrasound and pulling the TV up beside the young couple. He knew Lucas was new to the whole process, so he explained all of his steps and made sure the blonde got a good look at everything.

Finally, the middle-aged man was able to focus in on the growing little girl inside of the young girl. She had stopped school a little more than a month ago, leaving her home all day alone - it was lonely being pregnant, but the check-ups were enough to make her appreciate what she was going through.

"Do you see right there is the head?" he pointed to a small black and white circle on the screen and Lucas' eyes grew in astonishment. He took a double take to his ex's stomach, unbelieving that his little girl was growing right inside of the beautiful girl in front of him.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Lucas nodded, speechless and utterly in awe. Peyton, being pregnant, got teary eyed again when she saw his face, forcing herself to stop watching him.

"Will you be here for the birth?" he questioned the young blonde again, who in turn looked at Peyton for an answer.

"Yea, he'll be here...he is the father."

* * *

– '_I would fall asleep, only in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like it was before' – _

"Thanks again for letting me stay, I didn't deserve it," she turned her head to focus out on the cloudy skies around them. He was right, he didn't deserve any of what she just did for him - but the look in his eyes when he heard their little girl's heartbeat made her rethink what he did and did not deserve. She nodded anyway as they continued walking to their respective cars.

"What happened to us, Lucas? Why'd you do this to us?" she pleaded suddenly, catching his attention.

"Because I'm an asshole who doesn't know what he has till it's gone..." he trailed off before opening the door to his small, beaten up car. She waited for a few more minutes as he started the engine and pulled up along side of her, she fully expected him to look her in the eye and say his famous "I'll be seeing you" but instead he kept his head on the dashboard until the last second.

"Just have Nathan call me when you go into labor, I'll be here, I can promise you that," he took a deep breath, looked up at her and uttered the words that strangled him and suffocated her. "Bye, Peyton."

* * *

– '_But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting, they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor' – _

**Her little girl** kicked happily inside of her, not realizing what her mother had just gone through for her. Peyton walked away as the tears flooded her inside, but she fought to keep them back as the rain came down around her - suiting her mood perfectly. The weather had always found the perfect way to reflect how she was feeling - strange how the best summer weather recorded for the state of North Carolina in twenty years was the summer she spent with Lucas.

* * *

– '_After all this time I never thought we'd be here, never thought we'd be here. When my love for you was blind, but I couldn't make you see it, couldn't make you see it' – _

**Lucas drove home** in the dead silence of his car. The radio was too painful as his heart ached in his chest. He couldn't remember ever feeling like this - not even when he left her the first time because he knew he'd be back to fight for her. This time felt like the end, and boy did it hurt. He saw Adam with Peyton before, he saw the life he could've had if he hadn't been such a jackass, but now it was all a faded memory. Everything was faded and nothing meant anything to him anymore - nothing but his little girl.

– '_That I loved you more than you will ever know, and part of me died when I let you go' –

* * *

_

**Ok, very angsty chapter. But they suit me most of the time - they're draining to write. So, 12 Memories is next just because. So, in the flashback I stole a word or two from the song in the chapter - but it suited what I was going for here. Thanks for reading and some reviews would be cool! The song was "Blind" by Lifehouse. It's a beautiful song - one of my faves right now so check it out!**


	24. Overcome

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 24 - Overcome**

**Author's Note - Sorry for the short delay - it seems that life tends to get in the way of me updating these fics as often as I'd really like to. I love writing, I'm just not always allotted the time to do so. Anyway, glad you all enjoyed the last chapter - wow that one was really hard to write. I'm thinking this chapter might be a little shorter than usual, but it depends on where I can find the right spot to end it. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy )**

**Her head rested** against the fluffy pillow on the couch. She thoughtfully kept her eyes on the ceiling, Adam was due home in a few hours. A few hours to clear her head, a few hours to get him out of her head...or better yet - her heart. But then again she'd been allowed many months to do that and so far all of her attempts had been futile. She pushed herself out of the comfortable cushions that had molded to her figure and poked her blonde head into the cool refrigerator. It contained a few left overs she and Brooke had split, a few sticks of butter and a bottle of orange juice which she eyed carefully. _'Screw it'_ she decided, unsure if the baby would react to the acid in her stomach. She swiftly downed the last of the juice residing in the plastic container and chucked the bottle into the trash.

"What a fun day," she voiced to the empty apartment, the bitter sarcasm ringing through her voice. _'And what a sucky afternoon' _she voiced to her empty head.

* * *

– '_North light comes, uninvited, through the window to where you lie. Disjointed, dust & silence, quite at a loss' – _

**Her eyes now** wandered the kitchen, looking at the small collectibles she had placed strategically through the small room. Many she knew were from _him_, and while Adam didn't know that, it ate away at her every day when she saw them from the corner of her eye. And right now, it bothered her. Right now she didn't want to ever think of him again - she wanted him gone.

It was all in blind fury, all she could see was red when she picked up the small statues one by one. She collected a mug he'd once given her, she began to rip the pictures she kept in a small shoe box, hidden away in a high cabinet. She set them all in the kitchen table as the anger radiated from her, she ran through the house finding anything he'd ever given her, putting it all in the middle of the table.

"Wanna know what I think of you, Lucas?" she screamed, her voice shook as the emotions poured through.

In one quick motion she swiped the statues from the table, throwing them with all her might against her refrigerator, watching them break into a million little pieces. The fragments of glass came down to the floor in a crash and ricocheted off into a million different directions. Her anger scared her, she never really was able to control her emotions.

Continuing her process she lifted a few sweatshirts from the table and conquered them with scissors she kept safely tucked away in a drawer. She cut the shirt so many times in a fit of rage that she wasn't sure when her finger had started bleeding, or when the shirt was so shredded that she was unable to find any piece of material big enough to cut.

The blonde tore the pictures out of the box, a few fell to the floor, but the ones she could get her hands on she ripped. Pictures of him making faces, the two of them at the beach, at prom. All of her memories that had been immortalized were now in pieces on her kitchen floor, joining the shards of glass. Before she finished with the pictures she darted into the living room.

* * *

– '_I feel strange, I feel changed, I feel strange...overcome...overcome by you' – _

"Take that Lucas Scott, you selfish bastard!" she threw the paper into the air, watching it fall like confetti on New Years. Her door slammed open, a petite brunette with a pale face found her - still Peyton saw nothing but anger in her mind's eye.

Finally, on a shelf that remained untouched, a small glass frame sat a top the wood. She looked at it one last time before scooping it up and using all of her strength to make it hit the wall closest to her. Once again she watched it break, the picture inside fluttered to the ground, but she took no notice as she saw Haley from the corner of her eye.

"Peyton," she whispered with the utmost care as she watched the frazzled girl, waiting for her to break any minute.

"What!" she shouted, obviously angered with the whole day.

"Can I help?"

"No, just get the hell out, Haley! I don't need you here, I don't need you worrying about me. All you and your ass of a husband have done was cause trouble - just leave!"

"We've done nothing but try to help!" she defended, her wide eyes moving with her mouth to form a scowl. She knew her temper was getting the best of her - that Peyton was just pushing her buttons, but somehow she couldn't push her feelings away.

"Yea," she scoffed. "And I was perfectly content when Lucas left. It's all a big lie, just go," her voice cracked underneath the pressure.

"Fine, Peyton. You wanna push us away...fine. I don't care anymore. You won't let anyone help then we shouldn't be wasting our time," she spat bitterly to the blonde.

"Everyone's wasting their time," she said so quietly that she was barely audible as the door slammed shut. She was now successful in pushing everyone who took the time to care away. She hadn't been sure if Haley would've gone that easily, but she knew Haley's temper as well as anyone. Looking back, she could say she might've seen it coming.

Her eyes shifted quickly, catching reflections from the glass and the spilled glass of water she knocked over in her anger. And finally she caught the picture that had parted from her frame, sitting under the glass, untouched by her fury.

* * *

– '_I fell in too deep, but I learned to swim in an undertow, since I'm giving in' – _

Slowly she lifted her hand to push away the glass, pulling 4x6 piece of paper from the wreckage to examine it. Her bloody hand remained in her lap while she held the picture with her other. Her eyes scanned the image. She and Lucas were so happy, they were at the River Court that day.

"_Peyt, get in the game!" _

_She giggled at his determination, but still shook her head no. He shook his head, a grin escaping his lips without his permission._ _He, Nathan, Haley continued to play - the game was uneven and Lucas was unhappy._

_He beat Nathan and Haley on account of Haley's clumsiness and lack of basketball skill. Nathan had spent the whole game concentrating on teaching Haley how to put the ball through the hoop._

_Peyton cheered from the sidelines and as the game ended, Haley glumly walked to Nathan with her head hung low. _

"_It's okay, Hales, we're not all good at basketball," he secretly teased her. No one noticed Brooke walking up from the side with a camera in her hands. The brunette had been hell bent on capturing every moment - prepared to save them for Jenny, herself, and any future kids that would make appearances in the group._

_Peyton flew from the bleachers, Lucas stood waiting with a smile. She threw herself up into his arms and as he held her above him he caught her eyes. Trying to say everything to her that he knew his own words wouldn't be able to express. They held contact, Brooke squealing in the background as she capture the picturesque moment. _

"_Kodak invented cameras for stuff like that," she pointed out to Jake, he nodded along.

* * *

_

– '_I feel strange, I feel changed, I feel strange...overcome...overcome' – _

The moment stood still, time stood still in her hands. At the time she thought her heart might've burst with what she felt for the boy who's arms she was entangled in. Now, her heart wanted to burst with anger and pain. In less than a year her life had managed to do a complete 180. But still her favorite moment with him was captured in time, forever a memory unless...

Her fingers were poised on the edges as the tears threatened to spill. She could feel her heart pounding - this would be it. Her favorite moment - something she couldn't erase from her mind would at least be erased from her sight and she would never have any proof that it happened. It would be like it never existed for anyone but her.

She went to pull, used all her strength to tear - but she couldn't. Her tears spilled out, she threw the paper away from her. The sobs wracked her body as she shook. She rocked herself slowly, back and forth, back and forth. When had _everything_, spiraled into _nothing_.

* * *

– '_I'm a little bit wiser, I'm a little bit sadder. I'm a little bit less you might've guessed. But if you could be staying, tell me now, darling, I think I'm fading. I swear I'll never trade your love for a lie' – _

"She's pushing us all away, Nathan," Haley cried into his shoulder. He had watched two friendships deteriorate in Haley's life and it pained him each time. To watch her cry when he could do nothing. But this time he could - he could help her fix things...indirectly, of course.

"Don't let her," he said simply. His wife's eyes were questioning.

"Go back, let her know you're not leaving. She's pushing you because she's so scared you're going to, we're all going to leave her. She may not look vulnerable but she is. I've known her since I was little, she's just as hurt and scared as the rest of us, Hales."

* * *

– '_I feel strange, I feel changed, I feel strange...overcome...overcome by you' – _

"I can't do it," she cried, her eyes trying to focus on the picture resting on the carpet. "Why can't I do it?" she screamed, her voice hoarse from the whole day.

"I don't love you, Lucas. I can't. I can't...I can't do this anymore," she stood to sweep away some glass, pushing it all to the corner of the kitchen and still the ripped picture shreds were forming pictures in her mind. She fell back against the refrigerator, all the glass now removed from the area. Very slowly she slid down, tucking her knees against her chest, letting her head fall as she shook again. Unable to contain everything as she fell apart, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - she was nothing.

And if she was nothing, what was she living for? What did she have left to live for? She was a big ball of black - all numb and nothing left to feel. She picked up the piece of glass that laid in her reach, it stood intimidating under her already bloody fingers.

"I want to feel something," she cried out, desperately searching for an answer.

The cold glass hit her wrist, but she hadn't pushed down. She let her salty tears continue to fall as she was tempted by the sensations. She threw the idea around, knowing full well that it was wrong - but who was left to tell her what right and wrong were? She put pressure, her fingers turning white as she brought the glass back to her wrist. The point barely gliding over her white skin...thump. A small foot hit her stomach again, a playful kick.

"Damn it!" she threw the glass to other side of the room. It was all wrong, she couldn't do it. She wouldn't. It wasn't her anymore, there was no me or my - she had another life to care for. And as horrible as the day had been, as sinister as her thoughts were she was not cold hearted. She was better than that, she would be a better mother than that.

* * *

– '_Overcome...overcome...sometimes it helps me to give it up, in some ways you're never gonna get it, some nights I feel live I'm gonna give it. Sunlight...everynight...overcome...overcome' – _

**Haley stood, pale** as a ghost, her heart pounded out of her chest as she watched the blonde's actions. The blinds were separated slightly, just enough for her to watch. She watched Peyton throw the glass, she watched her self-destruct and pick herself up. And she couldn't help but think, _'one day she'll be okay, but for now she still needs us'_ And it was at that moment that she knew she would stand tall, she wouldn't let the petite blonde push her away. She would be a better friend than that.

– '_Hold still, come on and save me' – _

**Ok , wow. A lot to process and a lot different than even I expected. I hope you liked it, please tell me what you thought. The song was "Overcome" by Better Than Ezra - I recommend you check it out. Review!**


	25. Listen to Your Heart

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 25 - Listen to your heart**

**Authors Note - **Ok, I don't kno who still reads this considering I got two reviews for the last chapter. I would personally like to thank cabot007 and a.k.a.-ashley for their reviews. I have a feeling you guys are reading but not reviewing. You know it feels good to get reviews and let me know you still like this so keep that in mind. This will skip ahead a few months, maybe a flashback or two in between. I'm personally gonna dedicate this chapter to **a.k.a.-ashley** because she's taken the time to review after every chapter telling me what she thought, so thanks for all of that.

_It had only been a few moments as Haley continued to peer through the window, watching Peyton's determination to pick herself back up from where she had lost herself. And she knew the blonde couldn't do it on her own, she wouldn't make it on her own. Peyton picked herself up from the kitchen floor, gradually making her way to the living room couch, letting her broken self fall into the comfort of the cushions. It literally broke Haley's heart to see her friend so lost, so defeated. Very slowly the brunette opened the door, catching Peyton's attention momentarily. The blonde's eyes pleaded with the girl in front of her, pleading for forgiveness, she was too tired to verbally make her request. Haley nodded, words were no longer necessary in that period of time. Cautiously Haley moved forward, sitting on the couch next to her friend, watching her from the corner of her eye._

"_Don't leave," the blonde uttered, desperately, her voice sounded so fragile and hopeless to the petite brunette._

"_I'm not going anywhere, Peyton," she whispered, pulling the girl into her arms. Peyton sat still for a few minutes before she was overcome and the tears forced their way out. Her body shook violently once more as she let herself go and Haley held on tightly. Letting her know she was there, that she wasn't leaving, that she would never leave. The last thing she heard before Peyton cried herself to sleep was a defeated whisper, "why?"

* * *

_

– '_I know there's something in the wake of your smile, I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea' – _

**1 ½ MONTHS LATER**

**Peyton sat quietly** at Haley and Nathan's kitchen table, enjoying the apple pie that Nathan had so graciously bought her. Adam and Nathan sat on the couch, competitively playing NBA 2K5 and wasting away the rainy afternoon. Haley was folding towels on the floor near the blonde and Brooke was out for the afternoon being "friends" with Jake, though both Haley and Peyton thought differently of their situation.

She was doing better these days, though every once in a while _he_ would enter her mind she knew better than to dwell on that situation. Haley and Brooke had both been very supportive and she wasn't quite sure if she would've been okay without them. Now the only thing she was anticipating so highly was the one thing she was dreading the most. The birth of their daughter would inevitably bring them together again, inevitably try to drag her back down into the black hole she was climbing out of, but she would try harder, she would be stronger.

An apple fell from its place on her fork, and as it did she maneuvered herself to a position where she had access to lifting it from the floor. After her five minute excursion to retrieve an apple she headed to the trash can as Adam stood to meet her.

"I gotta go, Peyton," his smile made her heart flutter and he managed to capture her lips in a quick kiss, motioning for her to walk outside with him. She followed, closing the door behind them as he whispered his good byes in her ear. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as her stomach would allow and kissing him with all that she had before he left to go back to Virginia to celebrate his grandparents 50th anniversary.

They both knew she was due to have the baby at any moment, and he regretted leaving her but his parents wouldn't allow him to stay. She understood, waving him off as he got in his car and remorsefully sped off down the highway, to his grandparents, the last place he wanted to be for his weekend. She headed back in, her head still resting in the clouds. Things had slowly picked back up for her and Adam, they were doing much better though she had still managed to keep her rendezvous in the hospital a secret. She guiltily kept her routine with Adam, but allowed herself to be more open as she had once remembered someone saying to her...

"_But you're allowed. You're so guarded, Peyt. This is why you won't let yourself love anyone else, why you won't let Adam love you and why you're still stuck on me. You're beautiful, Peyton, let yourself be loved again"_

She walked back to the kitchen, the words running through her head, his whispers still haunting her from time to time. She hadn't seen him since he sped off in his car a month and a half ago, since he said _goodbye_. And in many ways she was glad, he was allowing her time to move on, but at the same time so many parts of her waited for him to come back. So many pieces of her ached for his touch still, and still everything around her seemed unfair, but she was dealing with it.

_She and Haley sat at the brunette's apartment, Nathan had gone to the gym with Jake for the day. They were discussing everything, trying to get Peyton to open back up to let herself be open with someone. _

"_Shit happens, Peyton, you just gotta keep going," Haley had informed her, pushing her forward in her never-ending struggle, otherwise known as life.

* * *

_

– '_You've built a love, but that love falls apart. Your little piece of heaven turns to dark' – _

"So, Peyton, you and Adam are the item of the year, everyone knows about you," Nathan wiggled his eyebrows at his blonde friend and she laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Everyone as in who?"

"As in everyone important."

"You're very cryptic, Nate. She's been kicking a lot," Peyton mentioned, directing everyone's attention to her bulging stomach. "I said she was kicking not having a party that we all need to stare at," Haley giggled and Nathan smirked as he continued to play against the computer in a different video game.

The blonde stood again to find milk in their refrigerator when a puddle began to from on the kitchen floor beneath her. Her mind was moving faster than she could form words, she was stupid, she had read 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting', she knew what this was. Her water had just broke and she was on her way into labor.

"Haley, Nathan," her voice was panicked as they both turned to look at her. "Hospital...now," they both in turn caught the small puddle on the floor and jumped, Nathan fumbled for the keys. Haley ran to the blonde's apartment to retrieve her bag, help her to the car and inform Brooke and Jake that they needed to meet them at the hospital.

"Should I call Adam?" Peyton shook her head no, it was pointless, he wasn't allowed back and she wasn't sure if his parents had taken his cell phone yet like they had threatened. The last time they were in Virginia was when she had ended up in the hospital when Lucas showed up, and his parents had been strict on him not leaving his grandparents a second time.

* * *

– '_Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you, listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do' – _

**Nathan, shaken from** the sudden shock, had taken off, nearly colliding with a honda on his way out, swerving to the left and finally getting back on track. Haley had whacked him in the arm numerous times before they were all calm. The only sound was Peyton's breathing from the back seat.

"I'd like to be alive to deliver my baby, Nathan," she mumbled as he tried to calm himself.

"I know."

Haley pondered over the question she had wanted to ask for what seemed like forever. She had always been known to beat around the bush, and this time was no exception, but she needed an answer and so she threw herself out there.

"Should I call Lucas?" she asked quietly, watching Peyton's eyes meet her own. Her eyes wandered off, watching the dust particles that floated in the car they were all seated in. _'Should I call Lucas, should I call Lucas, should I call Lucas?'

* * *

_

– '_I don't know where you're going, and I don't know why, but listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye' – _

Her heart tugged at her, and the contractions were constantly breaking whatever concentration she was hoping to form. The baby in her stomach seemed to be enough of an answer but after a month and a half of putting herself back together, did she really need to open old wounds? Did she really need to rip her soul out again?

"_You can stay today - we can talk, do whatever you want. And I really want you there when she's born, after that we can talk about visits and things..."_

She couldn't put herself back through that, could she?

"_And I really want you there when she's born..."_

The contractions began to get more painful and a little bit closer together, signaling she was closer to having her little girl securely in her arms.

"_And I really want you there when she's born..."_

She couldn't push him away if he wanted to be there. She saw the way his face shined when he saw the baby on screen and when she kicked, the light tears that had formed in his eyes. Could she deny him the birth of their baby girl?

"_Just have Nathan call me when you go into labor, I'll be here, I can promise you that..."

* * *

_

– '_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile, the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea. They're swept away and nothing is what it seems, the feeling of belonging to your dreams' – _

**She met Haley's** eyes once more, taking a deep breath, cringing as the pain hit again. Haley knew this was going to hurt, she already knew Peyton's answer and she had to give her credit for going through with what she was about to do.

"Call him."

* * *

– '_And there are voices that want to be heard, so much to mention but you can't find the words' – _

"Lucas, Peyton's in labor. She needs you to come," Haley wanted to gag herself for having to talk to him, they had never actually settled the things between them. After their fight she had said all of a few sentences to him, and they were all by force and under much protest from herself.

"Is she okay? Can I talk to her? Please...I know if it was up to you I'd never get within a five mile radius of her but please, Haley, just let me talk to her?" he begged, desperate to know that she was okay, that his little girl was ok.

"He wants to talk to you," she whispered through clenched teeth, aggravated at his attempts.

Peyton took the phone, bewildered with thoughts of what he needed to say that badly, but in some form she was glad he was worried rather than passive and uncaring.

"Peyton, are you ok?"

"I'm fine...a little bit of paaaaaain," she grinded the words out through her contractions.

"Okay, I just needed to make sure, I'll be there. I promise, just hold on," he vowed before hanging up and running out to his car. He was about to be a father to a little girl he had once said he didn't want. Now his feelings were mixed but he knew that no matter how many times he told himself he wasn't ready that this little girl would claim his heart as fast as her mother had managed to do so.

* * *

– '_The scent of magic, the beauty that's been, when love was wilder than the wind' – _

"_Bye, Peyton"_

His eyes as he drove away still broke her heart, the contractions were becoming unbearable as they pulled up to the hospital. Nathan helped her into the wheelchair as Jake and Brooke took a running start with Jenny up the through the parking lot. Their hands were intertwined, Haley observed she winked at Brooke and a full fledged smile appeared. Lucas' car pulled up only seconds later, apparently he had been staying relatively close. He skidded to a stop leaving his car in the middle of the street and running to the blonde's side. Jake and Brooke were obviously lost in the situation, but Nathan watched the fire boil in Jake's eyes.

Nathan waved him off and the boy with the baby nodded. Brooke and Haley watched as Lucas grabbed her hand, his worry evident through his eyes. And Haley's heart softened for him, as much as she didn't want to, she could still remember the boy who captured her heart as a little girl, the boy she had grown to climb trees with, the boy who was overprotective when she started dating his brother, the boy who would always have a special place in her heart no matter what words were thrown around.

"Breathe, Peyton," Lucas whispered, letting her squeeze his hand to bits.

"I can't do this," she desperately pleaded, the doctors wheeling her to a room.

"Yes, you can. Breathe. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right here, Peyt," she smiled at her nickname, it still managed to calm everything for a few minutes and everything stood still. This was how it was supposed to be - everything was right for a few minutes.

"I need a reading on this!" Doctor Larter shouted through the door, "I'm losing the baby's heartbeat, move it!" doctors rushed through the doors and the blood drained from the two teenagers faces. Peyton's eyes moved to meet the blonde boy's. He squeezed her hand reassuringly, and shook his head. She looked around for anything to calm her own pounding heart, he pecked her forehead quickly, his eyes shifting at lightning speed to watch the equipment that was emerging.

"What's going on!" Lucas shouted to Doctor Larter, he flashed a sympathetic smile, unable to stop to explain. Peyton was panicking, her heart rate steadily rising as the doctors moved faster.

"It has to be okay, I need this to be okay. I won't lose her Doctor Larter," Peyton pushed, and he nodded. "It'll be okay, right?" she looked to Lucas for answers.

"I hope," he replied, silently praying for some kind of sign to let him know his little girl was okay. She had to be. _It had to be okay._

**Okay, different outcome than even I expected, but I hope you're liking it. At least enough to review! The song was "Listen to Your Heart" by Roxette. I think it turned out okay, tell me what you thought.**

**Review for me, tell me what you thought this one time instead of being lazy n not logging in. If it's boring you let me kno n I'll end it - any kind of feedback is helpful :-P**


	26. Trying

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 26 - Trying**

**Authors Note - **Okay, I realize the last chapter was a bit of a cliff hanger, so here is the conclusion to that. I'm also hoping to focus this chapter on Brooke and Jake a little bit, so I hope you're okay with that. So, here we go, on with the rest:

**Her heart pounded** as though she had been running some sort of marathon. Doctors swarmed the room, white coats floated everywhere and the only person who remained stationary with her was Lucas. And he pleaded with the doctors to tell him what was going on, but they did nothing to tell him. She was on the verge of tears as he whispered soothingly in her ear - that still did nothing to calm her frazzled nerves. The rest of the group sat restlessly in the waiting room, as they all tried to pry for information.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on!" Lucas was getting impatient but the doctors didn't have time. They were all in a rush. Too busy to tell him if his daughter was destined to live or die.

* * *

– '_Could you let down your hair and be transparent for a while? Just a little while to see if you're human after all' – _

**Haley paced nervously** watching the doctors rush to the room. She had been with Peyton nearly every step of the way, having one of the closest ties to the pregnancy made her impatient with the lack of answers she was receiving. Nathan continued to try to calm her, but she wouldn't have it and he was frustrated.

Jake sat quietly with Jenny positioned comfortably in his lap, she dozed off for minutes at a time. Brooke remained next to him, her small manicured hand secured in his large calloused one. Everyone was on the verge, each ready to snap, worried about the curly haired girl who had claimed a piece of each of their hearts.

"Anyone want coffee?" Jake asked, loud enough to stop Haley, but quiet enough as to not startle Jenny. Nathan shook his head vehemently, as did Haley, Brooke stood and offered to help.

"I'll take Jenny if you want," Nathan offered, surprising everyone in the room. Jake, with wide eyes, handed his little girl over to Nathan Scott. He took her in, kept her close to his chest and her round eyes fell droopy as his heart beat against her.

**The two brunettes** strolled through various corridors of the hospital in search of the caffeinated liquid, otherwise known as coffee. Jake felt like pulling his hair out at the silence that was pushing the wedge between them. That afternoon had been awkward, and surprised him when he received a phone call from Brooke with an offer to go to the park. He had gratefully accepted, anything to get out of the house considering how antsy Jenny had become.

"Who the hell doesn't have a coffee machine advertised in the hospital?" Brooke asked rhetorically, irritated with the whole situation. He shrugged his shoulders, and continued moving at his pace, but she on the other hand couldn't keep pretending like everything was fine between them.

About ten feet ahead he realized Brooke wasn't following him, he let out a breath and turned to see her standing in the deserted hallway, looking as beautiful as ever to him. He shook his head once to clear his thoughts, burying his hands into his shallow pockets.

"You know, even after that talk we had a few months ago, even though we forgave each other we're never going to be the same are we?" she crossed her arms in front of her chest, awaiting his answer. He sighed, averting his eyes to the gray walls.

"I don't know," he mumbled, unwilling to have this dispute in the hospital while Peyton was in labor.

"Yes you do! You know. You know there's always going to be that layer of betrayal on both our parts. And I'm so sorry that I did what I did, I can't say that enough. I really didn't wanna screw us up, you're the first guy I've really, really cared about and it hurts every day to know I hurt you -"

"It hurts me too," he interrupted, "that I hurt you. I never meant for that. But what's done is done. The best we can do is move on and try to be friends."

"But we can't. I can't. I can't be friends with you, Jake, not when I still want you. I miss everything about you, and this space between us, it's unbearable. I don't want it. I get all of you, or none," Brooke Davis – always one to go for what she wanted, but she never ceased to amaze him. As he watched her, he zoned out on the months they had spent together, how unexpected it had all been.

"Jake! Say something," he was shaken from his reverie, and back in reality he really had no words for the girl in front of him.

* * *

– '_Honesty is a hard attribute to find when we all want to seem like we got it all figured out' – _

**Doctor Larter walked** up to the two teenagers, his face completely void of any emotion, making him impossible to read. And this frustrated the blonde boy, he clenched his teeth to keep himself from yelling at the staff around him. He kept quiet, kept her hand intertwined with his and made himself focus on the words falling out of the doctor's mouth.

"Okay, guys. I think we're okay, the baby was in distress for a few minutes, she had gotten tangled in the umbilical cord, but she seems to have changed her position, leaving you to endure a natural birth. Otherwise we would've had to perform an immediate cesarean section to save the baby. You're very lucky. We're monitoring her movement still, and you can continue with your breathing, hopefully from here on out things should run smoothly," he smiled at the two and walked out of the room to check up on another patient.

"Thank God," she breathed a sigh of relief, her death grip on his hand loosening slightly. Lucas couldn't help the goofy grin from emerging on his face, everything was going to be fine–for that he was unbelievably thankful.

"You okay?" he looked down at the curly haired girl, and despite their current situation she smiled and nodded. He let out a breath and looked around at his surroundings. It was as if nothing had ever happened. The nurses and doctors were gone, and it was just the two of them sitting in the small room, a few monitors were beeping, and he watched the people walk down the hallways.

"Lucas!" he was startled, putting his attention to her she laughed, told him to sit and braced herself for another contraction as they began to come every ten to fifteen minutes.

"Sooooo," he drawled, biting a chocolate bar that was sitting on a table near by.

"So? So, I'm in labor with our little girl, I don't really have time to sound bored and eat chocolate, if you don't mind," she growled and he put his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do...we've been here for hours now -"

"Well, these things take a while," she told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yea..." he once again let his eyes wander, and before he could think he blurted out the next thing on his mind. "Where's Adam today?"

Peyton's eyes flickered to him in anger, she wanted to know who he thought he was worrying about her boyfriend. _'He should be happy to be here'_ she thought. She shook her head at his idiocy, still dealing with the contractions that hadn't seemed to move any closer together, meaning it could be quite a while more.

* * *

– '_Let me be the first to say that I don't have a clue' – _

"What do you want me to say, Brooke? That I want you too, because right now I'm not so sure," his words came in a fit of rage, and he could never be sure if he meant what he said when he was angry.

"You son of a bitch!" she stalked away angrily, leaving him to follow her through the hallways of a hospital he'd only ever been in once.

"Brooke, c'mon. I didn't mean it like that. Let me explain it," he followed after her like a puppy but she wouldn't slow down. He had crossed a line with his harsh words, and she was in no mood to hear him fumble out some lie of an explanation.

"You stay away from me, Jake. Don't come near me," she continued to walk in any direction that could keep him away, and the only thing that stopped her was when he ran, catching her arm in his strong hands.

"Would you just listen to me for five seconds?"

"Fine, five seconds...one, two, three, four five," she rattled off the numbers quickly, barely giving him a chance to catch a breath, "oops, guess that's all the time we have, see ya next week," she proceeded to walk away again, but she was caught still in his grip.

"What do you want from me?" she cracked, letting her unshed tears pool in her eyes. She didn't dare look at him.

"I want you to forgive me. Really forgive me. Because I don't think you have."

"What do you mean? Of course I forgave you. I forgave you that day at Tim's, we talked about this already," she was baffled by his words, but then again Jake had never made much sense to her.

"No, you didn't. You told yourself you did, but if you ever wanted us to work in the future, you have to really forgive me. We've both been walking on eggshells pretending everything's fine, but you and I both know it's not," he spoke the truth, and every word that came out of his mouth stung her, he shouldn't know this much.

"I thought you were different," she finally admitted, letting herself go.

"I know. And I tried so hard to be what you needed, but I make mistakes. I know you and all the other girls see me as this knight in shining armor because of the way I am with Jenny, but I'm human too. I make mistakes, and I need to be forgiven, the same as everybody else. I'm so sorry I hurt you, you know that. And I know you've been hurt before, and I can't promise that I won't hurt you again, but if I do I need you to know that it will be anything but on purpose because I love you too much."

"What?"

"I love you, Brooke. I've known for a while, and I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't find the right time, or the words. Gimme another chance," he pleaded, and once again she was forced to make the decision to put her heart on the line again, and she was so unsure.

* * *

– '_I don't have all the answers, ain't going to pretend like I do' – _

**It had been **a good four hours and finally as if a godsend the contractions came to move a little closer together. Things were picking back up. The pain the blonde was enduring made her want to faint, and she had pleaded with God to just take the baby back.

"I really don't think I can do this," she grounded out, through the pain that was surging through her body. Lucas had stayed by her side the whole time, never leaving and there were moments when she forgot why she wouldn't let him back in, and then everything would come crashing down – never mind.

"You have to, and you can," he encouraged, but he was doing nothing. The doctor had given her an epidural half an hour before, and it was then that she felt it start to really kick in, her muscles relaxed and while the pain was still ever-present, it was now tolerable.

And it was another four hours later that they moved again, the sluggish process was boring Lucas to tears. Peyton didn't have time to be bored, she was too busy coping with the continuous contractions. Haley and Nathan poked their heads in from hour to hour, checking up, but no one had seen Jake or Brooke in hours. Karen, Deb, and Keith had arrived only an hour or two after all the chaos, bringing food for the group and lending support to the young girl.

"When are you leaving?" she questioned him, during a small break in the pain.

"Do we really need to talk about this now? Can't we just concentrate on this," he said referring to the labor she was currently in.

"Well, I like to plan ahead," she bit back, her eyes narrowing at him.He heaved a heavy sigh, letting himself fall back into the gray chair behind him.

"I don't know," he replied truthfully, "I guess as soon as Adam comes back so I don't wreck your little family," he told her bitterly. She felt the anger engulfing her, and it took everything she had to not kick him out right there and then.

"My little family? How can you say that? You're the one who left, this isn't my fault and I refuse to let you make me feel guilty for it. So, how about we get through this and you keep your mouth shut about my family...if you hadn't left it would've been you. This was your choice," as he prepared to interrupt she started again. "And don't give me that same crap that I've heard fifty million times before, you regret your choice and you're sorry. I don't care anymore, Lucas. You regretting what you did does nothing, what's done is done and you're gonna have to live with thaaaaaaaaaat," he word came out, forming a slight scream as the contractions became more painful.

"Hey, hey you okay?" he asked gently, she sent him a deadly glare but he stayed close.

Doctor Larter walked into the room seconds later, clip board in hand with a nurse only a few feet behind. They checked her out, timing her contractions and it was ten minutes later that they wheeled her out of the room and down the hall, Lucas trailed along.

"What's going on?" Lucas questioned the doctors again, this time there was an adequate amount of time to answer the young boy.

"She's dilated far enough that we can take her to the delivery room, it shouldn't be too much longer until you get to meet your little girl," Lucas again couldn't help the smile that began to form, but it was quickly washed away as Peyton let out another scream at the second contraction in five minutes.

"I can't do this, Luke. I'm only sixteen, I can't have this baby. I'm still a kid, what if I'm a bad mom? What if this kid grows up to be like me, I don't think I can handle another me...and to top it all off you're leaving. Don't leave," she pleaded near tears, his eyes widened at her sudden confession, taking her hand in his again.

"You're gonna be fine, and I'll be around. I'll be around whenever you need me," he laid a light kiss on her forehead and she cringed in pain. The birth of their baby girl was right around the corner, and she was terrified.

"This hurts too much," the tears pooled in her eyes, she had expected pain, everyone told her it was one the most painful things she would experience, but had not expected _this_.

"I'm right here. You're gonna be okay," he pushed her, doing everything to help, but it tore at his heart seeing her like that. And there was nothing he could do. Not one thing he said or did would help her through this.

* * *

– '_Just trying to find my way, just trying to find my way' – _

**Neither one of **them had moved, the silence had surrounded them for hours. There had been some immediate talking right after his confession, though she had been in a state of complete and utter shock. It was the last thing she had expected to hear from him when she started the argument. And now, everything she ever wanted was on the table right in front of her, all she had to do was reach out.

"I don't know," she said for the millionth time in the last few hours.

"You already said that."

"I know...but honestly, Jake. You just sprung this on me, how am I supposed to react?" she questioned what he wanted, he shrugged his shoulders, giving her no clear answer.

"I guess, I just want you to think about it, about us. You said you still wanted me, you said you wanted all of me...well here it is," he offered, turning his head to look at the girl beside him.

"I...I meant I wanted to try again, I didn't know you were gonna make everything so serious..."

"Well, what did you want me to do, Brooke. I told you how I felt, I needed to. I don't know what else to say," he trailed off, leaving his thoughts hanging in the air.

She looked at her surroundings, people being wheeled along, just trying to survive. It could be any day that either one of them could end up in that hospital, any day that either one of them could die, and she realized she couldn't waste her time. She couldn't waste her time worrying about getting hurt when life was so short, and if she didn't tell him now she might never get the chance. And she knew she couldn't waste another day without him knowing. He stood to walk away, she mustered all of her courage to call him back.

"Jake," she whispered, he turned to look at the brunette, his eyes softening at her fragile appearance. "I..I love you too," her voice was barely audible but he heard her clearly. She watched his eyes, she could always read him through his eyes – and the happiness had filled them in that moment. He took her in his arms, let his lips meet hers gently with passion and solidified their relationship.

And everything was right for a second.

* * *

– '_The best I know how, well, I haven't got it all figured out quite yet' – _

**The room buzzed** with doctors and nurses again. Peyton's heavy breathing could be heard over all the noise, and his hand remained in hers. Doctor Larter stood at the end of the bed, urging the young girl to continue pushing. Lucas moved for a minute to get the doctor's view, and a small head began to make an appearance. His eyes widened, his amazement was clear as he returned to Peyton's side.

"Wow," he whispered, in awe of the whole procedure.

"Okay, Peyton, I need you to push again."

"I can't," she cried, pure exhaustion taking over her body. The tears spilled down her flushed cheeks, the pain was becoming unbearable for her, and she was so tired.

"C'mon, just a little more," Lucas whispered, squeezing her hand in reassurance.

"Can you do this for me?" he stifled his laugh at her childish question.

"No, you have to do this. She'll be here soon, Peyt," her nickname gave her a much needed ounce of strength. She pushed again, the doctor proclaiming she was half way there. Once more, her body was ready to give out, but she tried again, and she felt relief overcome her as the doctor held a screaming baby in his large hands.

She didn't know how to react, and she couldn't help it when she started crying, uncontrollably. Lucas comforted her the best he could, but she cried for a good ten minutes until the doctor interrupted her.

"Peyton, you wanna meet your little girl?" he questioned the teenagers and she nodded, wiping at her tears.

* * *

– '_Even if it takes my whole life to get to where I need to be, if I should fall to the bottom of the end, I'll be one step back to you' – _

He placed the baby gently in her weak arms, and she laughed through her remaining tears. This was their little girl, a baby that she and Lucas created. He stuck his large finger in the little girl's small hand, playing with her tiny fingers. Her whole hand fit neatly in Lucas's palm, and the awe was apparent as he questioned the blonde in the bed.

"What're you gonna name her?"

"I dunno. I was thinking Kylie...but I don't know. I just thought it fit cute with Scott..."

"You're gonna give her my last name?" he was bewildered. After all that went on, she was still willing to compromise, and it was those little things that made him want to take her back into his arms – but it wasn't to be.

"She's your daughter too, whether you're around to claim her or not," and she spoke the truth as her words made him wince.

"I like Kylie...middle name?"

"Um, Elizabeth?" she suggested.

"Sounds good. Welcome to the world Kylie Elizabeth Scott," he spoke to the baby in Peyton's arms. The baby yawned quietly, and snuggled against her mother's chest, falling into a light slumber.

"She's amazing, Peyt."

"Yea...she is. And we made her," she looked up to meet his eyes and he placed another kiss on her forehead. They had a few more moments of silence before Nathan and Haley rushed in, hovering over the new little girl. Lucas and Peyton broke their eye contact, and went back to their separate worlds...the way things had to be for now.

* * *

**So, it's not my best work, but I am proud of it and I hope you all got what you wanted out of it. I wish it could've been more, but it's all I have to offer right now, so please some sort of feedback would be nice.**


	27. The Way

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 27 - The Way**

**Author's Note - So, the reviews for the last chapter, pretty good, could've had more, but then again could've had less so thanks a lot guys. Thanks for all of your support, I'm glad you like where I'm taking the story. I hope this chapter is up to par for your expectations. Enjoy!**

**It had been** six long months since Kylie Scott was born, and Peyton hadn't had a good night's rest in one night of those six months. But everyday she looked at the baby that she and Lucas created she felt refreshed and alive. And then there was the part of her that looked at her baby girl every day and it made her heart ache, as every day she grew to look a little more like her father. In those six months she had seen Lucas about a dozen times, Adam still knew nothing of her being in contact with him. It tore up her insides, lying to the boy who had done nothing but support and help her, but she wanted Kylie to know her father. And in some darker chamber of her that she kept hidden from herself, she knew she needed to see Lucas; that he made a significant difference in her and she couldn't go on without him having some place in her life.

* * *

– '_Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything, pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about' – _

**Carefully, she laid** her small six month old baby into her basinet, making sure the monitor was on, she tip toed out of the bedroom she shared with her little girl. Almost immediately she fell back onto her couch, letting out a deep breath, exhaustion began to creep over her tired body as her eye lids began to close.

She was startled awake by a loud banging on the door, she sprinted from her spot on the couch to open the door that some idiot was banging on. Did he not know she had a sleeping baby in the house? Did he not know she hadn't slept in what felt like months? Did he not know...that she had missed him because he hadn't shown his face in nearly two and a half months.

"Lucas, God I haven't seen you in forever," she said cooly, playing off the fact that she wanted to be closer, that she wanted to hug him desperately.

"Yeah, I know. I just, I've been really busy with work and trying to finish up school. It's hard living on your own," he paused to look around the apartment he had never been in, "but then again, you'd know that I guess."

She laughed lightly at his attempt to make conversation before motioning him into her living room. He followed, his eyes scanning the room, but when he looked at the pictures that covered the walls his heart jumped into his throat as one was unexpected. The picture was settled in a small frame up on a shelf, where it wasn't very likely to be seen unless one was looking for it – but there it was. Peyton in his arms, at the River Court, a picture Brooke had taken, a picture Peyton had tried so badly to destroy, a picture that sat in his apartment too.

"So this is it," she waved to her small apartment as he continued to look around.

"It's nice, a lot better than mine," he smirked, wandering into her small kitchen he sat down. She sat across from him as he inhaled and began to speak.

"How's Kylie?"

"She's doing good, she's gotten a lot bigger since you saw her last. She looks more like you every day," she explained, pulling a small picture from her wallet and handing it to him.

* * *

– '_And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head. And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head' – _

Their meetings were often awkward, there was still so much history between them, it was something they'd never be able to escape.She had spent many nights wondering if they could ever be friends like the people in the movies, but when it came down to it, things would never be okay. They would never be old pals who could just get together and catch up on things, they were never really good at the just friends thing anyway, and she questioned herself many times on why she thought they could be friends **this** time. Why they would be okay after the way he left her in the dust, the way she had rejected him after sleeping with him, the way she was still with Adam and nothing would change that. They would never be friends, the most they could do was get along and hope that one day things wouldn't be so tense when they were together.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked, referring to her previous comment.

"Huh? What's a good thing?" she shook her head slightly, trying to focus back in on the conversation. He laughed before repeating himself.

"I said is it a good thing that she looks like me?" his question was cautious as he sat silently, watching her eyes for her initial reaction.

He knew from first hand experience that her eyes had always given her away, even if she tried to cover up those emotions with another excuse. He could read her well by now. He was the only person that knew her as well as she knew herself - and it terrified her.

"Why wouldn't it be?" she countered, refusing to make eye contact with the blonde haired boy that sat across from her.

"How 'bout you look at me and say it again?" he smiled, watching her lift her head bravely to confront him. He had to give her credit for trying so hard to keep the information from him, whether she was succeeding in her attempts was a whole other story."Or, you could just tell me the truth..."he offered, patiently waiting for her answer.

"Okay," she took a deep breath, steadying herself to reveal all of this information to him. "The truth is, it hurts to look at her most days. I can feel my chest closing in when she smiles and all I can think about is you. And it sucks, because I can't have you, I don't want you, I won't let myself even think of us again. You hurt me so much, Lucas. I just don't know if I could ever consider getting back with you, I can't think about going through that again. And besides all of that, I love Adam. He hasn't done anything to hurt me, I'm not going to wreck it with him because of you."

"Hey, hey," he wiped the tears that had started to fall from her eyes, she hadn't even noticed them. "Look, Peyt, I didn't ask you for any of that. It's hard for me to see you with him, but I get it. I screwed up and you've moved on. I'm not asking you for any of that. I just wanted to know how you were, that's all. If you want, I can go," he stood to walk away but she motioned for him to sit back down, she didn't want him to go. Instead of sitting, he kneeled on the floor, making himself eye level with her.

"I love Adam," she said again, reassuring herself more than him.

* * *

– '_It's the way that he makes you feel, it's the way that he kisses you, it's the way that he makes you fall in love' – _

**He nodded, keeping** eye contact with the girl in front of him. "I know you do. And I think I'm finally okay with that. It's taken me these six months, but I think one day we'll be able to just be friends with a kid between us. I'll always love you, Peyt. Nothing can change that, but maybe with so much time passing it'll fade, so its more of a first love kinda thing that I'll be able to move on from," he exhaled, his eyes suddenly falling to the floor.

She let her own eyes drift off to the picture behind her, the picture he had stared at when he walked in. What if she didn't want him to move on? But then that would be selfish, she couldn't leave him pining over her while she was with a fantastic guy who was playing daddy to her little girl. But if he moved on that was it, there was no more hope for them, and somewhere in the back of her mind she was waiting for him to grow up, she was waiting for him to be the one.

"Well, then that's good I guess," she lied, and he chuckled at her outright lie. He was waiting to call her on that, but instead of making things harder on the both of them, he just let it pass.

"Yea, I guess it is. How's Adam? Everything still good? Does Kylie like him?" he threw out questions to keep conversation, as he continued to kneel in front of her.

"He's good, and we're good. He's great with Kylie and as far as I can tell she enjoys his company...she misses you though, Luke," he smiled at her words, thinking of the daughter who he hadn't seen in a good two and a half months.

"I miss her too. Do you mind if I go see her real quick?" Peyton nodded, putting a finger to her lips, signaling for him to be quiet.

He walked off silently, leaving her in her thoughts again. His words replaying in her head again and again. She smiled to herself as their situation reminded them of an old Usher song, she had never particularly enjoyed rap, but in this case Brooke had loved the song so it had been on constant repeat for months.

Quietly she sang the tune she had known so well, listening to some form of music had always calmed her, this time being no exception.

"There's always that one person that will always have your heart, you never see it coming cause you're blinded from the start. Know that you're the one for me, it's clear for everyone to see, oh baby, you will always be my boo."

"Peyton, no! That song sucked, please don't tell me in two months you've been converted," he smirked as he came towards her. She shook her head no, as he sat back down, starting his own rendition.

"My song sucks, I can't rap and this isn't music, it's just crap," she laughed at his imitation.

"Lucas, no. That sucked worse than the actual song. If you ever do that again I will be forced to kick you out of my house. For now, just listen: It started when we were younger you were mine, now another brother's taken over but it's still in your eyes, even though we used to argue it's alright, and if we haven't seen each other in a while you will always be my boo," she smiled sweetly as his thoughts drifted to the words.

"Is there any particular reason you sang that song?"

* * *

– '_She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men' – _

"No, it just came to mind because Brooke liked it so much when it first came out," she told him coolly. He nodded, accepting her answer, but somehow knowing the difference. "So, you gave me the 21 questions. How're things?"

"Things are good. I've got a job, I'm still trying to finish school. Hopefully I'll be able to get my ducks in a row sometime soon," he explained.

"Your ducks in a row?"

"Yeah, I wanna be able to go to a good college, get a good job, be able to support myself financially. I think more than anything, I wanna grow up and stop running," he couldn't make himself meet her eyes. But she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Well at least you've got your priorities straight," she joked, and he smiled to make her happy.

"Yeah. Uh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick, I'll be back in a second."

* * *

– '_And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head. And that's what you get for falling again you can never get him out of your head' – _

**Minutes later, when** he walked back into her small kitchen he found her sound asleep in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. Her head was laying on her arm as her body was hunched over the wood table. Without a second thought he picked her up slowly, carrying her back to the living room, letting her down onto the warm couch.

"Sleep tight, Peyt,' he whispered, laying a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Lucas?" she whispered groggily. "I'm sorry, I'm a horrible host for company," she said lazily, attempting to wake herself up.

"Don't worry about it. You look exhausted, I'm sure the baby takes a lot out of you. Just sleep," he pulled a blanket over her as the cry of his six month old daughter startled them both. She groaned, trying to push herself out of the couch.

"Lemme get her," he offered.

"I'll do it. I'm okay, I just -"

"Peyton, please let me get her. She's my daughter too," he stood.

"Oh, so you're claiming her now?" her temper erupted for a moment before she gathered her thoughts. "Luke, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"No, I deserved it. Just let me go, we'll be fine. Don't worry about it," he headed to the sound of his baby's cries, finding her wailing in the small white basinet that she was laying in.

"Heyyy, Kylie. How's Daddy's girl? Huh?" he lifted her from her bed, carrying her into the hallway where he rocked her gently, humming a lullaby that he knew.

Peyton debated for what seemed a long time before standing to lean against the wall of the hallway where her daughter and her daughter's father stood. It didn't take much for her to smile as he baby talked to the small figure in his big hands. _Why does he make it so hard for me to hate him?

* * *

_

– '_It's the way that he makes you feel, it's the way that he kisses you, it's the way that he makes you fall in love' – _

**Slowly, she crawled** back onto the couch, letting her eyes close for only a few seconds until she heard his large work boots stomping back down the hallway. The grin on his face was unmistakable, as it was the grin she still carried when she was able to calm her daughter. She left her eyes closed, already knowing that he was smiling from the bounce in his step.

He sat himself down on the couch beside her, just taking in her beauty for a few moments before taking a deep breath, preparing himself. "I gotta go, but I'll be back soon. I promise," he leaned in slowly letting his lips graze hers for seconds. Unexpectedly as he pulled away her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him in for something more. Quickly she backed off, each of them looking shocked with what had just occurred.

"Sorry," she whispered, unsure.

"Don't be," he leaned back in, capturing her lips for moments before a knock on the door interrupted them both.

"Shit!" she half whispered, half yelled. Hurriedly she ushered Lucas towards the door in the kitchen. "Luke, you have to go. It's Adam, I forgot he was coming. I'm so sorry," the hurt in his eyes was evident and she was sure her own eyes mirrored the devastation.

"Yeah, I get it. I'll see ya later," he stood on the landing of the steps that led to the ground. He kissed her once more, quickly, nothing more than a brush against her lips but leaving her more satisfied then she ever felt in all her nights with Adam. And it was so wrong.

"Bye, Lucas," she whispered, shutting the door and sprinting for the front door, catching it just before Adam walked away.

* * *

– '_Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything. Pretty soon she'll figure out you can never get him out of your head' – _

**Adam made his** way back up the stairs to meet her, immediately she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. It was as if her guilt had made her try harder with him, it made her try harder to love him. She looked at him, kissing him slowly before falling into his arms once more. Her eyes wandered out to the street, watching a tall blonde boy walk to his car dejectedly. It broke her heart to see him like that. It broke her heart that she was in another man's arms after Lucas had tried so hard to make up for what he had done. But could she trust her heart with him again?

Lucas looked back up at the stairs in a daze, his eyes meeting a curly blonde's. He tried desperately to convey his emotions to her, but it was no use. He kept eye contact for a few seconds more, finally realizing she was wrapped tightly in someone else's arms. It was something he used to do when she felt lonely or scared, or even just to have her close. He had never felt heart ache like he had the past few months, and every time he saw her it only got worse. Could she ever trust him again? – he often asked himself this question at night when thoughts raced through his head.

She would never forget him, and as she let Adam into the house she stepped back out onto the landing, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. She waved to him as he opened his car door, he smiled that smile that always made her melt before winking and pulling away from her life until God knew when. And she knew it was bad when she fell into that daze that she had gotten back when they had first gotten together. The same daze she felt that day at the beach that seemed like years ago. Her heart was trusting him again as the small appearances of his better half became more frequent. And all of this meant more drama was just on the horizon, she rolled her eyes at her life before heading inside to a brown haired boy with a smile that did nothing for her even after she had tried so hard to love him.

* * *

– '_It's the way that he makes you cry, it's the way that he's in your mind, it's the way that he makes you fall in love. It's the way that he makes you feel, it's the way that he kisses you, it's the way that he makes you fall in love...' – _

**Peyton reluctantly picked **up her cordless phone, Adam having left only minutes before. She dialed in a familiar number as a male voice answered she laughed.

"Hey, Nate. Can I talk to your wife?" she asked, he groaned though she could hear the smile in his voice.

"You're really affecting our personal life, Peyton. I never get-"

"Thank you for the phone, Nathan," a brunette said sweetly from the background before her voice got clearer against the speaker.

"Peyton, long time no talk."

"Yes, it's been a whole day," Peyton mock gasped, "I just didn't know what to do with myself after I got off the phone with you and Brooke this morning," Haley laughed at Peyton's teasing as they settled into a comfortable conversation.

"Yes, I spent the whole day holed up in the bathroom in depression, I'm so glad you called!"

"I thought you would be Scott," Peyton let her mood lighten against the easy banter that so often overtook their phone calls.

"So, what's wrong?" Haley questioned, not that the tone in Peyton's voice had set her off, just something seemed off with her friend that day.

"I think I've got a serious problem, " Peyton answered softly, adding a sigh to the end of her sentence, still unable to get that damn smile out of her head.

* * *

**I personally, really liked this one. It's been six months, so I'm not rushing things for Lucas and Peyton, it's all flowing pretty naturally. As you can see, drama is coming in the next chapters, so be ready for that. Adam will be in the story a little more as a little love triangle is gonna form. Woo! Anywho, tell me what you liked in this one. The song used was "Pretty Girl" by Sugarcult – I highly recommend it.**

**Okay, I know you're reading I see the hit counters, review! Seriously, I update because of reviews, and without them I wouldn't be updating. If you like the story make me feel appreciated and tell me that you do and what you liked. It takes a few minutes but it means a lot to me.** **REVIEW!**


	28. Addicted

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Thanks a lot for all the reviews, my theory has proved to be true. The more Lucas/Peyton interaction I get in here the more reviews I get. So, I'm gonna do my best to keep these two in here. I'm thinking the story is gonna move another two years right now, but you'll see where I'm going with the jumps in time.

**Chapter 28: Addicted**

**Two Years Later...**

**The door opened** slowly as Peyton walked into the apartment, exhausted from her day at work. Things had changed dramatically for her over the past two years, everything that she expected to happen – didn't. Everything she wanted to happen – still sat in the wings, seemingly waiting for the right time to reveal itself. She wondered if her life would ever make sense, if she would ever be really and truly happy. It had been a long time since she'd seen Lucas, he'd only managed to show his face another three times over the last two years. He distanced himself after that day, and her daughter often wondered when her Daddy was coming back. It broke her heart at night, and every time he left she wondered if he was ever coming back.

* * *

– '_It's like you're a drug, it's like you're a demon I can't faced down, it's like I'm stuck, it's like I'm running from you all the time' – _

**The only hope** he ever gave her was the phone calls she received on the third Thursday of every month at6 PM. It was the only day Adam was guaranteed to not be at her apartment becausehe always worked the late shift at the restaurant. He called, usually giving Peyton a half hour conversation before asking to talk to Kylie where she would babble his ear off for a good ten minutes until he asked to talk to Mommy again. Peyton would get back on the phone, they'd laugh about Kylie's incessant need to talk and a few minutes after that he'd say he had to go and they'd both hang up – she wouldn't hear from him for another month. Though rarely she'd get spontaneous visits on those Thursdays, but as said before they were rare.

She laid her things down on the floor near the door before grabbing a bottle of water and heading back out to retrieve her little girl from Grandma Karen. It was a Thursday meaning Kylie was sitting at a booth in the diner coloring or amusing the customers for the day. Tuesday's and Thursday's she spent with Karen and Deb at the café, for some reason the two year old loved the atmosphere. Monday's and Wednesday's the little girl spent her day with Nathan and Haley, her godparents. Nathan made a point to spoil her on those days, taking her out for lunch and trying to teach her to play basketball at the River Court. Haley made it a point to make sure Kylie was not a spoiled brat though she did love the little girl as her own. And Friday's the two year old spent with Jake, Brooke, and Jenny. Jenny, being a year or two older loved to teach Kylie how to play with the Barbie's she owned, and she became like a big sister to Peyton's little girl.

The bells jingled as she entered Karen's Café, they alerted Kylie as she jumped from her spot, running as fast as her small legs would take her.

"Mommy!" she shrieked, wrapping her arms tight around her mother's long legs.

"Hey, Kylie. Did you have a good day with Grandma Karen?" she asked the small figure as she lifted her into her arms.

"Yea! I had a cheesebugger," she exclaimed, her mispronunciation of cheeseburger making Peyton laugh lightly before setting her back to the ground.

"Hey, Peyton," Karen greeted her warmly, she poured the blonde a coffee in a to-go cup, setting it on the counter as Peyton approached.

"Hey, Karen. Was she good?" Peyton asked tiredly, accepting the coffee thankfully.

"She's an angel, you're doing a good job, Peyton. I know you don't hear it much, but you are," Karen said reassuringly, receiving a smile from the younger girl.

"Thanks, good to know," she grabbed her keys and coffee from the counter before motioning for Kylie to head outside to the car.She did as she was told while Peyton remained at the counter, waiting for the inevitable from Karen.

"Tell Lucas I said hi tonight, and yell at him for not calling me, would you?"

"Will do," Peyton smiled at Karen's teasing though every Thursday Karen said the same thing, leading her to believe she wasn't joking anymore. Peyton knew for a fact that she was the only one Lucas kept in touch with, and she knew that in some form it hurt Karen that he didn't seem to care enough to call his own mother once in a while. But every time she was on the phone with him he seemed rushed, as though he didn't have time for her anymore.

* * *

– '_And I know I let you have all the power, it's like the only company I seek is misery all around. It's like you're a leech, sucking the life from me' – _

**Peyton moved quickly** through the kitchen, mixing the boxed macaroni and cheese for Kylie had become a ritual every Thursday, Aunt Haley had made sure to install a love of mac & cheese in her niece. Peyton rolled her eyes at the thought of a 19 year old Haley sitting in her pajamas with a bowl of the cheesy substance, a sight she often saw on Friday nights when Nathan was away for college basketball. He had been accepted to Duke a few months before their high school graduation, which Peyton had miraculously made it to and gotten her diploma. Many Fridays she had spent with Haley – Jake and Brooke usually kept Kylie that night.

"Kylie, c'mon! The processed cheese is done!" Peyton shouted down the hallway to reach the little girl. Kylie came wandering slowly through the narrow hall, Peyton lifted her into her seat and placed a bowl of orange noodles in front of her.

"Yum!" she cheered while Peyton giggled at her enthusiasm – all Brooke.

They were both startled by the phone, he was right on time. She stood to answer while Kylie's smile she reserved for her Daddy emerged. Peyton shook her head at Kylie before putting the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" he laughed over the line at her answer.

"You know it's me, why do you say hello every time?" he chuckled still, it had been nearly two years and she still sounded blank like she was answering for a telemarketer.

"Instinct?" she guessed as they both laughed.

"You're a strange person, Sawyer."

"Right back at ya, Scott," she retorted as they easily fell into a comfortable conversation about nothing.

"So, how's life treating ya?" he questioned, it had been a month since their last conversation, he always felt like he missed a lot in a month.

"Not bad. Work's exhausting, but I guess it's all worth it coming home to her," Peyton answered, referring to their daughter. She slowly left the kitchen where Kylie was to pace the living room as they talked.

"Yea, well that's good. I'm glad everything's ok. How's my mom?"

"Why don't you call her and find out yourself, Lucas? Every Thursday she says the same thing to me and I don't know what to tell her," Peyton returned, she heard a deep sigh from the other end.

"I feel like I disappointed her sometimes. I mean she went through all of this with Dan and then we were so close for so long. But then I went and did the same thing...I guess I just feel like I'm a failure or something," he explained, letting out another breath awaiting what Peyton had to say to him.

She sat down on the couch against the wall, "You're not a failure, Luke. You just made some mistakes, but she wants to hear from you. You're her son."

"Yea, I guess. I'll think about it," he offered and she nodded, biting her thumb nail as she often did when she didn't know what to say.

"So, you in the mood to talk to the babbler?" he chuckled at their reference to their little girl .

"Actually, I don't have time. I gotta go, but I'll call back in a few minutes," she furrowed her eyebrows from her spot on the couch. How could he not want to talk to her, she was the reason he called every month.

"She's been waiting to talk to you all day, Luke. But okay?"

"I'll call back, just tell her I will," he hung up quickly as she sat disappointed on the couch.

"Can I tawk to Daddy?" Kylie wandered into the living room to find her mother.

"He's gonna call back in a little bit, baby," Kylie walked away disappointed, sharing the look that graced Peyton's face.

* * *

– '_It's like I can't breathe without you inside of me, and I know I let you have all the power and I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time' – _

**Two hours later**, Kylie was in the bath with bubbles floating around her. She giggled as Peyton made bubble beards and laughed like Santa Claus. Peyton always made sure to make a game out of bath time, it was the only actual time she really got to spend with her daughter during the week, it was always so hectic she missed when Kylie was first born. She hadn't gotten a job yet and she spent the whole day with the infant.

The phone rang once more, she dashed from the bathroom to grab the cordless phone. She already knew it was him.

"Hey, Luke," she said happily.

"Peyton, who's Luke?" Adam asked suspiciously.

"Um," her breath caught in her throat, this was not good. "I had some phone problems earlier and the guy they sent over – his name was Luke and he said he'd call me back to make sure everything was working," she quickly threw out an excuse, hoping beyond hope that he would take it.

"Well, is everything working now?"

"Yea, it's all good. So, what's up?" she avoided the topic at hand with a quick subject change.

"I figured I should tell you I just got a call from my mom, my aunt is in the hospital in Florida so she's making me go with everyone to visit for a week. So, I wanted to let you know, I'm leaving tonight after work. I won't be able to stop by, but I wanted to say good bye to you and Kylie," he clarified.

"Oh wow, is she okay?"

"I dunno. She has some infection, so I guess I'll find out when I get there. I'll call you sometime this week to let you know what's up. Anyway, my break's over, just tell Kylie I'll see her in a week. Love ya, and I'll be in touch," he finished, she could hear people in the background, the hustle and bustle of the restaurant. She was almost relieved that he was going away, she needed a breather from him.

"You too, I'll talk to you then," she couldn't make herself say she loved him too. Only once in their whole relationship had she said it, and that was in the heat of the moment during...well something they didn't do very often as they were always working. And then by the time they were together Kylie was home and she refused to do anything of the sort with him while her daughter was in the next room, or they were both too tired. But then she never really made any attempt to make it happen either, he never confronted her about it though and she often wondered why.

She heard the click over the phone, signifying the end of their conversation. She sat back, heaving a sigh. She was close to getting caught in her double life for a minute, not good. Lying awake at night she asked herself why she was still with Adam if all she did was push him away and lie to him. She did love him, that was true, but she couldn't possibly love him that much if she could lie to him for over two years about something like getting with her ex-boyfriend who dumped her when she had his kid.

* * *

– '_It's like I can't breathe, it's like I can't see anything, nothing but you. I'm addicted to you. It's like I can't think without you interrupting me in my thoughts, in my dreams, you're taking over me. It's like I'm not me, it's like I'm not me' – _

**Kylie was fresh** from her bath and in her pajamas by the time the phone rang again. This time she answered a little more cautiously.

"Hello?"

"You did it again," he laughed and she grunted.

"Yea, I'll tell you another time when she's not standing here why I will continue to answer the phone this way," he laughed again, shaking his head.

"So, how's the babbler on this Thursday night?" she laughed again at their reference before responding.

"She can tell you exactly how she's doing," Peyton handed the phone to Kylie as the two year old did her best to keep the heavy phone against her right ear.

"Hi Daddy!" she squealed with excitement as Peyton smiled from her spot on the couch.

"Hey, baby. How you doing?" Lucas spoke happily from where he stood.

"I just got a baff," she told her father joyfully. Peyton continued to watch, noticing the happiness radiating from her daughter. Her whole mood changed when she got on that phone.

"Do you smell all fresh and clean?"

"Uh huh. I colored today wif Grandma Karen," she told him as she paced the living room, picking up her mother's traits one by one.

"That's good. Hey, Kylie, can I talk to your mom for just one minute?"

"Sure," she agreed nonchalantly, "Mommy, Daddy wants to tawk to you again for jus one minute," she spoke, motioning the small amount of time with her index finger and thumb. Peyton laughed, taking the phone from Kylie's small hands and putting back up to her ear.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" he asked curiously, patiently waiting for her answer.

She faltered for a minute before regaining her composure, "Um, I was gonna maybe watch a movie after an hour of trying to get her in bed, then probably sleep?" she answered as more of a question, as though her plans were somehow wrong.

* * *

– '_It's like I'm lost, it's like I'm giving up slowly. It's like you're a ghost haunting me, leave me alone. And I know these voices in my head are mine alone. And I know I'll never change my ways if I don't give you up now' – _

**A knock on** the door sounded before Lucas had the chance to reply. She wondered who the hell would be at her door at 8:30 on a Thursday night. Haley, Nathan, Brooke, and Jake all walked right in like they had in high school – Adam included.

"Hold on, there's someone at the door," she told him distractedly. He told her to answer, that he'd wait so she stood, informing Kylie to wait a minute. Upon opening the door her jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

"So, who is it?" Lucas questioned with a smile from where he stood.

She hit the button to turn the phone off, jumping into his open arms. Strangely the distance from the last two years had made them closer, they were able to talk freely and their history didn't affect their relationship anymore. The past was the past, and though she was still hurt her lingering feelings for him and her growing trust in him made it harder and harder to continue to push him away.

"What're you doing here?" she asked, obviously happy to see him but still curious.

"I came to check up on two girls who I haven't seen in a while. Plus, I have my connections and I know someone isn't gonna be here for a week so I thought why not?"

"So, you're gonna be here for the week?" she questioned incredulously.

* * *

– '_It's like I can't breathe, it's like I can't see anything, nothing but you. I'm addicted to you' – _

**He nodded happily** a smile gracing his usually brooding and serious features. She wasn't sure if she could smile, she wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she couldn't breathe, he was going to be there for a week, in Tree Hill again. It was going to be like high school again, except for one difference – they had a kid now.

"Peyt, say something,'" he watched her closely as she seemed to be deep in thought.

"Uh, this is great! Kylie's gonna love it. Where are you staying?"

"Well, I was gonna go get a room at a motel right outside town. I really don't have anyone else that would take me in right now," he grinned sheepishly while her illogical thinking was about to get her in a mess.

"Don't be stupid, stay here. My couch pulls out into a bed," she offered, cursing the moment she had been born. _What the fuck is wrong with you! You' are an idiot. Period. How the hell am I going to do this? _she questioned herself with a plastered smile.

"Are you sure?" _Can't say no now..._so she nodded her head, unsure what drama the coming week would bring. But she knew someone was going to get hurt and it wasn't going to be pretty. Her world was going to be flipped upside down and there was nothing she could do about it now.

– '_It's like I can't think without you interrupting me in my thoughts, in my dreams. You've taken over me. It's like I'm not me, it's like I'm not me.' –

* * *

_

**Okay, that's all she wrote. So, coming drama in the next few chapters, I love it! Obviously this was a setting up chapter, showing how Peyton was living, her routines. I like it, hopefully you did too. Much drama is coming then the story should be winding down after that. So, if you liked it let me know and I'll be posting the next chapter in the next few days!**

**Next up: Haley and Lucas talk? (Maybe a make up?) / Lucas may also try to work things out with Brooke and Jake / Peyton and Lucas alone time/ Where does Adam fit in all of this/ Much, much more drama...**


	29. Special

**FThe Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Your reviews are blowing me away! Thanks so much, glad you like it now that the plot is moving a little. Sorry for how slow it got for a few chapters, but on with the story.

**Chapter 29: Special**

**Kylie had been** ecstatic when Lucas told her that he would be staying for a few days. Peyton took notice that her little girl seemed to be on a sugar high when her father was around, and though she had taken an immediate liking to Adam, it was never like that with him. Not that she ever expected it to be. She sat in an old chair in the corner watching Lucas sleep soundly on the couch with their daughter tucked safely in his arms. She sniffled a few times, choking back the tears that threatened to make a presence, she needed to get out. She knew for a fact that Nathan had just left that afternoon for a basketball game, and though it took a toll on he and Haley's relationship they always managed to keep things together – she envied that. No matter how far away Nathan was he would always come back for Haley. In her knowledge that Nathan was gone for the night she crept out the front door and ran to a familiar apartment that was like a second home.

* * *

– '_Are you real? Are you real or just a dream? It's been so long I don't know. I can feel' – _

**Lightly, she tapped** on the solid black door awaiting the answer. Haley opened the door tiredly, she had been laying in bed watching tv, just falling asleep, not expecting any light night visits.

"It's one in the morning, what the hell are you doing?" she questioned, apparently upset.

"I'm sorry, Hales. I couldn't sleep," Haley's eyes softened at her friend's words, she shook her head as she pulled the door open farther for Peyton to enter.

"You are crazy. You're crazy, you're an insomniac. You freak," Haley mumbled, walking inside and trudging over to the counter to attempt to make coffee. Though she was so tired she couldn't really see straight, it didn't make the task easy.

Peyton grinned at Haley's mumbling, "So, I've got a problem. That's why I'm here. Though I do get some sick enjoyment out of waking you up in the middle of the night and watching you stumble through the kitchen. I'll keep this in mind next time before I go counting sheep all night,' she scoffed teasingly at her own stupidity of counting sheep. Haley gave a sarcastic laugh before turning back to her coffee.

"So, now that I'm up, I'm eager to hear this problem," Haley stated in false enthusiasm.

"Well, you may not enjoy this particular problem," Peyton stalled in an attempt to not anger the girl who had so graciously let her in at one in the morning.

"I'm not up for your stalling, Peyton. I'm tired and we both have work in the morning, so if there's a good chance this problem will piss me off just say it fast so I can take it in and get over it."

"LucaswasatmydoorandIopenedmystupidmouthandandsaidhecouldstayandnowhe'ssleepingonmycouch," Peyton said quickly, taking a deep breath.

"What?" Haley smiled at Peyton, she was obviously very cautious to upset her. "How 'bout you say it just a little bit slower so I can actually understand."

"Um, Lucas was at my door and I opened my stupid mouth and said he could stay and now he's sleeping on my couch?" Haley's eyes widened as she immediately shut the coffee pot off.

"What?"

"Lucas was at-"

"No, I heard you. What do you mean you let him stay?" Haley's eyes looked like they were going to bug out of her head. Peyton's eyes quickly darted to her shoes, suddenly they had become very interesting.

"I just...Kylie just gets so excited when she talks to him and he showed up at my door and said he was just gonna get a place right out of town, but I felt bad keeping him away from Kylie again so I told him to stay. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't tell him to leave," she defended her decision as Haley shot her a look of disappointment.

"You're stronger than that, Peyton."

"I didn't do it for me, Haley. I did it for Kylie, she needs her father," Peyton began to raise her voice slightly, not understanding why Haley couldn't see her point of view.

"He walked away from the both of you, she doesn't need that. She doesn't need to get her hopes up and then be crushed every time he leaves. She has Adam-"

"Adam's not enough, he's not her father. And yea she's upset when he leaves, but you don't see her face when she talks to him. She lights up, it's like the world melts away when she's with her daddy. I can deal with him if it makes her happy, so don't go lecturing me. She doesn't even like Adam all that much," Peyton yelled, Haley refused to back down though.

"It's not good for her. It's not good to keep taking him away. In the long run it's only gonna hurt her," Haley explained.

"It won't. She loves him and I want to see her happy. I'd go to the ends of the earth to see my little girl happy. I don't need this, I'm leaving," Peyton stormed out of the apartment as Haley stood next to the coffee pot wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

– '_I can feel you here with me, even though you're far away' – _

**The ceiling became** especially interesting that early morning. She laid on the right side of her bed, two pillows laid beneath her head as she studied her white ceiling. He felt so close as she knew he was mere feet away on her couch. It was something she had fantasized about for a long time, and now that he was there she was scared to death.

She could feel his presence, she had always been able to. She could feel him in the house, she could hear her heart beating in her ears as he eyes drifted closed slowly. What was he thinking? She didn't know what he wanted by showing up on her door step that night, but she wanted answers. She wanted to know what happened to them years ago, she wanted Adam to stay away so she could figure her life out, she wanted to know when Lucas decided to barge back into her life, she wanted some form of closure, but most of all she just wanted to feel safe in his arms.

* * *

– '_Some are special, they come back racing through your mind. You were special, your light, your heat will never die' – _

**He tapped her **lightly, smiling as she groaned and pulled a pillow over her matted curls.

"Peyton," he whispered her name, watching as she mumbled. "Peyton, don't you have work?"

She jolted up from her position, her eyes focusing on the red numbers in her alarm clock. They flashed nine o'clock.

"Shit," she muttered, moving swiftly to untangle herself from her sheets she fell to the hard floor. He stifled a laugh, sticking his hands out to help her up as she pushed him away.

"I have to go, I have to hurry. I'm so late," she hurried out of her room and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She took a few minutes to let her mind wander as the hot water ran down her back.

Lucas had woken her that morning, and now things seemed weird as she took the time to concentrate on the morning's events. She hadn't woken up to his face in two years, since she was in the hospital many moons ago. And strangely it felt good to see his smile first thing in the morning, much more comforting than waking up to an empty house.

Twenty minutes later she stumbled out of her bedroom fully clothed and ready for work. He smirked as she looked a little disheveled, but ready nonetheless. She smiled before guzzling down a cup of coffee he had made, kissing Kylie on the forehead as she slept and stopping at Lucas.

"Jake and Brooke usually have her today, but I called them and told them I was gonna keep her today. So, you two have the day together. I'll be back around 5:30, so try to be here and we'll get something to eat. I don't really cook much so we'll have to go out, but it suits us pretty well. If you can cook you're welcome to, otherwise when I have her on Friday's it's pizza night so you've been warned," she smiled, unexpectedly pulling him into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. His scruffy cheek rubbed against her smooth one being he hadn't shaved in a few days.

"I'll see ya then," he waved as she walked to the door with her bag in toe.

"Here's a tip, go to the store around the corner and pick up a razor," she winked before flashing him another smile, and with that she was gone.

* * *

– '_I was lost. I was lost and I found you. I will know no further love. People move. People move and fall away, love, you refuse to fade' – _

**Lucas pushed the** stroller along, finally reaching the River Court where a two year old Kylie squealed at recognizing the spot where she and her Uncle Nathan had spent a lot of time. Lucas laughed at her enthusiasm, something Peyton never had when they were younger. He unbuckled the small child, letting her run through the grass.

"Kylie, you wanna swing?" she nodded happily at his request, running as fast as her small legs would take her.

He lifted her off her feet, setting her into a baby swing so she didn't fall. He pushed her gently, making sure she didn't go too high, but that there was enough adventure in her journey. She giggled as the breeze swept over her face. A giggle that she had inherited from Peyton he noticed. Though the blonde girl had never giggled much, when she did it was a spitting image of what he just heard come out of his daughter's mouth.

Half an hour later the two walked around town. He peered into his mother's café, careful to see who was inside at the time. He didn't want any unpleasant run ins just yet, but as he expected on a Friday afternoon it was filled with the older couples. The bells jingled above his head as he entered, his mother eyes grew as she watched her son and granddaughter enter the establishment.

"Hey, Mom," he greeted, a smile forming on his nineteen year old face.

She rushed from behind the counter, engulfing her little boy in her arms. It had been a good two years since she'd seen or heard from him. The tears flooded her eyes, seeing her only child was a shock and she was overwhelmed with her emotions.

"Gramma," Kylie tugged on her grandmother's skirt from her spot on the floor next to Lucas.

"Hey, baby," Karen lifted the little girl into her arms, hugging her tightly also.

"So, where's Deb on this Friday afternoon?" he questioned his mother nonchalantly, his eyes scanning the small café for possible changes.

"She ran out. Lucas Scott, how dare you go two years without calling your mother. The woman who raised you. I raise you better than that," she was obviously upset with him, he frowned before sitting on a stool in front of the counter.

"I couldn't, Mom. I disappointed you, I didn't want to hear that disappointment in your voice," he explained, watching the dark haired woman walk back behind the counter.

"I was disappointed, Lucas, but not on any account have you become your father if that's what you think. Your father wanted nothing to do with you, he took no pride in you and didn't care at all if you and I fell off the face of the earth. You're different, I see the way you look at your daughter, I know you call Peyton once a month, and I know you still care about Peyton. I won't lie, I think what you did to Peyton was horrible, and it's not who I brought you up to be, but you're still my son. I'll never love you any less for that mistake, and frankly I don't think Peyton could love you any less for it either," she smiled warmly at her son before walking to the back with Kylie in her arms.

He nodded, that was exactly what he needed. He needed to hear those things from his mother to be okay with himself, to know that he wasn't a waste of human life. And now that he had his confirmation he had to figure out what to do with it.

* * *

– '_Some are special. They come back, racing through your mind. You were special, your light, your heat, will never die' – _

**They returned home **just as Peyton pulled up in the parking lot of the apartment complex. She couldn't help the smile that overcame her face as she saw Lucas pushing the stroller ahead of him. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ She was never this perky after work, she was beginning to feel like Brooke.

"Hey!" he grinned as she approached them, Kylie wiggled, struggling to get out of her restraints, known as a stroller.

"Hey, you," she kissed her daughter on the nose, before standing back up straight to look at Lucas. "How was your day?"

"It was good, we had fun. We had some cereal this morning, watched some cartoons and went to the park. Then we visited Grandma Karen, had lunch at the café. We got some ice cream, went to a few stores, watched a movie here and then went to take a walk," he counted off their day as her smile grew.

"That's good, so in other words you spent the whole day spoiling her?" she teased as he looked down bashfully. She let out a laugh, "Luke, it's fine. Everyone else spoils her anyway, I dunno why I try to stop it anymore," he smiled as she wandered up the stairs and into the apartment. He followed, playing with Kylie on the way up.

"So, pizza?" she yelled, putting the phone up to her ear in an attempt to check for a dial tone.

"Hey, I'm not gonna intrude. If Friday's are pizza days then pizza it is," he continued sitting on the floor with his little girl, playing with the few Barbie's she had scattered on the floor.

"It'll be here in like twenty five minutes," she declared, sitting on the couch across from the two on the floor. He nodded, turning back to the toys while she picked up a magazine, scanning the pages quickly.

She wondered why Lucas was suddenly so okay with their situation, why things weren't so tense between them as they had once been. Why he was always in a rush to get off the phone and why he never came to see Kylie anymore. Something had changed drastically in his life, and she hadn't been informed, and in some respect she was hurt that he didn't have the time to inform her of this obviously life altering event.

* * *

– '_So regretful, how could I ever be so blind? You were special, I thought I'd never lose my mind.' – _

**The pizza had** arrived two hours ago as Peyton and Lucas sat up laughing at a replay of Jurassic Park on tbs. As the main character went running they both laughed hysterically at her horrified face.

"Thats...the best face...I've ever seen," Peyton let out between her laughs, Lucas nodded unable to speak through his own fit of laughter.

She paused the movie for a minute to make check on Kylie, she had gone to play with her Barbie's over a half an hour ago. Lucas followed along, and as they entered her room they both found her curled in a ball on the floor, sleeping soundly. Peyton laughed at her position, but Lucas just moved forward with a smile, placing her into her small bed with a guard rail on the side. He kissed her forehead, whispering goodnight. Peyton moved forward and did the same, hitting the light switch on the way out.

"She's beautiful, Peyt," he told her softly and she nodded.

"Well, I can't exactly say thank you, because that's partly you too," she pointed out, turning her head to look at him.

"Yeah, listen I'm really -"

"No," she motioned for him to stop speaking, "I'm over that, I'm okay with that now. Let's just not go back into it," she positioned herself back on the couch, to watch the rest of the movie, he followed behind as she pushed play.

* * *

– '_I was pulling far away, you were begging me to stay. And I thought I was losing you, funny, how the opposite was true.' – _

**As the rest** of the movie played through Lucas could feel his eyes beginning to close, and though she tried to fight it, her attempts were futile.

The end credits began to play, the music lulling Peyton to sleep, though she knew Lucas was already asleep, and that it would be providing no help to fall asleep with him there, she did. And sometime during the night Peyton found herself curling up into the shape of his body, and it was at two o'clock that morning that Lucas found her snuggled safely up against him. He smiled, he didn't want to have to tell her about the other life he had created, he just wanted to live in that moment forever.

* * *

**I dunno, I don't really like this one, but I couldn't figure out what the hell I wanted to do here. I think I wanted to show Lucas and Peyton were able to move on and I needed the scene with Karen. I also like the few scenes with Lucas and Kylie too, so I guess it was okay. Tell me what you thought of it.**

**In The Next Chapter: Lucas tries to talk to Jake and Brooke / What do they think/ Lucas talks to Nathan / Lucas tries to make up with Haley / Nathan and Haley problems? **

**Coming Up: Will Peyton reveal her secrets to Adam/ Is Lucas leaving again/ Will Lucas resolve anything with his friends / More Lucas and Peyton time / Possibly another jump in time**


	30. So I Need You

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Hmm, I love getting reviews for this. One quick thing, **when I said Lucas and Peyton were moving on in the last chapter, I didn't mean that was it for them. They're trying to move on, but it doesn't mean it's working.** Anyway, just wanted to make sure everyone knew that, so here it goes.

**Chapter 30: So I Need You**

**That morning had** been all sorts of awkward. She had woken up in his arms, in complete shock of how she had gotten there. The night came flooding back to her and she immediately jolted off the couch, swiftly making her way to the kitchen. After a few deep breaths and a cup of coffee she had the courage to walk back into her living room to find Lucas still sleeping on the couch, a satisfied grin crossing his face as though he had suddenly come across a nice dream that suited him well. A smile tugged on the corners of her mouth, but she turned on her heel back down the hallway before it ever fully emerged.

* * *

– '_If you could step into my head, tell me would you still know me. If you woke up in my bed, tell me then would you hold me' – _

**The three of** them sat at the kitchen table, Lucas and Peyton both had coffee in hand while Kylie sat with her orange juice. Lucas continued to poke Kylie's side, teasing the two year old as she giggled hysterically at her Daddy. Peyton smiled, watching – it was all she ever wanted to see for her little girl, and knowing that she was happy took the pain away. The pain of having to look at Lucas every day and know he left her.

"So, any plans for today?" she directed her question at Lucas, he looked up with a smile.

"Nah, I figured I'd spend the day with you two girls," he continued to play with Kylie as he spoke.

"Okay, well I'm gonna run over to Jake and Brooke's for a little bit, but I'll be back soon. You two are okay?"

"We're fine, we'll see you when you get back, won't we?" he baby talked the little girl and she smiled at her mother.

"Bye, bye!" she shouted, Peyton laughed on her way out the door.

* * *

– '_Or would you simply let it lie, leaving me to wonder why I can't get you out of this head I call mine, and I will say' – _

**Brooke and Jake's** house was like her house had been in high school, no one bothered to knock on their door. They never went anywhere, and never had time to answer the door as they were busy with Jenny most of the day. The only time Peyton didn't walk in was after ten at night, because that was their time to do...what they wanted to do.

She entered calling out of one of her two friends and it was Brooke who answered first. She wandered out of the hallway soaked in bubbles. Peyton couldn't help the laugh that escaped at Brooke's appearance and the brunette just stuck her tongue out at her long time friend.

"So, P. Sawyer, why so happy?"

"What?" Peyton immediately began to fidget with her hands and Brooke's bluntness.

"You're like glowing, I need sunglasses," Brooke remarked lamely and Peyton laughed, nervously.

"I am not," Peyton insisted, pulling up a kitchen chair and sitting at the table. Brooke followed her actions with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Okay, since you're not gonna tell I'm gonna guess...did you talk to Broody?" Peyton face immediately froze.

"How the hell do you do that?" Brooke laughed in triumph.

"I'm your best friend Peyton, the only time you smile like that is when Lucas is around, so what's up?"

"He's at my apartment with Kylie. He showed up Thursday night, and I stupidly told him to stay," Peyton put her head in her hands, signaling how hard this had been for her.

"Was it really stupid?"

"Why are you so cryptic today, Brooke?" Peyton snapped in frustration, she couldn't handle the side stepping today, she wanted Brooke to get right to the point.

"It's not cryptic, you're just grumpy. I know this is hard for you, Peyton, but I think you did the right thing for Kylie, she loves Luke. But the thing is, do you really think your decision to let him stay was stupid"

"Of course it was. I can't handle him being there every morning and night, it's too hard. God, I fell asleep in his arms on the couch last night, it's not gonna work..."

"But you must've let him stay for some reason. Something inside of you must've wanted him there, you didn't do this just for Kylie, did you?" Brooke's words were more of a statement than a question, she obviously already knew how Peyton worked.

"I dunno -"

"Yes, you do."

"Okay, maybe I did want him there. But I didn't know how hard it was gonna be. Besides I'm with Adam," Peyton pushed Adam back into the story as she stood to get herself a drink.

"Ah, the Adam thing again," Brooke smiled at her friend, Peyton was in serious denial.

"What do you mean the Adam thing again? He's my boyfriend, I'm with him, not Lucas," Peyton sat back next to Brooke at the table.

"I mean, you always bring him up when you can't figure out what you want from Lucas. But you don't love him, Peyton. He's like a mask you wear to keep you safe, the same way Jake was earlier in high school," Brooke met her friend's eyes, but Peyton averted them quickly to the floor.

"I love him, Brooke, he's not a mask."

"Do you love him? Because I for one, think you're hiding. You don't wanna get hurt so you're hiding behind Adam. You do it all the time, babe," Brooke sent the blonde a sympathetic smile.

"I'm not hiding, you have no idea what's it's like between me and Adam, you don't," Peyton's obvious fight over the statement gave Brooke all the answers she needed.

"Okay, alright. I believe you, I'm sorry."

* * *

– '_So I need you, so I need you, so I need you, so I need you' – _

**Peyton re-entered her** apartment to find Lucas with a storybook in his hand and Kylie in his lap. He had to stop being such a good father, it was going to make things harder when he left. She hadn't seen Jake that morning at Brooke's house, and in a way she glad. Jake had always been against Lucas after he left, she remembered the fight that almost broke out in the hospital two years ago. She knew for certain that Jake wouldn't be happy about her letting Lucas stay.

"And the little duck was sad," Lucas read along, and she saw the pure enjoyment in Kylie's eyes, something that was obviously never there when she was with Adam.

"Hey guys," she interrupted, they both looked up and waved, returning to the story as though it was the most exciting thing in the world.

"So, Luke, Brooke said she wanted to see you later. She wanted to talk to you. They live a block away from Haley's old house," Lucas nodded but continued on with the book.

Peyton took a seat back at the table where they were, and watched. She had never seen Kylie glow the way she did in her father's arms. And Brooke had said the same thing about her, but she pushed it away. She made it a point to convince herself that she missed Adam

As she let her thoughts wander again, they floated to Haley. Why had Brooke been so supportive but Haley had done nothing but put Lucas down? The only conclusion that she could come to was that Brooke wanted to see her happy, no matter who she was happy with. Haley wanted to see her happy, but she also didn't want to see her hurt. They both managed to care in different ways, and Peyton didn't know who had the better pont of view, should she be safe or happy?"

* * *

– '_And if I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, tell me would you still follow me. And if I made you mad today, tell me would you love me tomorrow?' – _

**Lucas knocked on **Brooke and Jake's front door, and skeptically Brooke cast the door a glance. No one knocked anymore, unless it was...She jumped up and pulled the door open to see Lucas standing there.

"Hey, Broody," Brooke welcomed him in and he took the invitation. He sent a suspicious look around, he was on the look out for Jake. He knew Jake didn't like him anymore, and he had accepted that, he just didn't want to get the crap beat out of him for being in his house.

"Hey, Brooke. Nice place," he sat in the chair Peyton had sat in hours ago and she nodded. She watched him look around the house wearily and she had to smile.

"They're not here. Jake took Jenny out for lunch and then they were gonna stop by the park."

"Oh, that's cool. You told Peyton you wanted to see me?"

"I'm looking out for my best friend. I figured I should have a talk with you," she winked before sitting across from him. It was strange, she thought, that after so many years she would be with Jake Jaglieski, having an interrogation hour with how Lucas was going to treat her best friend. Tree Hill was warped.

"Talk away, Cheery," he brought her old nickname into play and she smiled, she took another look at the clock and began to talk.

"You make her happy, Luke," she said seriously, catching him off guard with her sudden burst into the conversation. "And not just the happy she has every day with Kylie I mean really happy. She only has that smile when she's with you."

He blushed at Brooke's words, of course he made her happy, she still loved him – this he knew. But she was guarding herself and he couldn't get back into that right now. He was in another part of her life, another part that didn't concern Peyton or Kylie the way it did two years ago.

"I know I do. But I'm still leaving at the end of this week."

"Why!" Brooke seemed enraged.

"You wouldn't get it -"

"Just tell me Lucas, stop beating around the bush," her voice raised slightly as she spoke.

"I have a girlfriend, Brooke."

* * *

– '_Please, or would you say that you don't care, and then leave me standing here, like the fool who is drownin' in despair and screamin' – _

**He had decided** to walk to his brother's that afternoon, driving seemed to be overrated anyway. It had been too long since he wandered his childhood streets – well not really childhood considering he left Tree Hill when he was only 16 years old. A time when most kids are finishing high school and having the time of their lives was the time when he was apartment hunting a few towns away.

He knew Haley was out, he knew she wasn't happy with him. She and Jake were two people he didn't want to confront on his weekly visit – he knew Nathan and Brooke were on his side and that was enough for him. He also knew he couldn't hold anything against Haley and Jake for holding the grudge, he had left their friend and they wanted to see Peyton happy, but they were also the kind of people who wanted to see her safely happy – **and safety was something that never came with love.

* * *

**

– '_Oh no, I can't let you go, my little girl. Because you're holding up my world, so I need you. Your imitation of my walk, and the perfect way you talk, it's just a couple of the million things that I love about you' – _

**Brooke's reaction to** his news had been one of shock and while he expected disgust it wasn't to be found. She nodded her head in understanding, telling him that she should've expected it. That he also needed to move on as Peyton had. And then he asked one favor of her – he asked her not to tell Peyton. He didn't want her to hear it from someone else.

He tapped on the door and when his brother answered a smile made it's way across his face. He invited Lucas in and they took seats on the couch. He was glad he at least had the reassurance of his little brother.

"When did you get in?"

"About two days ago. I've been spending time with Kylie though or I would've seen you earlier," he explained, Nathan nodded in understanding.

"So, how long you staying?" Nathan stood to retrieve a drink, offering Lucas one but he declined.

"Probably the end of this week, like Thursday or Friday. I dunno, probably not long after I tell Peyton the news."

"About Stef?"

"Yeah...I just wanted to say thanks for not telling Peyton. I know you and Haley are close to her, so it probably sucked not to tell her," Lucas bit the inside of his cheek, letting his head fall down to the floor.

"Well, she never asked, so it wasn't exactly lying to her. I don't think she's expecting you to have moved on -"

"But she has Adam, don't you think it's only fair for me to have moved on?"

"Hey, hey, I didn't say anything, so don't flip out on me. I'm giving you her point of view not mine," Nathan moved back into the living room and sat next to his brother.

"Well, what is your point of view?"

"I liked Stef when I met her a few months ago, she's nice and I think it's good for you to move on, because Peyton seems to have. But you know, I think Haley rubbed off and I still think you and Peyton belong together, and that Stef and Adam are just detours you've both taken, and I personally think your paths will cross again."

"Wow, Nate, that was deep," Lucas joked, wiping away a fake tear. Nathan nudged his older brother.

"Shut up. I am married to Haley after all."

"Good point, what time is she coming home?"

And then the door opened.

* * *

**Okay, I thought this was a good place to cut it off. I hope you liked this one, not much Lucas and Peyton interaction, but I liked it. I need to get the scenes with Lucas and everyone else in too before the week is over. And it's a bit of a cliff hanger, but I'll be updating soon when you review for me!**

**In The Next Chapter: Lucas & Haley confrontation / Nathan & Haley problems / Brooke reveals Lucas's visit to Jake / Brooke & Jake problems / Will Lucas reveal his secret to Peyton? **

**Coming Up in Future Chapters: Will Peyton reveal her secrets to Adam/ Peyton & Adam problems/ A fight approaching / Will Lucas resolve anything with Haley & Jake/ Some more Lucas and Peyton time - do things heat up/ Another possible jump in time / More drama...**


	31. Every Ship Must Sail Away

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Wow, thanks a lot for the reviews, I'm glad you all enjoyed the upcoming drama. I know him having a girlfriend isn't what you wanted or expected, but it'll help the story a lot. So, here's the conclusion to the last chapter.

**Chapter 31: Every Ship Must Sail Away**

"_**Shut up. I** am married to Haley_ _after all."_

"_Good point, what time is she coming home?"_

_And then the door opened.

* * *

_

– '_Have you ever heard the sounds in the shadow of a song? Have you ever felt their words blow right through you from beyond' – _

**A dead, pounding** silence enveloped the room as Haley stood in the doorway. Nathan looked immensely uncomfortable in the tense staring match, but he made no movement from his spot on the couch.

"What are you doing here?" Haley's voice was ice cold towards her former best friend, he winced under her tone.

"I just...I came to see Nathan," he stammered, trying to find the words to explain himself.

"Well, you've seen him, now get out," she spat, brushing past him and into the small kitchen.

Nathan finally decided on a plan of action, "So, I'm gonna go get in the shower...you guys can talk if you'd like," he moved swiftly to the bathroom before either had a chance to protest.

"Hales, uh Haley...is there anyway we could talk?"

"No," her answer was brief but strong-willed and he walked toward the door.

"I imagine you already talked to Peyton, she's really upset about your fight or whatever happened. Don't hold her decision against her, if you're mad, be mad at me. She needs you guys right now," he took a deep breath and closed the door behind him.

She had watched the door close, and as it did she closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts. There was no way she could forgive him, not after the things he said, not after the way he treated her, but her thoughts were startled by her husband's deep voice.

"Don't you think after two and a half years that he's changed. I mean, maybe he deserves another chance?" she met his eyes, seeing the honesty and sincerity in them scared her. She was terrified that he was right, and she would have to learn to trust Lucas again, and with trust came hurt.

* * *

– '_Cause years pass and people change, the bluest skies can turn to grey, and though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away' – _

**Brooke and Jenny** sat comfortably on the couch flicking through the channels, awaiting Jake's return with pizza. The little girl giggled happily at the Downy Bear while Brooke laughed at the enjoyment Jenny got from a stuffed bear throwing a sheet.

"You like that?" she tickled Jenny while she squirmed to get out of Brooke's grasp.

"Mommy, stop!" she squealed. She had taken to calling Brooke mommy from when she was less than a year old. Her second word was mama, and Brooke had adapted to the position quickly, her old party personality had disappeared in the wake of motherhood and in came responsible, nurturing Brooke. It was a shock to everyone but Jake, because he knew she had it in her from the moment they met.

"I got pizza!" Jake yelled, entering the house with a large box and a white bag settled on top.

"Woo!" Brooke shouted through the apartment with enthusiasm, she grabbed Jenny, lifting her up and ran to the kitchen.

"Mmmm, I love pizza," Jenny commented, her eyes glowing as her parents opened the box revealing the cheesy goodness.

"I know," Jake smiled at his daughter, putting a piece on her paper plate then handing Brooke her own piece.

"So, I've got some news," Brooke started the conversation slowly, afraid of her boyfriend's reaction to Lucas being back, let alone staying with Peyton and Kylie.

"Well..."

She smiled, "Well, um, Peyton has someone staying over."

"Why're you stalling, Brooke? I'm not gonna like this am I?" he set his pizza on the plate to give her his full attention for the news she obviously didn't want to tell him.

"No, probably not. But I figured I should tell you, instead of you finding out the wrong way," she also set her pizza down, continuing, "Lucas is back in town...he's staying with Peyton."

She watched his eyes glaze over in anger, and cringed thinking of all the yelling to come. But it never did, he picked up his jacket, kissed Jenny on the cheek and walked out the front door.

"What happened?" Jenny asked Brooke innocently.

"Nothing, daddy just had to run to the store."

* * *

– '_Oh change is in the air, and you wear it all so well. I asked you if you cared, but if you cared I couldn't tell' – _

**Haley stood in** the kitchen, putting all of her concentration on the dishes she had decided to wash, even though they had a perfectly good dishwasher. She scrubbed, her eyebrows coming together in frustration at the spot that wouldn't wash clean.

"Damn it," she threw the wash rag down in anger, pacing the kitchen slowly.

"Hales, we do have a dishwasher and last time I checked," he opened the appliance, sticking his head inside, "it was still working," he smirked lightheartedly, but she blew him off.

"I'm not in the mood, Nathan," he cocked his head to the side, she was obviously not ready to joke.

"Okay, okay," he stuck his hands up in mock-surrender.

"How could you not tell me?"

"I didn't know...he just showed up like ten minutes before you walked in...I didn't know he was here or staying with Peyton. But apparently you knew, so what the hell are you yelling at me for?"

"Don't start with me. You could've called - told me not to come home. Instead I had to deal with that," she pointed to the door as if Lucas was still standing there.

"Why can't you just forgive him? He's trying to fix things with everyone before he leaves -"

"So, he is leaving again," she shook her head in disappointment.

"You knew he was. Things are different now, he couldn't stay even if he wanted to," Nathan bit his bottom lip, he had said too much but it was too late as Haley looked up at him with accusing eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"No, no, no, you can't stop, what do you know?" she took a step closer to him, her eyes pierced through his lies, he could never lie to her.

"It's just...he has a girlfriend, Haley..."

"You're kidding," her anger dissipated and her eyes softened at the boy in front of her.

"I wish I was, because it's gonna hurt Peyton...but he does. He's trying to move on because he thinks she won't take him back..."

"But...she probably would...and I don't want her to get hurt, I don't want to see her go through all that pain again," she relented, sitting on the chair next to her.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it now. He's got a girlfriend now though, she won't want him after this," he heaved a sigh, sitting in the chair across from Haley.

"No...this is gonna be a setback for her. Damn him, he always does this," she said softly, no anger in her words, just frustration.

* * *

– '_Cause years pass and people change, the bluest skies could turn to grey, and though its gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away' – _

**Lucas entered the** apartment, finding Peyton on the floor with Kylie while they colored. He smiled, she had picked up her mother's knack for art, that was noticeable. He cleared his throat to reveal his presence, they both turned their heads identically to look at him, and he couldn't help the laugh that escaped.

"Hey," Peyton greeted, but Kylie ditched her crayons throwing herself into her father's arms as he squatted down to her level.

"Heyyy, babe," he hugged her tightly, then set her down giving her a push towards her room, "Why don't you go play with your toys for a little bit, I need to talk with mommy," she giggled and ran to her room.

"What's up?" Peyton stood, her sweat pants puddling over her feet as she went to dig through her refrigerator for some form of food.

"Um, it would probably be better if you sat down," he sat on the chair in the living room that was opposite the couch.

"Okay?" she sat where he wanted her to sit, her eyes looked cautious but she remained poised.

"Okay, where should I start..."

"From the beginning?" she suggested sarcastically, he smirked at her before starting from the beginning.

"Alright. These past two years have been weird, and full of change for me. I've tried to come to terms with the fact that you've moved on and I'm not really a piece of your life anymore. It's taken me these two years, but I'm okay now. So, I was at a party with some friends and I met someone. She's two years older than me, but she's good for me. I've got a good job, I bought a car, I'm nineteen years old and I'm just trying to get my life together. I know I should've told you, but..."

"No, you weren't obligated to tell me. It's no big deal, I've got Adam. This is good for you...is it serious?" she couldn't hide the disappointment that flickered in her eyes when he revealed his information.

"Well, we're living together, so I guess it is...I just don't want this to wreck this friendship we've got going. We've worked too hard for this," she nodded.

"It's not gonna wreck it. I'm happy for you, Luke, you deserve to be happy, really you do. Just...Kylie needs her father, she loves you so much. And I'm not trying to tie you in, I mean you left because of her, it's just since you seemed to have gotten things together it would be nice for you to-"

"I'll be around for her, Peyt. I promise, I love her. She's my daughter, I'll be there."

"Okay, well that's all I needed to know," she stood, taking a menu from the drawer.

"Hungry?"

"Yea, I'm gonna go grab something from your mom's café" she discarded the random menu, looking over to where he sat.

"Yea, sure, no I'll hang with Kylie. Burgers and fries?"

"Uh huh, sounds like a plan, I'll be back in a few," she walked out the door.

* * *

– '_And though it's gonna hurt for now, and though it's gonna hurt for now, and though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away' – _

**She banged loudly** on the front door, waiting impatiently for an answer. The door swung open to reveal Brooke with a baffled look on her face.

"Peyton?"

"It's over..." she threw out, pushing her way into the house.

"What is?" Brooke, still confused, pushed the door closed behind them.

"Lucas. He's got a girlfriend, he's got a life. He's growing up, and I thought maybe if he did grow up and figure out responsibility he would come back and I'd be able to trust him. Maybe he'd want to have a family, and maybe he'd want to be with me and Kylie. But he is growing up and figuring out responsibility and he's this guy with a car and job and everything he wanted when he left. He's that guy but he's that guy with her, not me. He's moving on with his life, and I'm still here. Doing the same thing that I was doing last time he left and it sucks..." she trailed off as the tears fell swiftly even after she tried so hard to stop them.

"It's not that bad, Peyton. You've got Kylie and you've got us and a good job, you've got a good life too, hun," Brooke sat with her friend, comforting her as she fell apart again.

"I know, but I still wanted a family. I still wanted a guy who loved me, and who I loved just as much, and while he found that, I'm still here playing house with a boy who loves me, but I'm leading him on."

"You'll get someone, Peyton. Even if he's not Lucas, you'll find someone, one day," Brooke nodded, laying an arm around the blonde's shoulders.

"You don't know that. You can't be sure. For all you or I know I could be doing this twenty years from now, living the same life," she wiped at her eyes, careful to keep her mascara from running too much.

"I just know. I know that you'll be happy one day, and when you are, you'll have earned that happiness, and all of these tears and pain will be worthwhile."

* * *

**So, I liked this one. Hopefully you did too. I know there wasn't much Leyton here, but I needed all of these scenes as sub-plots and whatnot. I think the end was my favorite, but that's just me. REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT.**

**Coming Up: Haley & Peyton make-up/ Lucas tries to talk to Haley again / Jake & Brooke still having some problems / Lucas & Peyton - are things awkward?**

**Coming Up in the Future Chapters: Will Peyton reveal her secrets / Peyton & Adam problems / A fight approaching before Lucas leaves / More Lucas & Peyton alone time before he goes - will things get out of control/ Another possible jump in time / Drama...**


	32. A Torn Heart, A Decision & A Moment

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note:** Well, hey now, it's been a while. I know I've kinda sucked with the updating recently, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. By no means am I ending this story, I just sorta lost my muse for a while. I can't say its totally back, but I'm starting to get back into writing again. Hopefully you'll bear with me for a while. I hope you all enjoy this.

**Chapter 32: A Torn Heart, A Big Decision, & A Moment…**

**Peyton returned back** to the apartment with a brown paper bag full of food for the three of them. Lucas was sitting on the floor with a cushion in his hands, asking Kylie if she was ready for him to finish the fort. She could hear her daughter's tiny voice from under all the covers and cushions, Lucas laughed placing the final cushion on and crawling under the blankets with his daughter. Peyton watched on, noticing her whole living room had been transformed into a fort big enough for Lucas to crawl through.

"Having fun?" Peyton questioned, seeing Lucas poke his head out from an open hole in his creation.

"Heck, yes!" she laughed hearing Kylie in the fort mimicking her father. "Heck yes!"

* * *

_- 'Sends it home in a paper bag, says things change, maybe it's me' – _

**The three of **them sat in silence as Lucas continued to tease Kylie, shoveling huge amounts of food into his mouth to make her laugh. She noticed how Lucas seemed distant from her since earlier…or maybe she was the one being distant. She couldn't really tell, all she knew was that things had definitely changed from earlier when it had all been so easy.

"So, what took you so long to get all of this?" Lucas didn't ask the question suspiciously the way she thought he would, he just seemed to be curious so she thought quickly.

"I got sucked into a conversation with your mom, I'm sorry. We were just talking about…girl stuff…" she smiled at the blonde as he shook his head, obviously having accepted her answer easily.

"Soooo…is it just me or do things seem different here?" he pulled away from Kylie for a moment to ask the question, and met Peyton's eyes as she looked up, startled.

"What do you mean by different?"

"I dunno…I guess just ever since we talked earlier it just threw like our last two years of friendship off…and I really don't want that. It was the last thing I wanted when I told you, but I needed to be honest with you…" he seemed hesitant as they locked eyes again, but this time she wouldn't look away.

"Nothing's different, Luke," though that was a blatant lie, "I'm just tired today, that's all. And I guess I'm a little stressed because of this thing I've got going with Haley. And what you told me didn't affect anything." Another lie, "I'm happy for you, really. You deserve to be happy too," she was tempted to reach up to her face to make sure her nose was still the same size as it had been before the conversation started.

He nodded along, "Okay, then. If you're sure."

"I'm sure, don't worry about it."

* * *

_- 'You can't fix me up, you can't fix me up. This bleeding heart, this bleeding heart' – _

**Kylie had been **asleep for almost an hour as they sat on the couch flicking through tv channels. She was completely uncomfortable being so close to him again, but she forced that feeling back down and played along like nothing was wrong, like she'd told him earlier.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she was thrown from her thoughts as he spoke.

"What? Nothing, nothing's wrong…I was just thinking, that's all…" she let her sentence linger as she looked over at him, noticing how serious he looked while he watched tv.

"Peyt…can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure…shoot," the tone of his voice was scaring the hell out of her, she had no idea what he was about to spring on her.

"I just…I mean this is all completely hypothetical, obviously…but what if…well, I mean what if I wasn't involved right now?"

"What do you mean?" her voice cracked only slightly as she tried to regain her composure. What was he trying to ask her?

"I mean…if I didn't have a girlfriend and everything, would things be different right now?" Wow…she definitely wasn't expecting that. Of course things would be different, how could they not be? There was a good chance that he would've caught her at a vulnerable moment and it would've changed everything that could've happened in the next few days to come.

"Not really. I mean, yea, you'd be free, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still with Adam, that I have been for almost three years now. You know that," she pointed that fact out while he tried not to look defeated.

"Yea, right, I know. I was just…wondering I guess…"

"Sure…but um, I'm actually really tired if you don't mind. I think I'm gonna go to sleep, I'll see you tomorrow, Luke," she stood to head toward her bedroom, stretching before she actually took a step.

"Yea, see you tomorrow."

* * *

_- 'My innocence, my innocence. This bleeding heart, lay me down' – _

**It was eleven o'clock** and Jake still hadn't returned from wherever he went earlier that night, Brooke was worried sick as she sat on the couch, half watching tv but half concentrating on the door opening. And when It finally did open she wasn't sure what to say to the man before her.

"God, you had me worried, Jake," she stood immediately pulling him into her arms, and he returned the hug gratefully. He hadn't gone anywhere far, but Brooke hadn't gone to look for him because of Jenny, she didn't want the little girl to worry about her "parents" having a fight so she left it at her father going to the store.

"Look, I'm sorry…it's just…you know how I feel about him, and how close Peyton and I were for a while. She means a lot to me and I expected more from Lucas…I just don't know what she was thinking."

"Whether you like it or not, Jake, she loves him still…"

"What? No, she doesn't. She's with Adam, she loves him, you know that –"

"How naïve can you be? She's been hiding with Adam to keep Lucas away, she's been with Adam because he's safe…she's not with Adam because she loves him. She loves Lucas, she always has, that's never changed. And I know you don't agree, but I wholeheartedly support her, if he makes her happy than I want her with him. All I've ever wanted was for her to be happy, she's my best friend," she had watched Jake's reaction through her words, and she knew he was angry, she knew he would never understand her thought process.

"So, you're just gonna let her go after him and let her get hurt like that again? Are you fucking kidding me, Brooke? You honestly can't be telling me the truth," he paced the kitchen a few times trying to make sense of what she was saying to him.

"I'm not gonna let her go after him. He has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend, I know that, I'm not stupid. But I think in the end all of this is only leading them back to each other, and I'm telling you that I'm not going to get in the way of that, what they have is real, it always has been, ever since we were sophomores, and you as well as anyone know that.

"Fine! Whatever, but I'm not gonna be the one standing around watching her get hurt again. Lucas has done nothing but hurt her and make her cry –"

"Maybe, maybe you're right about the hurt and the tears. But I'll tell you one thing, do you ever see her as happy as she is when she's around him. Do you ever see her glow after talking to Adam? I don't think so…so why don't you just look at her next time she talks to or sees Lucas and compare it to when she's around Adam, and I think you'll see where I'm coming from," Jake looked deflated in every point he was trying to make as Brooke pressed on, "So, maybe sometimes the happiness is worth all the pain…why don't you think about that while I'm gone."

The brunette grabbed her coat, slipped it over her shoulders and closed the door behind her with a smirk on her face. Brooke – 1, Jake – 0.

* * *

_- 'It grows cold, autumn's not the same without you. The colors fade, beautiful to lifeless' – _

**Lucas had fallen **asleep long ago as Peyton crept out into the kitchen for a snack. She couldn't help herself as she stood watching him for a few extra minutes, and even then it still hurt to think of their messy past…and apparently they had an equally messy future ahead of them. And she hadn't decided what she wanted yet, she hadn't decided if Lucas was worth risking her heart and fighting for, but she knew if that was even an option that she needed her friends support to do it.

She quietly tip toed over to where he was sleeping on the pull out bed, kissed his cheek gently so as not to wake him, and walked out the front door. It was getting chilly outside, so she ran down a few doors until she reached Haley and Nathan's apartment, where she knew she would have to give up being stubborn for a while and just be willing to listen.

She knocked lightly, "Peyton?" Haley had answered the door looking slightly taken aback at Peyton showing up at the time it was and after the fight they had just had.

"Hey…you wanna go grab some hot chocolate or coffee or something? I just…I think we need to talk, ya know?" Haley nodded, retrieving her coat from the hook and walking through the front door with the blonde.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting in an all night diner just on the edge of Tree Hill with a coffee in front of them each. It was silent between them, which was strange considering how most of the time when they were together they were talking so quickly that they usually didn't hear a word the other one said.

"So, okay, you come to my door drag me outta my house and we're gonna sit here staring at the table?" Haley smirked slightly towards the blonde to lighten the mood.

"Haha. Alright, honestly, I dragged you outta the house because I wanted to apologize for the other day and how I kind of blew up at you for no reason. I was being a bitch, but I dunno I guess I jumped down your throat because I was defensive of Lucas…but I didn't know then that he had a girlfriend. I guess…I sorta still had hopes, I don't know what I was thinking…" Peyton trailed off, as Haley's eyes softened at her friend.

"Don't worry about it, Peyton."

"But I do worry about it, I feel like I was totally out of line screaming at you like that, especially after I was the one coming to you for help…you're one of my best friends and I was a bitch about this whole thing, and I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter, really. I know this thing with Lucas is gonna be hard, and he's always gonna be there, so I'm not gonna tell you I think it's good to go back to him if that's what you want, because I really don't want you to get hurt again, and we're not really on good terms yet. But that's up to you, and in truth I do wanna see you happy, no matter how it seems. So does Nathan, so…if you wanna fight for him, then go for it and I'll stand by your decision. If you wanna leave things this way, then you can do that too. Either way, I'm here for you, Peyton, always," Peyton smiled at the girl across from her.

She already knew Nathan and Brooke were there on her side, and she had just been reassured that no matter what her decision came to be, Haley would be there too. The only person she had to worry about was Jake, and from when she talked to Brooke only a few hours ago, he didn't seem to be giving in as easily as the rest. They were all behind her, now all she had to go was figure out what her decision was going to be.

* * *

_- 'Waiting here for you, say that now we're home, I write this knowing what to say to you. Crying, crying, today there's nothing else to say to you, crying, crying' – _

**It was near** one in the morning when she walked into her apartment where she found Lucas sitting at the kitchen table with her yearbook and a cup of hot chocolate. She titled her head slightly as she looked him, his blonde hair sticking up every which way and his scruffy beard was still present, he hadn't taken the razor tip.

"Waiting up for me?" she teased him, sitting next to him to look into past memories.

"You know it. Where'd you go?" the concern had laced his voice, she smiled to herself.

"I had to talk to Haley, we patched things up…she's a good friend…"

"Yea, she is…" his voice had changed tone dramatically when Peyton mentioned his former best friend and she knew she had said the wrong thing.

"Luke, I'm sorry, she'll come around. She misses you too, I can tell….just give her some time, she trusted you for so long and then that fight happened and she saw a side of you that disappointed her, but she'll come around I can promise you that," she laid her hand overtop of his large one that sat on the table.

"I know…I just don't think we'll ever get back to this," he directed his eyes to a picture of Haley on his back from freshman year that was placed in their sophomore yearbook on the flashback page.

"You might…I can't guarantee it…just be patient, give it time."

"Yea, I'm working on it. So, you and Haley are good?" she nodded at his question, smiling as he continued to flick through pages. He stopped on the page where a picture of the two of them at the end of sophomore year remained. "You remember this?" he looked over to see her staring intently at the picture of the two of them laughing at something as they stood by the front doors.

"I do…we had just found out about Bevin getting mono from that guy Frankie. Man, that was great," she smiled at the fond memory, while she continued to watch the picture, he stared at her, watching her smile, _God, she's beautiful._

"That was like a week before prom," he pointed out and she nodded, not commenting on anything about that night. "Peyt, do you regret any of this?" he watched her looked up, caught off guard by his question more than anything.

"Any of what?"

"This…Kylie, the way things turned out between us?" he gestured to her apartment and how they were both living with things so strained between them anymore.

"I dunno, Lucas. I wouldn't say in a million years that I regret Kylie, I love her more than life itself and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I do wonder what it would've been like to just finish high school as a normal teenager and I wonder where you and I would be now. I wonder if we'd be in the same college, if we'd still be together, if things would've worked out for us. I try not to dwell on it, I mean all of this happened for a reason right. There's gotta be a meaning to all of it, and whatever's mean to be, will be. I mean it's a bunch of cheesy philosophies, but they keep me going from day to day…"

"Yea, I know what you mean…so what do you think is meant to be for us?" his questions were startling her, it's like he was second-thinking all of his decisions in life and it was beginning to scare her.

"I think…I don't really know. I guess, if I hadn't gotten pregnant things would be a lot different, but I try to look at it this way," she met his eyes, "if I hadn't gotten pregnant and we had stayed together and you know gotten married or something and that was what was meant for us, then somehow with the way things are we'll get to that point. If we were meant to end up that way, this might be a different route, but we'll get there. If our paths were meant to cross that way, they will," she smiled at him, looking to his eyes for a reaction.

"You're starting to sound like Haley," he teased as she elbowed him in the side.

"Well, she is the hopeless romantic and after like three years of being with her almost every day she does start to rub off…" she kept his stare again, and she could feel the moment heating up with every passing second, and it was then that Kylie came wandering out of her room into the kitchen, putting her arms out for her father to lift her up.

"Bedtime song?" he asked, poking her side a little to tickle her, she nodded happily laying her head over his shoulder and yawning. Peyton laughed lightly, waving at the little girl and pondering over her own philosophies. Were their paths meant to cross again? She wasn't sure, and maybe she wasn't even qualified to ask the question…the only sure thing was that time would tell the answer.

* * *

**Geeez, that took forever and three days to get out. But I hope you liked it, it may not be my best, but I'm a little outta practice with the writing. If you liked it let me know in a review…if you review I'll do my best to keep putting out these updates. The song was "Bleeding Heart" by Acceptance. The story doesn't have much left, so review it now.**


	33. An Inch Down, A Mile to Go

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note:** Wow, thanks so much for all the great reviews. You know they do make me write faster when I know people are actually reading, so keep that in mind and keep telling me what you think of these chapters I'm putting out.

**Chapter 33: An Inch Down…A Mile to Go

* * *

**

**She rolled over** under her covers into another body, shocking herself she saw Lucas sleeping soundly on the other side of her bed. The events of the night before had flooded back to her, they hadn't been drinking or anything, they hadn't even kissed last night.

"_She's asleep," he announced, walking back and sitting next to her._

"_Good…I'm so tired," she laid her head on her arm, watching for his reaction. He cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled._

"_Then go to bed, I think I'll go anyway too…" he stood, stretching his arms above his head and walking out toward the couch to set it up._

"_Luke…" he looked back to see her fidgeting her hands, fighting in her mind to make some sort of decision about him._

"_Yea?"_

"_Would you…do you wanna…can you come stay with me tonight?" she seemed small and vulnerable in that moment, and though he knew he had someone waiting for him at home, he couldn't say no to the girl who had captured his heart a long time ago._

"_Yea, I'll stay with you, c'mon," he followed her to the bed, pulling the covers around her and climbing in on the other side. _

"Thanks for doing this…I just, it's been a long day," she whispered tiredly, he nodded laying on his back and keeping his eyes to the ceiling.

"_I'll always be here if you need me, Peyt."

* * *

_

_- 'I fight my demons every day, they come and go, they ebb and flow like the ocean. You think you know me and you know me, but you don't know…how scared I am' – _

**Lucas's eyes fluttered **open to meet her stare, he smirked as he saw her face, a mix of happiness and terror as though the situation was beyond her control. She looked like she wanted to say something but she couldn't find the words.

"Hello," he spoke, breaking the silence that had filled the room.

"Hey," she breathed, unable to find what she wanted to say to him, unable to think clearly as they laid in her bed.

"Have any plans for today?"

"Um, well…I talked to Brooke earlier, she stayed at a friend's house, her and Jake had a fight last night about some things. I think I'll go over and talk to him today, see what happened and if I can knock some sense into him…"

"Sounds good, I guess me and Kylie will hang here?"

"Well…actually I talked to Nathan last night too, and he said he'd take Kylie, we both want you and Haley to talk. You guys need to figure this thing out, I mean, even if you don't make up at least you tried, you know?" he nodded, still taking in her beauty as she laid there before him.

"Would it make you happy?" he questioned, a smirk on his face, and she knew they were bordering on flirting.

"Very," but she played along anyway.

"Then I'm in." she smiled at him, standing and retrieving a few clothes from her drawers.

"I'm gonna get a shower, I expect you outta my bed by the time I get back," she winked at him, surprisingly in a really good and for a split second it crossed her mind that it might've been waking up next to him that put her in a good mood, but she crossed that option out immediately.

"Well, I could join you…that would get me outta your bed," he had a playful smile on his face, and she laughed in his face.

"What a wonderful boyfriend you must be," she stuck her tongue out at him and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and squeezing her eyes tightly together. It was a mixture of difficulty and such ease that their playful banter came out with. And it took her back to a time when they were together, when they got along like that, when they would lay in bed together on Sunday mornings talking…and it wasn't fair that she was getting dragged back into that façade of a relationship that no longer existed.

* * *

_- 'So I lie to make excuses, and I lie to blame everyone else, and I lie to point my finger at you, rather than change myself' – _

**When she walked **out of the bathroom, he was gone from her bed, just as she asked. And her heart sunk just slightly, but she shook it off distractedly.

She still hadn't made any type of decision about Lucas, or what she wanted from him anymore. She hadn't seen Adam in days, and it seemed like no more than five minutes to her, and it made the guilt overwhelm her about leading on a boy who was doing everything in his power to keep her interested.

_I'm a cold, heartless bitch…_

She decided she wasn't worthy of Adam's love, minus the fact that she wasn't sure if she wanted it either, but that didn't really matter. And then there was Lucas's girlfriend, what did he want? She couldn't answer that question, she couldn't read him like she used to be able to.

Why did things have to be so damn confusing anymore?

* * *

_- 'It's just each day goes by so fast I can't seem to grasp them, and I tend to runaway from my reflection' – _

**She walked over** to Jake and Brooke's…she could've driven, but then again, after the way things were going with Lucas, she needed the walk. She walked up to the front door, knocking strongly, making sure Jake knew she was there, they needed to talk.

He answered the door looking a bit disheveled, and he looked like he hadn't slept at all the night before.

"Peyton?" he seemed to question her visit, but she just walked inside and sat on the couch, motioning with her eyes for him to sit.

He took the seat across from her, sighing and rubbing his hair around. He'd let it grow back out on Brooke's request, and the curls in the back had returned, the ones Peyton had fallen for a long, long time ago. But that was over now, and Peyton was there as a friend taking care of some business.

"I think we need to talk," she pointed out, meeting his eyes and looking very set in her ways.

"About what?"

"About why you can't accept the fact that I let Lucas stay at my house, why it's such a big deal," she heard him laugh bitterly at her words, and she looked up surprised with his reaction.

"Why I can't accept the fact? Peyton, Lucas left you! Why doesn't anyone but me seem to get that? Why doesn't anyone here see what a dick Lucas was…and why is everyone letting him back in so easily? He walked away from you when things got rough and now he's here trying to weasel his way back in like he hasn't been gone for two years. This is bullshit!" and it took a few minutes as Peyton watched him pace, but then it clicked.

"Jake…he's not Nikki. And I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone, and I'm so sorry Nikki didn't want to be around for Jenny and that she was just coming around to try to take her to make you miserable. But that's not Lucas, he's never been like that…he's never once tried to take Kylie from me, and he loves her, I can see that in his eyes. As similar as these situations seem to be, they're nothing alike in the same respect. You have to accept that. I know how hard it is for you to watch me go through this, but it's so different, Jake."

His eyes softened as he watched her, finally absorbing what she was saying and looking through her point of view. Maybe he did have some abandonment issues, maybe he didn't want to watch her go through what he went through, but with some consideration, maybe it wasn't the same. Maybe they were different, and maybe he was turning it into something it wasn't.

"I want you to be happy," he looked at her, he seemed defeated.

"I know that…and I'm thankful I've got friends like you guys who want to see me happy. And I haven't made my mind up yet, so don't get too worked up. I just…Lucas makes me happy, he always has and I need your support if I'm gonna try this again at any point…"

"Then you have it," she hugged him tightly, as he wrapped his arms around her.

* * *

_- 'You see I am so petrified to be God-like, so I lie to make excuses, and I lie to blame everyone else, and I lie to point my finger at you, rather than change myself' – _

**Nathan had stopped** by thirty minutes before to take Kylie, they were headed to the River Court, where they occasionally went on Sundays depending on what Peyton needed to do for the day or if Kylie just wanted to spend time with her Uncle.

Now, Lucas had nothing to do but go to Haley's and attempt to work things out with her. He didn't know how it would go, or what her response to him would be, but he knew he missed his best friend. And he felt like a jackass when he thought back to what he had said to her that day on the River Court.

It was with the utmost slowness that he approached his brother and sister-in-law's front door. He wasn't sure if Haley knew he was coming, or if she even wanted to talk to him, as of yesterday she had wanted nothing to do with him. He tapped his hand against the door lightly, hoping not to disturb her, and when she opened the door with a shocked face, he knew she hadn't known.

Her expression made it look like she wanted to be cold and spiteful toward him, but her voice told him a different story.

"Luke?" she hadn't called him Luke since the incident at the River Court, and he rose his eyebrows at her sudden change with him. "What're you doing here?"

"I just…we need to talk, Haley," she pushed the door open a little farther, strangely inviting him in. She fidgeted with her fingers, watching him pace a few times in the living room.

"What did you want to talk about?" she leaned against the counter, facing him, continuing to stare as he finally stopped moving and stood still.

"Us… what an asshole I've been…" his voice lowered until she could barely hear him speaking, "and about how I miss my best friend, Hales," he knew the nickname was a bit of a risk, and he met her eyes reluctantly, expecting her to freak out and order him out of the apartment.

"Lucas, you can't just waltze in here after years and expect me to take you-"

"I'm not expecting anything, I'm just asking you to think about forgiving me, because these last few years have been too hard without you. You've always been there for me, since we were five years old, and you've always been there supporting whatever I did, no questions asked, even when it was wrong. And I'm not asking you to support the decision I made two years ago, I know that even a best friend can't support what a jackass move that was. And I won't dare ask you to support the fact that I have a girlfriend, because I know your opinion on that too…but I need your support through all of this. Through the fact that I don't know how I feel about Peyton, but I know that I can't stand the sight of her with Adam, and support the fact that I love my little girl, and that I know I was wrong leaving them. But most of all I need you to support my decision in asking for forgiveness and in me saying I'm sorry and that I miss you, so much…"

"This won't make up for what you said to me, and things aren't going to be the way they were," she pointed out, her back still pressed against the ledge of the counter. She continued to play with her fingers, pushing back the tears that came with his speech.

"I know that, and I'm not asking for that back. I'm asking for a second chance, even if it means starting over with you," his eyes were full of hope and all she could see were memories of times when she loved him, and needed him in her life. The memories of him standing up to the boys who used to pick on her in junior high. And punching the boy who tried to go a little too far with her freshman year. He'd always protected her, and though she had Nathan to take care of her now, she knew she needed Lucas to feel okay again.

"Okay, but two strikes and you're out, Luke," he smiled at her, his blue eyes glistening.

"I thought it was three?"

"Yea, well…we play by my rules," he approached her slowly, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly, something he missed dearly. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, his shoulders a little wider than she remembered. "You growing up without me?"

"Not a chance," he kissed her forehead gently, knowing he had one part of his life the way he wanted it. But there was still something missing…

* * *

**I'm sorry there's such a delay on these, but I get writers block occasionally and there's school and me having a life somewhere in there. Haha. But anyway, I hope this was okay, I needed to fix the friendship, I hope it flowed naturally. So review and tell me what you thought, and the next chapter should have a little more Lucas & Peyton. The song was "Petrified to be God-like" by Susie Suh. **


	34. Excuses

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Wow, thanks a lot for all the reviews :-) they mean a lot to me. Also, I'm glad everyone was alright with the Haley/Lucas friendship fix up, I didn't know if anyone was going to buy it. But I'm happy, **this is gonna be a short one, but I think you'll see why I end it where I do.**

**Chapter 34: Excuses

* * *

**

_- 'I love the time and in between, the calm inside me, in the space where I can breathe, I believe there is a distance I have wandered to touch upon the years of reaching out & reaching in, holding out, holding in…' – _

**Lucas sat across** from Haley at her kitchen table, they talked, catching up on the events that had occurred in the two years lost. And it was then, looking at her blue eyed friend that Haley knew she had made the right decision by forgiving him.

The front door swung open, Nathan walked in with his niece on his shoulders, ice cream dripping down the front of his shirt that the little girl was licking happily. Lucas and Haley laughed from their spots, watching the two year old giggle as the cold ice cream dripped down her hand into her uncle's hair.

"That's cute, Nathan," the brunette glared at his brother, then placed the small child on the counter to wipe her hands off with the rag sitting in the sink. Lucas rose his eyebrow at how good his brother had become with kids. "So, when did he get all kid-friendly?" Lucas kept his voice low, watching the smile emerge on his sister-in-law's face.

"I don't know, he spends a lot of time with her. He adores her, that's why I'm thinking about talking to him about all of this…"

"You mean kids?"

"Yea, I mean I really want a baby, Luke. Do you think we're still too young? We both have steady jobs, we take a few classes a week, and we love each other…I think it might be right…" she seemed reluctant, he noticed.

"What's with the voice?"

"What?"

"Okay, maybe we haven't talked in a few years but I can still tell when you seem nervous about things," he smirked watching her fidget again.

"I just don't know if he's gonna go for it. I know he loves Kylie, but what if he doesn't want to do this right now? I mean I know we're still young, but now seems right, now seems like a good time –"

"Hales, he loves you and I know he wants kids with you. I think maybe he thinks you're not ready," the brown haired boy laid his hands over his best friends, squeezing for reassurance. "I'm gonna get going," he winked before standing, walking over to his brother and daughter.

"You leaving?" Nathan turned his head away from the little blonde, looking at his brother.

"Yea, I'm gonna get back to the apartment…you're good with her," he pointed out, poking her stomach a few times to make her laugh.

"She's my buddy, isn't that right?" he teased the little girl as she nodded her head at her uncle.

"Do you want me to take her back?"

"Nah, we'll hang with her…besides I think Aunt Haley may have gotten some movies this morning that we need to watch," Lucas watched his little brother wrinkle his nose, wiggling it at his daughter who laughed hysterically. He loved to watch her laugh.

* * *

_- 'I believe this is heaven to no one else but me, and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence, if I choose to, would you try to understand?' – _

**Lucas entered Peyton's** apartment to find her sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of cherries on the arm of the couch. She smirked at what someone was saying on the screen and spit the pit of her cherry into her small hand.

"Enjoying the infomercials?" he teased, watching her squint at him.

"Haha…I'm watching something on Comedy Central fyi," he sat on the other couch, cocking his head at the antics of the man in front of him.

"Great way to spend your Saturday," he commented, looking over to see her staring at him. She turned quickly, blushing at the idea of being caught so easily.

"Hey, I've got a kid and job and you've got what…a house? I'll spend my few minutes of free time whichever way I choose, thank you very much," she stuck her tongue out at him, her eyes now focused back on the TV. He watched her right hand move up to her ear, tugging at her earlobe slightly, he realized she was getting nervous, but he didn't know exactly why.

Very slowly, he took the remote from the couch switching off the television with the push of a button. Her eyes grew, angry that he turned her amusing show off, what right did he have?

"What's up?"

"What?" she gave him a puzzled look, wondering what the hell his question was trying to ask.

"You're nervous…"

"Am not."

"Yes, you are. You only do that thing with your earlobe when you're really nervous," he pointed out and she cursed him for knowing her habits so well after so long. She tried to formulate an answer in her mind, struggling to find an excuse.

"It's nothing, you know, it's not even your business," she returned defensively.

"Well, maybe it is. I mean I am living here right now, and you're still a really good friend of mine…so if something's wrong I want you to be able to talk to me."

"We're not really good friends," she rose her voice, standing to try to be somewhat intimidating and not so weak and fragile.

* * *

_- 'I know this love is passing time, passing through like liquid, I am drunk in my desire. But I love the way you smile at me, I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near' - _

"Okay, now that's bullshit. If we weren't really good friends I wouldn't be staying here right now –"

"See, now there's the bullshit. You're only here because of Kylie and because you're her father who she enjoys. It doesn't mean I enjoy your company, I stopped enjoying your company two years ago when you broke my heart," he stood to match her stance, he stood across from her now.

"Okay…then what was last night about?" he watched her eyes fill with anger and a few tears. He knew she was about to yell from her expression, bracing himself he watched her mouth open.

"How dare you fucking bring up last night. That was not friendship, that was nothing. That was me not being able to sleep and being sort of out of it from the stress of the last few days, of having to deal with you living here –"

"Stop making these excuses, Peyton! That wasn't what last night was about and you know it!" he took a few steps closer, bringing her closer to the wall as she was able to reminisce the moment from the day he left and she was cornered then too.

"Alright, I'll admit...maybe a few past feelings did resurface, but they're gone now, I've made sure of that. I won't make the mistake of you and I again. Not when I've got someone who loves me and you're obviously in love with someone else too."

"See, now, I never said that."

"Never said what?" her voice lowered to a sultry tone, luring him in closer.

"I never said I was in love with her. She's a great girl and she means a lot to me…but she'll never mean what you meant to me –"

"Well, then since I meant so much to you and you left me, I'm sure you'd have no problem throwing her out in the streets to die, huh?" her coldness was back, and she was making sure that nothing took it away again.

"Well what about you and that Adam guy?"

"What about him?"

"You said you've got someone who loves you…you didn't say you loved someone else –"

"Don't put this on me. I do love him, he's great with Kylie and he's always around, unlike you."

* * *

_- 'I believe this is heaven to no one else but me, and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence, if I choose to, would you try to understand?' - _

"GOD DAMN IT, PEYTON. IF I DIDN'T LOVE HER I WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW. I WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO BE IN HER LIFE," he pointed out, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"There were other ways to be in her life, Lucas. You didn't have to come here to my apartment, and you didn't have to stay here or stay with me last night. This isn't all me, so don't you dare think it is," she pointed her finger at him, the fury in her eyes growing.

"How else would I have gotten to her, Peyton? You would've gone ballistic if I had gone through anyone else. This is bullshit, you're picking this fight for no reason, why're you doing this?"

"WHY AM I DOING THIS? BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND TO HAVE YOU THIS CLOSE WHEN YOU'VE MOVED ON SO QUICKLY –"

"ME! I'VE MOVED ON SO QUICKLY? FUCK YOU, PEYTON. IT WAS SIX MONTHS LATER AND YOU WERE FUCKING THAT GUY, SO DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY I MOVED ON," he was angry it was obvious and she knew that what she had said was wrong.

"AND YOU THINK I LOVE HIM?" her own words shocked the hell out of her, they had come from nowhere. He seemed surprised with her sudden honestly too, both of them waiting on what she had to say.

"Well, you sure seem to like bragging that you two are madly in love," his words were full of hurt and she knew that. But she didn't know how to fix it anymore, everything between them was so screwed up.

* * *

_- 'Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free the mold that clings like desperation. Mother can't you see I've got to live my life the way I feel is right for me, might not be right for you, but it's right for me' - _

"God, Lucas, are you that stupid?" her eyes filled with tears, still angry with him for the events that had just occurred.

"Do you…have you…" he was at a loss for words, unsure if anything could fix what had just happened.

"I've been hiding," she told him softly, pleading for forgiveness for making him feel so hurt and angry that he had made her feel so hurt for so long.

"Yeah," he moved in closer, very slowly lowering his head down to meet her lips, the last few minutes had allowed him to take in an incredible amount of information and he was prepared to fix his life, to fix everything that had gone wrong.

She felt his lips against her own, pushing him away quickly.

"I can't…" he pushed in again, covering her mouth in a slow soft kiss that she welcomed at first and then continued to regain her logical thoughts.

"Luke, no. You hurt me too much, I can't do this again, I can't watch you leave again," he kissed her slowly once more bringing his lips down to her neck, capturing her in the moment that she refused to give up.

"What if I didn't leave?' he whispered near her ear, his breath making her shiver.

"Don't tell me that. You can't promise me that," again she gave into his warm kisses, letting him take her into that magical world that only they were allowed to experience.

* * *

_- I believe this is heaven to no one else but me, and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence, if I choose to, would you try to understand it? I would like to linger here in silence if I choose to, would you understand it, would you try to understand?' - _

**The front door** creaked open, the hurt eyes making her feel lower than dirt under someone's shoes.

"Adam…" she watched the boy's eyes fill with anger and frustration, and she watched the man she had spent nearly three years with take off running out of her apartment and into the darkened street. She hadn't realized that it was nearing five o'clock, that it was getting so dark. As Adam bolted from the sidewalk he didn't see the oncoming traffic or the 18 wheeler that didn't stop in time.

And Adam hadn't seen her sorrow and tears when he ran, nor did he see her collapse to the grass in tears when his six foot body was flung into the air, landing fifty feet away from where she laid screaming. And to think everything had been going perfectly when she crawled out of bed that morning.


	35. Losses & Gains

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **I realize the end of the last chapter was quite unexpected, but I guess I needed to throw the drama in. I mean I can't have them both realizing they want each other and then that's it, not cool. So here we go :-)

**Chapter 35: Losses & Gains

* * *

**

_- 'I'm not always strong, and sometimes I'm even wrong. But I win when I choose and I can't stand to lose. But I can't always be, the rock that you see, when the nights get too long and I just can't go on…' – _

**Lucas watched in **horror as Peyton struggled to breathe under the weight of having to witness what had just happened. The truck driver scrambled out of his seat belt, and sprinted down the street to get to the young boy lying lifelessly in the middle of the road. Lucas didn't know what to do, he stood helplessly, only moving when Peyton seemed to sound like she was hyperventilating beside him.

"Are you okay?"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she had rounded up enough breath to scream at him, pushing at his leg. "I don't…need the help…go to him," her pauses were her need to regain her breathing, but all she could do was replay the scene over and over in her head.

Lucas listened to the orders he was given, but he still didn't know how to help the boy in the street. He had never had any first aid training at all, but when he arrived to see the truck driver moving around the man looking horrified he knew the smartest thing to do would be to call the ambulance.

It had only been a few passing minutes, but Adam's eyes slowly flickered open for the briefest of seconds to find two strange people next to him. He didn't know where his girlfriend was, and he couldn't register why he had run from her in the first place. All he knew was that every part of him hurt and the small stones in his back were no help.

"Hey, the ambulance is on it's way," he could vaguely hear the sirens that were approaching, and he didn't know who the blonde guy was above him, but overall, the most he could hear before things turned black were the hysterical sobs of a girl who sounded far away, and he knew it was her.

* * *

_- 'The woman in me, needs you to be, the man in my arms, to hold tenderly. Cause I'm a woman in love, and it's you I run to. Yeah, the woman in me, needs the man in you' – _

**The hospital reeked **of the same stench that was always there every time Peyton entered the white building. She had the instant reflex to take off and run, but then that reflex was there every time she entered as well. Lucas followed behind, he would've done anything to be able to help her in that moment, but he knew as well as any of her friends that Peyton would close them all out.

"I'll be right back," he announced, taking the cell phone in his right hand and stepping outside into the chilly air. He thumbed through his phone book to find a familiar number of someone he was unbelievably glad was back in his life again.

"Hello?"

"Hales, you need to get to the hospital, I need you to get Brooke and get here," his voice was slow and soft, but his tone was urgent, sending Haley into a downward spiral of panic.

"Why? Are you okay, is Peyton okay? What happened, Luke?" her questions were like rapid fire and he realized how scared he must've sounded on the phone. But he was, he was so scared of losing her again, and he knew that's what was going to happen now that she had opened up and gotten hurt.

"It's Adam…I'll tell you the full story when you guys get here. It's probably better not to bring Nathan or Jake, I have a feeling she's gonna need you two tonight, please hurry," Haley asked no more questions, nor did she say another word before she was calling Brooke and kissing Nathan good bye.

Lucas made the trip back inside and up a few floors to find Peyton balled up against the wall near the emergency room where Adam was located. Cautiously, he lowered himself down next to her, very aware of how fragile she was.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly to the girl beside him.

"It's not your fault, I'm the cheating bitch here," she didn't will any tears, he knew she was closing herself off from him and the rest of the world.

"Peyton, don't blame yourself for this. He was going to find out, and I know this whole thing sucks, but…you don't belong with him –"

"Who're you to tell me who I belong with?"

"I'm not telling you who you belong with. I'm telling you what I've learned over the past few years, and the line might be a little cliché, but we belong together, you know that too…"

"Okay, and even so, it doesn't matter, none of it matters now. Adam was the best guy I've ever known and it's because of me he's laying in there bleeding…he came home early for me, Lucas, because he missed me. Because I told him I missed him a few nights ago when he called, I've been leading him on for almost three years…I have no heart," her voice sounded defeated and broken, like she had nowhere else to go, nothing else to feel. And he was sure that was the emotion she was feeling anyway.

"Yes, you do. You may not have loved him, Peyton, and there's nothing wrong with that, but look how this is affecting you. You have a heart, and he meant a lot to you…and you've got a daughter I can tell you love and would give your own life for…you've got friends who mean the world to you, those two girls are the loves of your life, and I've been lucky to come in third here. And you loved me, you gave me your heart even when you were closed off, you have a big heart, and it may not always be open to love but it's always been there. Don't doubt yourself."

She turned her head slowly, meeting his eyes in the silence that was between them. Her eyes, still full off sadness and pain had the smallest glimmer of hope for him.

"Thank you."

* * *

_- 'When the world wants too much, and it feels cold and out of touch…' - _

**The two young** girls rushed through the hallways of Tree Hill Hospital, desperately looking for the girl who had captured their hearts when she entered their lives. It took a few minutes before they came upon the two blondes who were sitting without conversation against the tan wall. Peyton was still huddled into herself while Lucas was sprawled out in the hallway, immediately Haley's heart broke at the sight of how distant Peyton looked from the world.

Lucas stood to greet the brunettes, pulling them away from their friend. He led them a few hallways over where he recounted the earlier incident, leaving both of them in tears as he retold of Adam's body flying through the air, hitting the road and watching Peyton collapse. He told of her near hyperventilation, and how far away she seemed now.

"God, she watched him?" Brooke sounded overwhelmed with the information, but still prying to know more.

"Yeah, we both did. But I know she's hurt, she's blaming it all on herself because we were the reason he ran out. She knows he came home early because he said he missed her so she's putting all of this on herself…and I'm scared if you guys don't talk to her she's going to pull away…like farther away than she is right now. So, I'm gonna go, I'll go get Kylie or something, but please take care of her."

"We will, she'll be alright, " Haley reassured him, patting his back gently before sending him off. She cast a look toward Brooke, a questioning look wondering if there was anything either of them could do to console the girl in front of them.

"You go first," Brooke pushed Haley toward her best friend, but Haley couldn't go with so many questions in her head.

"Why can't you go?"

"Because…I know I haven't been the best friend she's needed through all of this, I've been selfish and though I supported her with Lucas when everything came down on her I was too wrapped up in myself. You've always been there for her, and you're the person she's gone to when she's really needed someone. And she needs you now…"

"Brooke, she's gonna need both of us –"

"Yeah, I know that. And I'm totally here for her, but she needs someone who can totally be there for her **right now**, and I don't know what to say to her right now, so go, Hales," another push and she was slowly approaching Peyton, still her words that she was preparing were unknown to herself.

She repeated Lucas's earlier actions, slowly sitting herself next to the blonde girl who was in so much pain. And she realized how unfair it was for Peyton, she had finally gotten things to where she was okay with them.

"Hey," Haley talked low, only enough for them both to hear what she was saying.

Peyton had pushed Lucas away; made sure he didn't get too close while she was so fragile. He was the reason she was in this predicament anyway, she wanted him to give her space. But when it came to her best friends, the two girls she would give her life for, she knew she didn't need space any longer. Immediately she turned, launching herself into Haley's arms, letting the tears pour down her cheeks silently. Her chest heaved with those tears, but she tried desperately not to make a scene, it was the last thing she needed.

"Hey, hey…you're gonna be alright," Haley made sure her words were helpful, rubbing her hand around the blonde's back in an attempt to calm her down.

"It's all my fault…why couldn't I just love him the way he loved me?"

* * *

_- 'It's a beautiful place, when you kiss my face…' –_

**Less than an **hour later, Peyton was still huddled against the wall, awaiting some type of information on the boy she had spent the past two and a half years with. Brooke and Haley were positioned on either side of her, each of them held one of her hands making sure she knew they were there.

It was when a woman in a white coat burst through the emergency room doors that Peyton's heart stopped, she forced herself to stand anyway though. The woman's face was stiff, devoid of any emotion that could clue the girls into what was going on.

"Are you Ms. Sawyer?" the woman's voice was also cold and emotionless, making the blonde frustrated with her lack of all emotion.

"Yes…do you know anything?"

"Could you please have your friends wait in the hallway –"

Peyton immediately cut the older woman off, "Look, I obviously don't know what type of news this is gonna be so if you don't mind I'd really rather have them with me in case this doesn't turn out the way I want it to."

"Sure…okay, Adam suffered a lot of internal injuries, also a spinal break paralyzed most of his boydy, the only part of him he can move are his arms and face. He had a serious head trauma from the asphalt, so I'm not sure how coherent he might be. His legs were broken in numerous spots from the impact of the truck, and there was much internal bleeding…" as the woman continued the list of injuries Peyton felt her heart dropping a little more, she already knew the outcome of all of this.

"Basically, there isn't much life in him…we contacted his parents, they're on their way up now, but we had serious discussion with each of them and although Adam did live through the accident, he doesn't have much left to him. His parents and he, himself agreed to let him go with the morphein and he'll most likely fade in the next few hours. They don't want to prolong his suffering…he did ask to speak to you though," the doctor pointed back towards the room she had come from, letting Peyton know it was alright to go. She walked away mere seconds later, like his life meant nothing to anyone.

"Oh God," was all she could manage, watching the doors shut, closing her away from the boy who only wanted love.

"Peyton…c'mon, take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay," Haley's words were the first words she heard, but she couldn't register them.

"How could I have done this?" the words were said through a breath, she was suddenly having trouble taking in the air.

"Peyton, baby, this isn't your fault. I promise you that," Brooke's words were also full of comfort but they didn't mean a thing to the girl who was struggling to comprehend the fact that he was dying and he knew that, but he wanted to talk to her anyway.

"I'm gonna go talk to him," she finally grounded out the words, and to both of the other girls astonishment she pushed through the doors and moved forward.

* * *

_- 'The woman in me, needs you to be, the man in my arms, to hold tenderly' – _

**Adam lay lifelessly** on the bed in front of her. She could feel the color draining from her face and her knees buckle from underneath her. The lump in her throat was an instant reflex to what she was faced with, and upon taking a seat in the chair those tears fell again.

"Adam…I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you," her right hand fell into his, gently she held his large hand to her face, her tears falling onto it. "I'm so sorry…I just wanted…I want you to get better, to come back with me…" she kissed his hand softly a few times, the guilt weighing so heavily on her she had a sickening feeling in her stomach.

His eyes fluttered very slowly, the nurse in the hallway had mentioned he was in and out of consciousness but he would be able to talk to her if he awoke. And he did wake up, and he smiled when he saw her face, making her feel worse.

"Hey, beautiful," he smirked to the smallest extent, his voice was so soft, he seemed so weak to her lying there.

"Hey," she laughed through her tears at how okay with everything he seemed. He seemed so peaceful, but her tears continued to fall at how much she had hurt the boy in front of her.

"Don't cry. I don't want that to be my last image of you," he brushed a strand of her away from her face, wincing as he moved his arm so much. She laid his arm down gently, giving him a stern look not to hurt himself anymore.

"I don't believe you're not gonna be here," she sobbed, laying her head down on his arm, making him feel bad about the decision he and his parents have made.

"Peyton, please stop. You're making me…feel worse about this," he lost his coherent sentence for a minute and they both knew he was fading. "I'm alright with my decision, I spent two really great years with you. I got to love you and I got to love your daughter and all of your friends accepted me…that was enough, and you made me so happy. I can go peacefully now," he smiled at her again, though it hurt to do even that small action.

"Adam…" she didn't want to do it, didn't want to make him leave her with that information hanging over his head, but she couldn't hold it on her conscience any longer, especially not after seeing how much he loved her.

He rose his eyebrows toward her, urging her to continue with what she wanted to say to him.

"Adam…" immediately the tears began to pour again as she tried to say what needed to be said. "I need you to know…to know why you got hit, why you ran out there…"

"Hey, hey, the tears have gotta go," he took her hand in his own, holding it as tightly as he could manage without overwhelming pain. "Peyton, I know what happened. I know that I was never what you needed, but I just…I loved you so much I kept pushing thinking maybe you'd love me one day too. I know Lucas will always be that guy for you, but I love you even more just for spending those two and a half years with me even though you didn't feel that way for me. And I guess I was mad for a while, don't think I didn't know that you were with him while we were together, I knew that, and I was angry…and I didn't think it was possible to forgive you…"

"Adam, I –"

"I know you're sorry…I saw the way it ate at you day after day…and it hurt me to see how much it hurt you. And I won't go without you knowing that it's alright…I love you, even when you make mistakes. I know that the guilt would kill you if I didn't let you know I've forgiven you, and I'll keep an eye out for you guys," he smiled again, softly kissing her hand as best he could.

She couldn't stop the tears that poured anymore than she could stop the words that flowed from her mouth. And this time, she meant them for him, for no one else but the boy who loved her unconditionally and who was leaving her side.

"I love you, Adam…I do," he squeezed her hand once more, as he released his grip his heart beat slowed on the monitor beside his bed. Quickly, she knew she was running out of time with him, she leaned over, letting her lips ever so lightly touch his, letting him know she meant it.

His eyes drooped closed like he was losing his fight to stay awake. Loyal as ever, Haley and Brooke stood in the hallway, watching the tragic scene unfold in front of them. The nurses stood in the hallway, making sure everything was alright, and since the decision had already been made to let him go, they didn't move in to help.

"My angel," the boy beside her whispered, giving her hand one final brush with his own and let his eyes fall closed. The steady beeping grew slower, until finally he flat lined and the doctors came in, announcing his time of death and disconnected the IV from his arm.

* * *

_- 'Cause I'm a woman in love, and it's you I run to. Yeah, the woman in me needs the man in you' – _

**It hurt just** as much as she expected when he didn't open his eyes or touch her anymore. And though she knew she had a long road ahead of her, it seemed endless to her at that moment. It hurt to look at him, she barely stumbled out of the room when Haley caught her, wrapping the blonde's delicate frame tightly in her arms.

"You're gonna make it through this, P. Sawyer," Brooke held the hand that was draped over Haley's shoulder, watching her friend finally let go of all her inhibitions and cry in front of everyone who was there to witness it.

She flipped her cell phone open, dialing the one number she knew could help and it was less than ten minutes later that the blonde boy came sprinting through the hallways, finding the girl who had meant more to him than anyone he had ever known falling apart in his best friend's arms.

Her red eyes flickered over to where he stood, looking at her with sympathy and sorrow.

"Lucas," her voice was soft and sounded as weak as Adam's had for the twenty minutes she had spent with him. But he saw through her, saw the pain she was feeling and knew that she needed him.

"I know," he whispered, taking her from Haley's arms into his own. She cried like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow, like the world was collapsing around them. And he held her, all of their past fights and disputes, all of the tears and hurt, the slaps and make-ups, it was all forgotten in that moment when all that mattered was that she needed all that she could get from him, he needed to be that guy for her.

* * *

**Tell me what you thought, I know it was a little long and emotional. But I did my best with all of it, don't trust the medical info, that was all made up so just take it as is. I realize Adam probably should've been a bit weaker but I needed him to say all of that to her, so just bear with me. REVIEW FOR ME!**


	36. A Little Faith

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **WOW, you guys blew me away with those reviews for the last chapter. Thanks so much, it really meant a lot to know I wrote those scenes well. I hope you like this one as well.

**Chapter 36: A Little Faith

* * *

**

_- 'When the world gets dark & you can no longer see, just let my love throw a spark & have a little faith in me…'- _

**The world was** a blur when she awoke that morning, three days later in his strong arms. He was asleep, but subconsciously he pulled her closer to him, giving her a feeling of want and need, like things would eventually be okay, though it seemed so far away.

"Luke," she whispered against his ear, he opened his eyes to find her against him.

"Hmm?" he moaned tiredly, pulling her a little closer to him.

"What about your girlfriend? Don't you have to go home?" it hurt her to say those words again. He had a life and someone waiting for him at home, she no longer did, and she was alone again.

"I don't have to go if you don't want me to," his words were meant to be sweet and helpful, she knew that. Yet, she couldn't help what boiled up inside of her.

"Yes you do! I won't be the other woman again, Lucas!"

"Peyton…you were never the other woman…" he was so sincere and genuine that it scared her and hurt her at the same time.

"Luke…" his phone rang before she got a chance to continue what she wanted to say to him. But it wasn't her phone, it was his.

"I have to take this," he looked at her with remorse, but she urged him to answer. He stood away from her, taking the call to the connecting bathroom. She knew he needed the privacy but he was talking so loudly she couldn't help but overhear.

* * *

_- 'And when the tears you cry are all you can believe, just give these loving arms a try and have a little faith in me' – _

**He was talking** so loud she heard every word of the one ended conversation. And only a few minutes in it became totally apparent who he was talking to, and the pain in her heart began to swell again. She had finally gotten used to having him around and letting him take care of her, she had somehow become dependent on that boy.

"_Look, Stef, she needs me right now…"_

"_I know you need me too, and I'll be home in a few more days, her boyfriend of two and a half years just died. You can't expect me to say 'hey hope you'll be okay' and just walk out. Plus, she's just not in the mood to be taking care of Kylie right now, so she needs some help."_

"_Yes, I know she has friends here but they all have their own lives … I didn't mean it that way, I have a life with you too. It's just I've known her since I was fifteen, I mean we had a kid together and she needs me. I'm not leaving her."_

It was true…she had totally and completely forgotten they had met when they were fifteen and not that night she saw him in her car near the park. She so often looked back on that moment in the road as the fateful moment that the connection became so apparent. But they had met before that, doing a history project early sophomore year. And it all became so clear.

_The knock on the door got louder as she ran down the stairs to greet the boy she was forced to complete the project with. Her initial plan had been to bitch him out, let him know she wanted no part of having to work with him. But when she opened the door, he stood with his hair spiked up with some gel and a box of donuts in his hand._

"_Hey…I hope you don't mind the donuts, my mom had some extra from her café and like forced them on me. I guess she felt bad because I had to walk and it was raining when I left."_

_So that wasn't gel in his hair, it was the rain that had soaked him. She smiled involuntarily at how nice he was being and took the donuts from his hands._

"_Well, tell your mom thanks," she walked off toward the kitchen with the box, placing them on the table._

_She had tried unsuccessfully to be a total bitch, but three hours later she found them sitting at her kitchen table with the donuts and a quart of milk between them, laughing hysterically at his impression of their old, stuck-up principal._

"_You're good at that!" she laughed again, taking another bite out of her donut._

"_Yeah, well…my…Haley asks me to do it a lot, she always gets a kick out of it, so I've perfected it," he winked at her, looking down at his plate and picking at a few crumbs._

"_Are you with her?" she knew it was being a little nosey, but he had inserted a my before her name._

"_No! No, no…she's my best friend, that's kinda why I put the my before her name and stopped," he shook his head, laughing nervously. "I just wasn't sure if you knew who she was, so I just said her name anyway."_

"_I know who she is…we sat at the same table in fifth grade, Sarah and Marie sat with us too…and they were annoying so Haley and I used to talk and have snack in the morning together since we weren't allowed to move our chairs. I don't think Brooke liked it too much, but she was cool," she shrugged nonchalantly, playing off how much she had enjoyed the girl's company and was disappointed that year when the tables were moved._

_She didn't dare tell Lucas she had hung out with his best friend once, and she was quite sure from his reaction to her story that Haley had never said anything to him. The girl had even slept over one night that year, she wasn't sure why they never continued that friendship. It had been a fun night full of girly movies and boy-talk. Brooke had gone out of town and apparently Lucas had to help his Uncle with some things. And it hadn't been awkward the way either of them had expected, they'd both had a blast. As Peyton got nostalgic Lucas cleared his throat._

"_Sorry…I was just thinking about something. So, how about a conversation start, Lucas. How many kids you planning to have," she had never been so forward with people, that was usually Brooke's job, and that question was absurd. She mentally cursed herself for asking him something so stupidly random. But to her surprised he laughed it off and contemplated his answer._

"_Hmm, I'm thinking like three…definitely not two, they'd get sick of each other and four is just too many. Maybe two girls and a boy because I don't want the boys teaming up and being assholes to their sister. Ya know?" he was worried she would laugh at his answer but instead she smiled at him, shaking her head._

"_My thoughts exactly," they both laughed at how much in common they seemed to have, Lucas had another question._

"_How old do you wanna be when you get married?"_

"_I dunno…I guess like 22 or something around there. And then have the kids before I'm like 26. I wanna be a kinda young mom, but not like 16 or anything, that's way too young. I don't know what I'd do if I got pregnant next year, that would be nuts," she shook her head, taking another huge bite from her donut._

"_It would be, I couldn't imagine having to be a dad next year…"_

"_But the dad doesn't really have to do as much as the mom does. I mean we get all the responsibility. Plus, I mean, a dad can just walk out if he wanted to, he doesn't really have to stick around, you know?" it was then that he suddenly got very somber and quiet, she took this in thinking she had done something very wrong. "I'm sorry, did I say something?"_

"_No, it's not your fault. It's just…I mean…I just, my dad did that to my mom…"_

"_Wow, Lucas, I'm sorry. I forgot about that…the whole thing with Nathan."_

"_Well, no, it's really not your fault. I mean neither of us really acknowledge that thing and no one mentions it that much, so you wouldn't really remember. It's just…I don't know how anyone could do that to their kid. You gotta be a real jerk to walk out on the girl you got pregnant and your kid…I mean it's your kid. **How could you just leave like that?**"_

The irony of the conversation shocked the hell out of her now that she could remember bits and pieces of it. How they had talked about everything that they had gone through together, it was definitely like some creepy fate thing.

"_Stef, I promise, you're the one I'm coming home too. I'm just here to help, I'm not here to be with her_, _I don't love her, you know that,_" well that stung.

She felt the tears that were burning at the back of her eyes, what a dick. Immediately she stood, heading toward the door she heard the door to the bathroom open and his heavy work boots on her floor.

"Peyton…"

She took off running, opened the apartment door and kept going.

* * *

_- 'Have a little faith in me, have a little faith in me, have a little faith in me, have a little faith in me' –_

**He knew where **she was going, he didn't need any help with that. He had known her so long, and gotten so close to her that he didn't need anyone to tell him where she would run to. He could have just as easily taken her car, but he chose to talk the walk to the Rivercourt, where he knew he would find her on the swings. The Rivercourt was where they first started talking again, where this whole ordeal began again.

He approached the court to find her exactly where he knew she would be. And when she looked up to see him coming to her, she knew there was no escaping this, they had some serious issues they needed to work through, on top of how depressed and out of control she felt.

"Look…I –"

"No, no. That was good, I think it was really good for me to hear, Lucas. It was kind of reality, maybe I'm not tied down anymore, but you are, and I won't be that girl again. I won't. You've moved on, you've gotten responsible and she needs you now, so you need to accept it. And so do I…we're over, we've been over and there's no changing that. You and me ended the day you drove away three years ago and I can't be this girl that you fall back on all the time, I'm not your consolation prize for growing up."

"I never said that, Peyton. What if I don't love Stef the way you didn't love Adam?" he questioned her, looking reasonably hurt.

"God, I hate it when you do that, you use my time with Adam against me. I did love Adam very much, but in a totally different way. You were my first love, you know that and you always have…there's always going to be a part of me that belongs to you, but let's face facts here…we're twenty years old, I think it's time to get over the fairtytale, you left and I've been trying to move on and every time I've got it figured out you show up and screw me over. I can't live like this, I can't and I won't, Lucas."

"I'm not trying to make this a fairtytale, but we're not over. You know that, you saw that in your living room that day…you can't deny what was there," he pushed harder, willing her to trust him again with her heart which she refused to do.

"Lucas, just because we can make out doesn't mean we're destined soul mates. I've wasted too much time thinking maybe like fate or something ridiculous like that would bring us back together. But I can't keep doing it, it's not allowing me to move on, to have a life…"

"So what're you saying?" he looked so visibly hurt by her words that she yearned to take them back.

"I'm saying you've gotta go. You need to go, and you can't keep coming back. We'll figure something out with Kylie if you wanna see her like once a month and I'll have someone help with transportation so we have minimal contact. It's for the best right now, Luke…" she watched his face drop at her words.

"Peyton, I don't think I can do that. We've always been in contact, you're one of the people I'm closest to, I don't think I can't not talk to you."

"You're gonna have to, please," her voice began to crack as she continued to sit in the swing. She needed to push him away to help herself.

"I just don't –"

"No! You have to!"

"I can't do that Peyton! I need you in my life, I can't lose you like this!"

"Well, it's over, Lucas. Don't you get that! And I can't keep doing this because it hurts, it really hurts to be here with you! Doing this to you is killing me, okay, do you understand that? But it hurts too much to be around you anymore like this…"

"Don't do this."

"I can't not do it, Luke…please stop making me feel worse about my decision," he was down on his knees, level with her now, slowly wiping at the few tears that fell. "Luke…stop…" her voice had dropped to a whisper as he touched her now.

"Come with me," he said softly, leading her back to the apartment located only about two blocks away.

* * *

_- 'When your secret heart, cannot speak so easily, come here darlin' from a whisper start to have a little faith in me' – _

**They entered the** quiet apartment, Jake and Brooke had been keeping Kylie for the past few days leaving Peyton some quiet time. As they walked in, Lucas turned to look at her, a small smile playing on his lips.

"What did you bring us back here for?"

"This…" he took the picture of them from a high shelf, showing it to her. "That's still there, Peyton. It always will be, you know that," he watched her take in the image of them on the Rivercourt, the picture she hadn't been able to force herself to rip when she started smashing things in the apartment years ago.

"It can't be…" she drifted off, no more logical thinking could come to her as he took the picture from her, backing her up against another wall. "These walls are getting me in a lot of trouble," she mumbled, her voice full of an emotion she couldn't distinguish.

"I'll leave tomorrow if you want, I promise…but…" he inched closer to her, taking her wrists above her head, intertwining his hands with hers up against the white wall.

"But what?"

"Just gimme tonight…it's been too long without you," he whispered in her ear, and before her mind could react she had found his mouth, melting into him quicker than she had any previous time. The moan he heard gave him the initiative to continue, pulling her shirt up over her head as she swiftly helped him shed his own.

"Just tonight," she mumbled against his mouth, smiling as his finger tips grazed her skin, tickling her slightly. It took only minutes before they were both in under garments, and in one fluent motion he had her in his arms and on the couch. And before she could even think her skin was against his own, the sweat mingling with desire. "Lucas…condom."

* * *

_- 'And when your back's against the wall, just turn around and you will see, I will catch, I will catch your fall baby, just have a little faith in me' - _

**He nodded, pulling** one from his wallet that he carried along and preparing himself for a night that would send both of their worlds crashing into the same hole they had just come from. His kisses became urgent as they both let logic go and their emotions take them where they ended up for just one night.

"God, I missed this," she said quietly, while he trailed kisses along her neck and over her collarbone. She ran her fingers roughly through his hair, letting her hands roam along his toned arms. He smiled at her comment, bringing his mouth to hers again, very gently taking his time unifying them once more. Neither knew exactly what tomorrow would bring, and maybe it was just a chance to ease her pain, but either way, despite her best protests – they were exactly where they needed to be at that moment.


	37. Quitting

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **So, I know I keep messing with Lucas and Peyton, but I gotta do it. I also have a **question for everyone reading: **I know a lot of you started this story out wanting a happy ending for the two of them, but I'm wondering, 37 chaptersin** do you want a happy ending still or would you rather it be bittersweet where things just don't get figured out?** I can't promise your answers will totally affect the outcome, but it will give me some insight, though ultimately I guess I'm the deciding factor. Most likely, the opinions I will take into consideration the most are the readers who review a lot and take the time to let me know what they think. I know they've been with me the whole time, so they're the people I want to see happy with the ending. Anyway, enough of that, the ending's not for quite a few chapters still, but **please answer the question and help me out.**

**Chapter 37: Quitting

* * *

**

_- 'I gave up coffee and cigarettes, I hate to say it hasn't helped me yet. I thought my problems would just dissipate and all my pain would be in yesterday' - _

**Wearily, she brought** her hands up to her temples, rubbing them a few times for good measure. She collected her thoughts before rolling over to find his blue eyes staring at her, a smile plastered on his face. He didn't look cocky, the way she expected, he looked genuinely happy to be near her again.

"What were we thinking, Luke?" her question referenced multiple moments of their rocky relationship, and for a second she lost track of what moment she was talking about.

"When?"

"When we were seventeen. How stupid were we? Not to use protection…not to think of the consequences…how did we get here? This isn't where we're supposed to be at twenty, we should all be in school, having fun and still being kids, we're still so young. You and I should still be together, we should be considering a possibly engagement or what our future might be like…not this…"

"Peyton, just because this isn't where most kids our age are doesn't mean we made a mistake. Maybe we're exactly where we're supposed to be, I wouldn't take any of it back…that night gave us Kylie, and I would give my life for her. The _only_ thing I regret in these past three years was leaving you," he met her eyes watching her close herself off and pull away from him again.

"No…no. Don't do that, don't bring that all back up again. This is the way it is…it's too late for all those what ifs."

"It's never too late, Peyton," and with a deep breath, he uttered two words that made her want to cry and throw-up at the same time, "Marry me…"

Her eyes bulged out of her head as she looked at him like he had two heads. He cocked his head to the side, wondering why his suggestion was worthy of the look she was giving him.

"Lucas…"

"I'm serious, we can still be together, we can figure things out. I'll leave Stef…I don't love her, I never have. I love you, I always have…you know that," he watched her pull the blankets up over her chest, squirming away from him on the floor.

"I can't, Luke. I gave you last night, why can't that be enough?" she pleaded with him.

"Alright, Peyt," the defeat was apparent in his eyes, "if that's what you want."

"What?" she was stunned at his sudden surrender, watching him stand in only his boxers, searching for his jeans.

"I can't fight for this, for us anymore. I'm not getting anywhere, so I'll give you what you want. I'll go, we won't talk anymore…I'll let you go. If that makes you happy, I'll let you go," he pulled his gray sweatshirt over his t-shirt, watching as she stood with the blanket wrapped tightly around her.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," and she meant that.

"Don't be, it's my fault," he inhaled her scent, closing his eyes tightly, "God, I'm gonna miss you," he placed a tender kiss on her forehead, giving her a wink and heading towards the door. "I'm gonna go say goodbye to Kylie…I'll be in touch with one of the girls for her."

"Wait…" he looked to her as she spoke. "Do you care if I come down to Brooke and Jake's with you, I'd have to get her anyway," he shook his head, as she ran off down the hallway to retrieve some clothes.

She couldn't put her finger on why she was going to torture herself anymore. Why she wanted to watch the tearful goodbye between her little girl and her ex…lover? But she knew…she was soaking up as much time with him as she could before she ended his chapter in her life – for good this time.

* * *

_- 'I poured my boos all down the kitchen drain, and watched my bad habits get flushed away. I thought that, that would keep my head on straight, and all my pain would be in yesterday' – _

**They walked side** by side to Jake and Brooke's in silence, neither knew if there were any words to express how sorry they both were for all that had gone wrong between them. She wanted to tell him, wanted to let him know that she needed him to stay, to hold her when she was lonely and upset. But being alone seemed a lot better than possibly reliving the pain after she got attached and he left again. And she had no guarantees that he would leave…but no guarantees that he would stay was enough to push him away.

After two knocks a very somber Brooke answered the door…seeing the brunette's face, Peyton knew something was wrong. And the blonde knew, from her own defeated spirit that Brooke understood what was happening.

"Hey, do you are if we come in? Lucas wants to see Kylie…" she chose not to directly tell Brooke he was leaving, it was painfully obvious anyway. There was no need to rub it in either of their faces that this was it.

"No, c'mon in. Jake…ran to the store so you probably won't be seeing him, but I'll leave you guys alone, Jen's in the bath anyway."

Brooke made herself busy in the bathroom with the little girl as Lucas approached his daughter who sat contentedly on the couch, cartoons keeping her occupied.

"Look, Daddy, he's counting!" she giggled and it was that moment that he realized how much he'd miss her and how much he enjoyed waking up to make her breakfast, reading to her at night. He liked being a father, and here he was walking away again.

"Listen, baby, Daddy needs to talk to you real quick," the small girl turned to her father giving him her undivided attention. "I've got to go back to my house, I've gotta go back to work, so I gotta leave you and Mommy again," he watched the tears fill her eyes, regretting every word leaving his mouth.

"I fought you were staying?" her question broke his heart into a million tiny pieces.

"I can't, I've got work to go back to. But Mommy's gonna be here with you and everyone, it's only me going. But we're still gonna talk all the time, I'll call you at Aunt Haley's or Aunt Brooke's. And we're still gonna see each other, I'm just not gonna be here all the time like I've been. That's all, you're still my little girl," he explained it to her the best way he knew she might be able to understand it.

"But I don't want you to go," she begged her father, not fully comprehending why he had to leave her. Being only three, he hadn't really expected her to.

"I know, babe. I don't wanna go, but I've got work that needs to be done," he saw her mouth form a frown as the tears began to roll down her small cheeks. "C'mere," he opened his arms welcoming the small girl into a hug. He felt his own tears burn, but held them tightly in his eyes.

As the tiny blonde looked up at him with her own big blue eyes she asked him the question that made them both hurt inside.

"Don't you wuv Mommy?" he closhed his eyes trying to formulate the right answer for her. Peyton heard the three year old's question, her heart constricting. She hated having to do this, to make him go away, but in the long run she felt it might cause them both a lot less pain.

"Very much, but there's just some things I have to do. But I love you, so much, Kylie, you know that?" she nodded proudly at him.

"I wuv you too."

He stood, his heart aching from the overwhelming pain. He met Peyton by the door as they stepped outside, leaving the door ajar, just in case Kylie needed one of them.

* * *

_- 'But it's true, I'm still blue. But I finally know what to do, I must quit, I must quit…you' – _

"I can't believe I'm here…doing this again," Peyton spoke more to herself than the boy in front of her.

"Why can't we try, Peyton? There are a lot of couples who have kids when they're young that make it –"

"They're boyfriends also don't desert them a month into the pregnancy," she hissed, her voice was as cold as ice. He winced under her tone trying to make amends.

"I'm not leaving again, I wouldn't –"

"How can I believe that! You weren't supposed to leave in the first place, you shouldn't be making promises three years later, Lucas. I can't keep doing this to me and her, she's my top priority here, and you saw how much it hurt her to see you leave after a week, I refuse to do that to her after six months when you decide it's just too much for your twenty year old self! If you loved me so much you would not have left me when I needed you the most, Lucas!"

"I was scared, I was seventeen…I didn't know –"

"And you think I wasn't! It's been three fucking years and you still don't get how terrified I was, especially after you left, I was alone, so don't you dare tell me you were scared! You have no clue, no clue…you should leave," she turned away from him, hoping to make it easier on herself.

"I don't want to end it like this, you and me, we've been almost five years off and on, but it's always been there and I can't end it this way. I can't leave you so angry with me. Please, Peyton."

* * *

_- 'I thought that if I didn't go and play, the sadness would get bored and go away. I thought that if I didn't go astray, that all my pain would be in yesterday' - _

"Do you even remember what it was like?" she asked him softly, turning to look at him, not angry anymore, just hurt.

"Remember what?"

"When we were happy…"

"Yeah, I do, of course I do. I remember being at the beach, dancing with you as the sun went down, I remember whispering the last song of prom in your ear and knowing that I had never felt that way about _anyone_ in my whole life. I remember being sixteen…and I remember everything about loving you more clearly than I can remember any other memory or feeling. And I'll always love you, no matter how much time we're apart or if you get married and have more kids. I love you, and Kylie will always be a reminder of that. Can you just answer one question for me before I go?" her eyes were full of tears from his words, but she nodded to him.

"Did you love me, back in high school or was I just…I thought it was real, maybe it wasn't, but did you?" she stayed silent unable to open her mouth, fearing if she did she wouldn't be able to stop crying.

"Okay, that's enough of an answer, thank you," he opened his arms, holding her tightly against him. She ran her fingers through the hair that fell at the nape of his neck, wanting never to forget the feeling she had at that moment. "I'm sorry…for all of this," he whispered as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, a few hot tears hitting his skin.

"Luke…" she said his name softly, not moving from where she was tucked safely against him, "I never stopped."

* * *

_- 'But it's true, I'm still blue. But I finally know what to do, I must quit, **I must quit…you' **- _

**Instantly he understood**. He pulled away, his eyes sparkling with a few tears of his own.

"This is it, huh?" she nodded again, knowing if she tried to speak to him she'd lose all control. "Bye, Peyt." She saw the symbols, no "I'll be seeing you" this time, because it was over.

He walked away from her for the last time, which hurt them both immensely, Kylie ran out to the landing where Peyton stood, shivering from the wind.

"Bye Daddy!" she shouted. Peyton saw his shoulders tense as her little voice carried out to him.

"Bye, baby girl," he shouted back, unable to turn to see her waving with all her might to him, it would just be too much.

* * *

**Okay, little depressing, this was gonna be a lot longer but I thought maybe it had to be cut down some, I was gonna add some other scenes with Peyton and the girls and stuff, but that will be next chapter. Um, so there's definitely more Jake and Brooke next chapter, be looking for that, we're gonna shake things up with them. Anywho, REVIEW AND ANSWER THE QUESTION FROM UP TOP FOR ME!**


	38. I Will Always Love You

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Thanks a lot for all the reviews and answering the question I had posted, nice to have everyone's input. Um, I know it's kind of frustrating to watch them get together and get pulled apart, but I guess that's life sometimes, you'll just have to wait and see.

**Chapter 38: I Will Always Love You

* * *

**

**Kylie had run** off with Jenny after her father peeled out of the parking lot of the old apartment complex. It didn't really seem to phase her all that much, she wasn't comprehending the situation. Peyton suddenly wished she could have that mindset again.

Brooke walked out to her friend who was sitting silently on the banister of the landing.

"If you decide to jump," Brooke directed to the street ten feet below them, "I'm goin with ya."

Peyton laughed at her best friend, wiping at a few stray tears.

"I'm not going anywhere…it's just so hard to keep doing this with him…"

"It's over isn't it?" Brooke's voice was soft and sympathetic towards her friend.

"Yeah…how much of it did you hear?"

"Pretty much all of it…you guys have like Hollywood goodbyes though. I mean seriously, Peyton…the do you remember when we were happy question had me in tears, and his answer," Brooke grabbed at her heart for effect, looking at the blonde sadly. "I'm really sorry it didn't work out…you two break my heart, ya know?"

"It all breaks mine," she took a second to reflect on how many times she had to say goodbye to him over the years, she was surprised she survived it all. "So, enough about my drama, what's up with you and Jake?"

Brooke tried to flash a confused look, but Peyton knew better. "Don't play dumb with me, I know you better than anyone, and I know Jake, I can see the look in your eyes. Brooke, what happened?"

"We've been fighting a lot," she sighed, "And not just since the whole Lucas thing, but before that too. Sometimes we're really good, but other times when we fight he just leaves and doesn't come back at night, and I'm scared," the brunette confessed, leaving Peyton wide-eyed. Brooke was rarely this open with her feelings for the introverted boy who had captured her heart.

"Scared of what?"

"That he doesn't want me anymore…and I love him, so much. He and Jenny are my life, Peyton, and I just don't know what to do if he leaves me. I mean how do you just pick up and move on from a three year relationship where I learned to depend on him so much? What do I do?" Brooke looked so lost and heart broken that it made Peyton hurt for her.

She rarely got to see Brooke so fragile, but there she was, standing in front of her, head over heels in love and in so much pain.

"You need to talk to him, Brooke. Tell him what you told me, that you love him and you don't want him to go anywhere. He'll listen to you…and I don't know what's up with him, I think he's going through some stuff he's having trouble dealing with. Just try to get him to open up a little," Peyton grabbed the brunette's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she hopped down. "I'm gonna take those two with me so you have some time to figure out what you wanna do and I'll have some distraction to keep my mind off everything."

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah…you?"

"Yeah, thanks," she wrapped the blonde in a hug which helped them both that day.

* * *

_- 'If I should stay, I will only be in your way. So I'll go, but I know, I'll think of you each step of the way. And I will always love you, I will always love you' – _

**Hours later Jake** walked through the door, nodding his head at the girl he had spent the last three years with. It tore her down even farther to see him just nod at her, when he used to come in and they'd have a full blown make-out session on the couch, something was definitely wrong between them.

"Jake…"

He rose his eyebrows, indicating for her to talk, but she couldn't. Instead she nodded to the seat next to her for him to sit, but he couldn't.

He knew this was bound to happen, that it was all going to come tumbling down on them.

"I can't," he spoke lowly keeping his eyes on the floor. The house was dark, the TV being the only source of light between them.

"What did I do wrong?" she cried, she felt paralyzed from fear, so terrified that if she went to him he'd only pull away.

"You didn't, you didn't do anything, I'm just…going through some stuff right now, and it's only hurting you, and I can't…I won't have that," he slowly made his way to the couch, sitting a few feet from her. She noticed he would only look at her when he spoke.

"Let me help…you know, I'm really scared that you don't want me anymore, that I don't appeal to you the way I used to…" he laid his hand over hers as soon as the words left her mouth.

"That's not it, at all. I still want you, so much, don't you ever doubt that. I've got a lot going on inside, I don't feel right anymore, none of this feels right, and I saw someone about all this. The doctor said I was probably going through some type of depression right now, and it's just gonna take me some time to get past. I'm just in a really dark place and I don't know how to get out of it. But I still want you, I still need you, but I can't watch you hurt the way you have been. You know that I love you too much to watch you go through this with me. So, I'm gonna give you the apartment for a little while, I need to figure my life out, but I'm not leaving you. I'll still be around, I just can't do all of this full time right now," he tried to explain what he was feeling the best that he could, but he knew it was nearly impossible to understand unless she was going through it.

"What about Jenny?" her tears fell down her cheeks, and from that question he knew he would never be able to put into words how much he loved her for everything she had done regarding the one thing that meant the most to him – his daughter.

"I can take her with me, but I don't think I'm gonna be a very good dad for her right now."

"Would you let her stay with me?"

"I'd like that…she loves you, Brooke. You've been a mother to her in every way, and it's amazing that you just gave it all up for us like that, by choice. I love you for that," she smiled at him through her glassy eyes.

"You're not pulling a Lucas on me are you? I don't think I'm strong enough to do that…"

"No, I'm gonna be around, you're still my girl and I still love you…I'm just…I'm so fucked up right now and everything feels so off…but I will _always_ be here."

* * *

_- 'Bitter-sweet memories, that is all I am taking with me. So goodbye, please don't you cry, cause we both know I'm not what you need' – _

**Haley knocked lightly **on the door to Peyton's apartment, and when the blonde answered looking utterly exhausted, Haley already knew.

"Hey, um, I just wanted to see if you wanted to do something for dinner…Nathan had some basketball thing and I really wasn't in the mood to join him. And I figured maybe you could use some company."

Peyton took a step back, pulling the door along with her.

"Okay, on one condition," the brunette rose her eyebrows, indicating Peyton to continue, "Don't treat me like a pity case this time, Haley. I'm gonna be fine, I just need some distraction to keep my mind off it is all."

Haley nodded at her friend, she understood, but she also saw right through the masquerade. Instead of calling her out, she chose to do as her best friend asked, and didn't say a word about the façade.

"So, pizza?" Peyton suggested, looking back to see Haley observing the picture of the two blondes that sat so openly on the table.

"Oh…um…" the blonde searched for any words to explain the events of the past two days, but she couldn't find a way to explain it to her best friend that didn't make her sound like some cheap whore.

"We don't have to talk right now, just, don't hold it all in, Peyton. You're gonna have to dish it all out eventually, **all of it**, just don't hold it and let it hurt you," Haley seemed to be pleading with her she realized, and it hurt. It suddenly hurt to see her friend so worried about her well being.

"Look, I will. I just…every time he leaves we go through the same thing, Haley, I'm kinda sick of the cycle," her voice was cold and distant, more so than any other time Haley noticed.

"Because, look at what you do to yourself, Peyton. You push, you push so hard, you freeze us all out every time he leaves, it's not good –"

"Who are you to say what's good for me? Honestly, you don't know everything, especially not with this. You have no idea what happened over the last few days between Lucas and I –"

"And how is that my fault? That's you, maybe if you would open up a little bit I could help –"

"Maybe I don't need the fucking help, Haley. I can do this on my own, you keep thinking I'm this weak person, get your head out of your ass, and take a look at me. I'm strong…a hell of a lot stronger than you, so why don't you go home to perfect husband who isn't even home half the time and go watch your sitcoms!" Peyton snapped, but she didn't know why. She didn't know why she was suddenly taking it all out on this innocent girl who had wanted nothing more than to help.

"Fine! You wanna push me away? Go for it, you wanna live your life alone? Have fun, but don't you dare insult my marriage, Peyton. At least I fight for what I want, I don't push it all away in fear…and maybe you are stronger than me, but then maybe you're weaker too. At least I'm strong enough to tell people I feel things, I tell people when I'm hurt or scared…what do you do? You sit and tell everyone you're great, you're FAKE, Peyton, you are. And I'm sorry it had to be me to tell you all of this, but you needed someone to knock you out of the little fantasy world you're living in. Welcome to the real world, you've managed to alienate everyone who wanted to help, have a nice night, Peyton!" Haley slammed the door shut behind her, not glancing back for a second.

"Mommy? Where'd Aunt Hawey go?" Kylie had always had a problem with her l's and r's, it always made Peyton smile when she heard the mispronunciation of common words, even after all she had just gone through she smiled at her little girl.

"She just…she forgot she left some food on the stove at home and didn't want it to burn," the water in Peyton's eyes didn't go unnoticed by her slightly older niece.

"Why're you crying?" Jenny looked at her aunt quizzically.

"I burnt my finger on the stove a few seconds ago, no big deal. Why don't you guys go play and I'll order us some pizza, pizza good?"

"Yeah!" the two shouted in unison, racing back to Kylie's bedroom. She wished it were still that simple.

* * *

_- 'But I will always love you, I will always love you. I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you dream of. I wish you joy, and happiness, but above all this I wish you love' – _

**Jake rummaged through** a few of his drawers, taking the essentials to stuff in a duffel bag that sat a few feet away. Brooke sniffled a few times from her position against the door jam, she hadn't realized how soon he was leaving, or how much it would hurt watching him. And she knew she had a great admiration for Peyton for doing this time and time again.

"I guess that's it," he took one final glance around the room before lifting the bag to sling over his strong shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you," she whispered, feeling so small beside him.

"Hey, we're going to see each other, no doubt about it. You're my best friend, how could I not see you?" he winked at her, making a smile appear for a few moments.

"Are you gonna go say goodbye to Jen?"

"Yeah, that's where I'm headed…actually I was kind of hoping you wouldn't mind letting me take her for tonight…I really need to spend some time with her to explain this to her, and I figure it'd be nice to have a night with her," he shrugged, shutting the light off to their bedroom. They both walked to the front door where she opened her mouth to answer him.

"She's your daughter, Jake, of course you can have her."

"She's as much mine as she is yours now, Brooke. So what if she doesn't have your blood, that doesn't matter, it never has. And look…I think this is totally unfair of me, but I can't leave here without asking…it might be selfish, and I don't expect anything from you, it's just…I mean are you willing to wait for me? I can't give you any guaranteed amount of time, it's going to be a while, but –"

"You never had to ask, Jake."

* * *

_- 'And I will always love you, I will always love you, yes I will always love you, I will always love you' – _

**Jake took a **tentative step into Peyton's apartment, finding the blonde sitting on a kitchen chair in the dark, an eerie glow shown from the light above the stove. He walked in confused, setting his bag down just by the doorway.

"Peyton?"

She looked up startled to see Jake looking at her strangely.

"Hey…have a seat?" she offered, which he took, sitting backwards on the chair to face her.

"What's going on?"

"Wallowing in my self pity…thinking about what a bitch I've been. Ya know, the norm," she inhaled a deep breath of the stale air, watching his reactions.

"What happened now?"

"I dunno, I flipped on Haley. Lucas left again, and every time he does she walks in saying the same thing about talking…and just for some reason it bothered me so I yelled at her and made some bitchy comments about Nathan and stuff and she came right back and left…but the truth is…" Peyton's voice suddenly dropped to a very soft and quiet tone, "…she was right about all of it. I do push people away, and I'm gonna be alone, I'm gonna be all alone, Jake," suddenly the tears began to pour out much quicker than she had intended. He took her in his arms the best he could from his position on the chair, patting her back for reassurance.

"You will not be alone, I promise you that. You're gonna find someone who will love you…whether it be someone new or on the off chance it does end up being Lucas you will find someone. And Haley will forgive you, Peyton, I can promise you that too –"

"You don't know that," she sobbed, "she's my best friend…I mean, well Brooke is too, but you know what I mean. She's my best friend, and I was such a bitch, and I don't think she can forgive me for that," Jake made sure to keep her close, realizing just how lost and broken she actually was, for the first time he saw it.

"Yes, she can. We went through this before, she loves you, Peyton. Your flaws and all, as does Brooke. Those two girls love you more than life itself, you just push too hard. Stop pushing, try pulling?" she looked up at him, wondering if maybe that was some of the most valuable advice she'd received in years.

"How'd you get all smart?"

"I think being a father does something to you," he joked. He stood from the chair, watching her repeat his actions he wiped away a few tears that still remained.

"What's with the duffel bag?"

"Uh, Brooke and I are kind of on a break thing…" Peyton's smile subsided quicker than he imagined, and before he could register her change in demeanor there was a threatening look in her eyes. "Hey, whoa, chill out. I didn't hurt her, not purposely. I've been seeing a doctor recently, I'm going through…a bout of depression I guess you'd call it. I just can't do all of this right now, so I'm gonna let Brooke take the apartment while I concentrate on getting better. She's gonna take Jenny, we're going to be okay. I'm not leaving her," he defended.

"How was she?"

"I dunno, not so good I don't think. But there was nothing I could do, she wouldn't let me. So, I'm just here to grab Jen for the night and then I'm outta your way," he called her name, receiving an answer that told him to wait.

"We don't need another Lucas here, Jake," Peyton warned, watching him smile.

"You know, that's freaky. Brooke said pretty much the same thing to me…I'm not leaving her, Peyton, I'm really not. I'm gonna be around, I just need some time, she knows that," the blonde nodded at him, watching Jenny come running from her daughter's room.

"Hey, Jen, me and you are headed out for the night…we've got some stuff to do," he winked at his little girl, watching her smile light up the room was the biggest reward for him every day.

"Just me and you?"

"Just me and you," he reassured her, Peyton saw right then how much the little girl adored her father, she wondered how much his lack of presence would affect her in years to come.

"See ya tomorrow, Kylie," Jenny smiled at her friend/cousin, then launched herself into her aunt's arms.

"Thanks for the food and stuff, Aunt Peyton," Peyton smiled, kissing the little girl on the cheek.

"Anytime, babe," the four waved goodbye, and the older woman knew she now had to concentrate on fixing things with Haley and helping Brooke through what she had gone through numerous times.

"So, kiddo, you in the mood to visit Uncle Nathan? I think he just got back," she glanced out her front window watching him lug a few bags from the trunk of his car, "I'm sure you guys could watch some scary movies tonight, I hear some good ones are on."

"Yeah! Can we have ice cweam?" Peyton smiled, nodding her head…she was such a sucker for the three year old.

"But of course you can have ice cream…Uncle Nathan's gonna be the one taking care of you while you're bouncing off the walls," the blonde smiled sweetly at her daughter, laughing as she opened the front door to see the rugged basketball player who had a sore spot for Kylie lifting his large bags up the stairs. He mumbled a slew of curses as he got his finger stuck in between a few straps, and Peyton figured there was no better time to ask him to babysit for the night.

"Hey, Nathan!"

* * *

**This is sort of a long one compared to some of my other chapters. I hope you liked it, I had to incorporate some Brooke/Jake in there as promised. Also, a Peyton/Haley fight and there's a lot of issues with the three girls that have to get worked out in the next chapter. I'm pretty sure in the next few chapters I'm gonna be jumping a few years so be prepared. Anyway, hope you liked it, REVIEW!**


	39. Learning to Ask for Help

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Wow, you guys totally blew me away with reviews, thanks so much! Sorry for the small delay, I'm trying to get them out faster, I'm always working on half done updates in classes and whatnot when I get bored. So I'm always trying to get them out, just so you all know. I hope you like this.

**Chapter 39: Learning to Ask for Help

* * *

**

"So, you and Haley got in a fight?" Nathan was perched on the counter, pulling some chips from a half-empty bag.

She released a sigh, "Yeah, a big one…she got upset because I wouldn't talk to her about everything with Lucas."

"Yep, that's Haley, I get in trouble for that too," he smiled at the blonde, shoveling more chips into his open mouth, crumbs piling on his lap.

"Slob," she mumbled, sweeping his mess off the kitchen floor. He smiled sheepishly at her, sipping on his Pepsi.

"So, what're you gonna say to her?"

"I dunno," she formed thoughtful look on her face as she zoned out.

"You gonna apologize?"

"For what? I didn't do anything wrong. She knows how I am-"

"And maybe she's trying to change it?" he suggested, shrugging from his spot. She shot him a menacing look.

"I don't need to change. You do the same thing, whose side are you on here?" she snapped at him. His hands shot up in defense.

"Whoa, I'm not on sides, I'm just here to watch my niece. All I'm saying is…what you do to yourself can't be good."

"Yeah…look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I've just got a lot of stuff going on right now," his eyes softened as he looked at her sadly.

"I know you do…I know. And I know it hurts to go through it again, but don't shut us all out. She just wants to help, and you **know** she wouldn't do it if she didn't love you, Peyton. She cares about you, so much, probably more than me," he smiled, setting the chips farther back on the counter in a motion to say he'd had enough of them.

"You know she's expecting ice cream, right?" her change of subject didn't catch him off guard anymore. He'd grown accustomed to what she did when she couldn't handle the situation or didn't want to hear the reality of how it was. Rather than yelling, he laughed, nodding.

"No worries, we'll get some," he laughed again when Kylie peaked out from the hallway with a toothy smile. She leaped at him, looking ecstatic when he lifted her above his head. She was small for age, barely reaching his knee cap when she stood by him. "With some caramel, right, Kylie!" she giggled at his enthusiasm, Peyton just smiled shaking her head at how spoiled her little girl had become.

* * *

**She walked slowly** to Haley's apartment, realizing this fight wasn't going to just blow over with a quick apology and smile. But she wasn't going to put it all out on the table anymore, every time she did she only felt stupid and weak. She was so sick and tired of that feeling running her life. It just became so much easier to hold it in so tightly.

The brunette opened the front door, rolling her eyes at the blonde who had her hands buried in the pockets of her brown jacket. It was a trait she had picked up over the years when she was nervous and fidgety, a trait that had never really escaped her.

"What're you doing here?"

"We need to talk, Haley. I can't just let this sit between us, you know I _hate_ fighting with you. Do you care if I come in?"

"If you want," Haley stepped back into her apartment, opening the door fully as a sort of invite.

Not one of them spoke for a few minutes after Peyton stepped inside. There was a very awkward silence that settled around them, making Peyton finally snap to break the tension.

"So, you're gonna give me the cold shoulder now?" she questioned the younger woman, watching her turn back with fire in her eyes.

"I'm NOT giving you a cold shoulder, _you_…you're the one who won't talk to me, and you **know** it!"

"I CAN'T!" she yelled, tears burning just behind her eyes. "Don't you get that? I can't do it anymore, Haley. I can't keep putting my heart and emotions out there, it just makes me feel worse and hurts me even more in the end. Why can't you just let me do it my way?"

"Because! If I let you do it your way, I'll lose you, and I won't have that. You're just gonna hold it all in and become angry and bitter, and you're just gonna explode, and you know what…that'll hurt you more in the end."

"Why do you care so much! You've got Nathan, you've got family and friends, I'm one person, Haley, just let me go…" Haley could hear the cracks in her best friend's voice, the tears that were slowly escaping her eyes. She let the anger fade, stepping closer to the blonde she leaned against the counter, placing her elbows down. She was facing Peyton now.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Peyton asked, feeling defeated she sat on the bar stool that was tucked against the island Haley was leaning on.

"Don't make yourself out to be a no one, like no one cares. You know for a fact that isn't true. You've got Brooke, Nathan, Jake, Jenny, your little girl loves you to death. And hey, I may not like you right now," she tapped Peyton's arm with a smile, "but I will **always** be here for you when you need me. I don't want to watch you self-destruct again, I love you, Peyton, you were my first girl friend, I mean, it was me and Lucas for most of my life…and now you're probably my best friend…"

Her words lifted the blonde's spirits, making her heart swell, knowing someone cared that much. It was enough to make her believe in something again, that she would be okay even if it didn't look that way just yet.

"I'm sorry," Peyton said softly, watching Haley form a look of confusion.

"For what?"

"For being such a bitch…for saying all those things about Nathan, I'm sorry. You've done nothing but try to help and I've done nothing but scream at you for it…what's wrong with me?" Peyton met her best friend's eyes with such hurt and confusion that Haley wasn't sure if she could give her an answer that would be satisfying.

"Nothing…you're just hurt, and I get that. I guess I really shouldn't have come back like that, I know what you're going through, I know what you've been through and I get that you don't want to put it all back out there, I do. It's gonna get better, Peyton, it will."

She nodded slowly, her tears still rolling down her red cheeks. Maybe it would, and if it didn't at least it gave her hope to get through the rest of the night.

"We should probably check on Brooke…Jake just left her…"

Peyton watched the fire build in the brunette's eyes, it gave her a feeling of friendship, that no matter what mistakes the guys made the three of them would get through it together.

"Hey there, chill out for a second. I thought the same thing, but he was over and explained it to me, he's going through depression right now and he knows it's only hurting her that he can't love her the way she needs right now. So he gave her the apartment and Jenny for a little while until he gets through it, he's not really leaving her he just needs some time…"

Haley calmed herself, looking at the blonde for some reassurance that they would go get Brooke, take care of her too. She deserved this, Peyton knew how it hurt to watch your life walk out the door, she knew she would be the most help to Brooke right now.

"Well, c'mon we can't leave her by herself tonight," Haley pulled Peyton up by her arm, dragging her out of the apartment and down toward the car that lay in the parking lot.

"Oh, by the way, I left Kylie with Nathan tonight so me and you could figure things out and help Brooke," Haley flashed a smile backwards.

"He loves her, you know," Peyton nodded, she did know. She knew that Adam was temporary, and that Lucas may never come back, but that Nathan would always be there for her daughter no matter the circumstances.

* * *

**Ice cream was** present in both girl's arms as they entered the brunette's apartment that laid across town. The room was dark, sad movies glowed on the television screen but Brooke was nowhere to be found.

"This doesn't look good…" Haley stated, taking a few steps through the small space.

"This was me the first time Lucas left," Peyton followed after her friend, both keeping a close eye out for the last part to their trio.

Peyton found her first this time, entering the bedroom very cautiously, she knew this scene very well. The room was dark completing the rest of the gloomy house, and when Haley caught up she knew she needed a few minutes with Brooke.

"Gimme a minute," Haley nodded stepping back while Peyton pushed forward.

"Hey, B. Davis," she kept her voice very soft and low, sitting on the side of the bed where her friend was curled up, tears dripping slowly to her pillow.

It was a long pause before Brooke spoke, "I'm sorry, P. Sawyer."

"It doesn't matter now…" she didn't even have to ask what her best friend was sorry for, it was just one of those things she knew. Now that Brooke knew how it felt it was only right for an apology, to feel like she hadn't been there enough.

"It does…I didn't realize how much this hurts," she choked out, leaving Peyton to grab her hand, squeezing it tightly.

"You're gonna be okay, if I made it through you will. You're stronger than me, Brooke, and Haley gave me some pretty good advice earlier, you know. She told me it's gonna get better, and I believe it will, and you're still gonna see him, he's still here for you."

"Tutor Girl's pretty smart…you can let her in…"

"Haley!" Haley shuffled in slowly with a bashful smile gracing her features.

"How ya doing, Brooke?" Brooke giggled slightly, sitting herself up in the bed.

"Better than when I was here by myself…now I know you two did not come here without ice cream…" she flashed a smile at the girls who sat beside her.

"Of course not," Haley trotted out of the room, retrieving the two gallons they got only thirty minutes before.

"We got your back, B. Davis," Peyton squeezed her hand again, while Brooke smiled, silently thanking her. A ring tone sliced through the room making Peyton fly from the bed, startled at the interruption. "Be right back," she slipped out into the living room.

Her called ID read BLOCKED CALL, and though her gut told her not to answer she did it anyway.

"Hello?" she knew who it was the minute she heard his breathing on the other line. "Why're you calling me?" her voice cracked involuntarily, she cringed that just his breathing could do that to her.

"I had to hear your voice…"

"It's been like three hours, Lucas, I told you not to call me anymore, please," she broke suddenly, her tears pouring again as they had done at Haley's apartment.

"I love you, I can't stay away like this," his voice was raspy and low as though he was keeping the conversation a secret – she knew he was.

"…I love you, you know that" she whispered through her sobs, "but I can't do this anymore I told you that. You have to stay away," against her own will she pulled the phone from her ear and pressed the END CALL button, ending her ties with him.

**I'm sorry for the long wait you guys, the weather continues to get nice and I just keep putting it off. It's not that I lost the muse, so I'll keep trying to put these out a little faster. I hope you're all still reading, review and tell me what you thought.**


	40. Nothing Comes Easily

**The Saddest Song **

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all your reviews! I'm glad the girls bonding was appreciated, I always feel its needed since the guys in this story, I like to make them a bit unreliable for some reason. Hope you all enjoy this one.

**Chapter 40: Nothing Comes Easily

* * *

**

**The three girls** laid on Brooke's wrap around couch, each one overlapping another somewhere along the way. Brooke and Haley were both in and out of sleep, but Peyton couldn't will her eyes to close. Her whole life was in shambles again, and she hated that all she could do was cry about it. Before the whole Lucas fiasco she hadn't really been very big on crying, and now in the past two or three years it was all she had done. And it only proved to make her feel stupid and pathetic about her life.

* * *

_- 'I'm on my knees, only memories are left for me to hold. Don't know how, but I'll get by, slowly pull myself together' - _

**The clock on** her phone was showcasing that it was five AM, she heaved a small sigh. She should be used to this now, this was the way she had spent the passing years. Never being able to fully sleep unless she could feel him, unless she could sense him somewhere near. She despised her dependency on him, how even after what an asshole he'd been she still couldn't find it in herself to let him go.

It was obvious that she could've given him another chance, that he seemed trustworthy enough…well, minus the fact that he had a girlfriend. But she couldn't stand the pain she felt in her chest at night when all she could do was stare at the cracks in the ceiling, she couldn't stand watching him walk away every time. There was no way she could chance her heart for that again, and she refused to put her little girl through that again.

And as the time ticked by she felt another ache in her heart, one for another man. Her Adam. The man who had been with her and Kylie through everything was gone, and she hadn't even given herself time to grieve. Granted, she hadn't loved him, and that fact alone had broken her heart, but now she had no safety net, no one to make sure she was ok this time. She felt so bruised inside, she felt like her whole life was worth nothing anymore…_she couldn't stand the feelings he left her with._

She needed to get away, that was apparent. Not forever, just for a little while to clear her head, to clear her heart of it all. The town seemed so toxic, her small apartment seemed so suffocating, and she couldn't be the mother she needed to be for Kylie until she was free of him. Until she was free of the hatred she felt for herself. She understood why Jake needed to pull away, why he packed his bags and walked away this time. Maybe that was what she needed to get better, but she could feel her body slowly becoming sick, she felt his poison running through her veins. She needed some time to heal the wounds she had left open for three years, the wound that were growing deeper by the second.

* * *

_- '(I'll get through this), there's no escape, keep me safe, this feels so unreal' – _

**Getting out from **underneath Haley's legs was a difficult task, the girl was like dead weight in her sleep. Somehow she managed to get back to her apartment, the small walk was a good way to clear her head, to force herself that this was the right decision for the both of them. Now she just needed someone to tell her what the right thing to do was…did she leave Kylie behind for a little while so she could be the mom her little girl needed? Or did she take the small girl with her not leaving her with anymore abandonment issues.

Maybe Nathan would know.

She busted through her front door, just about giving Nathan a heart attack as he jolted up from his position on her couch.

"Aren't you –" he looked so confused when she cut him off.

"I was. She's fine, they're asleep on her couch. I need to go, Nathan…" a thoughtful look grew in his eyes as he tried to register what she was saying.

"Peyton…" a look of horror appeared on his face when he realized her plan. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't let her run herself into insanity alone somewhere.

She stopped scrambling around the kitchen when she heard the desperation in his voice. Seeing the look in his eyes she stopped her mind from moving long enough to take a seat next to him. His sleepy appearance made her smile gently at the boy who had **always **been there for them both.

"I know…I know what this means, I know what I mean to you. That came out sounding really cocky," he chuckled at the girl who took his hand, "but I do. Because you mean the same thing to me, you know that don't you? You're the only man who's been there for me through all of this and it means the world to me, Nathan. It really does. I love you so much, you've grown into that man who I saw back in high school and I don't know if you know how much I appreciate you…"

"You can't –"

"I have to. I spent the whole walk back thinking about why I couldn't and why I **had** to. I don't want to leave you guys, but this town, this life is dragging me down. I need to start fresh for a little while, I need to fix things in my head and my heart before I can be what Kylie needs. I'd love to be able to just wake up one morning and be someone different for my little girl, but I'm not that girl. I never was. You know that. I'm the girl who needs some time to heal before I can be who I want to be. I hate myself so much sometimes, to the point where I don't want to be here, and she doesn't deserve that. I mean…I don't deserve that. And he did this to me, losing Adam and the love of my father did this to me. All of it. It destroyed me, Nate, and I didn't realize how much until tonight."

He watched her with worried eyes, listening to her say these things that made him want to gauge his brother's eyes out with a stick. He could never explain to her what she had become to him, the relationship he had with her now was one he couldn't give up that easily.

"We need you here, Peyton," he squeezed her hand, searching her lost eyes for some reason for her to stay.

"I need me to be okay again, I need to get better before I can make my life better. I don't want to leave, I love you guys, the five of you are my life. But I won't let myself do something stupid…" she met his eyes again, "but I'm terrified that if I stick around the thoughts I have at night when I feel so alone are going to take over. And I won't have that. Please, let me do this…" she was searching him now, this time for an answer.

"Kylie," was his only answer.

"I know…I don't know, Nathan," she averted her eyes to the couch patterns. And then let them wander to the hallway where her angel slept soundly.

* * *

_- 'Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space. Nothing is like it seems, turn my grief to grace' – _

**The sun rose **silently, rays of it laying on Kylie, making her curly, light brown hair look golden. A few tears fell from Peyton's eyes, this was going to tear her heart into pieces, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Mommy?" she opened her eyes tiredly to stare at her mother.

"Hey, baby girl," Peyton gently pushed a few pieces of hair back from the small girl's face to clear her vision.

"Why are you crying?"

"No reason. But hey, I need to talk to you for a little while…" Kylie sat up in her bad, curling up tightly in the older woman's lap. "You know I love you right," she shook her head against Peyton's chest, "well, as long as you know that this shouldn't be too bad. Mommy needs to go on a vacation for a little while…by herself. It won't be long, and I'll be back, but I thought you might wanna know. I talked to Uncle Nathan and he said as long as it's okay with you, he'd love to have you while I'm gone. What do you think?"

"Are you going away like Daddy?" the honesty in the two and a half year old's eyes made Peyton want to take all of the evil in the world away; the evil that had somehow taken over their lives.

"No, I'm not. Because I'm coming back, I promise…and remember what I told you?"

She thought long and hard about the question, trying to dig for an answer. She shook her head, watching and waiting patiently.

"I will never lie to you, baby girl. Remember that," Peyton poked her on the nose, kissing her forehead lightly as she felt her throat constrict. "I love you so much," she choked out, her breathing was growing more shallow by the minute.

"I wuv you too."

* * *

_- 'I feel the cold loneliness unfold, like from another world. Come what may, I won't fade away, but I know I might change' – _

**She herself couldn't **believe what she was doing. And she had so many second-thoughts on her decision that she had even unpacked a few things and told herself that she couldn't do this. The look in Kylie's eyes had even made her want to rip the suitcases from the trunk, but somewhere in the back of her mind all of her instincts were telling her that things were going to be better.

"Hey, you sure about all of this?" she tucked herself into Nathan's waiting arms, nodding against his chest. "Can I ask you…why did you decide to leave her with me and Haley? I mean…there's so many other people who would do anything to have her," he directed his eyes to the small figure who stood with a few tears dropping from her eyes behind the railing.

"_You_ were the one at the ultrasound, _you _were the one who took me to every doctor's appointment, _you _took me to the hospital when I went into labor, _you_ made sure I got the apartment when I had nowhere else to go, _you _took care of her and went to the park with her and bought her ice cream, _you've _been the father figure in her life since she was born and she loves you, her eyes light up whenever I say your name...and Haley's my best friend, she's been there for me when everyone else left me alone. Do you want to ask me again why I chose to leave the one person who means more to me than anything in your arms?"

His eyes looked watery as he shook his head and smiled. He really didn't need anything else from her.

"Are you going to tell them you're leaving?" the two girls were still at Brooke's dead asleep, and Peyton really didn't have any intention of waking them.

"It would be too hard…those two…they'd just make me cling to this place more than I need to, because if I saw them I'd have to ask myself what I'd do without them, and I wouldn't go."

"Well that really wouldn't be such a bad thing…" she laid her hand across his chest leaving a sting where she had hit him. "I know…"

"Here, make sure to give these to them. And if Haley's not okay with Kylie I've already talked to Karen…she said she'd take her if you needed her to. Also, Karen said to make sure you guys call her if you need anything," she handed over two letters, one with each of the girl's names. She also handed over a house key and sheet of paper with some tips for Kylie. She released a heavy sigh, "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"You're gonna be fine…just promise you'll call me and let me know you're okay…"

"I promise."

"Do you know where you're going?"

She took a few seconds to answer him this time, "Far away…somewhere near the water. Somewhere that he doesn't haunt me every second of the day."

* * *

_- 'Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space. Nothing is like it was, turn my grief to grace. Nothing comes easily, where do I begin? Nothing can bring me peace, I've lost everything, I just wanna feel your embrace' – _

**Turning the key**, hearing the ignition was supposed to feel wrong, it was supposed to make her feel horrible about herself; but revving the engine, changing the CD's with her suitcases in the back felt more right than she would've liked to admit.

"I love you, baby girl, I'll be back, I promise you that" Peyton whispered while Nathan held the teeny girl up to the window.

"Bye, bye, Mommy."

* * *

**Bit dramatic, and angsty, but I think it's something I felt her character needed to do. I hope it keeps the flow of the storyline, and that her reasons made sense. She won't be gone too long, but in order for her to clean up her life, she needed to do this. I hope you all enjoyed it and will review:)**


	41. Maybe This Year Will Be Better

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Wow, that was a lot of reviews for the last chapter. Thanks so much! I'm glad everyone is okay with her leaving, I was afraid I'd get some backlash for it.

**Chapter 41: Maybe This Year Will Be Better Than the Last

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**

_**- **'I wanna paint my face and pretend that I am someone else. Sometimes I get so fed up I don't even wanna look at myself' - _

**Her car cruised** past the blurs of trees, and the yellow lines in the roads seemed to become one never-ending line for her to follow. She had to admit she missed her little girl already, the way she would giggle when she found someone who was singing to themselves in the car. Peyton had loved driving with that little person, she was quite a character and Peyton learned to love her company very quickly.

* * *

_- 'But people have problems that are worse than mine, I don't want you to think I'm complainin all the time' – _

**Haley and Brooke** woke up that morning with Peyton nowhere to be found. They agreed it was no reason to be worried, that she probably went home to Kylie. But when Haley called a very somber sounding Nathan she knew something was wrong. Things weren't as calm as they seemed.

Haley headed home around one o'clock that afternoon, leaving Brooke behind. She didn't want to worry anyone else when she wasn't even sure – it was just a gut feeling. She entered their apartment to see Nathan sitting on a couch opposite his niece, but he was just watching her sleep soundly.

"Peyton run some errands?" Haley questioned her husband. He looked up to meet her eyes, but he looked sad and tired, something she rarely saw when he was around that little girl.

"Hales…Peyton's gone…"

"What? What do you mean Peyton's gone?" she was confused, so rather than getting stressed out she plopped herself down on the bar stool next to the island in the kitchen. She wanted the full story before she freaked out.

"She came back to the apartment around six this morning and we talked. She said she needed to get away from here, she needed to concentrate on fixing herself before she could be the mom she needed to be for Kylie. She left."

"Do you know where she went?"

"She wouldn't tell me…but to tell you the truth I don't think she knew where she was going either. She left Kylie with us, but she said if you, by chance, weren't okay with it that Karen would gladly take her."

"She's really gone?" she asked quietly, looking at her goddaughter in shock.

"Yeah…"

"Is she coming back?"

"Yeah, she just doesn't know when yet. She promised to call when she figured out what she was doing. But who knows how long that's gonna be."

"I should call Brooke."

* * *

_- 'I hate the way you look at me, I have to say. I wish I could start over' – _

**After that phone** call Brooke felt she was starting to grasp Peyton's little saying, "People Always Leave." Everyone was abandoning her left and right, and she suddenly had no one to turn to. Peyton had been her go-to-girl, and she thought the blonde would be around to help her cope with Jake suddenly being gone from her life. Peyton knew how it felt, she was supposed to be the one who could help her get through it. And now, she was suddenly gone from her life too.

Maybe it just wasn't fair.

She wanted so badly to give Peyton a piece of her mind, but she knew it wouldn't do any good. Peyton needed to do this, they all realized that. The girl was a little more broken than any of them would've liked to admit. That boy tore her to pieces, and maybe that just wasn't fair either. Peyton had done nothing to deserve what she received from him, and Brooke was having sudden urges to tell him exactly what she thought of him.

Jenny wouldn't be home for another day, or at least that's what Jake's text message had said to her this morning. She had some good time to waste.

* * *

_- 'I am slowly falling apart, I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. And you might think its easy being me, you just stand still look pretty' – _

**She'd been driving** for over seven hours now, it was time to call it a day. The water that she was driving next to was enough to make her pull over, to take some time to herself to sit on the beach. She knew it was time to call Nathan, to hear from the little girl she had left behind…she didn't want to make them worry too much.

"'Ello?" he sounded tired, like he had fallen asleep.

"Hey."

"Peyton? Are you okay? Where you at?" he was questioning her quickly, barely giving her time to get a word in edgewise.

"I'm fine…and I'm by the water, but I'm not giving you any specifics. Just let me do my thing for now. How is she?"

"She seems alright, she fell asleep for a little while. She and Haley had some macaroni and cheese and we just fell asleep again on the couches…"

"That's good. How's Haley doing with all of this?"

"I think you should give both of them a call, Peyton. I know Brooke just left a few hours ago, but she wouldn't tell anyone where she was going. She just said she'd be back by tonight. I think she's feeling a little abandoned right now, she didn't look very stable. And Haley's just really upset you didn't tell her. Plus you know Haley's never been able to talk to Brooke like she has with you…she misses you. You definitely need to talk to both of them."

"I will…I didn't even think about Brooke…"

"Yeah, I think she just kind of expected you to be there to help her with the Jake thing, and then you were gone," Nathan was quiet so he didn't wake up the sleeping child next to him.

"I just never thought about it that way…I hope she's not doing something stupid…" Peyton was genuinely worried about her best friend. Brooke didn't deal with abandonment too well, nor did she deal well without Peyton. They all knew Brooke was a mess, it took all of them to keep her glued together, and now it seemed that she was being irrational just because she had no one to keep her in line.

"She won't answer to any of us…I just think that maybe if you call she'll answer so you can talk some sense into her."

"Yeah, I'll do it after I get off with you. Is Haley there?"

"She took off, I think she went over the River Court. She won't talk to me. I think she's going through some stuff with you being gone too. I mean you were the closest thing she had to Lucas when they got in a fight, and I guess it's like losing her best friend all over again. She barely said three words to me after she found out you were gone. To tell you the truth, I think she's holding it against me for letting you go."

"I hope not, it's not your fault. I don't want my leaving to wreck anything with you guys," it was weighing on her conscience now that her one action was like a ripple effect. Taking both girls down with her was not her intention. She had some work to do now.

"I think she'll be fine after you talk to her. Just promise me you'll call her tonight, I don't want her to be sleeping out in the park or anything."

"I'll give her a call right after Brooke, they'll both be fine, I just need you to hold down the fort for them for now. I'm sorry, Nate."

"Hey, you needed to do this, don't make any apologies. Me and Kylie will be fine here, and the girls will be fine too. Just gimme a call tomorrow when you're settled, okay?"

"Definitely. Love you."

"Love you too, be careful, Peyton."

* * *

_- 'Sometimes I find myself shakin in the middle of the night, & then it hits me and I can't even believe this is my life' – _

**Brooke drove, thinking** of all kinds of things that she should say to him, all kinds of things that he needed to hear. It made her smile thinking of his reaction, these were the things she should've said to him the first time he left her best friend absolutely devastated.

Her cell phone vibrated in the seat next to her, and Peyton's name flashed boldly across the screen. She stopped and pulled to the side of the road, a gut feeling told her this phone call would require more concentration than driving.

"Hey…"

"Hey, Brooke," her voice was gentle and amused. She knew she left Brooke in a fragile state, she knew that the brunette had never been quite as strong when people chose to leave her behind…there had been many sleepless nights when her father left in seventh grade, and it had taken Brooke the whole year to get her head back on straight.

Peyton could hear her best friend taking a few shallow breaths over the phone, she was sure now that Brooke was crying. "Where you headed B. Davis?"

"Find…Lucas…" her words were spoken slowly through her tears, Peyton could only smile at the statement.

"Why is that?"

"I was gonna…gonna yell at him for what he did…to you…" Brooke sniffled a few times on the line awaiting a response.

Peyton was still sitting on the beach, the wind was blowing through her hair. The waves had always been calming for her, and finally as the sun was setting she knew she had made the right decision. Everything about her felt more at peace with the world, it was like a weight was suddenly lifted from her shoulders, it was just easier to breathe when she was by the water.

"Brooke, listen to me, I love you for wanting to do that for me, I really do. But you're upset right now, and he's out of my life, so let's just leave him there. Just turn around and head back home, I'll stay on the phone with you the whole time if you want me to. Just turn around, okay?"

"It's something I have to do. I was the worst friend ever the first time he left, I didn't even do anything to help you, I was just selfish. I need to do this, Peyton, he's an asshole –"

"I know that, but we're done and I just wanna be over it. Just let it go and go back," Peyton took another deep breath, waiting to see if Brooke would listen or push on anyway.

"Will you really stay on the phone?"

"You know I will, but you have to turn around and go back. Please, for me Brooke…"

"I'll go back…but I'm **only **doing it for you, you know?"

"I know, and you have no idea how much that means to me," the blonde could hear the engine running as Brooke started her journey back to Tree Hill.

"I miss you already, P. Sawyer…I don't know how I'm gonna do this without you…" Peyton genuinely smiled at how sentimental Brooke could be when she was caught with her guard down. It was one of the things she loved most about the girl she had known for most of her life.

"You're the strong one, B. Davis. And if you need me I'm a phone call away…but just for future reference, I'm missing the hell out of you too."

* * *

_- 'But people have problems that are worse than mine, I don't want you to think I'm complain all the time. I wish everyone would go and shut their mouth, I'm not strong enough to deal with it' – _

**Haley's cell phone** rang, it echoed through the vast space of the River Court. She answered it without looking, quickly trying to end whoever was bothering her silence.

"Yeah?"

"Haley…it's Peyton…" but she didn't want to hear it this time, so she hung up instead.


	42. The Way We Were

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the lack of updates here, work and school were making it kind of hard. I'm hoping I can pick up again over the summer. Thanks for reading guys!

**Chapter 42: The Way We Were

* * *

**

**Laying in bed** that night she felt restless. She missed knowing her little girl was just down the hallway safely asleep. She'd spent nearly an hour of her night making over twenty phone calls to Haley; they'd all gone unanswered. She knew it the back of her mind that Haley wasn't going to answer, but somehow she just didn't want to accept it. She didn't want to have that on her shoulders, so she pushed it away and didn't let herself believe it. In her restless night she made her way back out of the small motel; she made her way to the beach again.

* * *

_- 'Memories, like the corners of my mind. Misty, water-colored memories of the way we were' – _

**The time she** opened her phone to call Nathan again. He answered her tiredly, but nonetheless he sounded awake, he sounded worried more than anything.

"Peyton, have you talked to her? Is she okay?" the urgency in his voice made her stomach churn and she became more anxious; but she was still miles away and of no help to him now.

"I tried. I called the first time…she hung up on me and she hasn't answered since. I've called her over twenty times and left voicemails and text messages…she won't answer me, Nathan."

"Shit…" his curse was low and under his breath, but she heard.

"I'm really, really sorry, Nathan…" she didn't know what else to say to him, she was the cause of Haley leaving in the first place.

"Don't be –"

"But I am. I'm the reason she's missing. I can see if I can get Brooke to go look for her. I have a feeling Brooke would the one to get through to her."

"Find, just please have Brooke call me or you when she finds her…"

"Don't worry, I've got it covered. She'll be back tonight."

* * *

_- 'Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind. Smiles we gave to one another, for the way we were' – _

**Brooke answered the **phone the same way Nathan did, a sense of exhaustion crossing over the line. Peyton wished she could sleep, but as soon as she closed her eyes the weight of the world came crashing back down and all she could see was Lucas.

"Peyton?"

"Hey, Brooke…listen I have a favor I need you to do…"

"Anything."

"Haley's missing. Nathan can't find her and she hung up on me the first time I called. She won't answer either of us, I need you to go look for her. She's not dealing with any of this very well."

"Haley? Level-headed, only sane and sensible person I know, our Tutorgirl?" Brooke seemed shocked to receive the news, and Peyton understood. None of them really knew what Haley was going through, Haley had been there for all of them over the years, but they had never really looked to see if Haley needed them.

"Yes, I think I know where she is, so I need you to stay on the phone with me and follow my directions, can you do this for me?"

"Yeah, just point me in the right direction."

Peyton instructed the brunette through the streets of Tree Hill, around the river in front of the River Court and back behind a few trees. Sure enough there was Haley James Scott sitting in front of the water watching her own reflection.

"She's here, Peyton."

The blonde heaved a sigh of relief over the phone line. She couldn't explain how good it felt knowing Haley was safe, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if something had happened.

"Good. Please try to talk to her, I know she's not happy with me, but just please try to get through to her. And if maybe you can get her to call me that would be really good too."

"I'll see what I can do, P. Sawyer. Just concentrate on getting better so you can come home. And before we hang up, are you doing ok?"

"I'll be okay eventually…don't worry about me right now, just make sure Haley's gonna be alright. I'll talk to you later, Brooke."

That was Peyton, closing off her feelings, worried about everyone else. Brooke knew the world was coming down on her best friend, that it was finally all catching up and Peyton wouldn't let anyone in to help her out from under it. Peyton was determined to do it herself even if it tore her apart and ate her alive. And of course there was nothing Brooke could do, Peyton was in hiding and no one knew how to get to her this time.

"Tutorgirl…" Brooke whispered to keep from startling the girl by the water. Haley didn't look up, she didn't have to. She knew they were worried about her, she knew someone would be out to find her. "How you doing?"

"I'm mad," the petite girl said softly from her spot, and that was the truth this time.

"At Peyton?" she watched Haley nod and knew they had some things they needed to talk about. "I know you don't wanna hear this, and I know why you're mad, but this is Peyton. This is who she's always been, when things get to be too much for her, she needs to get away. And when we were younger it used to bother the hell out of me. She used to run from it when we were little too, when it all caught up to her she'd run."

_They were ten years old, it was only a week after her mom died, the funeral had just ended and Brooke saw that Peyton wasn't doing so well. That she might need some company so that's where she was going._

"_Hey, Papa Sawyer, where's Peyton?"_

"_She said she was going out with you, Brooke. She walked out of her like fifteen minutes ago…" Larry Sawyer looked like he desperately wanted to be worried for his daughter, but his mind was too full of thoughts of his wife who no longer existed._

"_Oh…" now she was worried. She knew the state her best friend was in and now she was missing._

_Peyton had a cell phone now, Larry had gotten in for her a few days before her mom died while they were spending time in the hospital near her. He said he was going to need to be in touch with her at any time so she needed it. Brooke had a cell phone because her parents threw money at her, that was her reasoning._

"_Peyton…where are you?" the tone of Brooke's voice was full of worry._

"_I'm fine, Brooke. I just need some time right now…" Peyton's sobs did not go unheard by her best friend._

"_You're not fine, Peyton, you can't run away like this. Just tell me where you're at, please."_

"_I'll be okay, I'll be home later on, see ya, Brooke."_

"She didn't come home for three days, and to this day I still don't know where she went or where she slept. She was just gone and there was nothing I could do about it. Just like there's nothing we can do now except wait and help her if she needs it. I know that you're mad, and I know it's kind of hypocritical for her to do this, but it's Peyton."

"It's bullshit. She complains about everyone always leaving her, but she just gets up and leaves everyone who's been here for her the whole time. That's wrong, Brooke – "

"I didn't say what she does is right. I know it's not, but I talked to her already, she's in bad shape and maybe she does need this time to get her head together. I don't really know what she **needs** but maybe we should just let her do this. She still wants to talk to you," Haley nodded her head again, pondering over everything and trying to tell herself that she had no control over this situation.

"I'll call her back in a little while…you can go now if you want, you were probably asleep, but thank you," Haley gave the brunette next to her a half-hug before turning back to the water.

* * *

_- 'Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line? If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me would we? Could we?' – _

**The one thing** she couldn't get out of her mind was Lucas. She kept re-living how simple things were when they were just beginning, when his kisses were still brand new. She thought of a time when just the thought of his touches made her weak at the knees. All she had to look forward to was just being with him and living life, he made things so much easier for that small period of time. He made her life so much easier when he was in it.

She laid in the sand still, letting her eyes flutter closed when she could no longer keep them open.

_-- "So, you're talking to me?" curiosity finally got the best of him and he had to know._

"_I might be," she replied with a small hint of flirting._

_-- "How bout tomorrow we take off school because of the Luke and Peyton friendship holiday and we'll go to breakfast and then hang out at the beach or something and then we'll pack something good for lunch and go to dinner after we hang out on the boardwalk." She gave him her idea and had a big smile on her face._

_His small smile curved into a big one and he was happy she wanted to spend time with him. Even if that meant skipping school._

"_Sounds like a plan. I'll be by your house to get you at like school time and we'll go to a diner for breakfast. I would say my Mom's café but if she saw us there I think she'd be a little suspicious. From there the plan will be carried out," he said as he got up to go back to his table._

"_Well then it's a date," she told him looking up and making eye contact once more._

_-- "For what? Why should I stop? What do I get in return if I stop to make you happy?" he asked flirting back from earlier._

"_This," she replied with a seductive smile. _

_She sat up to his level and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down to the blanket. She finally pulled him down to meet her lips and kissed him with all the strength and passion she had in her. He pulled away breathing heavily, while his heart nearly pounded out of his chest.  
_

_-- He made her body flush with his as she closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. _

"_I want to always feel this way," she said in a barely audible voice._

"_I want to always make you feel this way," he answered._

_-- "What'd I tell you? You can cry around me, Peyton. I'd rather see this side of you than the fake one you put up at school," he whispered soothingly._

_-- "I do like you. I wanna be with you."_

"_I wanna be with you too, Luke," she said as he got up to go to her side of the table._

_He leaned in and kissed her in the middle of the cafeteria. _

_-- "Will you go to prom with me?" he asked in a nervous voice, but tried to sound confident._

"_N-n-yea," she said smiling and wrapping her arms around him again._

_-- "This could be our song, Peyt," he said quietly in her ear._

"_Mmhmm," she replied with her head on his shoulder._

She flew up from her place in the sand, rubbing her eyes, her heart pounding. That was where their happiness had ended, that was where her whole life had changed in an instant. She couldn't get him out of her head, she was sweating, panicked. She stood up and took off running to the water, throwing her body into the waves. She needed him to go away, she couldn't handle him anymore.

"_You're pregnant?" he asked in a barely audible voice._

"_That's what the test says," she said so quietly that he had to strain to hear her._

_He sat motionless for minutes. He couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't feel anything. He leaned over and pecked her cheek before standing up._

"_I can't handle this right now. I need to go…I'll talk to you later," he said getting up and walking through the door into the rain, leaving **his** Peyton in tears on Nathan's couch._

He was haunting her, even when she hundreds of miles away he never left her. But she so desperately wanted him to, she didn't want to ever have to think about him again. The water was doing nothing but pulling her farther into the depths of the ocean. And rather than go with her thoughts of just floating away she made her way back to the sand. She was soaked now, and in the silence of the early morning Lucas was still there. It was like being alone only gave her more time to think of him. But maybe she needed this, maybe she needed to conquer those demons.

* * *

_- 'Memories, may be beautiful and yet, what's to painful to remember, we simply choose to forget' – _

**Her phone rang** and she quickly flipped it open needing a voice, a person, anyone to help her escape him. She was finally letting all the memories she had tried so hard to get rid of come back and it was hurting more than she thought it would.

"Hello," her breathing was shallow and urgency was noted in her voice.

"Peyton…are you okay?" it was Haley this time, and she felt more relieved than she cared to explain.

"No…" she sobbed through the phone trying to catch her breath, trying to calm down.

"What's going on?"

"I can't get rid of him, Haley," she was pleading with the girl who was in Tree Hill. "Make him go away, please, please," she was nearly screaming, she sounded to Haley like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Whoa, hold on. Calm down, Peyton, just calm down."

"I can't, I'm freaking out. He's all around, he's the only thing in my mind and I just need him to go! And I loved him so much, this isn't how it's supposed to be. It's not! And I know you're mad at me, but you can you please just not be mad at me right now, that's all I'm asking of you, just don't be mad at me right now…"

"I'm not…I won't. Peyton, you really don't sound good."

"I'm not good. At least not right now…God, I just want him to go away…"

"He will, you just have to give it some time."

* * *

_- 'So it's the laughter, we will remember, whenever we remember, the way we were' – _

**She just wanted** him out of her head, she came to understand long ago that he would never truly leave her heart.

_"Your mom's a good cook," Peyton said inhaling her food. _

"Are you even tasting any of that?" he asked, teasing her.

"Yes, mister smartass," she said throwing a french fry at his nose. He laughed and they left the café with Peyton carrying her soda and some fries to go.

"So where to?" she asked uncertainly.

"Well I was thinking we might be able to go swimming at my grandparents because they're down in Florida for a month and we're taking care of their house and their pool is heated since it's only March...that is if you don't mind."

"Not at all. As long as I get to spend the day with you," she told him wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. He kissed her back and she pulled away with a smile on her face.

* * *

**All of those flashbacks were from the early chapters of the story. I kind of feel bad about them considering the writing wasn't the best back then, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I liked seeing Peyton finally coming to terms with all of the memories she had tried so hard to get rid of. The song was "The Way We Were" by Barbara Streisand, it's a good song :)**

**Review!**


	43. Everything

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the wait guys, work has been consuming my life. Anyway, here's the next chapter & thanks for all the reviews.

**Chapter 43: Everything

* * *

**

**Haley stayed on** the phone with Peyton until five o'clock that morning. They had both nodded off numerous times, but every time Peyton's eyes closed she woke up in a cold sweat. Haley had to calm her down every time she woke up close to screaming. She couldn't even really imagine what Peyton was going through, what it felt like to want so badly to get rid of someone. It was like she was being haunted by the ghost of _them_. She was being haunted by her own happiness.

* * *

_- 'I can be an asshole of the grandest kind. I can withhold like it's going out of style. I can be the moodiest baby & you've never met anyone who is negative as I am sometimes' – _

**Nathan was sleeping** soundly on their plush couch with his niece tucked safely against his chest. She knew he spent the whole night worrying and waiting for her.

"Nathan," she whispered close to his ear, his eyes opened slowly. He couldn't help the smile that formed when he saw her.

"You're okay," he mumbled tiredly.

"I'm fine…I just needed to get some things off my chest. I talked to Brooke and I spent the night on the phone with Peyton, everything's fine."

"Everything's fine with Peyton?"

"Well…she's going through a lot right now with the whole Lucas thing. She goes to bed and she dreams of him, she's awake and she thinks of him. She's having problems escaping how happy she was, I think she just needs to work through it. I just wish she would come home."

"She will…she did it to Brooke when we were younger…"

"I didn't know you knew about that," she looked at him in confusion.

"Brooke spent those three days crying to me about how bad she felt for Peyton. She didn't want Peyton to do anything stupid but there was no way to find her. She made me promise never to say anything to anyone about Peyton disappearing, but you obviously already know anyway."

"I thought you and Brooke were never friends. You were both very adamant telling us all you pretty much hated each other before me and you got together and she set up the date…" Haley looked at her husband, her face full of confusion.

"Brooke and I rolled in the same crowd of people. She pretty much ruled the girls and I did the same for the guys. It was expected that we be together…the only way to escape the stereotype was to "hate" each other," he made air quotes around the word hate to help his explanation. "I liked Brooke, but the not the way I was **supposed **to as captain of the freshman basketball team, so there had to be a rivalry. When Peyton ran away I was the only other person remotely close to Peyton. That girl's not exactly social so it had always been her and Brooke or me and Peyton. She came to me when Peyton ran away…I was the only other person in the world who knew what Brooke was going through. It was the most we ever talked as kids though," he shrugged his shoulders, looking off to the walls around him.

"I guess that makes sense…how is she?" Haley was referring to their niece who hadn't opened her eyes when Nathan sat up.

"She doesn't really know what's going on. She just knows Peyton's not here and she's spending the night here. Peyton was worried this whole thing was going to affect her, I think she's too young to even feel abandoned at all."

"She's not abandoned."

"I know that…you know that…but Peyton's done the abandonment thing and I guess to her it seems like an eerie echo of what her father did to her as a kid. The guy went away when things got too hard or he didn't know what to do. But it's different, this is different," Nathan was almost trying to convince himself as he told Haley. She heard the tone in his voice, she was glad he wanted to stick up for the blonde.

"I just want her to come home," Haley's voice had grown quieter; she could feel the lack of sleep starting to set in. It had been a lot to absorb in a few hours, she just wanted his arms around her; she wanted to sleep.

"Me too…c'mere," he lifted her into his arms, her head falling against his hard chest. "Let's go to bed," he looked down to make sure Kylie had a blanket before laying a small kiss against her forehead with Haley in his arms. He held his wife close, letting his lips graze hers a few times until she deepened it.

The bed was soft as she fell against it, taking him down with her. His weight fell on his arms as he held himself above her.

"I don't know what I would do without you," he told her softly, making sure she knew he meant every word. She would never know what she had done to his life.

She nodded in a silent recognition of what he was saying. He meant just as much to her, if not more. She honestly didn't know what she would do without him either; the thought was too scary to comprehend. She knew if he ever left she'd be just as bad as Peyton, she just wasn't sure she'd have the strength Peyton pulled out. Especially if a little girl was involved…she often wondered where Peyton got the strength to smile every day.

* * *

_- 'I am the wisest woman you've ever met. I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected. I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen, and you've never met anyone who's as positive as I am sometimes' – _

**She didn't know **where else to go, his door was the only safety. It took her a good five minutes to muster the courage to knock, but she did. His brown eyes met hers in the early morning hours, he was barely awake but he knew something was wrong. Just his face calmed her, just the way he looked at her made her feel okay with everything that was happening around her.

"Brooke?" he didn't know what she was doing there so early, but the minute tears fell from her eyes he couldn't stop his arms from reaching for her. He held her against him, letting her cry into his shirt. Her tears dripped through the fabric to his skin, her ragged breathing worried him. He didn't ask what happened; he wanted her to let it out first.

"I know…you're not ready to deal with any of this…you should be concentrating on you…but I didn't have anyone else to go to…" she nearly choked on her words, unable to speak clearly through her cries.

"Hey…" he let his hands roam along her back; doing anything he could to make her feel better. "You can always, **always** come here, _no matter what_. I told you that… I am always here for you."

"She left, Jake," her crying grew heavier, her tears fell faster.

"She'll be back…" he didn't actually know if she would. But he needed to reassure her to calm her – they both knew it was false hope.

"She might not. God, I miss her. She's…my best…friend…" her arms wrapped around his neck tightly as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. She couldn't seem to stop crying.

"Stay here for now, come on, we'll watch a movie or have breakfast or something. You just need to get your mind off it for a little while…she will be back, Brooke. She wouldn't leave Kylie like that, you know she wouldn't."

"I like to think she wouldn't…but I honestly don't know. She's so broken…she's so shattered, I don't think any of us realized just how deeply he hurt her. I want to hurt him," her voice grew cold as she spoke of the unnamed Scott.

"I know…and I'm not trying to defend him because you know I hate him for what he did…but I know what he was going through. I do. I had the same thoughts with Jenny, I wanted to run, and I thought I wasn't good enough. I understand his thoughts, and I understand why Peyton pushed him away this time. It's on both of them this time around…we just have to let them figure it out. Peyton will pull through from this…you know her, she's so strong. She's going to be fine and if they're supposed to be together, it will happen."

He always knew how to make her feel better; he was always able to tell her what she needed to hear. It was one of the reasons she loved him so much; one of the reasons why it was eating her up inside to not be able to be with him. He led her inside, sat her down, kissed her forehead and proceeded to get a pint of her favorite ice cream from the freezer.

"How…"

"I knew you'd come by eventually, but I knew it would take something to give you the courage. I thought I'd be prepared for when eventually came," he sent her a smile that melted her heart. She was grieving all over again at the loss of him.

* * *

_- 'You see everything, you see every part. You see all my light, and you love my dark. You dig everything of which I'm ashamed. There's not anything to which you can't relate. **And you're still here' –**_

**She could hear **his voice in her head as her eyes closed for the millionth time on the beach. It seemed too real; she looked over to see a figure approaching her.

He sat next to her; he just looked at her, watching her distressed reactions.

"No…no…no, this cannot be happening."

"I didn't leave Tree Hill right away. I was worried about you. I talked to Haley a few hours after I said goodbye to you that day. She said you weren't doing so good. I've been watching you…I couldn't leave you."

"Why can't you just go away, Lucas?" she cried. "I already can't get you out of my head, can't you just go away?"

"Not when you're having such a hard time with me not being here."

"I'm not. I'm having a hard time letting go of how happy you made me…" it was the first time she had truly admitted it to herself.

"We were good together for a while weren't we?" he looked over and smiled at her. It was the first really civil conversation they'd had in a long time.

"Yeah…we really were," she returned his smile unexpectedly.

"Where'd you leave her?"

"With Nathan and Haley…I needed to get away."

"I know the feeling. When you going back?"

"As soon as I can make you go away," she was brutally honest with him, he accepted her answers.

"Then just let it go, Peyton."

"I can't. Every time I close my eyes your voice is there, and when I actually do fall asleep you're in my dreams, Lucas. And it's never any of the hurt you caused me; it's how happy we were."

"Then hold onto it if you have to, but don't let it rule your life. I mean hey, if we're meant to be we'll find our way back in the end, right?"

"I guess…do you really believe –"

"Yes, I do. You're it for me. And even if it takes years I think we'll find our way…I really do. Just take care of her for now, be her mom first and foremost, let them help you and you'll get through this. And years down the road we'll see where we end up. Just take it one day at a time."

"I can try…"

"Take tonight and some of tomorrow for yourself and go home, Peyton. Kylie needs you, I'm sure the girls need you. My love for you will always be there, but don't miss out on these years of Kylie's life. You'll never get them back. I love you, no one and nothing will ever change that, but I'm gonna let you go for now."

She took a deep breath, looking in his eyes for the first time in a long time. She often tried to avoid them, but this time she met them with courage.

"Thank you."

_- 'What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know. What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go' –

* * *

_

**I hope that was alright. It wasn't my best work, but I think Peyton really did need him to provide final closure. And I think it was necessary to see the girls without her. And it was the beginning of rebuilding Jake and Brooke, plus Nathan and Haley needed some time together. I hope you liked it…I'm thinking there's going to be a jump in time coming up. Thanks so much for reading. The song was "Everything" by Alanis Morissette. **

**-- Review!**


	44. Ride

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note:** I have no excuse. But this is not the last chapter.

**Chapter 44: Ride**

* * *

_--'You are everything I wanted, the scars of all I'll ever know'—_

**Five Years Later**

**It had been **years since he had been around, just like he promised. Kylie grew up without a father in her life and away from Tree Hill. She received Christmas cards from her Uncle Nathan, but he was a vague memory of a time when her mother's friends had been the only family she knew. A lot had changed in five years.

_Peyton returned home that night just as Lucas had advised. She knocked on Nathan's door to discover that Haley and Brooke had gone to get something for dinner – the thought of that comforted her; it made her decision easier. _

"_I'm here for her, Nathan."_

"_She missed you. So what happened?" he asked dryly._

"_I'm not staying." _

_His face drained of color because just like the first time around, he knew what she meant by that simple phrase._

"_What am I supposed to tell them?" his voice had a higher pitch to it all of a sudden, but she'd made up her mind._

"_It's too hard here, it's too hard. I love you, goodbye, buddy," she wrapped her arms around him before taking her daughter and packing the necessities. _

_And with that, she was gone._

She couldn't remember her uncle well, but she knew she had a cousin back in Tree Hill somewhere. All she could remember about her own father was the smell of his cologne, his big work boots, and him walking away to his car that last day she saw him.

"Ky, you ready for school?" her mother yelled through the small house.

"Yeah, I'm coming!"

Peyton had made the decision to change her life; she only told Nathan where she was going and purchased a new cell phone when she got settled. He told her in a letter from years ago that Haley had no interest in where she had gone. She asked about Brooke frequently, but he never gave her a straight answer. Maybe it wasn't the right decision that she made five years ago, but it was all she could do to get past it. That town had strangled the life from her and it was a huge relief to be away from the weight it had put on her shoulders all those years ago.

She missed them every single second of every single day. Those girls were her best friends; they had done everything to try to mend that broken heart. Nathan and Jake had been the two boys in her life that had always stuck around. She missed the stability. But Tree Hill was her past; a past she had run from and never gone back to.

* * *

_--'If I told you, you were right would you take my hand tonight?' --_

**Kylie was at** soccer practice when she stopped at the supermarket for a few things they were pretty low on. She wandered the ten aisles combing the sales just like every other week. Things were monotonous there, but easier. She hadn't heard from Lucas in all five of those years, and eventually her heart had healed itself without the piece he still held.

She still thought of him now and again. He came up mostly when her eight year old would smirk at her just the way both of the Scott boys had in her teenage years. He came up when she would read an old book that no child of eight years old should be interested in. He came up when she flashed a toothy grin at her mother knowing that Peyton would give her what she wanted.

Adam pretty rarely came up in the quiet silences; she missed him mostly when she felt alone and without a soul in the world. Had he still been alive she knew he'd be there with her now. But her days were busy and she tried to keep the 'what-ifs' from taking up too much time or she'd never accomplish anything.

She situated herself into her car that she'd had for the duration of those five years. Her fingers flicked through an old Matthew Ryan CD while she absentmindedly drove down the main road of her town. She could drive those roads blind at this point. She didn't bother to pay attention to the stop sign she flew through. The only thing that caught her attention was the sudden dent in her driver's side fender. _"Damn it!" _she thought – that was the last thing she needed right now.

She shoved the door open and extricated herself from the old vehicle. The front piece of the door was dented inward making the door hard to open and close. Her eyes scanned the damages.

"Guess it was time for a new one anyways," she trailed off into the silence.

She turned slowly to begin to apologize to the other driver since the accident was technically her fault.

"Hey, listen I'm so sorry, my insurance will cover this, I'll go grab.."

"Peyton?" a raspy voice spoke.

"Brooke.. hey.." she was timid and immediately her hands flew into the pockets of her jacket. Now this was definitely the last thing she needed.

It took a few minutes for Peyton to look up and meet Brooke's tired eyes, but when she finally did the first thing she saw was anger. Peyton cringed involuntarily, but Brooke's eyes did anything but soften. Instead, the brunette took off after Peyton at full speed with fire flowing from her eyes. The blonde hadn't expected that move but took off running as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

The town was similar to Tree Hill; it looked like one big back road. Their accident occurred at a rarely used intersection that was surrounded by a few fields full of grass and weeds. Peyton was determined not to let Brooke catch her, but she couldn't blame the girl for coming after her after all those years. Brooke was gasping from behind, but her anger fueled the last few steps she took.

Her arms flew around the back of the petite, younger woman as they both flew to the grass below. Peyton flipped herself under the weight of her former best friend and struggled to free herself. Brooke unleashed strength Peyton hadn't known she had. She pinned Peyton Sawyer to the grass beneath her and got in one good slap across the face that left Peyton teary eyed from the sting.

Her legs flailed from below Brooke's body weight, but she was unable to free herself. The feud mounted to a full out cat fight until they both collapsed of exhausted. Peyton was left with a black eye while Brooke rolled off to tend to her bloody lip and bruised ribs. They still hadn't spoken a word.

"I'll pay for your car," Peyton spoke quietly.

"Don't bother."

"Brooke.." the blonde looked on helplessly at the girl who still knew her better than anyone.

"What do you want from me, Peyton? Some teary eyed reunion? You bailed on me when I had no one else in the world. I haven't heard from you in five years and you expect me to be the all forgiving best friend? I may not have been perfect when Lucas left you, but at least I was **there**."

Her words stung Peyton in a place that hadn't been opened in all those years. No one in this town knew of Lucas, and Kylie didn't bring things like that up to her mother because it hurt too much.

"Brooke, I know you're mad –"

"I'm not mad anymore, Peyton, I just don't care about you. You moved, got a new phone number and address. You made it perfectly clear that caring about me was not a priority."

"It was never that, ever. I love you, Brooke. It was too hard there, everything was Lucas there and here no one knew a thing, I was free to move on in peace," she tried to explain but her attempts were futile.

"So you ran, just like always. And you left when I needed you the most, I needed my best friend to get me through everything with Jake and you weren't there," her voice cracked under the memories she kept stored away.

"I missed you everyday. You know me; you think it was easy to leave the girl that was by my side everyday since we were seven?" Peyton was trying to get under Brooke's skin; she needed her to remember who they back when everything was simple.

"There was a time when I thought you could never leave me."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Brooke."

"Mission failed," she spoke coldly as she stood to make her way back to the car sitting in the intersection.

"So you're just gonna leave?" Peyton questioned, she didn't want her to go.

"Yes. I told you, Peyton, I don't care about you anymore, and you are a part of my past that I also let go of a long time ago."

"It's not that easy, I know you. I know you better than you think, B. Davis. I know you miss me, I can see the look in your eyes."

"You're wrong, you don't know me anymore," and with that she closed the door and sped off so Peyton didn't have the chance to follow.

And suddenly, it was all back; everything she had run from had hunted her down.

* * *

_--'If I told you, you were right would you leave your life and ride? And ride'—_

**Her daughter was **tucked safely into bed when a knock startled her. Peyton glanced at the window to find rain pouring to the earth. Now she was confused, who was at her door in the middle of a storm? When she reached the door a loud boom of thunder preceded another pounding knock.

"Okay, okay," the blonde grumbled at the wood door.

She pulled the door open to reveal a soaking wet brunette in the same clothes as hours before. Her cuts were still fresh from that afternoon; she obviously hadn't been home to patch them up. Peyton cocked an eyebrow at the scene.

"Can you just let me in? I'm soaked."

Peyton opened the screen door wide enough for Brooke to make her way through.

"I'll get you some sweats, hang on," Peyton trotted back to her bedroom to grab some dry clothes. She pondered Brooke's intentions for showing up at her front door this late at night.

"Thanks," Brooke responded and quickly changed out of her wet clothes.

"So, uh.. we weren't exactly on good terms this afternoon, and I'm not trying to make anything worse, but what are you doing here?" Peyton had to ask, there was no way she couldn't.

"I was wrong."

"About?"

"That you don't know me anymore," Brooke admitted slowly. "I wanted to be right, but I'm wrong. I've been walking around this town all day and that was the only conclusion I could come to. I'm wrong, because after five years you still know me and I just wanted to tell you in person."

"Thanks?" her answer was full of confusion. How was she supposed to answer that?

"It's pathetic isn't it?" Brooke spoke softly.

Peyton raised her eyebrows and made eye contact with the girl across the room. Brooke had her back against a window sill while she was picking at her hands.

"That we don't even know what to say to each other anymore. I never had that problem with you, and now we're so far apart.." Brooke tripped over her words and let her eyes fall to the floor by the end of the sentence.

"We're not as far apart as you think. Do you know that after five years I still refer to you as my best friend to anyone I talk to? I still think about you all the time, Brooke. You were my rock, and between you and Haley I had a support system that I've never been able to find again. We aren't that far apart," Peyton pointed indicating pictures that covered her wall. Brooke and Haley were in almost every single one.

* * *

--_'You saw all my pieces broken, the darkness that I could never show'--_

**Brooke Davis couldn't** help the small smile that made its way onto her cut face. Peyton had well over two dozen frames on the small wall and she had made it into well over a dozen of them. Yet, the one that caught her eye the most was the same picture of Peyton and Lucas that just never went away – the one from the River Court that was taken over eight years ago.

"Just because you have pictures all over the wall doesn't mean that these last five years are automatically gone, Peyton. It doesn't work that way."

"I was kinda hoping it would. Does this help?" Peyton walked to a hutch in her small kitchen/dining room and pulled open a drawer at the bottom. She retrieved two huge stacks of letters – one addressed to Brooke, the other to Haley. Without hesitation she handed them over to Brooke who was still against the window sill.

"What is this?"

"Letters."

"I know that," Brooke remarked matter-of-factly. "Smart ass."

They both smiled at her last remark, Peyton felt eighteen all over again.

"I don't know if they will explain anything, but there's one for almost every month I've been gone. I just wrote to you guys, I wrote about what happened that month, how I missed you both, where I stood on the Lucas subject, how sorry I was. All of it is there, and it's yours now because they were for you. You deserve answers and everything you're looking for is there in those letters," Peyton attempted to explain the stack.

Brooke opened the last letter, the one that Peyton had written only weeks after she left Tree Hill for good.

_Brooke..B.Davis.._

_I don't know if what I did was the right decision. I miss you and Haley; I never realized how much of me you two held together. He's not in my dreams as much anymore. You know I got a whole three hours of sleep last night without one dream or thought of him. That's the most I've gotten in weeks. Kylie is growing everyday, she talks about you guys constantly. It kills me. I wish I could just talk to you. I needed to do this I think, just cut ties from Tree Hill. That town just held so many ghosts and skeletons. I hope you don't hold this against me, I hope one day we can be okay again and we can sit on our front porches like old women while the kids run around and we can just laugh about this time in our lives. We're still kids, but I feel like I had to grow up the day that stick gave me those results. I miss being able to just get up and go to the movies with you, or go play a game of basketball at midnight with Lucas. I feel like I missed being a kid, what happened to that whole period of my life? I'm only eighteen and I'm dealing with pieces of myself that I shouldn't have to deal with until years from now. How is anything that happened to any of us fair? I feel so torn apart. I miss him every single day, Brooke. I miss his arms around me, the feeling of his heart beating when he held me at night. I think even I didn't realize how much of a part of me he was. I think that right now you're realizing it about Jake too. I hope everything turns out okay with that too. I may have left, but you guys are in my heart everyday, especially you. You are so strong so I don't worry about you with this Jake thing. The only thing I worry about is how you handled me leaving..I don't want you to hate me.._

Brooke looked up from the letter in tears. She hadn't known. For some reason everything from those five years ago was in her mind a lot differently. She pictured Peyton leaving their town with no remorse for the consequences. Yet, it seemed that Peyton spent everyday in pain over that decision.

"I missed you everyday, P. Sawyer.."

Peyton looked up in shock, that wasn't the expected scenario.

"I wasn't sure –"

"I did. You are my best friend, the girl I love more than life itself, and it hurt, but I knew one day I'd find you again and I said to myself that when I did .." she trailed off mid-sentence leaving Peyton wondering.

"That when you did?"

"That when I found you I wasn't ever going to let you go again," a few tears fell from her eyes dragging the last few remains of her eye make-up with them.

"I love you, Brooke Penelope Davis," Peyton engulfed her old friend into her arms. It felt like years ago, it felt like no time had passed and they had never been apart.

"I love you too, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer."

Peyton let go to find Brooke looking nervous about something.

"What's on your mind?" Brooke looked back up a little stunned that Peyton could tell something like that. Distance and time did nothing to their bond.

"There's something I've been wanting to tell you, for a few years actually," Brooke stuttered.

"And that is?" Peyton questioned impatiently.

"Um.. Lucas moved back to Tree Hill about two months after you left."

Peyton was a little startled by the information, what if she had stayed two more months? Where would she be now? It was only when it came to Lucas that she questioned every move she made. Brooke grabbed her friend's hand and that's when she heard a voice from the back of the house.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

"Is that Kylie?" Brooke looked at her friend in confusion.

"Oh..that..um.."

Peyton didn't have a chance to answer because a little boy with sandy blonde hair caught Brooke's attention. The brunette did a double take, swearing she was looking at the spitting image of Lucas Scott.

"Peyton?"

"Hey, cutie, wanna meet Aunt Brooke?"

"Hi," he whispered shyly with a smile that made Peyton's heart lurch every single time.

Brooke knew that smile anywhere. She looked at her friend, her eyes full of questions that Peyton knew she was going to spend the rest of the night answering.


	45. 20 Questions

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 45: 20 Questions**

"Ok, cutie, go get back into bed, I'll be in soon to tuck you in again."

Peyton stuck her tongue out at the little boy that had stolen her heart with his smile – the same way another Scott had almost a decade ago.

"P. Sawyer.. what have you been hiding here?"

Brooke looked astonished from where she stood stiffly. Peyton's usually pale cheeks flushed a bright red at the question.

"I just..never had the heart to tell him, Brooke."

"Lucas? Or _him?"_ she gestured to the back of the house when she emphasized the "him".

"Lucas. We were done; he had a girlfriend and that night that I left the first time he told me he was letting me go. I didn't find out until almost a month later, what was I supposed to do?"

Peyton looked helpless as she tried to find the words to explain her new world.

"This would kill him."

"I know it would that's why I never told him. He hated himself enough after Kylie and I didn't want him to be obligated to me more than he already felt. I just did it on my own this time. No one was there when he was born; I hired a few nannies' here and there that still help me out. And I'm okay, everything is okay here, Brooke. That is why I never bothered – because I'm okay."

"He needs to know, Peyton. You can't keep two of his kids from him; one that he doesn't even know exists."

Peyton heaved a deep sigh before turning away from Brooke and the rest of her living room. For the first time in years she let her mind drift to Lucas and for the first time in an even longer time - she let herself miss him.

"He's five years old, his name is Adam Lucas Scott and I named him that because he wouldn't have been born had that not happened to Adam that night. He's the sweetest little boy and he loves to draw. He has blue eyes that will just pierce right through you if you let him look at you long enough. He asks me about his daddy," Peyton choked on those words. "He asks almost everyday where his daddy is. He's seen pictures and he wonders why Lucas isn't here like all of the other kids have daddies in his class. He asks me why he doesn't. And it breaks my heart every single time because he didn't ask for this, ya know? He didn't ask to be born into such a broken situation, but he was. And I try so hard to make it up to him, to make up for the fact that his daddy isn't here with us now.."

"He has that smile."

Peyton turned around to face Brooke again, a few tears falling from her eyes. She smiled through her sadness for a minute.

"I know. I look at it everyday and all I see is Lucas."

* * *

**Lucas woke up** from a nap on his brother's couch. His dreams had been tormenting – full of a girl he had tried to forget.

"Hey, man."

Nathan plopped into a chair on the opposite side of the room to play video games. Haley was busy folding clothes in another room of the house.

"Hey, what do you dream about?"

"What?" Nathan paused his video game at the odd question and looked over to where his older brother was laying.

"I don't know. All I've been dreaming about lately is Peyton and Kylie. I don't even know what my own daughter looks like anymore."

"Dude, you walked away."

"Thanks for rubbing it in, Nathan," he slowly pulled himself from the couch and wandered out to find his sister-in-law. His hand rubbed the scruffy beard he had grown in the last few weeks. He didn't feel like a 24 year old. He usually chalked that up to the fact that his friends all had families and houses while he was still living in Nathan and Haley's guest room.

"Where's Jamie?"

Haley looked up from her pile of socks.

"He went over a friend's house to play basketball. You miss your only friend?" she nudged him playfully.

"Hey, that kid is four, I have other friends."

"Sure," she prodded, not believing the boy in front of her. "Can I ask you a question, Luke?"

"Shoot."

"Do you miss her?"

They both knew who she was referring to. His eyes shifted to the hardwood floors beneath his feet. He sighed, trying to think of an answer.

"I want the truth, Lucas."

"Of course I do. How could I not? I miss her, I miss that little girl. I miss the way she smelled, the way she'd look at me when she was so sure that I didn't see her. I miss waking up to her smile. God, Haley it's been five years and I don't feel any closer to getting over it than I was five years ago. I dream about her all the time –"

"I know, you were talking in your sleep last night.."

"I didn't mean to wake you up," he lifted himself onto the counter to face his best friend.

"I'm not mad about it anymore, I just wish she'd come home," Haley admitted quietly, even shocking Lucas with her confession. She'd been so angry when Peyton left without so much as a goodbye.

"I thought –" he was interrupted by the vibration of Haley's phone on the counter next to him.

She flipped her small cell phone open to view the text message.

From: Brooke Davis

Boy have I got news for you..

Haley looked at the phone in confusion.

"What's up?"

"I just have to go make a phone call, I'll be right back, and can you go grab Jamie from Ryan's?"

"Sure."

As soon as he was out of earshot she was on the phone with Brooke full of questions. Any new news in Tree Hill was good news.

"News?"

"I'm standing here in Peyton's living room, it's a long story but what are the chances you can get out here tonight?"

"Just gimme the address and I'll be there," she scrawled an address on a napkin from the counter before running to find sneakers and keys.

* * *

**Brooke looked through **the door frame to find Peyton sitting at the edge of Adam's bed singing softly.

"She's coming. Come on don't put him to bed yet, I want her to see him," Brooke pleaded with Peyton while the little boy looked on with a smile.

"Come on, Mommy," he smiled at her and she already knew they had won that argument.

"Fine, but just until you meet your Aunt Haley, ok?"

"Promise!" he untangled himself from the Lilo & Stitch comforter, and then scurried over to his waiting aunt's arms.

"Hey, you," he giggled, just melting Brooke's heart.

"How come we never met?"

"Long story, sweetie. We'll explain later, but for now let's go wait for Aunt Haley!" Brooke flashed a look back at Peyton to which she shrugged.

"How long?"

"She said like twenty minutes, go wake Kylie she should be in on this."

"Brooke, she has school a lot earlier than him."

"So? Oh and did I mention you have like the cutest kids **ever**, this one should model," she poked him the belly receiving another whole hearted laugh.

* * *

**A knock on** the door made Peyton jump slightly. Moment of truth she realized. Brooke opened the door to reveal a slightly older looking Haley, but nonetheless she hadn't changed.

"Hey," Peyton smiled. She expected anger from a girl she had once been so close to but all she received was a hug that knocked her backwards onto the stairs.

"I missed you, how could you leave me like that?!"

"You're not mad?"

"I was, but it's been five years and after the first two all I could do was be upset. You know Brooke doesn't give the best advice," Brooke stuck her tongue out at the girl still lying on top of Peyton.

The two kids hurried from the couch to meet an aunt that Kylie barely remember and Adam had no idea existed. Haley James Scott looked up to meet her best friend's eyes standing at the top of the steps.

She stood immediately, gasping at the sight.

"Peyton," her tone was serious and full of curiosity.

"Haley, um..I'd like you to meet your nephew, Adam Lucas Scott."

"What did you do?" she chided her friend, still unable to look away from the little boy who was smiling at her. "That smile.."

"I know! That's what I said!" Brooke commented. She picked Adam up, handing him to his new aunt.

"I heard you're my aunt?"

Haley nearly cried at his words, he was Lucas to the T.

"You heard right, kiddo. How old are you?"

"Five!" he held his hand up to further prove his point. She laughed at her nephew and pulled him into an overwhelming hug.

Kylie stood shyly at the top of the staircase next to where her little brother was pulled from. Haley suddenly noticed the lanky little girl and her eyes widened even more.

"Kylie?!" the blonde nodded with a grin showing a missing front tooth. "Come here!"

She flew down the few steps into her aunt's arms.

"I don't really remember you.." Kylie told her aunt timidly.

"Don't worry about it, babe. We'll have time."

* * *

**Lucas stuck Jamie** on his shoulders as he trotted through the house to find his M.I.A. family.

"Nathan!"

"Yeah?" Nathan was obviously still in the back room with the Play Station.

"Nathan!" Jamie copied his uncle receiving a chuckle from both men.

"Sup, kid?" Nathan took his son from his brother's shoulders. He tickled the little boy until he couldn't breathe and he was shouting "uncle" for his father to stop. Nathan laughed at his four year old and released him to go get ready for bed.

"Where'd Haley go?"

"I dunno," Nathan lied.

"She didn't tell you?" Lucas asked, noticing his brother's uneasiness.

"Just said she had to run out," he lied again.

"What aren't you telling me, little brother?" his eyes squinted in suspicion while Nathan tried to concentrate on the tv.

"Nothing, dude. Why are you being so weird?"

"Nathan, tell me."

"Brooke found Peyton today."

"What?" Lucas sat slowly, shaking his head a few times.

"Brooke found Peyton and Haley went to meet them," he eyed his brother nervously.

"And no one cared to tell me?"

"Maybe she didn't wanna see you, Luke. You haven't been her favorite person in years, you know?"

Lucas called Haley time and time again to receive her voicemail.

"This isn't right."

He paced the kitchen a few times until a napkin caught his attention. Haley had scribbled an address on the front of it; she had obviously been in a rush.

Nathan heard the front door slam behind him and panicked.

"Jamie! Let's go, we're going for a ride!" he called through the large house they had purchased three years ago.

The little boy padded down the stairs one a time trying to hurry to his father's calls. Nathan saw him trailing a blanket behind him while he moved as fast as his tiny legs would take him. The six foot two man jumped two steps at a time to retrieve Jamie and made his way out the front door.

"Come on little man, you gotta grow," Jamie laughed at his father while held his blue blanket in his car seat. "You know, this isn't gonna be good," Nathan told the four year old.

"Was goin on?" he asked from the back of the small car.

"Drama."

"Drama," Jamie repeated.


	46. All Around Me

**

* * *

**

The Saddest Song

**Chapter 46: All Around Me**

* * *

**Déjà vu – something overly or unpleasantly familiar**

A knock on the door caught them all off guard.

This time, Brooke was not a beat behind. All three girls knew who stood on the other side. The color left Peyton's face – now what?

"Peyton…" Brooke's raspy voice broke into her moment of terror.

The blonde looked at her two children and glanced at the walls of the home she had built her new life in. She ran for 5 long years, and now her problems were literally standing on her front step.

* * *

**Nathan drove the** dark streets while Jamie babbled from the back seat. His son was talking about basketball and how his mommy didn't play as good as daddy. Had it been any other day Nathan loved to talk to that little boy – it was often the highlight of his long days just as Kylie had been years ago. And now he wondered how Kylie was and he grew upset with himself and how many years of her life he had missed. She had stolen his heart from that moment he saw the picture on the ultrasound machine. He'd taught her to shoot a basketball and how to eat an ice cream cone – the essentials of life. She had been one of his best friends when she was a baby and now he knew nothing of her.

* * *

_--'My hands are searching for you, my arms are outstretched towards you. I feel you on my fingertips my tongue dances behind my lips for you'--_

**Her mental condition** was the same as when she heard his knock and knew she was pregnant with his child. The faces, the feelings, her emotions remained the same. It was clear her heart still beat _for him only._ That oh-so-important organ in her body was utterly incapable of falling in love with anyone but Lucas Scott, anyone else would be entirely wrong. She felt it in every bone of her body. The very essence of her being was him. Some mornings when the sun was just beginning to rise she felt like she wouldn't be able to breathe if she didn't see or feel him soon. She felt like maybe she wouldn't be able to live through the day if he wasn't going to be in it. Was that love? Was that even healthy? It drove her crazy that was still so entwined in her soul. But there wasn't a night she didn't wake up short of breath, desperate for his calloused fingers on her smooth skin.

And maybe for the first time in her life she had just admitted to herself the effect he still had; all after one knock and five years in isolation.

"I love him…" she whispered, only half-shocking the two women.

"I know. So do something about it, Peyton," Brooke smiled with a sparkle in her eye.

Peyton Sawyer finally had the epiphany that was over five years in the making. She was completely, undeniably still head over heels in love with Lucas.

"We have to open it," she told the other two.

She was done running from things that never went away, because he never went away. Brooke slowly turned the door knob while the kids looked on in confusion. Haley watched from the stairs with the same smile Brooke had been wearing minutes ago. **This was it.**

* * *

_--'The fire rising through my being, burning; I'm not used to seeing you. I'm alive, I'm alive.'—_

**His face was **finally in full view as her heart pounded in her ears. The only description she would ever be able to give of this moment was the sensation of being drawn to him. It had been five years, five long years without that smile he flashed her. But there he was, no longer a piece of her dreams at night – he was real – all six foot of him was in her doorway.

And he looked good. He had grown up since she'd seen him last. He was sporting a scruffy beard on his round face. His chest and arms were more sculpted his shoulders more broad – he'd been working out. He was not the teenage boy she knew and loved. He was a man now. A man with eyes that still reflected the pain she carried in her heart.

Maybe time really did heal old wounds. It didn't fix what he did or erase those years of pain – but she didn't hurt the way she used to, she just missed him. She missed him even more than she realized.

* * *

_--'I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing; holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing'—_

**She seemed to **float down the steps to the front door where he stood. He was smiling at her still, and it felt like no one else on the world existed. She could see it in her eyes that he had the same feelings coursing through him.

Brooke and Haley had never seen such intensity in anyone. Even Haley James Scott who had married the love of her life at sixteen wondered what **that** felt like. Haley saw the love in Peyton's eyes for the first time and she saw it reciprocated in her best friend's. The time apart made them both realize what had been missing for so long. She and Brooke took the kids away from the scene. It felt too intimate for even two grown women to be witnessing.

She melted into his strong arms; his cologne brought back memories of her younger years and nights spent next to him. The scent of her shampoo alone made him want to never let her go again.

"I missed you…" was all he could manage.

"You have no idea."

"I'm sor-"

"Don't do that. Not now, not yet," she begged him not to go back there just yet. She didn't want to go back to a time when her heart had felt so much pain. She was content with now, and the feelings she had for him at this moment.

He nodded, and pulled her closer to him.

They stood in silence; she was still engulfed in his arms. She was trying to work up the nerve to actually admit to her own feelings. But before she got the chance to say another word his whole body jerked away from her – she didn't have to turn around to know why.

* * *

_--'My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me, and I begin to fade into our secret place'—_

"Mommy, Kylie won't get me a cookie," Adam pouted from the top of the stairs while his older sister shook her head from behind him.

Lucas didn't have the slightest indication of jealousy that she'd met someone else and moved on to have another child. Rather his eyes were full of pain and anger – that little boy was his, it was like looking at a mirror image.

"Luke, hey –" Nathan broke the silence but stopped when his eyes found what his brother was seeing, "my god…"

The only person she'd stayed in touch with didn't even know about the existence of Adam.

Without a second thought Lucas turned and took off running into the darkness. It was reminiscent of the night Adam ran out of her doorway – and she never got to spend another night with him after that.

"I have to go," she took off only a few steps behind him.

But her ran and ran, he was furious with her decision to keep a child from him that he didn't even know about. She never even gave him the option this time. He knew instantly that he was conceived the night he'd begged Peyton for. She had so reluctantly given into him and the condom had broken but only seconds before he'd let go. And then they were too late, but they hadn't worried, stupidly. They never considered the consequences.

"We were so stupid – she had Kylie at 16 why didn't we think?! Of all people we knew what the consequences would bring," he mumbled to no one in particular, but he kept running.

"Lucas, please stop," she begged, watching his form retreat into the darkness.

This time she didn't stop, she wouldn't let him walk away from her again.

* * *

_--'The music makes me sway, the angels singing say we are alone with you, I am alone and they are too with you. I'm alive, I'm alive.'—_

**She was mildly** out of shape but after five minutes she caught up to him. He stopped on a dark street with only a few street lights giving a dim glow to their surroundings. Peyton grabbed his shoulder to make him face her and when he did she saw the tears running down his face.

"Lucas…I didn't – this wasn't what I wanted for us…"

"He's mine."

"Yes, can't you tell?" her voice was soft as she looked at him. He was hurting and it hurt her; she knew what she did was wrong.

"It's not right, what you did. Just because I screwed him didn't give you the right to do that, Peyton!" he grew louder and his tears still fell. She shrunk back because he was right. He loved Kylie in spite of that decision; she had no reason to think he couldn't have loved Adam too.

"I know I can't fix it now –"

"No, you can't! I missed five years both of their lives, do you understand that?! I may not have been around but god damn it I loved that little girl and YOU … you didn't even give me the chance!" he was pointing at her, fuming as he spoke.

"Lucas, my decision wasn't right, but I didn't –"

"You didn't know what else to do, blah blah blah, I don't wanna hear it!" he inched closer to her face and his anger actually began to scare her. "You took a child from me; you took his father from him. He doesn't even know me, Peyton! Jesus at least Kylie knows who the hell I am and I made sure she knew that just because we weren't together DID NOT MEAN I DIDN'T LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART! I don't know…I don't know if I'll ever be able to get past this…"

"Please…"

"No, I'm done this bullshit, done. You have no idea what seeing him was like, do you?!"

She gave him no answer.

"DO YOU?!"

* * *

_--'I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing, holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing'—_

**Her phone rang** startling them both. Her face fell when she saw Brooke's name on her Caller ID.

Something was wrong.

"What happened, Brooke?"

Lucas saw her face and panic overtook him. The anger was gone and the immediate worry took its place.

"What's going on?" he asked from the sidelines.

"Peyton…" Brooke was crying uncontrollably, she could barely get the words out of her mouth.

"Brooke…" her heart was beating out of her chest, everything was spinning. "What happened, where are the kids…" she was short of breath, she was speaking like she'd just got done running a marathon.

"Peyton, what's going on?" he was becoming frantic with no more information than she currently had.

"Peyton…Adam…I don't know…we were play…ing and he was burning up with a fe-ver…and he started like swaying…and he felloverand…we can't…he won't wake up…" she could hardly tell her best friend the information, she was combining words and stuttering to the point of being uncomprehendable. "We'reonourwaytothehospital."

_--'Take my hand, I give it to you, now you own me, all I am. You said you would never leave me, I believe you, I believe'--_

"I'll be there…" she took off running quicker than she ever had in her life.

"PEYTON!" he followed quickly trying to keep up with her.

"Something's wrong with him, Lucas," she panted trying to move much quicker than her legs would possibly take her.

"Okay, come on-"

"You don't have to…"

"He's my son too, I won't leave him…I won't leave you," and so they kept moving to get to him before it all fell apart again.


	47. If You Only Knew

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 47: If You Only Knew**

* * *

_--'If you only knew I'm hangin by a thread, the web I spin for you. If you only knew I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you'—_

**That hospital seemed** colder and lonelier than any of the other hundred times she'd been there since high school alone. She could only reason that it was now because it was her son there. It was that little boy she'd watched grow for the past four years somewhere in the maze of halls. They were all on edge in the cramped waiting room. The only sounds were rapid breathing, and it took five minutes before she realized those noises were coming from her own lungs. She was hyperventilating and hadn't realized it; nor had she seen them all suffocating her with worried looks.

She only saw images and faces – her breaths were still not coming any easier. She couldn't take in the oxygen her body so desperately craved.

"Peyton .. Peyton, breathe. Please breathe!" his voice was frantic, but she still couldn't bring in enough air.

"Lucas, move!" Brooke shoved him to the ground while situating herself on her knees in front of the distressed blonde. "Peyton, listen to me! Listen. This is going to be okay. They're going to fix him but you need to breathe. Just in through your nose, out through your mouth. You can't do this right now, that little boy needs you. He needs his mom and you can't be there for him like this so you need to breathe for me."

She took in Brooke's calm words and thought of him. He was one of two people that ever made her days worth living. Her mind wandered to his first gummy smile, his first words, first steps, and first day of pre-school. She thought about the mornings she walked into Kylie's room to find Adam cuddled up next to his sister – safe from the monsters under his bed. She couldn't lose him; her life would never be okay if this person she'd only known for four years didn't survive this.

"He has to be okay," she breathed. Her words were ragged and it seemed Brooke was the only one who could decipher the sentence.

* * *

_--'I still hold onto the letters you returned, I swear I've lived and learned'—_

**Brooke felt there** was no other choice but to take her from the pale white waiting room. It was doing nothing but strangling all of them. She got her long lost best friend to the fresh air of the cold night.

"Breathe, come on, Peyton, just breathe. Take the air in," she was beginning to worry more than she wanted to. Peyton couldn't focus on anything but the fact that her child was lying unconscious on a hospital bed and the doctors wouldn't let her near him.

"I can't," the blonde was getting more frantic to breathe. Brooke had her lifeless arms in her hands trying to get through to her. It was like the world was muted – she could see Brooke's mouth moving but she couldn't hear anything that was coming out. And suddenly the air ceased its entrance all together and she felt the world suddenly going from colorful to black. Instant black overwhelmed her and the last thing she saw was Brooke's eyes growing wide with fear.

* * *

--_'It's 4:03 and I can't sleep without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life, breathe your breath in me. The only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew'—_

**She opened her** eyes only seconds after the initial downfall. Brooke's normal color had drained from her face instantaneously.

"I think I needed that," Peyton smiled trying to make light of the situation, but Brooke found no humor as they sat on the cold cement.

"You CANNOT do that. You need to keep it together, Peyton. You just gave me a friggen heart attack," the tears welled up in Brooke's dry eyes. "The only reason I didn't run in was because of Lucas. He's in there just as worried as you about that little boy, I couldn't tell him you went down too."

"Brooke, I can't lose him. I wouldn't survive that," she admitted. It was like admitting defeat for Peyton Sawyer to accept the fact that she truly wouldn't survive a life event after all she'd been through.

"You can't think that way. He can't have his mom giving up hope. They're in there with him now, we won't lose him."

Peyton let the air of the cold night finally fully penetrate her deprived lungs. It took numerous deep breaths before she felt she had her head on straight.

* * *

_-__-'If you only knew how many times I counted all the words that went wrong; If you only knew how I refuse to let you go even when you're gone'—_

**Lucas appeared to** her like he'd seen a ghost when she re-entered the waiting room. Upon taking a closer look at the people who were once her four closest friends, they all had the same empty expressions. She had missed the crucial update in her own selfish mental breakdown.

"Please, tell me it's gonna be ok," though she spoke to the whole room the comment was clearly directed to Lucas Scott. He couldn't meet her eyes, and from Lucas this was never a good sign. She could feel the blackness creeping into her peripheral vision again. She drew long, deep breaths to steady herself with only Brooke's petite hand for physical support.

"He's…still unconscious from the fever. It's over a hundred and four degrees. They have him on all kinds of machines and they're almost positive he has something called aseptic meningitis. They think it's either from a virus or bacteria, but they don't know for sure."

"But meningitis-"

"Can kill him. I know. They're doing everything they can; it has to be treated quickly to help him at all."

His tone was somber with a hint of a horrible sadness creeping in. He couldn't understand where the sadness was coming from. He'd only seen the little boy for five seconds. It didn't make sense that his life was collapsing over a four year old he'd never even spoken to. He didn't know anything about Adam, he didn't know what his favorite cereal was or if he liked sports at all. Lucas didn't know if son and daughter got along or if they bickered like so many siblings do when they're children. He wasn't sure if Adam even knew he had a father out in the big world. There were so many unanswered questions for him to be able to feel so much pain.

His dark blue eyes met Peyton's for a split second. He could see the sorrow, the remorse, the regret, and even the resentment that had been so familiar to him in their younger years. However, there was one emotion present in her eyes he hadn't seen for years. It was small and masked, but the tiniest glimmer of possibility lit the spark left in his heart. For the first time since they were sixteen years old he looked into her eyes and didn't see his shortcomings, instead he saw a future.

* * *

_--'I don't regret any days I spent, nights we shared, or letters that I sent'—_

**It had been** hours since they had an update. It had been hours since anyone had spoken in the deafening silence. The thought of ripping the blonde waves right out of her scalp seemed more appealing than spending one more second in that unpadded gray chair.

Though the hallway was no consolation to her heavy heart, there was a commotion and the feeling of loneliness couldn't leech itself to her the way it could in that waiting room. It was like a living hell sitting in a room full of people that were nothing but strangers to her.

"I never knew I could hurt this much over someone I've only seen for a total of two seconds," his voice didn't surprise her. He always followed; she didn't expect him to change that much in four years.

"You're his father, you have a connection to him, Luke," her back remained to him in the desolate gray hall. She felt no need to actually meet his eyes to talk. It was a weight lifted off her shoulders to just know he was near.

"Some days I wake up and I think of Kyle and I can't believe we created something so perfect…and now to think we created two perfect little human beings that are going to live and grow and form their own lives…I don't know how to be responsible for that thought."

He fell back against the wall and heaved a sigh. She mimicked his actions. His smell was still intoxicating from even feet away in a hospital hallway.

"Do you know, I could never regret that last night we had together, because it gave me him," she confessed a secret to her old flame in such a painfully honest way that he began to look at her in a whole new light. "I never knew I could love anyone more than you until that little girl was born and I held her in my arms. And then I wondered if I could love anyone as much as **that** until the morning Adam was born. It's the strongest kind of love I've ever felt. And right now, with him lying in that bed, I can't even believe I'm standing on my own two feet, Luke. I feel like I can't even breathe. He may never wake up from this. Those two kids are the only reason I get out of bed every morning, and they're the only reason I smile. They are my entire life…and if I lose him…if I lose him I'll never come back from this."

Peyton struggled to choke back sobs every few sentences. It was hard for her to actually say those words out loud; it made the possibility of losing him so **very **real.

"You don't have to do this by yourself, Peyt."

"I don't want to; I don't even have the strength to try."

_--'It's 4:03 and I can't sleep without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight bring me back to life, breathe your breath in me. The only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew'--_


	48. She's Lost Her Sense of Light

**The Saddest Song**

**Chapter 48: She's Lost Her Sense of Light**

* * *

"_Five days after black and red collide; The motion sickness past, I'll be the first to stand" – _

Lucas and Peyton found themselves still in that deserted hallway an hour later. Each continued to ponder their thoughts; speaking remained minimal between the two former lovers. A silent agreement had been formed to work through the pain together.

Peyton chewed on some stale crackers from a vending machine that was feet away. Numbness seemed to be the only emotion she could fully appreciate.

"We have to be strong for him…" his strong voice slowly cracked through their silence.

"…I'm trying."

"We're his parents…" his sentence hung in the air between them. He was waiting to gauge her reaction before speaking again.

She turned her head to meet his eyes for the first time in hours. He watched the very corner of her mouth turn upwards to form the smallest, saddest smile he'd ever seen in his entire life.

"Yeah," she exhaled heavily, "we are."

* * *

"_Behind that weathered door, I thought it would be safest. My head is dizzy now, I thought we'd overcome. We might not make it home tonight" – _

**2 Days Later**

Adam remained hooked up to what seemed like millions of machines. He was in and out of sleep and his fever would spike randomly throughout the day. Peyton was walking through a fog trying to be there for her little boy. Lucas remained a constant. He never left her side. Her friends came and went as the hours ticked by. Haley and Nathan had taken Kylie with them; she didn't need to be there to watch her parents fall apart. They brought clothes and food – things which Peyton didn't feel she needed. What she needed was for her child to get better. What she needed was a magic solution. What she needed was answers as to why she could never seem to catch a break from when she was seventeen years old.

It was nearing eight at night when Lucas broached the question that had been something of an elephant in the room. It was the question she didn't want to answer. She was becoming semi-accustomed to the unspoken relationship they'd formed in that hospital. It didn't involve questions or the years of their painful past. It was like something new and untainted. She didn't want to be the one to ruin it. Why fix what wasn't broken at the moment?

"Would it be crazy for me to think…"

She stuck a finger up to silence him. She knew what he was going to ask. She didn't know if she was prepared to answer such a question. "_Would it be crazy for me to think you could feel something for me still?" _

"I don't know if I can have this conversation right now," she answered without her eyes leaving her son in his bed.

"Am I really out of line to ask?"

"Isn't it obvious, Luke? Hasn't it always been?" her mouth formed the words without thinking. Her eyes widened slightly as she realized her thoughts had been spoken aloud. Maybe now wasn't a bad time to discuss it. She seemed to be bluntly honest when there was no real feeling in her head to stop her from saying her innermost thoughts. It seemed numbness suited her well.

They both kept their gaze to the four year old.

* * *

"_Crawling on the ash, she's pitiful. She's lost her sense of light she has to hold my hand" – _

"I'm going to get us through this," he reached for her hand as she pulled away just before he got there.

"I know you will," Peyton whispered. She moved her hand to Adam's instead.

Her resolve against him was fading again. Why could she never truly resist?

"I'll never be the same if something happens to him, Lucas."

"I'm not going anywhere this time. I know you might not believe me. I know I've failed you time and time again. I'll take responsibility for all my mistakes."

She nodded as if she hadn't heard all of the apologies in the book. She nodded as if they hadn't spent so many nights having these conversations in these cold, hostile hospital rooms. None of these scenes were unfamiliar to her. But she so badly wanted to believe him. She wanted a solid support system. She wanted her kids to have their father just as much as she had that night when she and Brooke first read the results on that ten dollar pregnancy test.

"How many times are we gonna do this before it breaks us both completely?" again her blunt honesty reared its ugly head. It was the first time she had ever been so truly honest with him. She had spent so long hiding her true thoughts. She had spent so long hiding these words from him because she never wanted to see the pain cross his beautiful blue eyes.

He continued to watch her. She looked so lost. She looked like nothing in the world would ever fix the cracks in her heart. She looked like she'd always carry such intense pain on her shoulders. She looked at him again, her eyes speaking volumes. She looked at him clearly saying "_you caused this pain you see."_

* * *

"_And I know we might be two kids without their jackets. My fear would come alive; I would know her now. She might not make it home tonight" – _

It shocked them both when they watched Adam's eyes open fully, he hadn't been that aware since they brought him days before.

"Mommy," he spoke clearly, as though the sickness wasn't slowly ruining his small body.

They both let the fear course through their veins fully. She felt the adrenaline pick up and run through her entire body. Lucas scooted closer again, and this time she let him hold her free hand as she looked at her son – their son.

"_Get up, get up, get up, get up" –_

* * *

A/N: I'm going to be closing this story up soon. I know I've been a complete failure on this, but I do still intend to finish it and hopefully it still satisfies everyone that's been keeping up with it. The song was Get Up by Barcelona. It's pretty haunting and it reminded me of something that would fit here. If you have any suggestions or anything you'd like to see in this story, let me know and I'll try to incorporate it. I thank you all again for reading even though my updates have been so far and few.


	49. Why Can't I Dream?

**The Saddest Song**

**Author's Note: **I hate that I've done to these stories what so many other authors do and it drives me nuts when I read fanfiction and I get so caught up in these magical worlds they create and suddenly I'm left wondering why they abandoned stories and I didn't get my rightful ending. I know I've lost most of the readers, but at this point I think I'm finishing this for me because I want to know the ending to something I spent years working on. And this story was all the angst of my teenage years bottled into forty something chapters – so I think I'm gonna wrap it up at 50 – maybe with 50 being an epilogue. I started this story when I was 15 years old and I love every single one of you who encouraged me along the way and gave this story a chance knowing I slacked on updates. Thank you so much for all of your kind words, you changed my life in a way when I was a kid and gave me confidence that I could create these worlds you could fall in love with and become a part of. Thank you for taking this journey with me because looking back now at 23 my writing isn't a work of art, it's amateur at best but so many of you enjoyed what I made here and for that I'm going to wrap this story up, maybe a little more rushed than I'd planned years ago, but hopefully still a satisfactory ending.

**Chapter 49: Why Can't I Dream?**

"_Clinging to me, like a last breath you would breathe. You were like home to me, I don't recognize the street. Please don't close your eyes, don't know where to look without them. Outside the cars speed by, I never heard them until now." – _

**Her heart jumped** at the sound of his voice. Her little boy was there, conscious and speaking and making her fall in love with him all over again. When she was sixteen she could've never imagined motherhood to be this satisfying and fulfilling. She could've never imagined that she could love these kids with literally every fiber of her being – just the sound of his voice calmed all of her worries and the numbness she had been feeling for days faded away almost instantly.

"Adam.. baby boy," the tears welled up in her eyes quickly as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

He was weak and his little eyes were dazed and full of five year old confusion. It registered somewhere in the back of her mind that the doctor had entered the room to check his vitals and the nurses were circling checking wires and monitors. Everything aside from her little boy seemed blurry and out of focus. She nearly forgot Lucas was even present in the room until she noticed him holding Adam's other hand.

"Mr. Scott, Ms. Sawyer," the doctor's gruff voice cut through the haze as she and Lucas looked up to meet his eyes simultaneously. "He's good right now, all his vitals are stable. We're gonna monitor him for a few more days just to be sure and continue his antibiotics, but right now he's doing well. If you guys have any more questions don't hesitate to ask."

Her legs felt like they might just buckle if she didn't sit back in the seat she'd been occupying for hours on end. She'd never been as relieved in her entire life as she was at that moment in the small hospital room. This little person they'd created five years ago was going to be okay and she'd have years left to see him grow and smile and go to school and become a little man.

"He's gonna be okay, Peyt," she met his eyes for what seemed like the first time in years when it had only been maybe five minutes since they'd spoken to each other.

"Can we talk? In a little while, I mean. I'm gonna call Haley and Nathan, I don't wanna leave him by himself in here. And Kylie's been worried."

"Yeah, I'll stay. Go call them."

"_I know you care. I know it has always been there. But there's trouble ahead I can feel it. You are just saving yourself when you hide it. Yeah, I know you care, I see it in the way that you stare. As if there was trouble ahead and you knew it, I'll be saving myself from the ruin. And I know you care." –_

**He followed her** through the maze of hallways to a vacant waiting room a few floors away from where they'd been spending all their time. The chairs were covered in uncomfortable fake leather; the small tables were covered in meaningless magazines full of celebrity gossip and current events. He exhaled as he sat across from her, but his eyes continued to browse the small area. The gray paint was dreary and peeling in random corners near the baseboards. Older magazines had curled pages that were yellowing from spilled coffee or age.

"We're always in these damn hospitals aren't we?" she let out a small laugh that didn't hold much humor at all as she said the words.

Lucas ran his hands through his beard that he hadn't had the time to shave since the whole incident. He was tired – of running, of not being a man, of breaking her heart when he'd run at sixteen to try to avoid doing just that. This conversation was so long overdue that he didn't even know where to start anymore.

"I became my father. I was so scared Peyton, so scared of hurting you, of not living up to all these expectations that I went and did exactly what I was trying to avoid. I fucking hate myself. Every. Single. Day. I get into the shower every morning after five minutes of laying there listing everything I've done wrong in my life so I can figure just how much self loathing to take with me through the rest of the day," he was crying easily now.

Every emotion he'd been trying to hide from her was just escaping without ever asking for any of his permission. His hands were rubbing his tears away – he felt more like the five year old than his son who was lying in a bed recovering from a life threatening disease. Peyton deserved to know all of this about him. She needed to know he wasn't heartless and he didn't walk around carefree never thinking of her or the life they could've had if he hadn't been such a coward.

"I spent years hating Dan for what he did to me. Part of me still does because he stayed around for Nathan, but I can understand just how scared he might've been when my mom told him she was pregnant. I should've never left that day you came to Nathan's apartment when we were sixteen. I should've been supportive, I should've grabbed you and NEVER let go. Instead I spent years breaking your heart. I spent years walking in and out of your lives for my own selfish motives because I didn't know how to stay around, but I wanted so badly to protect you both from getting hurt. I see it now. I did it anyway. I hurt you worse than if I'd just tried and fought through my shortcomings. I fucked up and I failed you both – all three of you. I don't deserve a chance, I know that. I know you know that…" he wiped more tears and looked to find her looking smaller than he could ever remember.

She suddenly looked fragile and hurt and nothing like the cold, stubborn woman she'd portrayed to him for years. She looked vulnerable and open. She looked like the girl he met when he was young and foolish and so thoroughly believed they were forever.

"I should've said all this years ago. I'm so sorry, Peyt. So fucking sorry. And now it's like all I'm left with are all the things I should've done. We keep going in circles… you and me… Even saying all this now feels so repetitive - like I've been saying all of this for years, just not in one sitting. The biggest part of me _knows_ we should just let this go. We only hurt each other anymore. I can't remember the last time I made you smile. I'm not even sure if we like each other anymore or if it's just been years and I don't know how to try to love anyone else. God I should let you go, Peyton."

"Luke –"

"I don't even know how to try to let you go."

She finally stood and crossed what felt like oceans of space between them in three short steps. The blonde kneeled in front of him and wrapped her long fingers around his wrists to pull his hands from his red, bloodshot eyes. He sniffled a few times like he was a little boy just looking for some comfort in a time of need.

"Maybe…" she started slowly. She was so quiet that even someone a few chairs away wouldn't be able to hear what she was saying to him. "Maybe we should've let go a long time ago. You're probably right. I would've saved myself so many nights of tears. But I see you every day, don't you get that?" He looked up with raised eyebrows. She let go of his wrists choosing instead to place her hands on either side of his legs, using the chair for support.

"I see you every single day in those kids. We made them. They look so much like you that even if we said goodbye right now and never spoke again I'd never be able to just _let you go_. Yeah, you have owed me all that for years. Yeah, you've fucking smashed my heart into a million little pieces. But you're also right – I don't know if we like each other anymore or if loving you is as much a habit as brushing my teeth every morning. We don't even know each other anymore; we haven't seen each other in five years. I've grown and I'm not who I was when I left Tree Hill. I'm not sixteen…but neither are you. We have lives, responsibilities, and these kids who need us and trust us to not completely fuck up their lives," she smiled up at him with her own eyes full of tears and it was met with a chuckle as he continued to wipe at his own.

"Fucking hospitals."

"They keep bringing us together though, don't they?" her hands moved to finally grab his that were balled up in the leather.

"I don't know where to go from here. I never know where we're going."

"It's exhausting." They both laughed again.

"I still-"

"Not yet, Luke. We're… I can't go there. Okay?" the hurt flashed quickly through his eyes, he couldn't help but think maybe he'd misinterpreted everything they'd just hashed out. "It's been five years. Let's not use those words right now… there's history. We can't start fresh exactly, but let's not do or say things out of habit, ya know? Let's go focus on Adam until he's out and then we'll see if maybe we can go somewhere from here. Let's see if maybe we can get to know each other again, let's see if we even do like each other anymore. Who knows we could end up hating each other."

She stood and turned to walk away with a wink and a small smile shot his way. It was more than he could've hoped for and yet less than he'd planned for. There was still so much more to be said, so much more to fix when it came to them, but she had a pretty good point and all he wanted was to know her again the way he did before they destroyed each other.

"_I used to run down the stairs to the door when I thought you were there. Do you shape to the comfort of us, two lovers locked out of love. But I know you care, I know it has always been there." – _

"Mommy!" Adam's eyes lit up as he tried to shoot straight up in bed. His heart monitor shot up quickly as a few alarms beeped frantically.

"Hey buddy, too much activity," Haley ushered him to lie back down as Peyton and Lucas walked through the doorway. She looked over to see their red eyes and cringed internally. "The nurses said not to worry about the alarms like that too much. His heart rate going up from activity isn't a big deal, but he does need rest."

"Thanks, Hales," Peyton grabbed her arm to give a quick squeeze of appreciation. "Where's Brooke, Nate and the kids?"

"They went down to the cafeteria for some snacks. You know Nathan with Kylie; he might never give her back now that she's old enough to have real conversations about things." Peyton laughed at this, remembering how enamored Nathan had been when she was just a little girl.

"I'm gonna go grab a coffee and some food too. You girls want anything?"

They each shook their heads to let him know he could take his leave. He gave a small smile at Peyton before he turned away to go.

"What's going-"

"Nothing right now. We're gonna focus on this handsome little boy," she winked, poking Adam on the nose. He giggled and changed the channel to find some better cartoons on the small flat screen hanging in front of his bed.

"But…"

"But nothing. We agreed that neither of us really know each other at this point in our lives. It's not a fresh start, but it's… a beginning?"

"And you're okay with this? Right? Because you know Nathan will kick his-"

"Language!" Peyton teased and Haley laughed.

"I was gonna say…leg. Obviously. I don't curse, Peyton." The blonde snorted and continued to ruffle Adam's short hair.

"I'm okay, Hales. Really. Maybe this is what we need. Maybe it's what we've needed for years now. Cut the past away, clean slate – kind of – and just actually start again. I don't think we've had real conversations about anything other than the kids and all the hurt we've caused each other since we were like sixteen and dating. You're lucky, you know?" Haley nodded knowingly.

They weren't perfect. Their history was messy and complicated but the little boy in front of her had sort of given them another chance. There were no blueprints or manuals on which path they should take to cause the least amount of pain. There were no easy answers – there never had been when it came to them. And maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe they were too different and the timing was so wrong at this point. Maybe she'd be too stubborn and cold and maybe she'd never be able to trust him again. Maybe he'd leave, get scared, or be too selfish. So many parts of her were screaming to walk away – the sixteen year old inside her was pointing her away from him time and time again. But maybe this was the time. Maybe all of the tears and pain and heartache had led them here to begin again.

"_I know it wasn't always wrong, but I've never known a winter so cold. Now I don't warm my hands in your coat, but I still hope. Cause this is how things ought to have been and I know the worst of it wasn't all that it seemed. So why can't I dream? Why can't I dream? Cause I know you care, I know it's always been there." -_


End file.
